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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-sevenskies-20200124t153239000z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "Congratulations @sevenskies! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=sevenskies)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "parent_permlink": "mother",
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      "title": "The mother's look",
      "body": "**Parenting is an art**\n\nA demanding one because it is the grail of happiness. If we get it right in early childhood we can expect happier adults with more health and emotional wellbeing.\n\n![Mother.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUU1bj1ZuzWd8wKsXr5owkV5gSBV1j6xwX62cZGqHTHWK/Mother.png)\n\nUnfortunately, the alarming increase of unhappy people makes us realize that only few children are lucky to be raised in families that validate and respect their children as human beings of infinite worth. Counselors’ offices are full of people trying to make things right again for them after a poor and unbalanced childhood and aim to restore damage as better as possible with long-lasting therapies and sessions. We must be fully conscious about what we do, otherwise our children and generations over generations will pay a heavy price.\n\n**Asking the right questions**\n\nWe need to be able to answer the question “ Who am I?”  and “ What does parenting mean to me?” before we start our work with our kids even with the best intentions. \n\nWe need to create the right questions in order to get the right answers.\n\nALWAYS be very careful with your questions. \n\nThere lies the secret of success.\n\nBecause a quest begins with a quest-ion.\n\nQuestions create REALITY because they make us focus. And focus creates our reality. \n\nI asked myself “ who do you want them to be when they grow up” and answered: “ Free of fear and grown into the persons they really are.”\n\n“ How can I help them?\" was the next one.\n\n![baby n mother.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmZeXCeybLaf5DUCsaBtQvo27UNprGeL5nY42hSvkFAyNj/baby%20n%20mother.jpg)\n\nBy noticing their strengths and empowering them. By focusing on qualities that work rather on what needs to be fixed. By uncovering the potential they have inside them, by chipping away all the limitations of their ability to be, to succeed, to live a happier life.\n\n**But most of all by showing them what I see in them.**\n\nThat is the power of my look. Of all parents’ look.\n\nWe all know how common it is for a mother to have her eyes always on us and therefore to know everything. But what kind of look is given to us?\n\nThere is this look of “one more move and I will kill you” or the “go to bed right away” look, or the look of disapproval “ I wasn’t expecting anything more from you” or “ you look just like your dad\" that’s the comparison look. So many looks that diminish our capacities, that send us the wrong message, that make us focus on the wrong thing.\n\nI am not referring to that look but to the strength-based look that a mother can have. One she OUGHTS TO HAVE.\n\nThe eye contact that shows everything without talking. The contact that says “I love you” and the child’s nod back that says “I know.” The look from the kid that says “ I can do that” and her response that says“ I know”.\n\nThe look of trust and affection. The look of admiration in their best, not in a narcissistic way but in a realistic one. Narcissism anyway is not about self-esteem and CONFIDENCE, it is the opposite.\n\n The look of praise BUT NOT indiscriminately. The look of inspiration. The look of realism which is about placing our look on what works, on strengths, on virtues, on competences. \n\nTHIS is our power over our children. It’s our look that will help them grow. \n\nOur children will soar to the height of this look. To the depth of our empowerment. To our ability to show them trust and admiration together with clear boundaries of what needs to be done. \n\nThe secret weapon of each mother is HER LOOK.\nSee the greatness in your children and they will flourish.\nSee in them values and respect and they will actualize appropriately.\nHonor them for what they are and they will honor themselves.\n\n**Focus creates reality, never forget that.**\n\n![mothaaa.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmYj6TFcrfkZUe8QMPLbxVrmRecTDAj7hY3Ss4XxKYv7VU/mothaaa.jpg)\n\nHelp them learn the rules of the game, play with them the game and show them HOW to select at will from an infinite of choices what is for their best.\n\nHelp them answer the question “ What is meaningful to my life?  Why am I here for?” because the more an activity is meaningful to them, the better they will perform it. \n\nThe more they value it as worth doing, the more it is worth doing it.\n\nThis is the only way to help one grow towards one’s own maturity.",
