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      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-velen-20200108t234545000z",
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      "body": "Congratulations @velen! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@velen/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@velen) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=velen)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Congratulations @velen! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@velen/birthday1.png</td><td>1 Year on Steemit</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_[Click here to view your Board](https://steemitboard.com/@velen)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steem/@steemitboard/steemwhales-has-officially-moved-to-steemitboard-ranking\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmfRVpHQhLDhnjDtqck8GPv9NPvNKPfMsDaAFDE1D9Er2Z/header_ranking.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steem/@steemitboard/steemwhales-has-officially-moved-to-steemitboard-ranking\">SteemWhales has officially moved to SteemitBoard Ranking</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/steemitboard-witness-update-2019-01-07\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/http://i.cubeupload.com/7CiQEO.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/steemitboard-witness-update-2019-01-07\">SteemitBoard - Witness Update</a></td></tr></table>\n\n> Support [SteemitBoard's project](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)! **[Vote for its witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1)** and **get one more award**!",
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      "author": "velen",
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      "title": "10 Things they want you to forget about Obama",
      "body": "10 things they want you to forget about Obama\n\n<b>1-That Middle Name</b>\n\nWe spent many years fighting middle eastern conflicts and a dictator named Saddam Hussein. Just the sound of the name alone engenders nothing but negativity from Americans. In bizarre irony, Barack Hussein Obama's middle name never got in the way of his rise to the highest office in the nation.\n\n<b>2-Nobel Peace Bomber</b>\n\nIn 2009, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Back in 1999, a group called 'Doctors Without Borders' was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Fast forward to October of 2015, US/NATO planes bombed a Doctors Without Borders hospital in Kunduz, Afghanistan--an act which Obama apologized for. This makes Obama the second Nobel Peace Prize winner to have bombed another Nobel Peace Prize winner. The first was Henry Kissinger supposedly bombing a Red Cross facility.\n\n<b>3-Debt Doubled</b>\n\nThe national debt roughly doubled under Obama's administrations from 2009-2017. It went from $10 trillion to $20 trillion. There's no nice way of putting it, this was not the Hope & Change that we expected. In all fairness, it also doubled under Bush Jr, and Bill Clinton. You would almost think there was a pattern of spending among presidents.\n\n<b>4-Only kept half of his promises</b>\n\nThe website fact checker 'Politifact' charts that Obama was only able to keep half of his 533 total promises spanning two campaigns. The other half of his promises were split between broken and compromised.\n\n<b>5-Public Flubs</b>\n\nHe was regarded as being a good public speaker and criticized for heavily relying on the teleprompter. He did botch a line or two though.\n\n-Feb 2010, when talking about a Navy Corpsman, he pronounced the word as \"corpse-man\" not once, but twice.\n\n-In 2008 on the campaign trail, he mentioned that he had visited \"All 57 states.\" \n\n-Also in 2008 when interviewed by George Stephanopoulos, Obama accidentally claimed to be of the muslim faith, then claimed he meant to say he was of the Christian faith. The cat was already out of the bag with such a big slip of the tongue that fueled many conspiracy theories which already surrounded Obama's past.\n\n<b>6-Sketchy Harvard history</b>\n\nA 1991 printout of his biography from his days at Harvard states that he was born in Kenya. Also, for a guy who was president of the Harvard Law Review, not a single publication of his can be found from that time period. \n\n<b>7-His racist church</b>\n\nFrom 1992-2008, he was a member of the Trinity United Church of Christ, headed by Jeremiah Wright. When footage of Pastor Wright spewing racist remarks in a sermon was made public, Obama at first claimed he could not disown Wright \"any more than I can disown my own white grandmother.\" \nOnly to pull a full 180 degrees and disown Wright a short time later.\n\n<b>8-You might have been a racist in voting for him</b>\n\nIf you vote for someone based on the color of their skin, that is the definition of racism. So if you voted for Obama because he's black, you were actually a racist. Let us also remember that he is half-black, half-white. On a technicality he wasn't America's first black President.\n\n<b>9-The conclusion of the investigation into his birth certificate</b>\n\nYou may remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio was organizing an international team of experts to look at authenticity of Obama's birth certificate. What you may not remember is that the investigation concluded after 5 years. The team found dozens of anomalies and concluded that it was a forgery, but the press release barely got any attention.\n\n<b>10-The Mass Murderer</b>\n\nIn 8 years, Obama's total number of airstrikes reached into 100,000, surpassing the 37,000 of Dubya's 8 years in office. Obama also bombed 7 countries, the most any President had done since WW2. Remember how at the end of Bush Jr's administration, we were so sick of President Dubya and his middle eastern conflicts? Obama became twice as much of a warmonger as Bush. One more of those 'Hope & Change' things we thought would be different.\n\nWas there something else that happened during Obama's years in office that didn't get enough attention? Do you hate tyypos? Like and comment below, tell me about your thoughts.",
