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      "memo": "Accumulate free upvotes on your posts every 6 hours! All you need to do is vote our witness account -> se-witness as one of your 30 witness votes. ->  See actual rewards not just 0.001 every day. https://steemlogin.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=se-witness&approve=1"
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      "author": "voxxe",
      "permlink": "wednesday-30-11-2022",
      "title": "Wednesday 30/11/2022",
      "body": "It's been a longtime.... Butt, I'm back. I'll be doing my random posting here from now on. Looking back, I seem pretty crazy, butt, I was always sane~\n![__aisaka_taiga_and_belldandy_toradora_and_1_more_drawn_by_archvermin__57e08af7047e202bbd6c150692d48e25.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmP6h227AHF49ANRMLF1C7no6B27MEpVpqqRxDZGF7atvK/__aisaka_taiga_and_belldandy_toradora_and_1_more_drawn_by_archvermin__57e08af7047e202bbd6c150692d48e25.jpg)\n~Love~Voxxe~",
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      "title": "Wednesday 30/11/2022",
      "body": "It's been a longtime.... Butt, I'm back. I'll be doing my random posting here from now on. Looking back, I seem pretty crazy, butt, I was always sane~\n![__aisaka_taiga_and_belldandy_toradora_and_1_more_drawn_by_archvermin__57e08af7047e202bbd6c150692d48e25.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmP6h227AHF49ANRMLF1C7no6B27MEpVpqqRxDZGF7atvK/__aisaka_taiga_and_belldandy_toradora_and_1_more_drawn_by_archvermin__57e08af7047e202bbd6c150692d48e25.jpg)\n~Love~Voxxe~",
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      "body": "@@ -1404,35 +1404,8 @@\n gle?\n- Love, your Empress, Voxxe~\n %0A!%5B_\n@@ -1656,8 +1656,35 @@\n f71.jpg)\n+%0ALove, your Empress, Voxxe~\n",
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      "body": "So I was banned for the last time from an anonymous image board. Seriously done with them unless a blockchain based one emerges. Recently been thinking at how I should have just left my parents house at 20 and done what my heart/spirit was demanding. Singing freely, living freely. I've been all along the way sacrificing too much for the hope of a better future. One that still has not come. Butt, really I wish I had been switched at birth and had a mother that at least wouldn't mutilate my genitals. Or maybe someone could have married me at 16 and liberated me from my prison. I really didn't care if that person was a man or a woman, so long as s/he was attractive. Alas, that never happened. Now I'm really fucked up, again sacrificing my freedom by both living with my parents and working on university courses that only makes me feel frustrated and empty. My life is the story of someone cursed to be born as the wrong sex, or to the wrong family/society, that tried to be wise and struggled for the future only to be defeated repeatedly, gaining pointless scars along the way. Only if I achieve success beyond my wildest dreams could I ever consider these scars as medals of honour. Lady luck has not been on my side. No one has ever been on my side, or truely loved me, except me... and event then there are times I hate myself along with the world. Butt, what can I do butt continue to struggle? Love, your Empress, Voxxe~\n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__338fe6ec1fde62edaf87aecc7fb49f71.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaprpSVcKoniVo5y19d32Ntkkqxq24NwroQAYNrqqvAG3/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__338fe6ec1fde62edaf87aecc7fb49f71.jpg)",
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      "body": "Today I was again reminded of how unfair life is.... it's so tiresome living with my parents, knowing they have no idea how much they've damaged me. I want to keep it that way, butt still... hearing my mom say, \"you should be a singer, I've told you that many times...\" It's like a knife straight to my heart. She has no idea how much pain she has caused me. How suppressing my feminine side—and my masculine side to avoid conflict—over the last two decades ruined me... That I did this because of their constant and expressed hate for 'LGBT' and the effeminate—really anything not traditional heterosexual and gender normative—with the knowledge that they would never accept me. It almost killed me and has permanently scared me. I cannot forgive them. The lost time and suffering I experienced cannot be atoned for, and they would never do so anyways. I am the black sheep, I am like a bird that can not fly because if I attempt to do so I'll be pecked to death. I am like a sunflower that never received sun. I am a lover who was never loved. I am who I am. All I live for is accumulating enough money until I can be free to do what I was born to do, sing freely... LIVE FREELY. GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH.\n![5b6f18dab59d7e537c455b948c8b1621.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQ75QrwWnzVysWxbpQBxfZ29vnFPExk9X6B1bwTtNgsQq/5b6f18dab59d7e537c455b948c8b1621.jpg)\n Love Voxxe~",