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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-sevenskies-20190507t115220000z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "Congratulations @sevenskies! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n<table><tr><td><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies/posts.png?201905071038\"></td><td>You published more than 30 posts. Your next target is to reach 40 posts.</td></tr>\n</table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](http://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=sevenskies)_</sub>\n<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>\n\n\nTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/steemitboard-witness-update-2019-05\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/http://i.cubeupload.com/7CiQEO.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/steemitboard-witness-update-2019-05\">SteemitBoard - Witness Update</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemmeetupaachen/@steemitboard/steemitboard-to-support-the-german-speaking-community-meetups\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeoNp9iCaCfd2D6TqnWa3Aky2mU4Fm3xaSmjTM91YoNBS/image.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemmeetupaachen/@steemitboard/steemitboard-to-support-the-german-speaking-community-meetups\">SteemitBoard to support the german speaking community meetups</a></td></tr></table>\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "title": "Fully functioning person",
      "body": "As a mother I’ve always wanted to teach my children to live with the unknown of life. I wanted them to be unafraid to live, to feel at ease with the unexpected because life is unpredictable. In other words, I wanted them to master the skills of life. To master the art of living a less vulnerable to threat life. A meaningful one. \nWell, developing a repertoire of such skills isn’t so easy so I will once again remind the core conditions of Rogers for a healthy relationship. \n\nActive listening, genuineness, unconditional positive regard.\n\n![negativity.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmb5YUCmrWeSdxhUB8G31gKCzVCAY58FHwR3UvQDcfe1kT/negativity.jpg)\n\nRogers examined the characteristics of a fully functioning person and argued that these core conditions are efficient and necessary in order to help someone actualize and become a person who is high in life satisfaction, has more positive thoughts than negative, has more strengths than weaknesses and functions according to his own values and virtues, consistent to achieving full potential, using creativity, gifts and talents, spirituality and peak experiences towards his personal growth.\n\nWe need to build with our life a therapeutic alliance together, a strong bond, let’s say, a growth-promoting relationship. We need to see our life as our partner and relate to it by demonstrating the relationship qualities that are embraced in most therapies.\n\nDemonstrate genuineness means being open to the experience, not hiding behind a mask, not being defensive. In terms of life, it’s the effort to be congruent to whatever happens, to try to handle anxiety, to cry when sad, to laugh when happy, to wipe our tears, to learn to fail, to learn to get up again and walk, to play, to love, to embrace our loneliness, to develop self-awareness, realness, authenticity.\n\nThe second condition is that of unconditional positive regard, and it means embracing what comes, even the worse outcome not because you accept it but because you do not judge it. Accept what is means even accepting that you cannot accept. You avoid pressuring life to become something else. You avoid condemning, criticizing, having all the answers. Accept what is without approval or disapproval, accept life as it is. And what more is life than a journey with failures and successes? \n\nEmpathic understanding means to try to think of life as a teacher, not a bad one, just a teacher, and try to step into her shoes, to perceive her world through her own frame of reference.\n\n![empathy.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdGmW5aRq4Y3mRrHfpLbcYgFbMUKswMKxfDqBKJt4d1q4/empathy.jpg)\n\nThen we might see a world which has no bad intentions but is made of moments of happiness and sadness, of pain and suffering, of joy, of life and death. Let’s perceive life as a journey, an incessant pursuit of Eudaimonia (good life).\nRogers believes that individuals have an innate ability to know what they need and what is essential for a fulfilling life. A good life means an optimal psychological adjustment, an optimal maturity, an openness to each experience and less vulnerability to a threat. A fully functioning person is constantly in the flow of change since all his characteristics are in process. This person is in process, continually changing as he grows. \n\n*Mastering life is a process of movement, (not a state of being) in a direction ( not a destination) which the total human organism selects. (Rogers)*\n\nBut we can only achieve it if we are well grounded psychologically and if we trust the process.\n\n**Trust the process means to trust our own capacity for constructive use of our self.**\n\nIt means not focusing on the problem but being interested in the person and its ability to find the best way with courage and strength to overcome it. \nIncrease your degree of positive regard, adjust better, accept yourself, the others and life as it is, be less defensive, believe in your inner capacity to choose right, work towards the growth of your innate qualities and you’ll get there.\n\n**Set your goals to achieve how you want your life to be and start the never-ending process of becoming.**",
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      "memo": "BuildTeam is proud to announce the release of DLease.io - our flagship P2P leasing marketplace app, aimed at assisting Steemians in leasing and delegating STEEM POWER for daily passive returns, with recent yields as high as 20% APR. DLease.io is a professional grade app , designed to replace the current MinnowBooster.net leasing market which has to date facilitated nearly 20 Million STEEM POWER in lease value to happy BuildTeam customers. View the new app at https://dlease.io/ or read the announcement post on https://steemit.com/@dlease."
