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      "body": "Dedicated to every Nepalese brothers and sisters working hard abroad for the sake of happiness of their families. We miss you, Nepal misses you.\n\nHiding inside the clouds of red dust, air full of toxins, gasoline and streets full of abuses and heaps of wastes; the capital Kathmandu welcomes you through Kalanki. The changed colours of bikes and bikers, buses and passengers to dried muddy brown and posters of KP Oli about his brand new era of Nepal; that only he knows when it started, lets you know that core Kathmandu has dearly welcomed you. Few Chinese workers are still working on final phase of Kalanki underpass and by them slowly a local bus passes by leaving trails of dust and sand behind. Chinese workers seem to be unpleased as they murmur something however the bus is already way out of their sights, and an old man seemingly new in town witnesses everything of city through his tired lost eyes.\n\nOld as Kathmandu itself he looks, saggy skin with dried wrinkles folding all over his face; crunched together on forehead for trying to remember the day of farewell. Pictures of a mother wiping tears with corner of her faded shawl, helpless watery eyes of father full of questions, a wife who couldn’t look straight to her husband’s eyes fearing her emotions would break again and the most heart wrenching scenes of a two years daughter grasping fingers of her father so tight for an wasted attempt to make him stay together; turn the old man’s courage more weaker moment by moment. And months later on his way to collect his son; the moment cries of anguish with rolls of tears down both his cheeks. Dried eyes lost on memories far away at horizon yet smile, happiness mixed fear in Ashim’s face upon the arrival of Qatar visa, is the only moment his consciousness keeps reminding in loop; over and over again until the lights, hushness, streets, people and entire Kathmandu slowly disappear within himself.\n\nApart from his heart burning inside, this day had shown how maniacally sun can plunge its fire through the clouds; yet intensity was same, of late April’s hotness and the old man’s redemption. Rush hour is just beginning and floods of bikes, cars getting out of offices and work has screwed the traffic. Nepal yatayat and e-tempos at their usual condition; at least a dozen people hanging out of door and the drivers are seem to be hurried surreally as a Nepal Yatayat whistle past his ears, only then he sees sun at its horizon, cool breeze entering through window and a Nepal Airlines airplane about to descend through clouds. Daylight ends, so does Kalanki.\n\nEvery bit of struggle a man does in gulf, he does for his family, his parents. For the sake of happiness of his old mother, time turned pessimist father, six years old daughter and ever remembering wife and loved ones, he gets crushed into slums of gulf until gulf crushes him. Ashim Nepali, son of this tired old man in town shares the exact same story. Qatar was never his dream to pursue or passion to follow, rather that country was his obligation to be crushed into; part his body, heart, love in million pieces and each shattered piece of love screaming home, family, Nepal yet always his voice disappeared dead, unheard, broke. With hopes of showering lights of happiness, peaceful nights to his family he had been working on stadiums on Qatar for upcoming world cup. Ashim is just an example of how Nepalese youth get victimized under tyrannical rules of work supervisor, manpower companies and even Nepal embassy itself in gulf countries. It feels as if no government agency of Nepal has power to control what’s going on with their people in work, life and survival on the hands of Qatar government.\n\nHere it begins, the abroad employment story of Ashim, followed by the betrayal of Manpower Company itself. He was supposed to get work inside an agriculture farm, the only work he knew since his birth here in a poor farming family. But contrary as expected, there existed no such agriculture farm in Qatar and lies, fate dragged him to work with skyscrapers, sewer tunnels, women’s & men’s rooms in hospitals. He had no other choice than to trade his self respect with few Qatari Riyals; thus his journey continued inside this never ending tunnel of darkness and for least his hopes of getting clean work had died on that first night he landed on Qatar airport as his Visa, Passport were forcibly seized. For months he cried, lamented for new rays of hopes that would enlighten his path back to the woods of Nepal. Every drop of his tear and floods of sweat, wasted in vain made no difference. No matter how hard he worked, his earnings were never enough to cover his family from crushing into the marsh of debts and loan. He regrets on himself every moment when his father tries to console him on phone about their condition getting better back in Nepal, but deep down he clearly knows how hard his old father and family is going through to survive the taunts and pressure from ones they took loan for funding his Qatar journey. World cup 2022 had taken construction works across the entire country to a next level. As he was working, surviving through slums of Riyadh, the next part of Qatar was busy on building skyscrapers and highly advanced structures for football stadiums, airports, multi-star hotels and many more. These kinds of work obviously paid much more so eventually he was working on a construction site for a world cup stadium.