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      "body": "今天我想聊聊关于夫妻关系的话题。\n\n有句话说“世界上最好的家是爸爸爱妈妈。”这句话是有道理的，一个夫妻关系和睦的家庭，能给孩子带来安全感。我们现在的家庭中，很多是老人帮助带孩子，然后家庭中就会出现三代同堂的情况。\n\n这时就会有一个适合于这种家庭关系的一句话“夫妻关系大于亲子关系。”\n\n因此，我经常跟我老公开玩笑，算上父母孩子我依然要做他眼里的NO.1。夫妻关系是家庭的基石，任何亲子关系大于夫妻关系的情况，都会造成混乱和缺位。\n    \n很多家庭有了孩子以后，妈妈带着孩子睡，爸爸一个人睡。这样是不利于夫妻感情的维系的。\n\n虽然我家老公长年不在家，一旦在家我就不允许他一个人睡。老公们带娃做家务有些笨手笨脚，老婆们看不惯他们的笨拙，就把老公们排除在带娃做家务这些活动之外。\n\n一个人又要做家务又要带孩子，很累就容易抱怨。而老公又插不上手，自然就会有矛盾。实际上一个人对家庭付出的越多，就会对家庭有更多的感情和责任感。我们要给老公与这个家庭建立链接的机会。让他们参与到做家务，带娃这些活动中来。晚上睡觉，也不允许他独善其身，让他有机会参与到晚上照顾宝宝中来。\n\n等孩子大了，和老公一起把孩子分出去。（这些不能让我家孩子看到，他们认为一家人互相爱，不能爸爸爱妈妈超过他们。）\n\n还有一句话是“夫妻还是原配的好。”\n\n这句话让我理解就是人际关系简单。如果离婚重组家庭，人际关系就会复杂好几倍。如果再有几个孩子，人际关系复杂程度就会呈指数增加。\n\n我是一个喜欢安静享受生活的人，不想惹太多麻烦，所以希望“遇一人白首，择一城终老。”\n\n家庭幸福才有前进的动力，所以我们要搞好夫妻关系，婆媳关系，亲子关系……万家灯火有一盏灯为你而亮，这就是你奋斗的力量源泉！\n\n![图片.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXNBGyuefADkZghKZxhAbpks7jZUwN6WwEwayGW6KQEbH/%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%87.png)",
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"人是会成长的，也就是会意识到，之前做的事情，很傻逼。\n\n熟悉我的读者都知道，我去年的时候，特别喜欢看《奇葩说》，几乎每一集都有追，追完之后，还会在写文章写写自己收获了些什么，大家也都挺喜欢我写这方面的文章。\n\n![图片.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmYnjPj5DCLG6r4ZNwTNqUJinxL3bahZTNUAjf2pqNaVon/%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%87.png)\n[source](https://image.baidu.com/search/detail?ct=503316480&z=3&ipn=d&word=%E3%80%8A%E5%A5%87%E8%91%A9%E8%AF%B4%E3%80%8B&step_word=&hs=0&pn=6&spn=0&di=127490&pi=0&rn=1&tn=baiduimagedetail&is=0%2C0&istype=2&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&in=&cl=2&lm=-1&st=-1&cs=4252199837%2C3505261341&os=3238069644%2C3865706&simid=3374202601%2C210900651&adpicid=0&lpn=0&ln=1654&fr=&fmq=1621729739334_R&fm=result&ic=&s=undefined&hd=&latest=&copyright=&se=&sme=&tab=0&width=0&height=0&face=undefined&ist=&jit=&cg=&bdtype=0&oriquery=&objurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgimg2.baidu.com%2Fimage_search%2Fsrc%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fimg.zcool.cn%2Fcommunity%2F01a35455c5cdca32f8755e663b335d.png%402o.png%26refer%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fimg.zcool.cn%26app%3D2002%26size%3Df9999%2C10000%26q%3Da80%26n%3D0%26g%3D0n%26fmt%3Djpeg%3Fsec%3D1624321766%26t%3D48ad9e2402b08d13f507118344fe0980&fromurl=ippr_z2C%24qAzdH3FAzdH3Fooo_z%26e3Bzv55s_z%26e3Bv54_z%26e3BvgAzdH3Fo56hAzdH3FZMTMoMDAcODQ%3D_z%26e3Bip4s%3FfotpviPw2j%3D5g&gsm=7&rpstart=0&rpnum=0&islist=&querylist=&force=undefined)\n\n但这一季《奇葩说》开播到现在，我一集都没有看，对于他们给出的辩题，完全不感兴趣，对于他们在知乎热榜上的消息，也没有去点开来看。