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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-strugglingdad-20200105t214406000z",
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      "body": "Congratulations @strugglingdad! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@strugglingdad/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@strugglingdad) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=strugglingdad)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "permlink": "why-would-you-sell-your-cryptos-today",
      "title": "Why Would You Sell Your Cryptos Today?",
      "body": "More questions, fewer answers.  Sorry.\n\nI love my \"gambled\" crypto money.  It was certainly a gamble.  \n\nI didn't find it - like you find gold\nI didn't earn it - like you do selling shovels for people looking for gold\nI didn't print it - like governments do\n\nI gambled it.  $250 on BTC a few years ago, took profits, diversified them into other coins, and am still up 10x.\n\nBut one of my big frustrations with this gamble is that when we lose big like this (and I'm sorta sure the same goes for the wins) - we don't know WHY.  What is the actual REASON for the decline?\n\nMy speculation is that people do not understand what they've bought or the potential of what they've bought.  Cases in point:\n\nWhat has changed with these coins in the past few weeks?\n\nDoes BTC still take long to trade with high costs?  Yup.  It's still the standard.\nIs ETH still the best shot at smart contracts.  Yup.\nDoes XRP still struggle to define it's best-case uses, sure!\nIS BCC probably a better product than BTC?  Uh huh.\nDo XLR and ADA still have incredible potential in the business world - i.e. totally underutilized and just at the bleeding edge?  Yes!\nDo the \"anonymous coins\" have a place in the market?  Can't find a reason why they don't.  There's always someone who doesn't want to leave a trace.\nEven UKG - there doesn't seem to be a better leader in the gambling space...\n\nThese examples and others are coins and platforms that have not changed - they just might be harder to get in 6 weeks or 6 months.  Sure sounds like an argument for value based on scarcity to me.\n\nAnd with regulation comes confidence.  We like the US dollar because to date, Uncle Sam has always paid his debts... but what happens on Friday when the US Federal Gvt. shuts down... and the \"value\" of the dollar comes into question.  Does the value of BTC then?  What about ETH, or hell, Steemit?!  \n\nI think we all like the TAs, but TA seems to only be a piece of the greater picture.  When someone shows me that IOTA is really a pile of shit because the business case is a pile of shit, then the coin/platform really is a piece of shit and it should be worth a piece of shit.  \n\nI'm not convinced that SPANK is a bad idea - many of you buy porn - and nobody wants it on their credit card... it solves an immediate, insatiable problem - so long as people are willing to pay for porn.\n\nIf you're going to sell, make sure you have a reason - even if it's the WRONG reason, it's better than just selling (or buying) - it helps your brain figure out if this speculative gamble can actually someday be an investment.  And if so, how good of an investment, and use that to determine your strategy.\n\nOne final thought - is there a place to see WHERE the sales are coming from?  Is this primarily Asian Liquidation (now there's a title for a Porno!)?  Are these major dumps by whales or millions is minor dumps by chumps like me?  \n\nTo me that's the biggest problem with CCs.  When a stock or bond pops, there's a record of WHO bought it and we can try to figure out WHY.  Today - we don't know who's selling and can only take random guesses as to why... FOMO?  Freezing liquidity?  Smog in Beijing?  Tump?  Un?  Putin?  Man U?  Minnesota Miracle?  \n\nI dunno, this \"correction\" doesn't seem to make a lot of sense - short of people LOOKING for a reason to make a correction.\n\nWow, shittiest post.  Evar.\n\n-SD",
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      "body": "Hey buddy, stay at home dad of two sons age 3 and 1 here :)  Some of this I could relate to, as far as yeah it is actually a ton of hard work being a stay at home parent, and the work is never over.  It never relents.  I feel pretty lucky to be in this position though, honestly, I love getting to spend time with my kids.  Sorry it has been this isolating experience for you - for whatever reason, moms have been super happy to talk to me when I take my kids out.  Actually women in general tend to treat me like a superhero when I am out and about with my two kids.  All the time, coming up to me, touching me on the arm while telling me how awesome I am being.  I wish I could share some of that good juju with you.  Good luck mate!\n\nMuch love - Carl",