\n\nLusail Iconic Stadium, the largest stadium under construction in Qatar was where he got engaged to work as a labour. Most of the hard work like transporting metal rods, ready mixed cements, tiles, glasses, etc came under workers like him. With his official documents captured, he had no other option than to work as directed like a slave traded for work, work and work. No matter how riskier the work would be, workers like Ashim from third world countries like Nepal stood on the first line of getting hurt or be dead. Each day and every night over the thin rods on roof of Lusail Iconic Stadium felt like a suicidal mission, yet he worked; despite of how his health condition was or body would react on 52 degrees sun, he worked; worked until god got satisfied of miseries he was obliged to go through.\n\n“Koteshwor, Tinkune, Airport?”, yells the child conductor. It’s New Baneshwor already. Traffic’s reduced a bit; and with no response from students walking by BCCI building, driver forces the accelerator. The old guy just behind the driver seat realises where he’s at. Moment of reunion is now just few minutes away, thus a long breathe he takes, hides his tears and starts collecting whatever of his courage left.\n\nDashain was only one month away yet festive vibes had already begun to spread through villages. Swings, kites and festive smell in air flowing like spring had come. Birds again starting to cherish the weather it brought. Every now and then, someone new would be seen at tea stalls proudly sharing his bitter sweet experiences he gathered in gulf. Indeed he is proud, and why wouldn’t he be? After all he knows what sort of sacrifices it takes to survive and make his family survive, when his motherland fails to make him work in her own lands. Like the other boys of village Ashim was supposed to be home by Dashain. Fifteen days prior to Dashain, Ashim called. He was finally returning home for Dashain; for love of his daughter, care of his mother, feelings of his wife and blessings of his father. Tickets were confirmed for the day of Fulpati and for celebrating this special Dashain together after two years, despite being short of wealth his father brought home a chyangra. Finally everyone was happy, smiling. Dashain had \ncome; to entire village and especially to that poor Nepali family.\n\nThree days after Ghatasthapana:\n\nThat was a special day for Lusail Iconic Stadium as one of the important sections of glass roof was to be fitted, and for Ashim too. He had already made enough, heavy sacrifices for the sake of that silent structure and by the day was done, his Qatar stay was destined to be done and dusted too. But who knew god had made such painful plans for this innocent kid from Himalayas. 200 metres above the ground, on a small compartment of cascaded mega crane; barely enough for a single man to get fitted into, Ashim was struggling to get hold of metal chains clanking together. In the middle of everything, Crane engine halts, starts again and stops. Operator realises something’s wrong as all systems fail right in front of his hands. The cascaded compartment is no longer stable and the person inside it too. Ashim screams in fear and nervousness but by the time he could think of anything else, the compartment was no longer attached to crane. For the safety of stadium, a part of crane was compromised and so was Ashim’s life. Foreign workers working there later described only word they could hear from him before he hit the ground was, Aama, Aama, Aaa,Aa.....Silence.\n\nA standby ambulance reaches the spot, gathers whatever of his body left and leaves the site. Lusail Iconic Stadium stands as it had been few minutes earlier, the construction continues.\n\nJourney of this old man now ends. Bus stops right before the main entrance gate of Tribhuvan International Airport. Conductor reaches out the lost old fellow, shake his hands roughly and ask to get off the ride. He does not utter a word, silently gets off and makes his way straight to International terminals. The Nepal Airlines he saw earlier is now parked on runway. His eyes stuck firmly on gates; gazing the dead silence with air of inevitable to face across straight. A trolley slides through the hallway guided by two Airlines officials, decorated with a large wooden coffin. Yes, he’s here. The helpless old father receives his son, laid dead inside the coffin, silent and calm his face with missing eyes, ears, muscles and everything that made him known as, the Ashim Nepali. Shocked and traumatized old father, holding tight his torn Dhaka topi on left fist falls upon the chest of his dead son, and screams; screams, cries, laments then finally his consciousness gives up, and faints.