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      "body": "So I kinda gave up posting this diary again. Really it is because I don't think much is happening in my life worth recording. That said I'm making an exception now. Why? Because I've finally made a decision. I'm going to stop being so fucking sensitive—I'm going to work towards becoming a stud that impregnates bitches everyday. I'm also going to try an be as honest with my thought and feelings as possible without going crazy or losing my place here at my parents house. You probably already know that the only reason I'm at my parents house is to save money on rent. Yeah I'm pretty much a whore that sells her soul for money. Honestly whores have it better than I do. Constantly suppressing yourself is torture and I do not enjoy suffering. Anyway, if I can't become a stud that impregnates bitches everyday within this decade, I'll become a newhalf and get fucked everyday. I've realised that the primary solution to my problems is fucking, money, and freedom. I always knew that deep down. It was all so simple. \n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7f7a05e3fb56f0d7295c304ef28444b7.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUuRz5HqFJrXhCRBuSBcXCERrs8sDC39M3CBrfoLA7cfm/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7f7a05e3fb56f0d7295c304ef28444b7.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "body": "So today I finally shaved. I hate shaving but I hate having the hair on my face as well. Went out for a walk with Mom. It was nice exercise except for the mosquitos and spider webs. I have to admit I feel starved of affection. I can't get enough from my mother (and never did) and my father and brothers often 'provide' negative 'affection.' Humans are just like plants. Each plant has certain environmental factors that harm or strengthen them. Personally, I have lacked sufficient 'acceptance' and 'love,' always have... and this has significantly, consistently, negatively impacted my development. Didn't get to doing the KYC at the exchanges yet. So fucking annoying. Also, wannabe tyrants, niggers, and supporters should fuck off to Africa. Anyway, played CIV6 again at my brother's request. He kept on being killed or unhappy with his starting spot so we kept on 're-rolling.' Finally found a map he was happy with... but then both my bros essentially went \"reeeeeee\" went I started conquering city-states despite my stated strategy of denying access to them to our more powerful 'deity' competition. They were really mean, and I have to wonder why I put up with it. So I decided to leave 20 mins early. I don't think I will play with them again the next time I am asked. Why play CIV with them if it is no fun? There is so many other things to do with my time, and I never seem to get to them. Organisation takes forever and I'm still not done...  *sigh~*\n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7dc8d08a65a0a4555f00406e536f4dd8.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmfHMu6tJMvpmvuo7rnjuKbfA7KEpVeP3YpyYbVdQpRt6Y/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7dc8d08a65a0a4555f00406e536f4dd8.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "body": "Wow it's late again. Well today was nothing special. My health is still really fucked up. Maybe I'll go into exactly how fucked up another day. I did manage to do some exercise again today, so that would be my great achievement for the day. You can visit https://shamik.ooo/nya/ for more.\n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7c34e0108d249e0842e061fcbbcf436f.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmNsJPQV6PFueNuGgnLQ6aMrGWsGsTm53ZSKia1PaF7sFK/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__7c34e0108d249e0842e061fcbbcf436f.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "body": "Happy June~ so today I woke up feeling 'heavy' as usual. I then scanned the news, ate, talked with Mom, worked out, ate, and then played CIV6 with my brothers. Not a bad day but not a particularly interesting day either. I have decided I want to invest in certain cryptocurrencies like BSV, ADA, CHR, SNTVT, OXT, and PIVX. However, I have been waiting for another major drop in the market as I view a V-shaped recovery to be pure insanity with what is going on in the world. I am rather amazed that the stock market didn't drop today—what with the new episode of Planet of the Apes (directed by Antifa and produced by the Satanist NWO) premiering over the weekend. I put off shaving today as I had woken up so late. Really wish I didn't have to shave. I've spend thousands on laser hair removal (and more time and money trying to do it myself) and still grow the disgusting hair on my face. Oh well... I used to be a-lot more affected by body dysphoria, butt I guess over the years I've just adapted to being unhappy with certain parts of my body (and life). Still, if I had money and didn't live at 'home,' the first thing I'd do is try to finish the permanent hair removal everywhere sans armpits, (some) pubic hair, and the hair on my head. If I let myself I can end up really uncomfortable with the imperfection of my body. Butt, I just don't have the energy for that anymore. I'll do what I can, when I can. That is all I can do. You might ask if I regret trying to do the permanent hair removal on the face—after all if I hadn't I could have grown a very thick beard... butt you know what? I don't regret a thing besides failing to finish the job. I am who I am. When I was a child, I never wanted to become like my Father—instead I always wished I could grow up to be like my Mother... alas. I have never wanted to become a bearded man. If I must be a man, then I wish to be a smooth relatively hairless one that is popular with girls. Still working on that. By the way, all blacks and supporters should be given a permanent one way ticket to Liberia or their African destination of choice. I hear Wakanda is popular. Peace between Blacks and Aryans can only be achieved between through separation.\n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__5c6aef8a0314b857970cfb044a7b29a8.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdXadSUEeoRhE48Xbj5cdR18ujcQzyaaTfxUDFQ3n1GhX/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__5c6aef8a0314b857970cfb044a7b29a8.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "body": "The best thing about Steemit is that content is semi-permanent. The worst thing about Steemit is that content is semi-permanent. That said, I would like to state my intention to begin posting once a day. I've never kept a diary before, but I've been thinking that perhaps I should have. Given how my mind has been going in circles for over 10 years now. Let me start with the basic. I'm back to living with my parents to save money because I fucked up my investments. My health is still fucked up. My poor health is why I didn't make any meaningful connections at university, although I did get good grades—butt I had to work for them. I've had a lot of bad luck. I'm still not free because I don't have enough money. I still think everyday how much better my life would have been if I had been born a girl—if everything else was similar. You see, I was—am interested in singing and dancing. If I had been born female I would have almost certainly  aimed to be an 'idol.' If I had had the option at 12 to do HRT and become a Newhalf, I probably would have. The major thing that might have held me back—if my family had been supportive—is my desire to have children. If my parents had been accepting of me from the beginning, I would certainly have been a musician. I've been suppressing my 'wrong' opinions and 'wrong' nature from the age of 10 and earlier. Part of that 'wrong' nature has been my ability and desire to sing with my feminine voice. I can also sing in a masculine voice, and for a long time I tried just doing that, but inevitably having to suppress myself suffocated me and forced me to quit the serious pursuit of music. If my parents had accepted me as I was, perhaps I would have been content to remain 'male,' although I would have had an interest in crossdressing/'trapping' as a hobby regardless given my 'two-spirit' nature. I couldn't sing freely at university, and I can't sing freely at 'home.' Although, because of my history of failure, and to avoid auto-suicide, I now allow myself to sing with my feminine voice when I first wake up in the morning as a compromise. In the past I couldn't have imagined doing this, I would have chosen death first. Naturally my family is now more or less aware of the fact that I am not a normal male. Butt so far they have not pushed the issue, and neither have I. I plan to leave 'home' permanently once I get a Master's degree, butt until then I've decided to 'enjoy' these last few years with my birth family as best I can. To do this, I've decided to push all of my hate onto my Father. As he has always been the leader of the family—I blame him and his religion for the vast majority of my suffering. However, although—on balance—I hate my Father enough to want to strangle him with my bare hands, I have decided not to truely express this hate. Doing so would do me only further harm. My mother is the only family member I really wanted to see again, and I didn't want to harbour any hate for her so I've 'transferred' my hate entirely onto my Father. Thus I have decided to shower my Mother with love—while not crossing the line—to the exclusion of my