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      "body": "Let me be Frank ( not shirley)! My Dad was terrible! Lol but also wonderful. Its possible to be both. I feel your pain in this. And i honor you for being brave enough to live against societal norms. We want to say its 2018!! No such thing as... but here you are just trying to be a dad who is the primary caregiver. \n\nI think a lot of what you are saying, shm\"women can relate to.. but then idk because im another anomoly. Single childless middle agedish woman! \n\nBut i wont bore you with my tragedies. I just applaud you for being you. Keep trying. Keep talking to others first. Making friends is hard, especially in thos cliquey mommy circles. I bet you there is a lone wolf mom that doesn't quite fit in. Find her! Shes your friend!! Lol \n\nAnyway i hope there are some upsides to your struggle. Have a few cents from me ;)",
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      "permlink": "re-beatenegg-re-strugglingdad-challenges-of-a-stay-at-home-dad-20180116t052426480z",
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      "body": "Well, follow me and you'll see all the monstrous things I've done - maybe a few less claps... or are those tacos?  ;)",
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      "body": "👏👏👏 for being a SHD. Some people make it look like SHMs have this amazing life when in reality, it is really tough. And so I commend you even more because you have done something that most males won't do.",
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      "author": "strugglingdad",
      "permlink": "challenges-of-a-stay-at-home-dad",
      "title": "Challenges of a Stay at Home Dad",
      "body": "There's a good chance that of all your friends, there's at least 1 stay-at-home dad (SHD).  It's estimated (at least according to a HuffPost article from May 2015) 16% of the at-home parent population are SHDs.\n\nAs a SHD, I've found that there are a lot of (mis)conceptions about who we are, what we do, and why we do what we do.\nI don't think the world views us as pariahs or misfits, but there are some themes I've found that you might be interested in… or not.\n\n**We feel a pressure to be perfect**\nI don't know if it's a societal thing or what, but when I talk to other SHDs, we seem to share this idea that if things aren't perfect, we're failing.\n\nIs it because our partners are out in the workforce providing money for the household?  Is it because of a belief that \"keeping a home\" is relatively easy to money-making careers?  Is it because men have more, and more prominent leadership positions in society and so if we can do that => we can do this (stay at home and be just as good, if not better than women)?\n\nThis is one of the hardest aspects because when things aren't perfect, we see the imperfections and project the opinion of our partner onto the situation.  Any look of disappointment or justified complaint is amplified.\n\nBecause we tend to deal with our feelings worse than most females, that's an especially potent combination.  We beat ourselves up.  We take it really personally.  We struggle with letting domestic things go.  We may not show that we feel terrible but we generally feel like shit because of the results.\n\nMy wife has said some very innocuous things to me that I've interpreted as Black Widow venom.  Maybe that's my lack of maturity?  But I hear that story from other SHDs - it seems common.\n\n**We can't relate to Stay-at-Home Moms (SHM)**\nSHMs generally don't trust us.  Maybe it's tougher in the #metoo era.  Maybe it's because SHMs think something is wrong with us.  Maybe they find us threatening.  I really don't know.\n\nWhat I know is that having a nice, reasonable conversation with a SHM at the local gymnastics or kiddy play land is almost impossible.  But when I give-up and a fellow SHM sits down next to her, the chit-chat floodgates open up.\n\nSo imagine being a social situation where you have a major element in your life in common with everyone else (kids) and nobody is willing to engage with you.  Not fun.\n\n**We're generally starved for social interaction**\nWe are home all day with children.  \"Dad!  Dad!  Dad!\"  \"I want!\"  \"I need.\"  \"Johnny did this!\"  \"Sally did that!\"  \"No you can't have a treat right now.\"  \"You need to take a 1-hour nap!\"  \"Please just eat your lunch...