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      "body": "story so far - facing my fears and benzo addiction / poly substance use.\n\nFirst thing I did was come off facebook, be alone with my thoughts and set up a plan. I handed over my finances to parents, who went through all my transactions and saw I was spending up to around 600 a month on just substances alone (and that was my minimum), I have been drug / alcohol clean for 7 days now except for hash which I will continue to use.\n\nI decided to finally go to my doctor and admit my diazepam addiction. I got prescribed 15mg and got a script for 4 weeks and will be seeing him again in 3 weeks for an update, I am currently on 18mg.\n\nI explained how I had been on benzos for 5+ years and used the pre-ban benzos and thats where I got hooked, I explained how I currently use black market benzos and feel I need a reliable source to be able to withdraw properly and be legitimately prescribed and under medical supervision, with different support systems in place to prepare for withdrawal such as peer support groups and loved ones (Narcotics Anonymous)\n\nI am 7 days into withdrawal, I have dropped 2mg  now and I will update more about the symptoms. (Preoccupation and obsession with withdrawal is a withdrawal symptom itself!\n\nI will be quitting my job this week as I cannot handle it. I work in the health and social care sector in a challenging behaviour home, its a mentally demanding job, I had to leave early yesterday because I was about to have an anxiety attack, I am literally holding on for the 4 weeks if I can.\n\nI am currently using methods such as exercise, video games, sorting out my diet plan, journal and setting small good habits and goals to accomplish for when I am out of work.\n\nEveryday is a struggle, being so used to consuming different drugs when I want for a decade to literally just hash and nicotine, I am brain dead and emotionless, nothing excites me and I do not feel pleasure even from the hash.\n\nI will continue when and if I can to post updates, this is not just for me but also to raise awareness to the people who are fucking with benzos not to take them lightly, stay the fuck away.\n\nIt doesn't matter how smart or knowledgeable you are with drugs, if you use them for long enough eventually they will get you, and it doesn't just affect you but your family and loved ones.\n\nPeace xoxo",
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      "body": "Gents you appreciate the simple pleasure of the days first pee don't you?\n\nYou rock up to your ceramic temple. Roll onto the balls of your feet and then back on your heels and away you go. Suddenly you feel invincible. There's nothing you can't do today (albeit all you have to do is pick up a package from sorting office and buy a pint of milk).\n\nNow imagine that sacred time being disturbed by a gap toothed dwarf smashing into the back of your knees whilst mid flow. Then proceeding to stick her head between your legs (\"Here's Johnny\" style) and try and climb up into the bowl. \n\nAll the while you are trying to stay within the parameters of the bowl and not give your daughter some horrible, dirty baptism.\n\nKids you just can't beat them (not in Scotland anyway).",
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      "body": "Had quite an excruciating afternoon this week. Bumped into another daddy daycare at the library and he gave me a hot tip about a child's music and singing group they do there one afternoon. \n\nNow I fucking hate singing in public. It makes me feel v self conscious. However the midget finds singing magical; and what she likes goes. Plus in these groups you can drop your volume and your voice gets lost in the general drone.\n\nSo we pitch up at the library on the appointed afternoon. I can't see any kids milling about (in truth I feel a bit relieved). No singing today! I'm just about to indulge my morbid curiosity in the True Crime section when I get waylaid by a rather earnest woman. \n\nApparently singing is still on today, she just does not know where everyone is. Just to make me feel really welcome she says the midget is a bit young for it, but we can stay anyway (no please let us go).\n\nThe long and the short if it is that nobody else showed up. We were plonked on a single chair in front of this women in the middle of the library. I was mumbling songs I didn't know and attempting to sign  along to the songs like someone on tranquilisers. \n\nThe midget was not having any of it. She was wriggling and grumbling on my lap. Even she, a one year old knew we were committing social suicide. I could see regular library users peering around the shelving to see who the friendless bellend was that was destroying songs and the general peace in the library.\n\nThankfully the woman showed some mercy and finished the session a bit early. She asked the midget if she wanted a piece of fruit. She crawled over and took a banana.\n\nThe woman still wouldn't let us go through. She clearly didn't want to go back to the office an hour early. So she was telling me about her funding etc. The midgets eaten about half the banana. But then spat a big mouthful of it into my hand. The woman kept on talking, I can't get away and the chewed banana is  melting in my hand. I started to panic.\n\nI'm ashamed to say I put that regurgitated banana in my mouth and ate it :-(",
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      "body": " ![image](https://img.esteem.ws/thrpu5kvtc.jpg)",
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      "body": "The color change will be diffrent for each substance for mdma it will go dark blue / black . I will post the color chart",
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      "body": "Congratulations @tupper! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x80/http://steemitboard.com/notifications/firstvoted.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@tupper) You got a First Vote\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x80/http://steemitboard.com/notifications/voted.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@tupper) Award for the number of upvotes received\n\nClick on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.\nFor more information about SteemitBoard, click [here](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)\n\nIf you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word `STOP`\n\n> By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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