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      "body": "When I was young I used to think that therapy deals largely with those who are distressed and tries to help them feel relieved and happy.\n\nNow I know that therapy is mostly about helping a person to dwell with distress, to grow through suffering, to find a new meaning in life that comes from suffering.\nWe grow precisely because we have suffered and that it is how pain becomes a gift.\nDistress is an essential part of life, but we haven’t learned to suffer, so we immediately seek relief when we feel pain. That’s why we drug ourselves in alcohol, consumption, pills, television, internet…\n\n<center>![suffering.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcyyD5b1rcGtJ4wHurjF6WEPVFNXWrQcMyYE8Fa3jPkWG/suffering.jpg) </center>\n\nPain hurts and we have learned to sedate it as quickly as possible.\nI still remember the day my daughter broke up with her boyfriend and was crying. All her friends were comforting her in every possible way, - he is not the one, you are better off without him, we liked him but you were not meant to be together - and so on - because they just couldn’t deal with her pain. \n\nI knew the journey into self and felt compassion for her devastated heart. Feeling sorry for someone is different than feeling compassion. Having endured the same pain I could be of help. But without giving advice which is often well-intended but ineffective. \nI related only to her feelings and listened to her. Not judging at all, never asking questions. Actually, she asked me not to and I tried my best to follow her instructions despite my curiosity or even fear of how she would cope. I now know that I didn’t need to ask any questions because I trusted her and trusted the process. I stopped preaching, advising, judging, criticizing.\n\nI realized she didn’t want my sympathy, just my understanding. \n\nUnconditional positive regard, congruence, and empathic understanding were the core conditions for our constructive relationship.\n\nIn the journey of her self discovery, I kept a sense of containment and safety. That is what a mom should offer. In that safe space, she could approach better her feelings of distress and steadily start to regain control of her life by adjusting to the new reality. \n\nSuffering is many times nothing more than a mental label on an undesired situation. Not being happy about something and wanting it to change immediately. \n\nUnfortunately, this is not always feasible so we need to learn to grieve. We need to follow all the stages of grief that lead towards our inner freedom. \nUnfortunately, our society is not helpful. It does not teach us at home or at school how to do so. Feelings tend to dissipate after a while if they are truly felt.\n\nWe must learn to feel despair. We must learn to fail. We must learn to hurt.\n\nAllowing our feelings to be as they are without labeling them as good or bad, makes distress less intolerable. \nAcceptance of pain doesn’t always mean accept the fact, but accept what is. Accept that you will be ok in the new reality. An openness to the experience means being truly open for inspection. \n\nCome to terms with the new reality, enter a new time of adjustment. Find new coping strategies in order to deal with it in an effective way.\n\n![strong.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmf4mdCPfLC1DLEizKjjJZyP3peQkUx3C6EhgBfLGNujeY/strong.jpeg)\n\nThat is why we go to a therapist on a conscious level. To receive a new education in discipline, the only source that can provide real relief. No more lies. You see, lying is an attempt to avoid the pain of every new challenge.\nDo you remember when you were five and lied to your mom of how you broke the lamp? So, have you ever thought of why you lied? To avoid the pain of the consequences?\nBut that pain is the pathway to growth. It’s a difficult process towards progress but personal growth has no shortcuts. \nWe need to confront our lies. We need to confront our despair.\nDedication to the truth means always stay open and free to be. You do not need to hide, you do not maintain disguises, false identities, secretiveness, a façade of strength. You can be in touch with your feelings even though you are not your feelings.\n\nThere is always an existential meaning in distress, in pain, even a choice for meaning over the absence of meaning.\nIn therapy, we are cured when through retelling the narratives of our identity life’s meaning shifts.\nFinding meaning in our tears is an existential aspect of well being. That is what I believe a fully functioning person is.\nSomeone who grows in awareness and competence to continually work toward becoming self-actualized.",