\"  \"No, I don't want to play Chutes & Ladders for the 27th time this morning.\"  \n\nThese are our conversations and several SHDs have shared the inability to transition from \"kiddy talk\" to adult talk.  Combined with #2 - this makes being a social being particularly difficult.\n\nAll most of us want is a genuine conversation.  Someone to share a challenge or success with.  Someone to recognize that they're in the boat with us and we them.  I hate to break it to the ladies, but even the worst among us aren't trying to get in your pants at the local Kids' Museum.  We just want to talk, maybe make a light connection, and share a laugh or a sigh.\n\nWe don't want a play-date.  We don't want your babysitter.  We don't want to be the husband your's isn't.  We just want to talk.  Like people.\n\nSo if you meet a SHD and he seems to struggle in a typical social situation, give some credit to this dynamic.\n\n**We ALL struggle with vices**\nAs soon as we're \"set free\" a lot of SHDs act-out in unhealthy ways.  Maybe it's because we're not being fulfilled elsewhere.  Maybe it's because we struggle with the stress of staying at home with kids.  Maybe it's because we feel trapped.  Maybe it's because we're depressed.  I don't know.\n\nThere’s a certain freedom that working brings to an adult.   A chance to stand on your own merits and to do something that others can see and you’re immediately rewarded for.  That’s not the case for any stay-at-home parent.\n\nAs human beings, we crave credit.  I’m yet to meet someone who doesn’t enjoy a compliment about a “job well done.”  That’s hard to get as a parent - you’re job isn’t ever done except when you’re dead.  Then you're judged.  With no defense.\n\nTo alleviate that lack of recognition, we act out.  We do things you wouldn’t think someone in a happy, healthy marriage with happy healthy kids and a generally happy and healthy lifestyle would do.  But we do.  A lot. \n\nI’ve sat outside a lot of questionable places and watch men go in and come out later… and then they usually go to the bar.  I follow them to the bar.  I sit down with them.  They open up.  I can’t count the number of times I wish I would have written down what a person shared with me before they shared it - if I got STEEM DOLLARS for that, I’d be rich.\nBeing a SHD is tough.  \n\n**We have few models**\nMoms can usually talk with their mom - even if the relationship is dysfunctional.  If not, a sister.  Not a sister, then an aunt, or friend, or the gal sitting next to her at the library while the kids act like it's a zoo.  \n\nSHDs generally have few models to look at - good or bad.  We can't be just like our moms and most of us don't have a SHD father figure in our lives to ask questions.  \n\nWe're winging it.  There is no plan or blueprint.  Even the SHD blogs are generally shitty - simply filled with advertisements and affiliate program crap... not to mention, terrible advice.  \n\nHopefully you don’t think I’ve whined too much **and** maybe got a few insights about some of the things one of your friends or family members is struggling with. \n\nI shared this post with a friend and he said \"So what's your point?  What do you want?\"\n\nHard to speak for other SHDs, but really, just to be understood and to let other SHDs know:  you're not alone.  If you're a SHD, reach-out and say hi.  If anything, I bet our conversation will elicit a good chuckle.\n\nUntil next time.\n-Struggling Dad",
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      "author": "strugglingdad",
      "permlink": "i-cheated-she-doesn-t-know-you-do",
      "title": "I Cheated.  She doesn't know.  You do.",
      "body": "I had been married for four years.  Happy.  Healthy.  Two kids.  \n\nWife had a good job, kids were young and a handful, but adorable.  I had just started a new business venture - hung my own shingle (for the second time).  \n\nWe lived our lives together but for me, there’s always been something “separate.”  Something that is my own.  Something that belongs only to me and in that place or feeling or mentality, I rule.  \n\nIn that space, I’m not subject to anyone or anything.\n\nWhere anything /= my vices.  In fact, it’s there where my vices rule.  Where I think I have total freedom, I’m completely enslaved.  But it’s a wanted slavery.  It’s an escape to my passions.\n\nTo say that I have an insatiable sexual appetite would be an understatement.  I’m the type of guy who can have several orgasms a day.  For many that would be a characteristic worthy of boasting to lovers and friends - for me, it’s almost a disease.