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      "body": "Seventeen years ago my father decided to take his own life.  This terrible even occurred on Father's day.  I failed to call him that year.  I did not live with him at the time, but had seen him recently.  We played miniature golf, went to a movie, and we went out to eat at a seafood restaurant.  \n\nWhen my father showed up at my place of work, a barbecue restaurant, at first I was upset.  I had written him several letters and never received a response.  I wanted a relationship with him, but he seemed so distant.  My brother, being a year older, advised me to cherish the time we had with him.  So, that's what we did... for a few days.  \n\nMy favorite memories of my dad are camping and climbing.  We hiked Devil's Peak and climbed the Chrome Dome.  He gave me my first beer at age twelve after a four hour hike to the top.  \n\n\"I don't like it\" \n\"It's an acquired taste\" \n\"It's a taste I don't want to acquire\" \n\nThere are many reasons why this man found it necessary to end his life.  Some of his close friends and relatives say that he tried a lot of drugs when he was young.  Others suggest mental health issues.  \n\nNow as an adult, I suffer from my own mental health issues and four years ago I lost my best friend to suicide.  This brought back the pain that stays in the pit of my stomach.  The lump in my throat.  The urge to find answers.  \n\nHospitalized a handful of times, I am now taking advice from my last counselor:  Let the city be your hospital.  Let life be your hospital.  The moment I heard this, it made a lot of sense.  A mental institution is a safe place during an emergency episode, but the real test is in the streets.  \n\nThere are many people out there who struggle with their thoughts and feelings.  I wish that I could help everyone, but unfortunately I can only speak from my own experiences.  I have been through more in my life than I would wish on my worst enemy.  \n\nI have made many mistakes.  Luckily, there are people around me who forgive me.  They know my heart and believe me when I apologize to them for my misdeeds in times of weakness.  I am thankful to have family and friends around me. \n\nIf no one has told you today that they are happy you are here and alive and breathing then please take it from me.  \n\nI am happy you are here.  I am happy that you have the strength to not give up and give in to the demons that plague only some of us.  \n\nIn my opinion, one key to the solution is to get past the stigma of mental illness.  This is something that people can talk about and need to talk about.  \n\nOn and off medication for nearly two decades, I have learned that my sickness is treatable with the right chemicals in the right doses.  Sleep is important and so is being creative.  Self expression can be cathartic.  And most importantly, when you need help, ask for help.  \n\nMy soul goes out to anyone who is suffering or knows someone who is suffering.  Please take a second to breathe and realize that you are here for a reason, your life is worth pursuing.  \n\nLike my high school English teacher said while we were studying Romeo and Juliet, \"Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems\".  \n\nPeace.  \n\nThanks for reading, \nx1018",
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      "body": "You can't ban me from a hoax tree.\nWe're all leaves, cast shade upon me. \nApples fall here, not that far though...\nDon't start digging, unless you're mellow.\n\nJust me and a dozen therapists, collectively.\nWeekly, we meet together in my hexagonal room, \nand they see through my eyes. \n**Angle:  Wide.  Pull Focus and Zoom.**\n\nThoughts broadcast and land \non the hairs tickling their ears.\nAnd here, like a bed bug, I am trapped\nwithin my own medical records.  \nIn the doctor's grip because it's fabricated.  I'm mislabeled.\nToday, their version of me is whatever's clever, trendy, and hip.\n\"Also, ma'am, your condition requires a script\".\n\nThe patients all scream, \"Go help her!\" But it's too soon.  \nNone of them have seen the mischief she can do \nwhen she operates her mind unconventionally.\nGuerrilla tactics come out to play, to say the least.  \nAnd don't trigger her with the mention of gaslighting, \ntelepathy, or precognitive dreams.\n\nSo I spend my time avoiding perceived problems, avoiding bonding. \nNot knowing boundaries or where to sit.\nHow loud or soft to speak and how slow or quick \nto move is another 'literally' obnoxious mystery.  \nImagine what it is like to approximate me \nwith the view that you think is opened wide, \nbut it's only cosmetically circumcized.  \nSome people need a chainsaw to realize \nthat the circumference of your brain is not the size of your mind.\nThat crown you wear is sort of a sham.  Shame you will be the last to know.  \nAnd you think that you're uneasiness doesn't show, your tells are obvious. \nIt's sympathy which keeps you completely oblivious. \n\nThinking back, packing on the memories, \nthey added up and began to straight smother me.  \nThen I realized my soul does not need to breathe.\n\nI Dug my way out and began to see things clearly.\nSo, I move differently now.  I know this.  \nLoving life, changing regard of my imaginary strife.  \n\nDespite a light and hunger strike.\nEverything is beautiful and my tree is blooming.\n\nBlooms all around me.\nAnd their petals bloom \nwith clean blossoms too.  \nSmile wide as I watch\nthis occur, and the plumage \nof the factories burning fast\nsnap me back into my seat like a \nTheoretical umbilical chord.  **Tuning:  Drop D.**\n\nI realized that my job here is **NOT** done.\nSo, I became thankful and decided that I must press on... a bit longer. \nThe only lyrics my voice shakes on repeat with pain and blame on my body is \n\"Even that which kills me, makes me stronger\".\n\nEventually, rotten apples will cull themselves far from me.\nFree from their bondage, though beaming with knowledge,\nMy own blossoms' blossoms will blossom.\nMy thousands of rings will prove my worth,\nLegitimizing my stay here.  \n\nI will be valid to those I have harmed the most with my lack of thoughts, \nlearning and teaching compassion and the mechanics \nof human decency through subtle to the least intrusive of interactions\nis on my action item list and I am starting immediately.  \n\n***\n\nThanks for reading,\nx1018\n\nPlease Upvote/Follow\nComments/Critiques Welcome",
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