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      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-thebigwiggle-20190829t052003000z",
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      "body": "Congratulations @thebigwiggle! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@thebigwiggle/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@thebigwiggle) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=thebigwiggle)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Congratulations @thebigwiggle! You have received a personal award!\n\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@thebigwiggle/birthday2.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@thebigwiggle)  2 Years on Steemit\n<sub>_Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor._</sub>\n\n\n> Do you like [SteemitBoard's project](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)? Then **[Vote for its witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1)** and **get one more award**!",
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      "permlink": "what-spectrum-doesn-t-want-you-to-know",
      "title": "What Spectrum doesn't want you to know",
      "body": "![Spectrum-logo.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaMe61rvBkYQ53vjRAaFF19LfzH9gJyNVxspPHc1NJSH6/Spectrum-logo.png)\n\nHey everyone,\n         Have you ever wondered what Spectrum isn't telling you about your bill or service. Of course you do! We are all tired of monopolies getting larger, while the bottom never reach the top. If you're like me, you're the nottom 90% of the wealth ladder and trickle down economics is BS. Well first and foremost, without customers like us there is no business. More and more people are becoming cord cutters and think they're sticking it to Spectrum. Quite frankly, you're not and I'll tell you why. Even if you just had highspeed internet, you will still use those savings for mothly services like Netflix, Hulu, Ps Vue, Mach Tv, HBO, Showtime, Istreamitall, Amazon Prime, and others. The list goes on. You see, the Roku and Kindle Fire tv are neck in neck in the war against cable. What if there was another way? There are 5 special words you can say to get the best prices possible. Wait for it, now repeat after me, \"I Found A Better Deal\".\n\n\n ![131.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWSLMcuCvg3rr7iJqqtoaFcZrzqUcCPcH4iFCnU2r15m6/131.jpg)\n\nYour cable provider will match that price or give it to you cheaper. I was cable free for 3 or 4 years and only had high speed internet and a Roku. Then, I wanted the on Spectrum on demand features on Roku and movie channels. They didn't sell the on demand as a feature. I was tired of the different cable alternatives sticking it to me with multiple packages and shitty speed. Spectrum gave me faster internet...2x as fast or more. They gave me a free DVR and they gave me Two movie channels...Starz and Epix. All for only $50 more dollars a month. My internet bill was $80 for 100 mbps. At one time, my bill was almost $200 a month with internet, cable, and phone. That was without a DVR and I was using a TIVO for a DVR. With movie packages of course and pay per views... it was even more. C'mon a guys gotta have Ballers, Billions, Game of Thrones, Homeland, and Ray Donovan right?\n\n![rsz_mr_burns_evil_7487.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWzc9XiD6behPH5NDY4U7HAJeXHqVARApYyJozmAuFKqz/rsz_mr_burns_evil_7487.gif)\n\n      I am now able to watch all the latest shows and movies by using a VPN to torrent my music and video needs. I have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime tv, WWE Network, Plex, and Playon. I don't pay for all them, some my mom has subscriptions to and I share them when she's not using them. Now there's no crappy lag time or unreliable service. I use my Roku in my room and my PS4, while my mom uses her Roku and the Spectrum DVR. Remember, say \"I Found A Better Deal\". Try it today. It's worth a shot.\n\n![3.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUMmMB9bP3pbgMCFuUWEwPcYtjdm3E9tgosZyZDCmpn6X/3.png)",
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      "body": "![sense8.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWvHZMgPDKtgbrEEPMLhk1wY91SKioeY3gKwbJX7jtysz/sense8.jpg)\n\nHey everyone,\n       Today I want to talk about another Netflix show who has gained a huge following. No it's not Stranger Things or Orange is the New Black. It's  Sense 8. If you haven't seen it yet, think pf the shows Lost or Crash with a science fiction twist. Follow the lives of 8 people from around the world who are all connected by 6 degrees of seperation. They all invade eachothers dreams and personal thoughts...kinda like Flatliners or stir of echoes. The 6 degrees of seperation theme has been popular over the course of many years. A good popular example would be Once Upon A Time. Same director as Lost. \nThink Once Upon a Time but with fight scenes, sex, and corny ballads and dubstep.\n        Sense 8 is different than other shows because it tells a story of strangers who feed off of eachothers emotions. Just watch it already. The show does not disappoint and it's got a few stars from Lost in it. But the difference is everyone on lost was dead but Hurley, Michael, Walt, and Desmond. Sorry for the spoiler. I think Netflix and Hulu have stepped up thier game with new original programming. And this is why the digital world is thriving, while fortune 500 brick and mortar companies are downsizing and/or closing. Go binge watch it now. You'll thank me later.\n![3.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZkTtpF1ZLbidCEnipYTJFaazV1CzLZ7xqPRxucsBo73C/3.jpg)",
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      "body": "![bill_nye2.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSXRdfjtzdD511jJnaiChcLashgWpz674hHihRjk1Auej/bill_nye2.jpg)\n\nOne of my guilty pleasures is that I am a Netflix junkie. I also tend to frequent Hulu and Crackle a lot too. I don't know about you, but i was a PBS kid. Bill Nye the science guy was my main man and i never was able to find Carmen Sandiego. So when I looked in Netflix's originals and found Bill Nye saves the world I was interested. \n\n![billnye1.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaBvXnLtkJEDxSmRN6Xhx8AyfzN1Rq2sPeHhVje28WbGk/billnye1.jpg)\n\nThis is a great show and it's made for adults who were fanboys and fangirls of Bill Nye the science guy. It teaches about global warming, GMOs, AI, Placebo medicine and more. This is a must watch show. Especially if you're curiousity gets the best of you. Who knows...you might learn something and it's fun. It has celebrity cameos and experts in the topic he talks about. It's in a talk show format and it's engaging. Check it out now.\n![joshsig.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPVDxwdsRNYY7V5cYtuXfYcBzSkj4LXE22NjN7gCGz2Wt/joshsig.jpg)",
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      "body": "Thanks, I had fun doing it.",