\n\n我和之前，完全判若两人，变了，变了，彻彻底底地变了。\n\n那问题来了，是什么促使我的态度发生360度大转变？\n\n第一，警惕那些「议题设置」。\n\n不知道你发现没有，任何一款互联网产品，都会在热榜上提前设定很多很多你应该去关注的信息，但这些信息，是不是真的值得你去关注，他们不管。\n\n他们只要流量不断上涨就行，至于你是有所进步，还是变得更加激进和偏见，他们可不管着，他们可喜欢你变得更加激进和偏激了。\n\n微博的议题设置是什么？是各种明星琐事和八卦，是各种突发的热点，经常刷微博热榜的人，会觉得自己的爱豆天下第一，会认定，所有的人，获取信息的第一方式，是通过微博。\n\n知乎的议题设置是什么？是各种知识精英言行不一致的过度反思。\n\n在知乎热榜上，你能够看到很多人在讨论「内卷」，发出这些声音，给你设置这些议题的人，口口声声教你不要内卷，但实际上，看他们的头像，却一个个都是名校硕士，博士毕业。\n\n在知乎热榜上，你能看到很多人在讨论「打工人」和「资本家」，发出这些声音，给你设置这些议题的人，口口声声说自己很丧，打工人真的太惨了，资本家太可恶了。\n\n但实际上，看他们的朋友圈，工作之余，不仅在知乎答题，书还一本接着一本地出，主业和副业，双双开花。\n\n![图片.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPisKGTKeX3iHPL6HRx8L2rfcG8kaF6dRnasaoujdJA2t/%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%87.png)\n[source](https://image.baidu.com/search/detail?ct=503316480&z=3&ipn=d&word=%E3%80%8A%E5%A5%87%E8%91%A9%E8%AF%B4%E3%80%8B&step_word=&hs=0&pn=37&spn=0&di=87340&pi=0&rn=1&tn=baiduimagedetail&is=0%2C0&istype=2&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&in=&cl=2&lm=-1&st=-1&cs=370080362%2C3132416684&os=957275537%2C3675206501&simid=4262984484%2C931185475&adpicid=0&lpn=0&ln=1654&fr=&fmq=1621729739334_R&fm=result&ic=&s=undefined&hd=&latest=&copyright=&se=&sme=&tab=0&width=0&height=0&face=undefined&ist=&jit=&cg=&bdtype=0&oriquery=&objurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgimg2.baidu.com%2Fimage_search%2Fsrc%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fcbu01.alicdn.com%2Fimg%2Fibank%2F2018%2F685%2F480%2F9676084586_358049851.jpg%3F__r__%3D1542698717345%26refer%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fcbu01.alicdn.com%26app%3D2002%26size%3Df9999%2C10000%26q%3Da80%26n%3D0%26g%3D0n%26fmt%3Djpeg%3Fsec%3D1624321990%26t%3D9ca06fdb63c9b08c5925f1d820277c08&fromurl=ippr_z2C%24qAzdH3FAzdH3Fvs7k_z%26e3B8mbb_z%26e3Bv54AzdH3Fpi6jw1etjoAzdH3Fcdalclmb_z%26e3Bip4&gsm=26&rpstart=0&rpnum=0&islist=&querylist=&force=undefined)\n\n所以啊，这个世界极度不真实，社交平台，甚至是网络上的各种大V，因为受到立场、知识结构、成长背景等影响，导致他们看到的，思考到的，最终能够展示给你看的，都只是世界的一部分。