\n\nThis event wouldn’t be my first extramarital activity, but it would be the proverbial crack in the damn.  I’ll cover the other gateways and stunts I pulled to not get caught in a later post.\n\nI had to go out of town on business.  Very excited.  It was the second trip since my father died and I felt the need to “let loose.”  It was only a day trip but it would prove just what damage I could do in 36 hours.\n\nI arrived at my hotel and checked-in.  I hadn’t picked this hotel for any particular reason but before I arrived, I scoped out all the places where I could find trouble that were within walking distance.  \n\nI don’t drink and drive any more.  I did that a lot.  I got caught twice.  Nearly ruined lives.  More on that later…\n\nNear the hotel were two things I loved - casinos and strip clubs.  \n\nI was in paradise.  Scratch the gambling itch.  Drink alcohol on the cheap.  Objectify women.\n\nThe plan was simple.  Go get drunk, play some games, and troll for women.  This was a game I loved.  But I wasn’t very good at it.  In fact, in 30+ years, I think I’ve only ever picked-up two women from bars.  One of which turned out to be my wife.  The other was an actual witch… \n\nI played and lost a few hundred bucks on video poker.  The cheap beer flowed like water.  I had no luck with the women.\n\nDismayed that I had lost the touch and couldn't get a gal interested in me (I think that’s what it was really about, it wasn’t the sex - I just liked proving to myself that I still “had it”), I settled on the next best option:  the strip club.  They at least pretend to be interested.\n\nIt was late, things had started to quiet down, but the booze and hormones were waging a storm on my moral compass.  Finally, I told myself that I really didn’t care what happened.\n\nI went to the club with the full intention of paying a girl to come back to my room with me.  Bright.  I know.\n\nBut my lack of skill in the casino and bar stayed with me at the strip club.  Two women said “they’d be back in 10 minutes and we could go.”  30 minutes later I’m getting kicked out by the bouncer as I yell “Candee is coming for me, just let me stay!”  Pathetic.\n\nI stumbled back to my hotel, resigning myself to more masturbation on RedTube.  I fumbled with my key card, managed to get the exterior door open, and there she was.\n\nA short, attractive (at least to me in that moment) Asian girl, not more than 22, who was shopping at the vending machine.  \n\nWe looked at each other and smiled.  At first I thought nothing of it.  But as I walked down the hall and could hear her behind me, I stopped at my door, turned around and asked:\n\n“Want to fuck?”\n\n“Ahh… sure!” she says and walks right to me.\n\nI open my door and throw her down on the bed.  We rip each other’s clothes off.  I still remember her beige and brown flowered dress, no bra, and black thong.\n\n“Do you have a condom?” she asks.\n“Ahh, no.  Are you on birth control?” I counter.\n“No…” she whispers.\n“Let’s do it anyway” I say.\n“Alright” she says as she pulls my pants off.\n\nThe details of what happened next are pretty self explanatory.  But she was exactly what a part of me was looking for.  No questions.  No assumptions.  No regrets.\n\nIf you ever want to write a painful sentence, write that last one as you think about your spouse and children.  How much you love them.  What it would mean to lose them.  What it means to know you’ve betrayed them.  How you feel because you know and they don’t and they never will.  Shit.\nAfter it was all over I stupidly ask “I’m clean, are you?”\n“Ahh yah” she says - with a look of total confusion in her eyes.  \n\nI think we were both shocked.  She put her clothes on and walked out the door.\n\nI woke up four hours later.  Hungover.  Stunned.  Ashamed.  And I needed to go make money for my family.  Stinking like alcohol, bloodshot eyes, and polarized nerves, I went and did what I had to do.\n\nThe trip home was one of the worst journeys of my life.  What had I done?  How could I actually have gone through with that?  What if I got her pregnant?  What if I got a disease?  \n\nOn the way home I stopped at a local clinic to try and get a full-blown STD test (because something would have shown up by now, right?  NO!). \n\nI explained to the doctor what I had done and why it was in everyone’s best interest to get me on antibiotics, immediately.\n\nI had to pay everything in cash.  There could be no trace.  The only memory could be with me.\n\nAs I got close to home I received the Email saying my prescription was ready.  I stopped and slammed the 1000mg of meds.  \n\nI was terrified what would happen when I got home.  