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      "parent_permlink": "life",
      "author": "velen",
      "permlink": "the-last-secret-about-hitler",
      "title": "The last secret about Hitler",
      "body": "Mustachio's Lament\nThe Little Fuhrer that Couldn't\n(My own article I first published in the late '90s on a long-defunct website.)\n\nSince Adolf Hitler killed himself in his hidden underground bunker many years ago, his genocidal ways have been the topic of much  discussion & debate. The reasons behind his mass destruction of anyone non-German, have been studied, documented, and taught to the world's peoples, so that there could never be a doubt  as to the evil that lurked in the heart of a man so focused on \"cleansing the races\", that he dragged millions from their homes kicking and screaming, & had them exterminated like insects. We have heard the tales, the rumors, and the theories behind the man whose name will forever live in infamy, and we would now like to refute the historians, and offer the shocking photo that will once & for all erase any doubt of why he committed the atrocities that he did--Hitler had a tiny penis.\n\n\n![hitler.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmdBqvtPRBFTLcEFNnbZwWzMCxw4ksQJTP2DLtebbGZ3cs/hitler.gif)\nNotice his shameful frown & the fact that he's cleverly hiding his groin using strategical hat placement!\n\n<b>MYTH: </b>\nHitler was trying to create a \"master race\" by wiping out all non-Germans.\n\n<b>FACT:</b>\nHitler was so ashamed of his puny Aryan hammer, he was determined to wipe out the entire human race, so that no one could possibly ever see, mock, or snicker at his inferior manhood. Yes, he killed 6 million Jews, but after the Jews, his next target was the anyone with anywhere near <i>normal eyesight</i>. See, he needed an army of people to help carry out his evil plan, so he brainwashed the Germans into believing that the rest of the world were evil because (as he put it) \"Zee rest of zee world has cake, and zey are hiding it from us!\" The Germans, infamous for having insatiable sweet tooths,  became enraged & decided to help Hitler wipe out humanity as punishment for their access to pastries, while the Germans only had <i>Sauerkraut</i> as a late-nite snack (enough to piss anybody off.) They never had a clue as to what secret shame they were <i>really</i> murdering for. If the SS army was successful in their mission, little did they know that Hitler had plans for them as well. Upon destroying the races, Hitler had a plan to throw an SS victory party, in which Hitler himself would have spiked the sauerkraut with cyanide, which would have left only 1 man left on the face of the Earth, which in turn would have made Hitler- the man with the biggest penis on Earth by default. That was the <i>real</i> master plan.\n\n<b>MYTH:</b>\nThe infamous \"Zeig Heil\" was a way to honor the Fuhrer's presence.\n\n<b>FACT:</b>\nHitler invented the \"Zeig\" when he noticed one of his officers taking a look at his crotch with a puzzled look on his face, almost as if to say \"W-where is it?\" Sensing the soldier was on to his secret, Hitler later snuck into the soldier's barracks, placed a tiny slice of pound cake on his chest, and in the morning, the other soldiers killed him, figuring he was a spy. (where else would he get the cake?) After his close call, Hitler needed a way to keep eyes from straying to his groin, for fear of mutiny, so he forced his soldiers to thrust their arm upwards, keeping their eyes focused on an upward 45 degree angle at all times. This served as a great distraction, and Hitler was pleased.\n\n<b>MYTH:</b>\nHitler had a girlfriend by the name of Eva Braun. \n\n<b>FACT:</b>\nHitler WAS Eva Braun. See, his constant obsession with his minuscule genitals led his mind astray many an evening. He knew that somehow he was supposed to have been born a girl, and he decided that he must take on an alter-ego to be able to cope, so he donned a blonde wig, threw 2 apples in bra & paraded around Germany telling off-color stories to the Germans about how Hitler was a stallion in the sack, in a desperate attempt to further his reputation as a powerful leader. Unfortunately, the Germans saw through his facade, as he never made any attempt to conceal his wacky mustache, but by this point, it hardly mattered, as the Germans were itchin' for some marble loaf, and were ready to kill anyone who would stand in their way. The armies forged ahead, never really acknowledging that their leader was a cross-dresser. \n\n<b>MYTH:</b>\nHitler killed himself in his underground bunker when the Russians were on his heels. \n\n<b>FACT:</b>\n Hitler never intended to kill himself, because if the Russians were to find him dead, they would undoubtedly have removed his pants in the morgue & found out the Fuhrer's shame, and he wouldn't give them that satisfaction. The real story is as follows: Hitler retreats to his underground bunker. The Russians make their way down to the iron door of the room he's holed up in. Hitler knows he's as good as captured, so he thinks fast, pulls out his Luger & shoots his weenie off. This way, they'll never know what Hitler was packin', as his groin would simply be reduced to a steaming, bloody mess. Ultimately, his obsession with never being found out would be his demise, as he bled to death within minutes of the gunshot. The Russians, who finally broke down the door, were greeted with the sight of Hitler's dead body, gaping hole where his crotch once was, a smile on his face. He died knowing that although he failed in his psychotic attempt to rid the world of those more masculine than him (women & children included. We're talkin <i>smallllll</i>,) at least he died with his secret intact. That is, until we came along.\n\n So there you have it - Insane madman hell bent on genocide, or the world's worst case of \npenis envy? You be the judge. Either way, he'll live in infamy forever as the lil' Fuhrer that couldn't.",
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