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      "body": "Congratulations @sevenskies! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_[Click here to view your Board](https://steemitboard.com/@sevenskies)_</sub>\n\n\n> Support [SteemitBoard's project](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)! **[Vote for its witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1)** and **get one more award**!",
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      "body": "Thank you so much for sharing this amazing post with us!\n\nHave you heard about Partiko? It’s a really convenient mobile app for Steem! With Partiko, you can easily see what’s going on in the Steem community, make posts and comments (no beneficiary cut forever!), and always stayed connected with your followers via push notification!\n\nPartiko also rewards you with Partiko Points (3000 Partiko Point bonus when you first use it!), and Partiko Points can be converted into Steem tokens. You can earn Partiko Points easily by making posts and comments using Partiko.\n\nWe also noticed that your Steem Power is low. We will be very happy to delegate 15 Steem Power to you once you have made a post using Partiko! With more Steem Power, you can make more posts and comments, and earn more rewards!\n\nIf that all sounds interesting, you can: \n\n- Download Partiko Android at [Google Play](http://bit.ly/2SRFIta)\n- Or Download Partiko iOS on the [App Store](https://apple.co/2PcXkSd)\n\nThank you so much for reading this message!",
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      "title": "Relationships: what are you looking for?",
      "body": "Relationships are important in our lives and I believe that if we are not happy in our relationship we can’t attain “Eudaimonia”. When people face death, they usually tend to feel sorry for the words they didn’t share with their beloved ones or they want to spend the time left with them. They never want to spend their last day at the office reading deadlines and numbers but want to be with the people they love.\n\n It’s all about love and healthy encounters after all and the happier we are in that field, the happier and more successful we can become. It’s the energy of love and affection that improves our quality of life and the quality of our life depends deeply on the quality of our relationships. So what is going on and things are so complex in the dynamic of a relationship?\nI asked the other day my children if they know a couple that is passionate about each other and feel deep love as well, and they could not name anyone. I asked them if they believed that love and passion can be alive after 30 years of marriage and said: Naaaaah, no way ….\n\nI was frightened. When I was young romantic love was everywhere, I believed in the spark. What has happened here? Why can’t we find happy couples everywhere and instead they have become the exception to the rule?\nBecause things have changed radically and new tasks need to be fulfilled but there is no manual. We do not know the skills required for a close encounter and we end up sinking the most important enterprise of our lives to which we put, at first, all our passion and intense dreams. The relationship of couples has undergone tremendous changes.\nWe all want to find the one. But what does the one mean?\n<center>![Relationship (1).jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcenZeGfbi7PhZGErN1pstLfgRvqWEDYkAGuKYNzQiFN5/Relationship%20(1).jpg)</center>\nHow can we be sure that one is the one? Especially nowadays where technology helps us have access to a huge amount of people and freedom of choice is almost available to everyone. That freedom is one of the biggest ontological issues that one can face though. Yalom explains that for each yes you must say millions of no so imagine the burden of the choice. What if I choose wrong?\n\nA few years ago it was either John or David from the village. Now it can be anyone.\nWell, the answer is if you feel it go for it and try to make it work. Cultivate what you have chosen since no one can ever know if that is the right choice. There is no such thing in life. We are all humans and have our problems. We are not perfect but we are good enough. Find someone who is good enough and compatible. \n\nMy grandmother would go for security, economic support and qualities such as honesty and trustworthiness. These were the attributes a woman would look for in her husband to be and were offered in predetermined marriages.  If she were lucky enough to have also compatible sexuality, she could asseverate to have everything!