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      "author": "lilac",
      "body": "<p>&lt;[Steemit][http://i.imgur.com/LLiHZU3.jpg]</p>\n<p>Greetings, Steemit!</p>\n<p>Im Lilac, and Im writing about living with domestic violence, surviving it, PTSD, how life gets better, and how I recover. </p>\n<p><br /></p>\n<p>-------</p>\n<p>Its funny how much difference an animal can make. Ive had dogs all my life, except for the last few years. A couple of months ago, me and my fiance decided to finally get a family dog. We found and fell in love with a 7 month year old crossbreed of Rottweiler, German shepherd and Bernese Mountain Dog (Yeah, she is a big girl! )</p>\n<p>Me and the big puppy fell in love instantly. She follows me everywhere and is friendly but pretty uninterested in people except for people that she knows, she loves them to bits =). </p>\n<p>I have developed a semi strong social phobia and anxiety. I am always nervous when meeting people I don't know, I rarely speak (I used to talk all the time before meeting Mike), and I get extremely nervous around people I don't know unless my fiance is with me. </p>\n<p>Luckily, I have the most supportive and loving fiance I could imagine. Hes work allows him to work from home most of the time, so hes always with me. He comes with me to meetings and doctors appointments when I have bad days and am too nervous to go by myself. He holds my hand through everything and he is the true love of my life. </p>\n<p>No couple can do everything together, however. My fiance has to leave for work sometimes, and we need some time for ourselves every now and then, like everyone does. </p>\n<p>Since we got our dog, I'm no longer afraid to be home without my fiance. I have someone there with me that I can hug if I feel sad or nervous, or play and take walks with to relax my mind. </p>\n<p>Since I take her everywhere with me, it has made our social life much better. If i feel awkward or insecure, the dog is an easy topic to talk about. When I feel unsafe around people, which I do almost regardless of who we meet unless I know them well, I can turn my focus to my dog and calm down. </p>\n<p>I also have a reason to get up every morning, even after a hard night with nightmares and little sleep, to go out for walks and get fresh air every day. </p>\n<p>If you are going through a hard time, having a pet can be very helpful and healing. But please remember to only take on a pet if you know you have the time, energy and space for it, if you can afford the pet, insurance, food and toys, and if you can provide a stable home for it for the rest of its life. </p>\n<p><br /></p>",
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      "body": "Hello Merej and thank you =). Im sorry to hear about your ex and what he did to you. Mental abuse is as bad, often even worse, than physical abuse. I'm glad you decided to divorce him and to live a better life, that was very brave of you =)",
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      "body": "Thank you for your kind words and for sharing part of your story! I'm glad to hear that you got away from your abusive relationship and that you have the strength to work on healing, that's amazing, and you sound very brave =). \n\nAnd thank you for that quote. Its extremely important to me that victims of domestic violence, in any form, realize its not their fault and that there is no shame in it or asking for help =).\n\nPeace",
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      "body": "Thank you for sharing! You're not alone. As someone who has also been through a domestic abuse relationship and lives with PTSD, I'm proud of you for sharing your story and I look forward to seeing more of what you write.\nPTSD can be really hard. It's such a complex condition and it sounds like you're in the beginning stages of healing from it, but I just want to tell you that over time it will get better. I'm not sure if we ever entirely heal, but it will get better.\n\nAlso great paragraph: \"I'm not telling you all this to seem like I had a perfect life or childhood, I had felt my share of sorrow and pain, like everyone else. I'm telling you this to point out that domestic violence can happen to anyone.\nIt doesn't matter if your rich or poor, male or female, old or young. It can happen regardless of your occupation, social status and upbringing.\" I personally went through a lot growing up, but it's good to point out that that's not always the case, and that domestic abuse can happen to ANYONE. \n\nKeep going Lilac! We're all rooting for you :)",
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      "body": "Greetings, Steemitians!\n\nI am Lilac.\nThis is my story, and it is about living with a violent spouse. It is about losing your friends, your family, your freedom and even yourself. \nIts not a beautiful story. It may be upsetting and hard to read, but it is important, because this story is also about surviving all of the above, finally finding a way out, and working towards recovery.\n\nLast summer, I finally walked out of the 5 year long relationship. I made a bunch of attempts before, I stayed at a couple of women's shelters, but returned to my partner, lets call him Mike, every time. \nNow, I live under something similar to the witness protection program, with hidden identity and more, since Mike is still trying to find me.\nBecause of that, I have decided not to share my real name or personal information. I hope that's alright =). \n\nSo, lets get to it.\n\nI was born in the 90's, and I grew up in a pretty small Scandinavian town. \nI had a warm and loving family, many friends and I did well in School.\nI had a very simple and fun childhood, with a well-off family, in a safe town. \n\nWhen I turned 20, I was already working as a sales manager for a big corporation, after working in their sales force since I was 16. I had moved to my nations capital city and spent my weekends at bars and pubs, with many friends, and my relationship with my family was as good as ever. \n\nI'm not telling you all this to seem like I had a perfect life or childhood, I had felt my share of sorrow and pain, like everyone else. I'm telling you this to point out that domestic violence can happen to anyone. \nIt doesn't matter if your rich or poor, male or female, old or young. It can happen regardless of your occupation, social status and upbringing. \n\nI was in my early 20s when I met a man I fell in love with. I fell in love with him like I had never fallen in love before. \nOur relationship grew fast, we moved in together almost right away and we married after only a year. \nMike was drinking alot from the beginning, but during the first six months of us living together, he was fun, loving, caring and \"normal\". After those six months, however, things started taking a turn for the worse.\n\nHe started accusing me of cheating, he became very jealous and \"protective\". The mental abuse, including slowly cutting me off from my family and friends, started early on, without me noticing it or getting alarmed by it. He was such a loving person, you know?\n\nThe physical violence started maybe a year into our relationship. I lived through daily rape and forced sex for the most part of about three years. I spent around 4 years mostly locked in and trapped in his (our) apartment.\n\nAfter living with this person for 5 years, I finally left for good. I had tried several times before finally leaving for real.\n\nToday, I cant work because Im dealing with pretty strong PTSD and anxiety, which I am receiving help for.\nBut, I am engaged to the most wonderful man you could imagine. My son (who you will learn more about) is well, and we are growing a new, strong and loving relationship. I have  beautiful dog that I take everywhere I go, she helps me with my social anxiety, she helps my confidence and she is my friend, hero, baby and sweetheart. \n\nSo why would anyone be interested in this? Im not sure. But I am hoping that maybe someone who is going through a similar thing can find my steemit helpful in some way.\nMaybe you can come to realize that it is not your fault, as the victim? Maybe you can recognize some of the things that has happened to me, and realize you deserve better? Or maybe you are worried about a loved one and their relationship? \n\nI will write about how a violent relationship can start, how it can play out, how I survived it both physically and mentally (even if I have some scars), how I feel now and how I recover and build a new life.\nI hope it can help someone.\n\nPeace.",
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