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      "body": "The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted\nmen. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. \n\nThey promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. \n\nThose applying got to choose what those two points would be.\n\nThe first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top\nof his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked\nout with a bonus of $72,000.\n\nThe second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be\nmeasured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.\n\nThe third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant\nMajor who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, \"From\nthe tip of my weenie to my testicles.\" It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and\ninstructed the Sergeant Major to \"drop 'em,\" which he did. The medical\nofficer placed the tape measure on the tip of his weenie and began to work back. \"Dear Lord!\" he suddenly exclaimed, \"Where are your testicles?\" \n\nThe old Sergeant Major calmly replied, \"Vietnam\".\n\n###### <center> [![alt text](![U5drUY2GrKL9x8FzAuAT58LKMgCXa3S.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRhDtjokAZnGKi4QwheqksKTFo6m4fsjMYsNNrsitC1xk/U5drUY2GrKL9x8FzAuAT58LKMgCXa3S.gif))](https://steemit.com/@asinglestep)</center>",
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      "body": "HER DIARY\n\nTonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.\n\nConversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, \"I love you too.\"\n\nWhen we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.\n\nI don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.\n\nHIS DIARY\n\nToday Dallas Cowboys lost again, but at least I got laid.\n\n###### <center> [![alt text](![U5drUY2GrKL9x8FzAuAT58LKMgCXa3S.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRhDtjokAZnGKi4QwheqksKTFo6m4fsjMYsNNrsitC1xk/U5drUY2GrKL9x8FzAuAT58LKMgCXa3S.gif))](https://steemit.com/@asinglestep)</center>",
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