\n\nBut today if my grandmother asked me what I want now from the ONE I’d say all the above plus someone who can be my best friend, my perfect lover, a empathic listener, an intimate equal, someone who inspires me and is passionate with his life, who is willing to choose me and stay with me for ever, who believes in monogamy, who is polite and helps me with the kids and the house, sociable, tender, affectionate, clever and respectable, ambitious yet down to earth, funny, handsome, tall, athletic, generous, with great sense of humor, with manners, devoted but also free, autonomous but loyal, taking care of himself but also caring for my needs, adventurous but not impulsive, who is steady and can stand the force of our love and desire, who is self efficient and giver and the list goes on forever……\n\nYou see that is exactly the problem. Too many expectations that a whole town can’t meet, not just a simple man. Not even you can fulfill that expectation. You simply expect something impossible and thus susceptible to disappointment. \nTry to find ecstasy and passion everywhere not only in marriage. Be spiritual, seek the divine, self actualize, offer service, love and take care, do whatever makes your life meaningful and makes you feel good. Look at your life as a whole entity, not fragmented.\n\n\nWe need to cut down on our illusions, not on our desires. Ask yourself: “ How possible is all that?” and more importantly “ what will I offer to him?” not what am I getting from him?\n\n Who do I want to be not who do I want to meet?”\n\nOf course we should not lower our expectations, on the contrary, we can keep them all and aspire for more, but we should work these qualities in us instead of waiting for someone to give them to us. We are the only ones who can make us happy. And we must stop breaking up so easily even for the slightest impropriety. Fortunately enough we do have the right and the freedom to leave if we are not happy. But because there is an escape door that we can open any time we should also have to learn to commit ourselves.\nSo what would be best is to try and see what we really want from life and how we live our life in order to find someone as compatible as possible.\n\nPersonally, I encounter life with trust and a sense of magic, even in its uncertainty. So I want trust and passion in my relationships because that is how I relate to life as well. Love IS about trust and desire IS about mystery and magic. \nI also know that I want a partner and not need one to fulfill me. So I want someone to invite me to his world. If I feel safe I will explore it with him. And I will explore my hidden self too. That’s how magic and passion remain forever. Explore like kids, play together, rejoice at the magic of the world and you will never get tired. Play without wanting to change anybody but honor your self-actualization, both of you and things will go on well. Do not take care of them, trust that they can take care of themselves, just accompany the other throughout life and you will live the “aha” experiences.\n\n You are responsible for your happiness and your messes. Taking responsibility means having the ability to respond. Wherever freedom of choice and basic needs are met, it’s ONLY US who are responsible for your miseries or our happiness. \nAsk “what can I do here?” “what’s best for us?”\n<center>![relationship.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmVWARh5NudH5QH7mExbj2vWcMCrMzmbqnKymjiAie55Nb/relationship.jpg)</center>\nThe best is to pour the core conditions of love, empathy and authenticity and a choice to stay rather than leave.\nStop mothering because desire fades away. Play and expand together. Touch often, kiss every day and passion will remain watered.\nCOMMIT, TRUST, EXPLORE, and passionate love should be expected.\n But most of all start loving in your own way, because if we all remain stuck on how we were loved as a child, we might realize that this might not have been the best way!",
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      "body": "<center>Whatever happens in the present moment is eternal. It’s the eternal sense of Now. We live in a present continuous tense, in a rhythm of pure presence in which time dissolves. \nAnd when you can make time disappear, you can crash the fear of death.\nOk, easy to say, difficult to achieve…\n![present.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWGexqVZNwESEAvzd1ZoWikW9FztPnbMmgKzAaeMF6AeY/present.jpg)\n\nBeing present needs will, intention, preposition, and attention.\n\nAttention is the tool to manage alertness on the present moment. When you start paying attention whatever was at the edge of awareness becomes just awareness.\n\nWe live in the present moment anyway but by paying attention we just change the quality of our experience. \n\nFind something in your body. The sensation of gravity, for instance, the sensation of your own weight. While I am writing these lines I focus on my weight and become aware that my body has a weight and a bit of pain even when seated. (We always experience pain in our life, even by simply sitting, but we just do not feel it because we are not focused)\n![practice.