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      "body": "![mind-blown-cat-mind-blown.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRFs5XnUeoitFxuUm4gWbuCdtKiKWnKwMfFBE5C8oTH51/mind-blown-cat-mind-blown.jpg)\n\nIm going to clue you in on some things you may not know. We live in a digital world full of subscriptions and memberships. Netflix, Hulu, Sling, Redbox, Apple music, Playstation, xbox, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Prime...etc. you probably are subscribed to multiple different services now. But, what if i told you shouldn't have to pay anything for some of them. Would you keep reading on? Of course you will. Here are 10 different services you can get free.\n\n![download (1).jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmToNsPUL8MHoW1grLWLn914uTr9NNEn3DKzRsk8UVh1RQ/download%20(1).jpg)\n\n![spotify_2015.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTweiu1WuDuP7drrPGZjLoXZZXXrcCcN2x2ZNeBrtEi1k/spotify_2015.png)\n\n10: Spotify \nNow these guys are sneaky. They want you to purchase, but not everyone wants to. They try and charge for everything. The only way you can listen for free is on a computer and that's with ads and limited skips. You can listen for free on mobile devices though with an app called Lucky Patcher. Just look for it and try it out. You'll thank me later.\n\n![netflixlogo.0.0.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRd1xiRupFbwNKgzkgsiSGHTrgMxbrpjhRnyNMj8kGToY/netflixlogo.0.0.png)\n\n9: Netflix\nProbably the most used app on the internet. It's available on smart Tvs, tablets, phones, computer, Roku, Apple Tv, Chromecast...etc. They give free trials for thier service and they have the best viewing packages possible for a single person or family. You wont get out of paying for them, but you can get multiple free trials under different emails.\n\n![Playstation-logo.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaqnVWSubR2opYN9c6BaS39suHVHXkXzQ48WZ71Dxye56/Playstation-logo.png)\n\n8: Playstation 4/Ps3\nIf you make multiple bogus gamer profiles you will always have free trials of PSN, PS Vue, PS Now...etc. Go ahead and try it now.\n\n![facebook_share_thumb_default_hulu.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUaqLeyHmCJVcNP9a1RzugASxF4gJ4oWJd8wzrBqsrGx5/facebook_share_thumb_default_hulu.png)\n\n7: Hulu\nSomeday or another you will have to pay, but they offer generous free trials. They also have a no commercials add on and a showtime add on. If you have a lot of email addresses, and I'm  sure you do, you can keep signing up for free trials. If you're Ebay savvy you can get 1 year of thier service cheap. 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Some other good ones are Google Drive and Dropbox \n\n![71VdVNOOaZL.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmR1TeCzdqg7MMiDmMkxdBVrHhTgMsm73dVGkw4zrkyHXd/71VdVNOOaZL.png)\n\n4: Amazon Music\nIf you have a monthly or yearly subscription, then you already know about Amazon music. But, if you have an amazon echo  or echo dot or kindle fire...then you know about Alexa. Did you know you can get Amazon music for $3.99 for one device.  So if you have prime with music, tv, and shipping you can have a 2nd music for half the price. Why not jump on it now. \n\n![id_show_2_0.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVKs7sVwVBJbKqKNdUbCkovJoZmEjxpxBDr663YCenoQA/id_show_2_0.jpeg)\n\n3: Showtime Now\nThis is a great app with a lot of great programming. A few of the most popular programs are on thier like Billions and Homeland. You no longer have to have cable to have movie channels. You just need to subscribe. You can get it included on your hulu subscription for an extra $8.99 or purchase it for $10.99 a month.\n\n![spyoff-logo.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVufS6kZWVqB2fsctq55fdwvWEsS59wzsxG5xBhubvXhz/spyoff-logo.png)\n\n2: Spyoff\nEveryone needs a VPN and with these guys security matters. They run deals where you can get as much as 3 months free. Before the 3 months ends you need to unsubscribe or else you will be charged dor a year. Currently they are running a 15 day trial. For $12 a month, just try them out. Everyone should have a VPN, especially if you torrent or travel a lot.\n\n![images (1).jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmaHPTXMkyEJDqCuMjTmpVRR9jXDiiAJwwQfb2bHyiT3T8/images%20(1).jpg)\n\n1: Freedompop\nThis is a big up and coming company who believes phone service should not be expensive. They offer free service of like 200 minutes a month or 5 gigs of data free for a portable hot spot. All you do is pay for the phone or hotspot. You gotta go check them out now. Even the phone packages are cheap. The phones are newer smartphones and fairly reasonable price.\nGo check them out now. \n\nHave questions leave a comment. Get back to you with another new blog soon.![joshsig.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPVDxwdsRNYY7V5cYtuXfYcBzSkj4LXE22NjN7gCGz2Wt/joshsig.jpg)",
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      "body": "Ok this blog may be a little informal but lets do this. One thing you may not know about me unless you know me personally...i am disabled with petit mal epilepsy. I also have depression, anxiety, and diabetes. I decided to go freelance when all the jobs i was able to do were customer service. I was working with big companies and doing other peoples work to make money. I have been a baker, a door to door sales person, a secretary, an electronics clerk, a customer service rep, and I even worked as a daycare provider. But, I have always been good at working for myself. I am a damn covincing salesperson. I can sell anything. I could sell ketchup popsicles in white gloves and make money if that were a thing. Starting up a small business takes a lot of work. And search engine algorithms suck. And social media is expensive. So after many failed attempts at trying to figure out what i wanted to be when i grow up...I started blogging and working on Fiverr. Now im npt suggesting Fiverr, their algorithms have changed. I suggest ginding the high profile freelance sites. Like freelancer and upwork.\n\n![facepalm-ernie.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmYkv5htjJL9rhGuL26pZPQneHVgPGJ4Z4fFvNkfheRTjK/facepalm-ernie.jpg)\n\nThe freelance gih sites are \"saturated\" with a variety delusional people. Everybody and thier brother thinks they can make logos. And the crap template software makes logos all look the same. Try mentioning adobe to them. They dont know how to usr it. These are the ones who think because they went to graphic design school they are magically a designer. You have to learn multiple programs inside out. One software does you no justice. I never finished an associate's or bachelors in design. My expertise is communications and human behavior. I dont know how well they apply in the design world. Im self taught and i like it that way.\n\n![rsz_mr_burns_evil_7487.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWzc9XiD6behPH5NDY4U7HAJeXHqVARApYyJozmAuFKqz/rsz_mr_burns_evil_7487.gif)\n\nOk so let's get on with the point already you're probably saying to yourself huh? Here's my point and dont worry it's short.  If you have a passion then follow it. Your passion can do wonders for you with the right niche. A good example is green screen work, virtual clown or magician, or whatever. Just be creative.  I only went for a design degree completing about 70% of the coursework. I allowed the books and youtube to help teach me.  \n\n![download.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmUaygXzmjnH5PTZeZX1EnvptFTwGy1s8fdvpetHDq6twe/download.jpg)\n\n\n If you have a business that can all be done virtually, then start a blog, website, podcast...or whatever. If you're musically inclined then create music and sell it on soundcloud, spotify, and other places. If you're  good at teaching then give udemy and skillshare a try. If you have a knack for storytelling and can write a good story sell it on kindle, nook, playster...etc. If you make great handmade goods then Etsy has you covered. Think about it...Google, Yahoo, Apple, Facebook, Snapchat and others couldn't  got as big as they did eithout taking risks. Whatever you're good at why not use it as currency.