\n\nThe scenario is much more heart wrenching when he opens his eyes again. There he sees by the bank of Bagmati; on laps of Pahupati, his son again being wept for. Ashim’s mother is there, his wife and a four years daughter; the old woman has already lost her sense and with screams on lips and tears on eyes his wife sometimes look at her dead husband, accordingly to her rose like blooming daughter weeping all alone on a corner of steps leading to the holy river. She search for meaning in her life to live for again; so does the father about to sacrifice his son’s dead body to fire. This is how it all ends, we all at the pyres of pashupati, so did Ashim. His father torches fire, there he burns alone; cries, cries and cries at the background.\n\nHis hopes, dreams, family all shattered to ashes. Slowly lamentation cease to appear; only dust, smoke and smell of bones, muscles and blood in air change the way how air feels around Pashupati. Through this uprising dead smoke, a Qatar airways airplane taking away other sons of Nepal starts revolving Gaushala area; round and round. Encircling the ultimate reality, the inevitable cycle of journey begins;\n\nAgain.",
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      "body": "Memories;\nDeep in time somewhere still the feelings feel same way as if some part of you is still inside me to remind me of your presence, love and smile. All of these ups and downs had been destined to crush our emotions all the time. But baby, How dumb we were not to see this coming all along. If I knew you could never be mine I would’ve never let myself to come that closer to your heart.\n\nLife. How big this word was meant before when we were together. But it’s now been meaningless without you. God knows, how far into wild I’ve wandered to find meaning for life after you left. Fortunately or unfortunately, fate always ended me up with your memories and feelings no matter how harder I tried to move on the way it was.\nMoment, a silence of void filled with your laughter; Voice, your only voice going deeper and deeper on a vast journey inside. Then your smile haunts, haunts so bad, it wrenches out every beat out of my heart and still every shattered beats never get tired of beating for you.\n\nIt hurts baby. I do have feelings too. You remember that day when I fell on my knee to propose you in front of everyone in college ? You replied, “Yes dear, I Love You too.” And to listen those magical words coming out of your lips were happiest moment I would ever live on my entire life. Nervousness about your answer that moment now haunts me. It hurts, wrenches out every drop of happiness, every bit of love, every bit of life, soul to live with fact that you are never gonna be alive again. You are long gone away, far into clouds somewhere my imagination also couldn’t be strong enough to reach and make you stop right there.\n\nWhen I’ll come up there, My first question for god will be to ask what made the world so jealous of our love that he had to snatch you so early. You never know when it’s going to be the last time you see someone. I had so many things to share, confessions to make, walk us together on a beautiful journey where we would create our own world, love, family.\nWe were there, hands in hands on our regular date, making plans about how we will get married, where would it be ? You had no idea that I was being serious and God, I would give anything to see those innocence, excitements & surpriseness in your eyes that moment again. I finally asked to marry you. Everyone in hall toasted for us; I slid the ring through your heart finger. We had our engagement. Engaged and happy, we were ready for our eight years long relationship to give its meaning. I remember you were already making plans of Honeymoon to Paris. And I was there, silent as always reading all your emotions and expressions. My cell phone vibrates, ‘It’s from work’, I say. I slip out of restaurant for a moment. I got promotion. Literally this could have been the happiest day of my life. But destiny was planned for something else. Before I could get to you, it started.\n\n Everything, everywhere was in chaos. Earth was shivering like hell. People running for their lives, mothers for childrens.  Buildings collapsing, dust everywhere , screams of panic, then stops time. Building you were in starts to give off, earthquake wins, it demolishes. I run for you but it’s too late, debris of people, dust, concrete, you and our relationship buried there alive and follows the dead silence.",
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