What if my wife wanted to have sex?  What if she gets infected from me?  Surely the game is over.\n\nI walked in the door and put on my best poker face.  I told her I was tired and had an upset stomach (which I knew I’d get from the meds).  She was fried from watching the two kids.  She needed my help.  I couldn’t even look at them.\n\nI went to the bathroom and the first thing I noticed was a box of tampons was on the counter.  Saved by Aunt Flow.  There’d be no sex for several days and I could push it out a few more.  Bullet dodged.  \n\nTwo weeks later I went and got my first STD test in my entire life.  Three horrible days of waiting for results.  We’d had sex… but not for a week after I was on meds.  But the meds aren’t perfect.  \n\n3:00PM I get the Email link for the results.  Clear on everything.  Thank God.  \n\nMaybe God knows that I need my wife and kids more than they need me.  Maybe this was the first indication of that truism.  Maybe that was supposed to be my one get-out-of-jail free card.\n\nI hated myself for months after that event.  I hated everything about that trip.  I hated the time away.  I hated being alone.  I hated getting drunk.  I hated gambling.  I hated fucking that girl.  I hated the drive home.  I hated the doctor.  I hated the meds.  I hated looking at my wife and kids.  \n\nBut then, six months later, something truly insidious happened.  I thought to myself:\n“If I can get away with that, and that was bad, then if I’m smart, what can’t I get away with?”\n\nThat question has tortured me for four years.  It’s with me every day.  Every moment it is THE question I fight against.  And I lose.  A lot.\n\nThere’s no happy epilogue to this story.  It's still going...\n\nSPOILER ALERT:\n\nThere are more variations of this story to follow.  I’m going to take you on my journey of sexual addiction, sickness, or instability - whatever you want to call it.\n\nI’m not sorry.  I think sorry is a state.  But do I apologize?  Lord, YES!  \n\nI think that’s enough for now.  Don’t cheat on your partner.  It’s very hard to find the good in that event.  It’s very hard to find trust within yourself.  That loss of personal trust might be the biggest casualty in all of this.",
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      "title": "I'm Not Alone - Thoughts from a Struggling Dad",
      "body": "I don't know where to begin but because blunt objects have always fascinated me, I'll be blunt.\n\n30 some-odd years and I'm starting to come to grips with a few central themes about myself:\n\n1)  I'm a lousy but devout Christian\n2)  I'm a terrible but loving husband\n3)  I'm an absent but invested father\n4)  I'm an experienced but unprofitable employee\n5)  My bowling game has really gone to crap these past few years\n\nI'm also NOT depressed, NOT suicidal, and NOT hopeless.\n\nBut like so many people I listen to, read about, and talk with, the more I realize:  I am not alone.  \n\nSo that brings me to Steem.  For better or worse, good or ill, profit or bankruptcy, fame or infamy - I'm going to share the thoughts of a struggling dad.\n\nIf you were hoping for a whiny, emo stream of consciousness, I promise I won't do that.  What I will do is share what I've done, pull out nuggets of learning, and hopefully demonstrate to myself and the community some progress. \n\nWhy read my posts?  Because they're entertaining!  More than that, they're real stories.  You can't make-up the crap I've done.  \n\nI'll cover my addictions, inabilities, anxieties, and personal paralysis.  All of it will fall within the context of being a 21st Century American husband and father who's failed at nearly every business he's tried, been fired 6? times, and now is relegated to starting out all over again - not by by choice but by necessity.  \n\nI'll offer no self-help guides, no words of wisdom, and certainly no cure-alls.  I'll share what works for me with no guarantees that it will work for you.\n\nBut what you might get is a companion.  You might learn a strategy or tactic to try out on your own struggles.  You might find out that you're not alone.\n\nI've got no interest in revealing who I am - too much potential damage to family and friends... damage I quietly clean up or hide every day.  So don't expect a \"big reveal.\"  Really, I'm a nobody.  A common man.  A struggling dad.\n\nSo read-on.  Flame away.  Follow.  Unfollow.  Offer support.  Judge.  Up/down-vote.  Get out of me and my content whatever you want.\n\nI'll be here.  Every day.  And as long as we're both here - neither of us are alone.\n\n-SD",
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