\n\n![images.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmcg6V5jVPhfXXFFFu257Q8XpRLDHwueeVLCxGn4EMsueu/images.jpg)\n\n\nGoing freelance in a virtual world like this allows you to choose your hours. There is not a day that goes by where I questioned my decisions. As Metallica once said in the song Carpe Diem Baby, \"live to win and dare to fail. Eat the bullet and bite the nail\". Whatever you're good at just take a risk. Once you eork for yourself, you will never want to work under a boss again. Just remember to always try multiple things to make a passive income. Anyone can do it. If you have questions leave a comment.\n![1291131680_two-thumbs-up.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmbUPYhAtnMESBFtd4g3GgcYG7a8iteScg9skPKvHwkzqD/1291131680_two-thumbs-up.jpg)\n\n\n\n![bitmoji-20170622043432.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmcPv66LAVZozfmndT2dDZyTjyqMBpNMcF2mwu5PjUnWw9/bitmoji-20170622043432.png)",
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      "body": "Recently i cane across wwe.Simbi.com . This site is the only site/app of its kind. Cash is not accepted on this site and your talent is your currency. You can get paid in virtual currency or trafing. You can get a variety of services and goods like handmade things. Postcards, food, graphic design, writing, artwork, and much more. I had a dozen french macarrons made for 40 simbi coins. I had 5 greeting cards made for 20 simbi. I have had artwork and book covers done for my books im writing. If you havent joined simbi yet, you need to now. Let me show you some of the things i have had done.[acc3c7cdba0ab5efcc343f89f98596d39263a092.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmexXvfDfLUDbnbeCF7WQXwBAHu2uRitm9Ujm2idhjGbj7/acc3c7cdba0ab5efcc343f89f98596d39263a092.png)\n![70b62b287b17099e8c5d4f1a3297912e4cfaff2c.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSRxf9PstvhQQRbxXSjjbK3NYtr66HMeDxSraxduT9x6K/70b62b287b17099e8c5d4f1a3297912e4cfaff2c.jpeg)\n![6d12d143a3a1d3333fc5fbf08ad1be3f53749928.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXKo8mS1JgBzLmRhFE9UbMAxj3e5iZYQc5KV8Nah5ARA7/6d12d143a3a1d3333fc5fbf08ad1be3f53749928.jpg)\n\n![00001_zpsfqyseabm.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmYg2Rbd3xppQtWBvb9rFd9KmF1Qtrm6pGx4jZvzheJmdb/00001_zpsfqyseabm.jpg)\n![00001_zpsw8e5dbze.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmarrhxPqNEzXXnLdtrwQ9P5LB1rzB92fsgqMfapf1VHsU/00001_zpsw8e5dbze.jpg)",
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      "title": "Mr. Self Destruct chapters 7+8+9",
      "body": "[MR SELF DESTRUCT](https://ipfs.pics/QmdKeFgJ2C2ktpVf2GKo87GTmfqX5uP9E6FZY2S92SRzkJ)\nChapter 7: As the world turns\n\"Dear diary,\nHey you’re an asshole and I still haven’t figured out why I write in you. You seem like such a time waster and you're worth is nonexistent. This writing of my feelings is horseshit and the doctor is a buffoon. Seriously, when they said brains, she thought they said trains. She started shouting Choo Choo in excitement. Oh here she comes now.\nA light knock came at the door and Dr. Ronson peeked her head in. “It’s me! How’s my favorite patient today?” she said with excitement as she tried to cut the tension in the room that I was projecting toward her. I had a lot going on with me lately that I wasn’t sure she could handle it on the first session. I recently lost my job, had to find a new place to live, and my love life was nonexistent too. I was a black cloud of doom and I wasn’t sure she could handle it. If anyone could help though, she was the only one I trusted. She was literally the only one I could share my deepest and darkest secrets with and she wouldn’t judge me. When you have a doctor like that, then you don’t change them or lose contact with them. Everyone else thought I was crazy. Not really the best term to use or a very appropriate term. I was probably nuttier than a squirrel turd though, and the reason I wasn’t in a padded room was because of her.\n     “So tell me how you’re feeling today Taison. How has everything been? When was the last time we had a formal or informal session? Probably too long right?” said Dr. Ronson with excitement.\n     “It has been over 3 years. I have had to deal with people at a community mental health and their horseshit. You lived in a completely different state. You just conveniently moved here. Not really sure why?”\n     “Taison I’m worried about you and I don’t know where this hostility is coming from. I have always been here for you. We maintained contact by phone and Skype until about a year ago. It seemed like you disconnected from everything and everyone. I got offered the chance to start my practice here and I took it. My business partner is another psychiatrist, Mr. Brundy, and he’s in the room across the hall. We chose here because it’s small and quaint”\n     “I honestly don’t believe you. You’re worried about me, the crazy sociopath patient and the first chance you got to assist me you took it” I said venomously with a bitter tone as the words spilled from my mouth. The words flew like projectile, like word vomit. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything like that, but I did in haste and anger. I was totally in the wrong, but someone deserved to hear my wrath.\n     “Taison, we don’t have to have the session right now or you can talk about anything else that you want to. Really I want to show you that I want to be your friend and your doctor” she said kindly and trying to sound serious.\n     “Bad move doc, never befriend your patient it can be very violent and toxic. What About Bob, Joker and Harley Quinn from the Batman series…any of that starting to ring a bell? Patients who need help are there to get help, not watch a movie or play golf with you. Sure let’s plan a robbery or a murder spree next” I said with sarcasm.\n     Her face was priceless. Her jaw dropped in what looked like surprise and disgust. If her jaw dropped anymore she probably would have been able to win an eating contest. She didn’t know what to say next. She was unprepared for me and rightfully so she should have been.\n     “Taison I don’t know what to say to any of that. I thought you wanted this session? Is everything ok with you? What is going on at home?” She said with a concerned voice.\nIt's not something I wanted to spring on her as a worried and ashamed look came over my face. I had been ashamed by all the things that had happened to me recently. “My grades are slipping in college. It’s been to the point I was almost on academic probation. I lost my job, I lost my vehicle, and I don't have a stable place to live. My life is shitty right now. I won't be graduating with a master’s degree if I don't finish my last year and do an internship. I'm a complete fuck up and I always have been” I said viciously.\n“Taison, you’re misguided and you just need a new direction. Almost like a boat who needs to move its sails a different direction. I can only help if you let me” she said as our eyes seemed to make direct contact. I had her where I wanted her now. I was in control of the conversation, but for the first time in a long time I really didn’t want to talk. Suddenly she continued and the incessant babbling was starting to become aggravating\n“If I also may interject you should stop beating yourself up and being so critical. It sure doesn't sound like the Taison I know. You're full of ambition and intensity. You have fire in your belly and I think you can do anything you put your mind too. When we first met you were an ambitious and driven teenager. I still remember how you wanted to be a lawyer or an advocate for younger children. Are you still trying to pursue that?” she asked curiously.