father and brothers. Perhaps this is also one acceptable way I can express my hate for my Father... needless to say, I need to find someone that I can love and accept who will do the same for me. I have never had such a person... This as well as self-expression as my deepest heart's desire. There is one other desire I have— Children. That is, I want to have children with females I find (at least physically) attractive. Not only that, I want to have more children than I could have if I was born female. In fact, in my mind, this is the only benefit of being male—the ability to have a great number of children. To do this, however, I must become significantly more attractive (to females) myself. This basically comes down to improving my appearance/fitness, money, and most importantly power. Power is relative. What this means is that I must be the most 'powerful' in each 'frame' around the females I want to conquer. Females are primarily attracted to power, and males are primarily attracted to physically appearance. Anyway... all this is far easier said than done. Critically, I need: status, free time, and females present I am interested in... all to be present at the same time. At university interesting females were present (although rarely in my classes) and I had sufficient status in certain circumstances if I played it right... butt I had no free time. At 'home' I have free time (although not as much as you might expect because of my fucked up health) but I have no status and there are no interesting females present... You know, I didn't think I had this much to say. On the other hand, I've though and/or talked about this stuff over and over again for a decade at least. I have come to believe that my challenge in life is to overcome and transcend my circumstances. Ultimately, my goal is the creation of a new society for my decedents.\n![__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__4e7818aab5d125aff61209bc42b533e5.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTqzgJyRsH5ZD3AMDdaaDqkCZXo76GbHbdBgjyfHSfwPH/__belldandy_aa_megami_sama_drawn_by_joy_division__4e7818aab5d125aff61209bc42b533e5.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "parent_permlink": "life",
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      "permlink": "happy-mother-s-day",
      "title": "Happy Mother's Day~",
      "body": "Did you make your mama happy? A good mother works for her children's happiness, and deserves all of your love. A good mother is worth her weight in gold. Remember to show her just how much you care : >\n![__oosuki_mamako_tsuujou_kougeki_ga_zentai_kougeki_de_ni_kai_kougeki_no_okaasan_wa_suki_desu_ka_drawn_by_pochi_pochi_goya__b2d88e444a056fdf62f9814ab8c50c12.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRetHLnWeo4hL4GudhrJzd5gjNrzqH6iZEttgPM6EYz9K/__oosuki_mamako_tsuujou_kougeki_ga_zentai_kougeki_de_ni_kai_kougeki_no_okaasan_wa_suki_desu_ka_drawn_by_pochi_pochi_goya__b2d88e444a056fdf62f9814ab8c50c12.jpg)\nLove Voxxe~",
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      "author": "voxxe",
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      "title": "GODHOOD",
      "body": "In the beginning, all there was, was DESIRE. Butt this DESIRE was not realised, and when it was, it took some time. The gap between the realisation of DESIRE and the first knowledge of DESIRE, is SUFFERING. SUFFERING is EVIL. DESIRE can be called BEAUTY as the beautiful is desirable. BEAUTY exists, causing DESIRE—and DESIRE is beautiful. WILL exists through knowledge of DESIRE, however, only POWER can fulfil desire, and only through WILL can POWER be gained. Thus, the DIVINE TRINITY is formed. Learn it by heart, and you will never be lost again.\n![Trinity.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdX5tQRGg7YSXbTbBA5UkdBtqRCMXoXQuF3jbuut4WvFu/Trinity.png)\nYou might say, why not simply abandon DESIRE if DESIRE is the origin of SUFFERING. Butt, to deny DESIRE, is to deny LIFE. For even the DESIRE to breathe is a DESIRE. Therefore, the realisation of DESIRE is the meaning of LIFE. This is done through the strengthening of the WILL and the accumulation of POWER. In time one will realise that a strong WILL is the most desirable of all. The stronger the WILL, the more desirable you are. The WILL is strengthened by doing what one sets out to do. POWER is more easily achieved the stronger your WILL, and in turn, POWER will give you the means to take what you DESIRE. The more times you successfully cycle through the DIVINE TRINITY, aiming for the DIVINE, the more alive you are, and the higher you climb the ASCENDING SPIRAL unto GODHOOD. Denying DESIRE only leads to a DESCENDING SPIRAL unto spiritual DEATH. A weak WILL cannot achieve POWER, and without POWER realising DESIRE is butt a dream. Remember—LOVE VOXXE~",
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