\n\n而如果只看这一部分，就把它当作是真实的世界，那所谓的互联网能够让人更加聪明，能够让人看到更广大的世界，就是在瞎扯淡。\n\n当《奇葩说》给你，给我设置各种议题的时候，其实也可以说，它正在遮蔽很多很多东西，比如说，它不会展示那些真正活在底层的人，究竟是什么样的生活状态。\n\n因为真正生活在底层的人，大多数都没有机会发声，他们都在为一日三餐而不断奔波，加上上《奇葩说》的人，观看《奇葩说》的人，又有几个人真的有这些经历呢？\n\n大部分人都没有，因而，即便他们真的在讨论底层人民的生活，我们所能听到的，也是失真的声音。\n\n面对这种议题设置，我们应该怎么办？\n\n有两个办法，一是要多和不同的人打交道，二是要去观看写实类的纪录片。\n\n人很容易自己给自己编织牢笼，也就是自己给自己设置各种议题，如此一来，自己看到的世界，就会失真。\n\n因此，你就得多去观察，别人给自己设置了什么议题，他们看到了什么，在乎什么，打算做什么。\n\n亲子关系，伴侣关系，为什么会那么紧张？就是因为你看到的，在乎的，打算做的，和别人的完全不一样，而你，还没有意识到这个关键区别。\n\n举个栗子：\n\n为什么你过年回家，特别容易和父母产生矛盾？拿玩手机来再举个栗子。\n\n父母那一辈人大多数都是体力劳动者，手机还没有出现，出现后也没有成为劳动工具，所以，他们只看到你在玩乐，在消费，而他们不希望你玩物丧志，他们在乎你，再所以，他们就会整天干涉你的自由。\n\n但对于年轻人来说，手机是劳动工具，甚至还成为生产工具，所以年轻人对于手机，他们看到的，在乎的，以及打算去做的，就和父母完全不同。\n\n这种不同能够调和吗？\n\n可以，但你不能要求父母去做出让步，因为父母常年受到自己给自己设置议题的影响，认知已经极度固化，想要做出改变，很难很难。\n\n所以，教你一个方法，那就是左耳进，右耳出，也就是极度听从他们的话，但在实际行动当中，又坚决不改。\n\n父母责怪你老是玩手机，玩物丧志，你可以用这个方法，当然，面对他们的催婚，这个方法也适用。\n\n这里，需要强调一下，如果你很丧，如果你工作不思进取，如果你想啃老，这个方法请一定要忽视，因为你不能啥都要，既要充分的自由，又要不承担责任，这就成了啥？\n\n成了只要收益，不要风险的人精，你父母也不是吃素的，他们比你还精，当你跟他们耍这种手段，他们分分钟把你的生活费给停了。\n\n那时候，你就真的得去喝西北风了。\n\n![图片.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRJcduw1uCSmWwTfcBPBGq6NArbhDVd4Q3RiH5zB9owbY/%E5%9B%BE%E7%89%87.png)\n[source](https://image.baidu.com/search/detail?ct=503316480&z=3&ipn=d&word=%E3%80%8A%E5%A5%87%E8%91%A9%E8%AF%B4%E3%80%8B&step_word=&hs=0&pn=17&spn=0&di=127160&pi=0&rn=1&tn=baiduimagedetail&is=0%2C0&istype=2&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&in=&cl=2&lm=-1&st=-1&cs=626754560%2C950105241&os=4154338140%2C1356422816&simid=3413421746%2C370832838&adpicid=0&lpn=0&ln=1654&fr=&fmq=1621729739334_R&fm=result&ic=&s=undefined&hd=&latest=&copyright=&se=&sme=&tab=0&width=0&height=0&face=undefined&ist=&jit=&cg=&bdtype=0&oriquery=&objurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgimg2.baidu.com%2Fimage_search%2Fsrc%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fimg.zcool.cn%2Fcommunity%2F01bac15be3b0b0a80121ab5d5711ca.jpg%401280w_1l_2o_100sh.jpg%26refer%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fimg.zcool.cn%26app%3D2002%26size%3Df9999%2C10000%26q%3Da80%26n%3D0%26g%3D0n%26fmt%3Djpeg%3Fsec%3D1624321779%26t%3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