\nMy heart and my mind started to race. I wasn't sure what to think. Hadn't she ever heard the saying curiosity killed the cat! Well I won't be the one to tell her.\nMy focus is still the same. I'm studying to be a legal advocate or defense attorney for the less fortunate. I want to be able to help people. I'm not worried as much about the money as I am about doing well for others. That was a complete lie but it worked. My degree program is in social work and I can still be a legal advocate. I seasoned my lies with a little truth. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. I just hope she didn't see through my facade and think I was a pathological liar. That could get bad quick and I didn't need that. After a little more conversation the session was done. I couldn't wait to run out the door, but I held my composure. When she handed me a new appointment card I walked out and I was free for another week.\n-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nChapter 8: Life is a lemon\n            Dr. Ronson held her Dictaphone in her hand, turned it on and started to speak. \"My patient Taison had his first session and it went OK. He hasn't had a professional session with me in a few years. The patient suffers from many issues like before. Things like narcissism, sociopathy, social anxiety, and manic depression. Just to name a few things. patient is extremely intelligent and conniving. It is not advisable that the patient works more than a part time job with the public. I also worry he may be a danger to himself or others. Patient needs to have more sessions with me before I decide what meds would be good for him\".\n       She briefly stopped and gazed out the window. She watched as a squirrel took nuts to its hole that it had. She wished the meeting today probably would have went a little smoother. Possibly with engaging conversation or none at all. There was so much anger in Taison's voice and she wasn't sure why.\n       \"Patient exhibited a lot of anger and hostility toward me. Not sure if it was supposed to be projected at me or accidental. I will discuss the possibility of new mEd's and how to help him deal with his current stress. I hope I can help him, I worry he may become more violent\" she said as she sighed. For the first time she admitted Taison was dangerous. She needed to do whatever she could to help him quickly.\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nChapter 9: Frayed edges\n“Dear Diary,\nI want to kidnap a woman and commit my first act of violence, but I don’t have the balls to actually go through with it. I am a complete buffoon and a pansy. Fuck you diary for snickering at me. I have been watching her awhile and still haven’t made a move. Maybe I’m not cut out to stalk, kidnap, or kill. Maybe I should be thinking of much larger crimes.\nI sat there in my car waiting for her to leave work. Her name was Mona and she was far from my league. She had silky white skin, pouty lips, a button nose, brown hair, green eyes, average size height and weight, and she has a nice chest and butt. She worked at a Domino’s pizza place across town full time. I knew her schedule very well and it seemed to hardly ever change. The only time it changed is when she switched shifts or schedules with her friend Angelika. Tonight was not one of those nights and no one else was helping her cover the tail end of the shift. I watched her from a distance and just waited. She had made a few pizzas to sell at the counter and completed a few pickups. She was getting ready to close soon. I wasnt't sure if tonight would be the night, but I would sure as hell try. I had dropped the ball on trying to kidnap her for the longest time now. I was starting to think I was a complete idiot. I needed to find a dark spot with no cameras and very little light. This was next to impossible in this area and if there were no cameras there was still a traffic light or some dumbass nosey person. I knew that she walked home and what route she took every night. Now all I had to do was wait and try not to fall asleep. I was actually tucked back toward the back of the parking lot, but I could still see her. When she left and she started walked I would drive up next to her and ask if she needed a ride. If she took the invitation, I would make sure she didn’t leave the car. She would be like a moth to a flame or a fly caught in a spider’s web. I just sat in my car just waiting and watching. Finally, an hour later she locked up, and she headed down the sidewalk away from Domino’s. Diary abort the mission. I’m a complete pussy, let’s try something different”",
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      "body": "@@ -5493,17 +5493,16 @@\n -------%0A\n-%0A\n Chapter \n@@ -5503,17 +5503,16 @@\n apter 2:\n- \n Glowing \n@@ -5522,119 +5522,178 @@\n ers%0A\n-(7 years earlier)%0A%22Dear diary,%0AHey go to hell really don't feel like talking, but I'm told it's therapeutic. Sh\n+%0A%22Dear diary, %0AI%E2%80%99m remembering when I went to work for a summer camp. It was the best and worst times of my life. It helped shape who I am in many different ways. Goddamm\n it h\n@@ -5692,33 +5692,32 @@\n dammit here come\n-s\n  the flashbacks \n@@ -5726,3812 +5726,4603 @@\n ain.\n- \n+%0A\n I s\n+a\n t\n-ood\n  there s\n-tar\n+mil\n ing\n+,\n  a\n-t the bullseye admiring it and trying to visualize the arrow hitting it. The bullseye was 300 feet away, but I was confident I would hit it without a problem. I was told to do that by a trained archer a few years back in an archery class I took. I was told I was a fairly skilled shot, and with practice, I would be someone to not be messed with. I was the last one to shoot and I was trying to earn 150 points for my team to gain a large lead ahead of everyone. I really didn%E2%80%99t need to, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed.%0AI wanted us to gain a large lead ahead of everyone and that would show that that the Quirky Ducks were just as good as everyone el\n+s I watched the fire glow red, yellow, and orange. It glistened as the moon rose off in the distance. I heard the howl of a wolf off in the distance and the sound of fireworks cracked loudly. I was slightly amused by the crack of fireworks, but more amused by the glowing fire. I was fascinated in watching something else go ablaze. Oh how I wished something else would go ablaze, but that wouldn%E2%80%99t happen. I still remember when I was younger and my house burned down. It went up in flames like a matchstick and I showed no emotion. The firefighters and police ruled it as an accident due to a lighter, but I knew different, and I wasn%E2%80%99t saying otherwi\n se. I \n+had \n helped l\n-ead a group of precocious and energetic 4th graders who everyone thought were geeky. Smart people are the next generations Bill Gate%E2%80%99s, Steve Job%E2%80%99s, Dr. Dre, Mark Zuckerberg, and others. I really didn%E2%80%99t need to get a bullseye, I didn%E2%80%99t need to stress over it, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed. I could hit the other spots on the target and I would still pu\n+ight my sister%E2%80%99s room on fire by giving her the lighter. I would have left her in the burning room screaming too, if she didn%E2%80%99t escape out the window struggling and gasping for air. I was fascinated with the sheer terror on her face and I still remember it to this day. I still remember her shouts to me as she screamed %E2%80%9CTaison help. Don%E2%80%99\n t \n+j\n us\n- at an advantage. I really wanted us to win because the grand prize was lunch with Jason Stathom. The boys were excited about that and they knew they were at a far lead. They really wanted to meet an action star like him this would give them some ambition too.%0AOh God, it was happening again! Not again! I was having flashbacks of all of my negative childhood memories. They just keep flooding in and it%E2%80%99s becoming uncontrollable.  In my defense I\n+t let me die in here%E2%80%9D. As I watched the fire dance I wasn%E2%80%99t scared of it and I was perplexed why others were. While others worried about getting burnt, I knew to be more scared of a blade than a flame. Shit, I was more scared of a venomous snake than a fire! It was my turn to put my marshmallows into the fire to get them molten hot. I wasn%E2%80%99t admiring the fire for the charred smell of food. %0A%E2%80%9CThat%E2%80%99s some nice marshmallow roasting Taison, you seem to be an expert%E2%80%9D said lead camp counselor Robert.%0A    %E2%80%9CThanks, I guess. There%E2%80%99s no real technique. Just don%E2%80%99t be afraid of the marshmallow%E2%80%9D I said smugly%0A    %E2%80%9CWould you like to\n  sho\n-t\n+w\n  the \n-bird by accident and for a quick moment in time I felt horrible. That was the moment in time I felt like I could be responsible for hurting anything or anyone I touched. My teacher took me aside and said %0A%E2%80%9CSince you injured it, you need to put it out of its misery%E2%80%9D.%0A He secretly handed me a hammer and told me to strike the bird in the head swiftly. He walked everyone else away from the injured b\n+younger kids how you do it?%E2%80%9D said Robert.%0A    %E2%80%9CSure. I mean I can try. It%E2%80%99s not that hard%E2%80%9D I said trying to brush him off.%0AI couldn%E2%80%99t stand Robert and I think he could tell. He was a pompous ass and so was everyone else here. The camp was called camp Honeyhole and I was an assistant camp counselor here. I%E2%80%99m 17 and I needed a job and this job was a walk in the park. Why not take a job like this it requ\n ir\n+e\n d \n-and I clubbed the bird with one good hit and it was dead. I picked it up and wrapped it in my gym towel. As I walked the bird away, I threw the wrapped up bird in the trash. Now this bird was nothing more than trash and I didn%E2%80%99t shed a tear. The bird was a red breasted robin, when I killed it I wondered for the rest of the day if I made the right decision. Should I have had to make that decision of who or what had to live and die? Who pulled the puppet strings and determined who lived and died? That was also the day I questioned the existence of God. If there was a %E2%80%9CGod%E2%80%9D would he let something like this happen?%0AI shouldn%E2%80%99t get caught up thinking about that too much because I remember once there was a bully who made fun of me and my sister. His name was Bobby Flannigan and I finally got mad at him and beat him until he couldn%E2%80%99t move. After that day, I felt accomplished and no one ever bullied my sister and I. No one ever did it without knowing that they may face repercussions. People called me crazy, but I didn%E2%80%99t care because I fit the bill just fine.%0AAs I stood there my head counselor Bill Johnson came over there and concernedly asked:%0A%E2%80%9CTaison, is everything ok this morning? Everyone is waiting for you to take your shot%E2%80%9D.%0A%E2%80%9CYes everything is just fine this morning. I have a lot on my mind is all%E2%80%9D I said sounding glum.%0A%E2%80%9CAfter lunch today go talk to Dr. Ronson. She is very skilled at listening and she is very friendly. I%E2%80%99m sure you%E2%80%99d like her%E2%80%9D Bill said excitedly.%0A%E2%80%9COk I suppose I can%E2%80%9D I said firing back quickly.%0A %E2%80%9CSure a paid on the clock session is ok as long as you talk to her%E2%80%9D Bill said back quickly.%0A%22Ok no problem%E2%80%9D  and as I said that I shot a bullseye. Bill couldn%E2%80%99t believe his eyes. I had already shot two bullseyes before that this morning. so dear diary I bid you ado.%22\n+no real thinking? I needed the extra money, so what a better way than to work at a camp? I got to vacation for the summer and I got to enjoy my summer somewhere else besides home while getting paid. I live in Flint, Michigan and there%E2%80%99s not much going on here during the summer. The place is a black hole of wasteland and I am unsure why my mom hasn%E2%80%99t moved my sister and I away from here.%0A    Finally, everyone had gluttonously filled up on hot dogs and s%E2%80%99mores thanks to my help. The campfire roared just a little longer as we told ghost stories and sang corny camp songs. Then, Robert threw a pail of water on the fire and that gleam in my eye faded. For the first time that night, I was briefly saddened, not for anyone or anything living, but something destructive.  I still remember the sessions I had with my psychologist. She referred to me as a sociopath to my parents and in her notes. I still didn%E2%80%99t completely what that was, but I don%E2%80%99t think it has anything to do with fluffy bunnies and unicorns. From what I read, it has to do with someone lacking sympathy for other living beings. I remember many instances in which that has happened. I wasn%E2%80%99t scared to admit that I was possibly textbook crazy. I also didn%E2%80%99t care what the hell people thought of me either. Were other people willing to admit there problems though? Was my father willing to admit that he is an alcoholic who walked out when things were rough? He left his family high and dry and let them live on scraps. Was my mother willing to admit that she was a drug addict who supported us and her habit turning tricks? I won%E2%80%99t hold my breath on either of them because denial isn%E2%80%99t a river in Egypt. Some people will say to pray for them, but God doesn%E2%80%99t exist. If he really did exist he died because he stopped answering my prayers long ago! %0A    I laid there on a picnic table looking up at the stars. I%E2%80%99m not sure what people actually seen when they looked at the stars, but all I saw was balls of molten hot gas. That may sound like the scientific answer but who the hell cares, if you dress a pig in a dress, it%E2%80%99s still a pig right? Well that%E2%80%99s how I feel right about now as I sit in contemplation. A shooting star went by and I made a wish, not that it mattered, it won%E2%80%99t come true anyways. So dear diary fuck you today okay. Those memories were too painful to relive and to even think of them is a sonofabitch. I think I%E2%80%99m done for now. I%E2%80%99m going to watch a movie on Netflix. I hear they have some decent original documentaries too. %22%0A\n %0A%0A%0A-\n",
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      "body": "http://i.imgsafe.org/4809d0b8a9.jpg\n\nChapter 4: The discussion\n\n\"Dear diary,\nHey how are you today? Why in the hell am I talking to a diary? You won’t talk back! You're an idiot and you can go to hell. I'm sorry and I shouldn't be so angry. I have an appointment with Dr. Robson today. Here's what happened.While I waited in one of the waiting rooms, I paced nervously. I was told I could go into office one so I did. I decided to lay down on Dr. Ronson’s comfy couch staring blankly at the ceiling. I was in a daze like state just enjoying the sounds of my heartbeat and breathing. I was waiting for her to finally come in, as I glanced at the clock quickly. I’m not really sure, but I think five minutes had already passed and she was starting to irritate me. This session wasn’t going to be a walk in the park for her, and by the time she was done she would want me admitted or she would think I was normal. My ideations and my flashbacks sure weren’t normal and I think she really needed to hear me out. Maybe talking to someone would help me out a lot. I saw a bowl of starlight mints, so I grabbed one and popped it in my mouth. Finally, a knock came to her office door and she came in. Any longer and I probably would have possibly grew a beard. If she made her patients really wait this long I felt bad for the kids that went and seen her because they got hurt or missed mommy and daddy. “Hi Taison, I’m glad to meet you. I have heard good things about you from the kids and head counselors” said Dr. Ronson.“Thanks, I’m really nothing special. You really just have to listen and pay attention to them. They are like little clients if the camp were a Walmart” I said with narcissism and sarcasm. Dr. Ronson chuckled and slightly snorted. “That’s a good one. But I guess you’re right to some regard. The kids are like little customers.” she said sounding impressed.“I have worked at a few other camps before this one. I have the qualifications to go a lot of different places, I just like working at camps” I said modestly. Dr Ronson was a middle aged woman in her early 40’s who probably had a husband and a small dog. She probably had trouble conceiving or didn’t want any children. She may have seen enough kids at her job that she decided not to have kids. Strike that! She possibly could have had a wife and two small dogs. She most certainly could have dressed them up and carried them around with her. Ya she’s most likely the female half of her lesbian relationship for sure. What actually validated that was a picture of a younger female on her desk who looked like she was in her late 20’s or early 30’s. It was either her other half or she’s really close to her sister. I can almost guarantee all of her family lives around the United States. Dr. Ronson was fairly pretty with creamy white skin. She definitely didn’t look like she got beat with an ugly stick. She had a strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, a button nose, and plump lips. She was also extremely rail thin. She looked like she needed to eat at a fast food restaurant, but I imagine she was a strict vegan or vegetarian. She seemed fairly nice too and she had a lot of degrees and awards on her wall.“So what brings you here today Taison? Is everything ok? It looks like you’re not sleeping enough?” said Dr. Ronson.“Well I’m not sure how to explain my situation without you thinking I’m crazy! I could start from the beginning, but I’m not sure where the beginning really is?” I said blankly.“Start wherever you would like to. I’m not here to judge, I’m only here to listen” said Dr. Ronson.“It all started as soon as I could walk. My parents thought I was delayed compared to my sister. They liked to compare me a lot to her and others around me. I was never perfect in their eyes, I was just Taison. I don’t even know how they came up with my name to tell you the truth. To this day no one has ever told me. I think it was just one of those hasty and drunken decisions. I think I was the winner of the race to the egg and that’s really it. All of the rest were probably drunk or high. Ya let’s go with that theory instead of saying I was a gift from God” I said sarcastically.“I’m not where all the hostility comes from, but I would love to talk to you more about things, because you seem to need someone to talk to” said Dr. Ronson. She seemed to always be the only one that listened and I guess she worried about me. We’ll get back to all of that later. “Let’s talk about your home life. How is the relationship with your family? How do get along with your mom and your sister? Is your dad in the picture?” Asked Dr. Ronson prodding an answer from me. She didn’t understand that she was actually initiating a shut down. I hate talking about personal shit like this. It will take more than one session to understand me. Nice try doc. “It will take a whole session to understand my family life maybe even more. Let’s try another appointment in a few days doc” I said sarcastically. that's how I ended my session diary. Now screw you! It's time for me to go home and watch Mad Men\"\n\n____________________________________________________________\n\nChapter 5: Perception\n\n“Time is 2:10 pm. Patients name is Taison Daniels. Patient seemed agitated and disoriented. Patient looked like he hadn’t had enough sleep. Patient possibly suffers from possible bouts of delusional grandeur. He probably suffers from narcissism and is extremely ego driven. It is also my medical opinion that patient shows early signs of sociopathy. He refused to talk much about his family life or past events. He was rather catatonic and maintained direct eye contact like he was trying to mesmerize me. Patient is going to need a lot of therapy and I don’t know if I can be the one to provide it. He will need to see someone really skilled and I am going to have to start looking now for a referral. I hope I can get Taison to talk more about his home life and his past experiences. This is going to be a full time project, but I’m sure I can get him to crack” Dr. Ronson said into her Dictaphone. She decided she was done for right now and this would be enough notes. Now it was time for her to have lunch. She was going to have egg salad sandwiches her wife made her and a bag of chips. Her wife always packed something for her lunch or for a snack. She sighed a breath of relief, but she knew that this was going to be a tough client.\n\n____________________________________________________________\n\nChapter 6: Back to reality(Present day)\n\n“Dear diary,\n\nLet's be a little more civil and a lot less angry. Let me tell you about my first appointment with Dr. Ronson. This is how I remember the day…It was 9 am when I rolled over and looked at the clock as the ear splitting alarm blared trying to wake me up. I hit the snooze because I knew I could sleep another half hour. I had to be at an appointment by 11 am. I really didn’t want to go, but I knew I had to because it was for my own mental health. I rolled back over because I just wanted to lay in this warm bed for as long as I could. My appointment was too see Dr. Ronson, the same one I used to see when I worked at summer camp. She had just recently moved to Detroit, Michigan and so did I which was just out of sheer coincidence. She seen me at Starbucks and handed me her business card. She said that she wanted to see me and to follow up on my progress with the other psychologists. I usually had seen her once a year since I worked at the camp, but she wanted me to see her regularly again. I wasn’t sure about it; if I was seeing her regularly that would open up a big can of worms. What would she think about me if she knew even more about me? I still haven’t told her everything about myself and some of the things I told her about myself was a complete lie. The only thing I was best at my whole life was lying. Everyone lies so why not me right? Even white lies or stretching the truth can hurt someone even if you don’t think so! Sometimes people think what someone doesn’t know won’t hurt them, but that’s far from the truth. Dr. Ronson didn’t know I had ideations of violence and that should be something she should know right now (if ever). I neglected to tell her for her own safety I guess. I didn’t need her to think I was crazy and lock me away in a padded room. I was quite normal, I just had the ideations. Have I done bad stuff in my past? Yes I have and I can remember it quite well. I don’t want to have another flashback again. Finally, I was dressed and out the door after putting up with all the negative self-talk. I drove over to Dr. Ronson’s office and arrived at 10:45 am. I guess it was now or never to sit down and open up with her again.“Taison, I can see you now. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be with you in a minute. I have to make a quick call to someone and respond to an e-mail” said Dr. Ronson kindly.Ya diary so that’s how my day went and I’m not really amused yet. Tick tock doc, I don’t have all day. It’s not like I have a clear schedule. Oh by the way diary. Screw you still, as much as you think you’re helping I see no real help yet”",
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      "body": "Chapter 1: Curtain Call\n\n\"Dear diary \nGo to hell I don't want to write in here! It's supposed to be therapeutic though so I guess I’ll give it a whirl. Goddammit this diary isn't going to help me with my speech. Fuck it’s due today!\nI sat in class while I waited to present my speech. The presentation was on The Life and Times of Mark Twain. I was all prepared with my speech until I got in front of the podium. My palms became sweaty and I felt that my heart was going to beat out of my chest. As I held the papers, I noticed a tremor in my hand, and I willed it to stop. I was a nervous wreck! I could feel the sweat trickle down my back as a large bead rolled from my hairline. I felt like everyone around me was staring at me like lions ready to pounce a gazelle. I started getting warm and itchy and had to ask to be excused. I couldn’t handle the pressure of the crowd and I was overwhelmed by the astute undivided attention. I was ashamed of the way I performed that I went into the library to hide. The research section was a like a haven. There I hid and tried to cry. After every passing minute I grew angrier, until I slammed a book against the table. It made the loudest thud, but it actually relieved some of my anger. I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I hoped no one heard my bout of aggression, but for now I really didn’t care, my next class wasn’t for a few hours.\nThere was no getting out of presenting my research the next day. I had to do it in front of Dr. Thomas and take a 10 point demerit for what happened today. My name is Taison and I am a 24 year old college student. I have been working on my associate’s degree for 2 semesters now. I was a late bloomer I guess. I decided to enter the Peace Corps, so I went to college later than most of my peers. \nAngela Danson. She was the girl of my dreams. She was popular, beautiful and high maintenance. I don’t even think she knew I existed. It so happened that she also had to do her presentation the same day. Her research was on global warming and I was anxious to hear her speak. She had to present her presentation the same day because I guess she was sick. A hangover doesn’t count as sick, but I guess she thinks so. She didn’t look like she was ready to present either, she was probably one of the party until you drop and fly by the seat of your pants type. As I said, her presentation was on global warming, not that it mattered or anything, Global warming wasn’t going away if it was even real. That’s like people on Facebook trying to ask for likes to help cure an illness or pay a hospital bill.  I have been watching her a while and wasn’t sure if she was aware of it. I hope that I could someday make her notice me, though I doubt that would happen.  She’s high maintenance after all and completely out of my league. Our presentations went well and this time I did not run for cover. Though I was just as nervous as the day before, I bit down the nausea that rose to my throat and went through it.\nAfter we got done, the professor said we could leave and I breathed a sigh of relief. As I walked out of the classroom I bumped into someone by accident. I was still thinking about Angela and how her singsong voice rang in my ears all morning. The collision brought me out of my thoughts, as I noticed that the guy and I both knocked our books over. I looked up and made contact with the male student. The guy looked like he could crush me, but I showed no fear. He face was twisted in derision and as he sneered at me.\n“Hey watch where you’re going asshole! Do you need glasses dumbass? Seriously I should punch you in your face. I would punch you if I wasn’t already late” the guy said arrogantly.\nAs his acidic tone ripped into me, I felt the heat of anger start to burn in my belly. The more I listened, the bigger the ball of fire got until my skin flushed with its heat. He brushed passed me, almost knocking me over. I watched as he conceitedly walked away.\n“Arrogant bastard,” I grunted to myself.\nI followed him for a few minutes and watched where he headed. As soon as we passed the classrooms and we were out of range of security cameras, I caught up to him. I grabbed him from behind and could see the startled expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but my doubled fist landed square on his lips. The warm gush of blood hit against my skin.\nAs my fist landed a few times, I could hear him groan in pain. His blood splattered on my arm and on my face. I felt the rush of anger flow through me. With each strike was a new flow of energy that fed my soul. Inside I felt fulfilled as I saw the blood spill from his mouth.\nI savagely beat him until he was curled in the fetal position. To top it off I spit in his face and kicked him in the head. I was about to kick him again when something inside me halted me. .\n“Take that asshole! Next time have some consideration. I was going to apologize” I said and I walked away nonchalantly. \nI didn’t know wha. t came over me. I felt satisfied and at the same time terrified of my actions. I looked around anxiously hoping no one witnessed it. I also hoped that he didn’t recognize me or anything. I hate people who have to stomp around with a superiority complex. As I tell you my story, don’t be afraid, this is the story of a Sociopath. That's my day in a nutshell diary. Now go to hell\"\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\n\nChapter 2: Glowing Embers\n(7 years earlier)\n\"Dear diary,\nHey go to hell really don't feel like talking, but I'm told it's therapeutic. Shit here comes the flashbacks again. I stood there staring at the bullseye admiring it and trying to visualize the arrow hitting it. The bullseye was 300 feet away, but I was confident I would hit it without a problem. I was told to do that by a trained archer a few years back in an archery class I took. I was told I was a fairly skilled shot, and with practice, I would be someone to not be messed with. I was the last one to shoot and I was trying to earn 150 points for my team to gain a large lead ahead of everyone. I really didn’t need to, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed.\nI wanted us to gain a large lead ahead of everyone and that would show that that the Quirky Ducks were just as good as everyone else. I helped lead a group of precocious and energetic 4th graders who everyone thought were geeky. Smart people are the next generations Bill Gate’s, Steve Job’s, Dr. Dre, Mark Zuckerberg, and others. I really didn’t need to get a bullseye, I didn’t need to stress over it, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed. I could hit the other spots on the target and I would still put us at an advantage. I really wanted us to win because the grand prize was lunch with Jason Stathom. The boys were excited about that and they knew they were at a far lead. They really wanted to meet an action star like him this would give them some ambition too.\nOh God, it was happening again! Not again! I was having flashbacks of all of my negative childhood memories. They just keep flooding in and it’s becoming uncontrollable.  In my defense I shot the bird by accident and for a quick moment in time I felt horrible. That was the moment in time I felt like I could be responsible for hurting anything or anyone I touched. My teacher took me aside and said \n“Since you injured it, you need to put it out of its misery”.\n He secretly handed me a hammer and told me to strike the bird in the head swiftly. He walked everyone else away from the injured bird and I clubbed the bird with one good hit and it was dead. I picked it up and wrapped it in my gym towel. As I walked the bird away, I threw the wrapped up bird in the trash. Now this bird was nothing more than trash and I didn’t shed a tear. The bird was a red breasted robin, when I killed it I wondered for the rest of the day if I made the right decision. Should I have had to make that decision of who or what had to live and die? Who pulled the puppet strings and determined who lived and died? That was also the day I questioned the existence of God. If there was a “God” would he let something like this happen?\nI shouldn’t get caught up thinking about that too much because I remember once there was a bully who made fun of me and my sister. His name was Bobby Flannigan and I finally got mad at him and beat him until he couldn’t move. After that day, I felt accomplished and no one ever bullied my sister and I. No one ever did it without knowing that they may face repercussions. People called me crazy, but I didn’t care because I fit the bill just fine.\nAs I stood there my head counselor Bill Johnson came over there and concernedly asked:\n“Taison, is everything ok this morning? Everyone is waiting for you to take your shot”.\n“Yes everything is just fine this morning. I have a lot on my mind is all” I said sounding glum.\n“After lunch today go talk to Dr. Ronson. She is very skilled at listening and she is very friendly. I’m sure you’d like her” Bill said excitedly.\n“Ok I suppose I can” I said firing back quickly.\n “Sure a paid on the clock session is ok as long as you talk to her” Bill said back quickly.\n\"Ok no problem”  and as I said that I shot a bullseye. Bill couldn’t believe his eyes. I had already shot two bullseyes before that this morning. so dear diary I bid you ado.\"\n\n\n------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\nChapter 3: The Ruiner\n\n\"Dear diary,\nHey go to hell really don't feel like talking, but I'm told it's therapeutic. Shit here comes the flashbacks again. I stood there staring at the bullseye admiring it and trying to visualize the arrow hitting it. The bullseye was 300 feet away, but I was confident I would hit it without a problem. I was told to do that by a trained archer a few years back in an archery class I took. I was told I was a fairly skilled shot, and with practice, I would be someone to not be messed with. I was the last one to shoot and I was trying to earn 150 points for my team to gain a large lead ahead of everyone. I really didn’t need to, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed.\nI wanted us to gain a large lead ahead of everyone and that would show that that the Quirky Ducks were just as good as everyone else. I helped lead a group of precocious and energetic 4th graders who everyone thought were geeky. Smart people are the next generations Bill Gate’s, Steve Job’s, Dr. Dre, Mark Zuckerberg, and others. I really didn’t need to get a bullseye, I didn’t need to stress over it, I could miss and we would still be ahead, but only by a few points if I missed. I could hit the other spots on the target and I would still put us at an advantage. I really wanted us to win because the grand prize was lunch with Jason Stathom. The boys were excited about that and they knew they were at a far lead. They really wanted to meet an action star like him this would give them some ambition too.\nOh God, it was happening again! Not again! I was having flashbacks of all of my negative childhood memories. They just keep flooding in and it’s becoming uncontrollable.  In my defense I shot the bird by accident and for a quick moment in time I felt horrible. That was the moment in time I felt like I could be responsible for hurting anything or anyone I touched. My teacher took me aside and said \n“Since you injured it, you need to put it out of its misery”.\n He secretly handed me a hammer and told me to strike the bird in the head swiftly. He walked everyone else away from the injured bird and I clubbed the bird with one good hit and it was dead. I picked it up and wrapped it in my gym towel. As I walked the bird away, I threw the wrapped up bird in the trash. Now this bird was nothing more than trash and I didn’t shed a tear. The bird was a red breasted robin, when I killed it I wondered for the rest of the day if I made the right decision. Should I have had to make that decision of who or what had to live and die? Who pulled the puppet strings and determined who lived and died? That was also the day I questioned the existence of God. If there was a “God” would he let something like this happen?\nI shouldn’t get caught up thinking about that too much because I remember once there was a bully who made fun of me and my sister. His name was Bobby Flannigan and I finally got mad at him and beat him until he couldn’t move. After that day, I felt accomplished and no one ever bullied my sister and I. No one ever did it without knowing that they may face repercussions. People called me crazy, but I didn’t care because I fit the bill just fine.\nAs I stood there my head counselor Bill Johnson came over there and concernedly asked:\n“Taison, is everything ok this morning? Everyone is waiting for you to take your shot”.\n“Yes everything is just fine this morning. I have a lot on my mind is all” I said sounding glum.\n“After lunch today go talk to Dr. Ronson. She is very skilled at listening and she is very friendly. I’m sure you’d like her” Bill said excitedly.\n“Ok I suppose I can” I said firing back quickly.\n “Sure a paid on the clock session is ok as long as you talk to her” Bill said back quickly.\n\"Ok no problem”  and as I said that I shot a bullseye. Bill couldn’t believe his eyes. I had already shot two bullseyes before that this morning. so dear diary I bid you ado.\"\n\nIf you would like to read it with illustrations on soft cover then order on Lulu: \nhttp://www.lulu.com/spotlight/joshjpeck\n\nIf you would like to order via ebook on Kindle go here:\nhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GZL6XU8\n\nUntil next time have a good day. This is Josh over and out.",
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