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmVKmS8yaXZkDDujE995BSJzHMkhZn6EvtPHqtJH84fU5r/practice.jpg)\nBy practicing, more information will rise to consciousness that is already inside us and slowly our awareness will expand.\nThe real process of moving our attention into the Now makes all the difference, because there is an alertness. \nThis alertness has tension but not the high tension provoked by stress where we cannot act wisely. There is a high alertness but a slow tension and this is the combination that can unlock our path towards freedom.\nOn that level you function differently.\nWith high tension you become dysfunctional and collapse even when you have great alertness.\n\nWhen you step in the Now your mind stops its incessant stream of thinking so your attention is not imprisoned by your thoughts. Vastness and spaciousness arise. In that space, you are conscious and alert. There is a difference between being alert in front of a danger for instance, looking alert and living in alertness. Our tuned- in presence is all that’s needed.\nYou can never feel bored in the present moment. It has an aliveness in its stillness and it’s where presence emerges. And assertiveness. Being in high awareness BUT in low tension is a quality that provides assertiveness and strength. \n![zen.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmNzfXL7VgQS54iHX6RJ42hTBR7kxc9XDvjrHiWfcKoaSr/zen.jpg)\nIf we connect to the Now we will less and less need to correct things. Enter this state of stillness, silence your thoughts and be as much present as you can. Witness what is actually happening in the present moment, step out of your roles and just pay attention. The truth is that the self-concept is an image we create mentally. By practicing attention and focus we can change what we perceive ourselves to be.\n\nWhen we live into the Now, we become the observer of our Self and by taking a conscious distance from the role we have adopted throughout our lives, we experience our true selves and realize we are not our thoughts, our emotions, our perceptions. We do not have a life, we are our life. We are Life itself. We do not feel love. We are Love. In that space, we experience our real self and we sense “I am”.\n\nAs observers, we keep a distance from the observed object and we witness easily whatever behavioral mechanisms we have adopted.\nBy being aware of the ability to observe with full attention, we can change whatever is not useful in our behavior and therefore instead of a repetitive machine we can become a free and independent human that acts with clarity and perseverance, with purposefulness, tenacity and determination. </center>",
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      "body": "I was raised by two authoritarian parents. Discipline in my house was forced strongly. Spanking was the most common method of punishment, not teaching. Rules, obligations and tasks were imposed on my sister and myself and as a child I had more duties to fulfill than freedom. This method gave me a sense of discipline that kept me strong against life’s ordeals later but did not help my self-actualization.\n\n![kids.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbCDE7e2EQJURVVDeeJoJ3CewF3oKgqeUht4EomL17n4i/kids.jpg)\n\nIt gave me more despair than hope. It did not facilitate a proper sense of perspective or a proper concern of priorities. My world remained somehow hidden from my parents and eventually myself. \nFortunately, things have changed radically in “parenting” since my generation and society’s greater task of nurturing and raising children has followed a revolutionary way that achieves its goals.\n\nEvolving our relationship with our children means entering their world. \nWe have to follow their culture. We must listen to the music they like. The films they see. Parents usually call their children to their world. But… in reality, it works the other way around. We need to know their world because it is from there that we will call their soul when we want to say something.\n\nIt’s through their world that we can touch their soul when needed.\nIt’s through there that we can talk about all the important things.\n\nAsk more and talk less. You will be amazed of how many things you will learn. Our kids are here to teach us, to make us remember how it is to be free and sensitive and kind and polite souls. They are here to soothe our pains, to hold us gentle, to keep us warm, to make our home a joyful place to live in. They are here to hug us and forgive us and make us feel better. They do it all the time. Just stop for a while and pay attention. \n\nThey are wise. Under the deceptive guise of parent-child relationship we have the opportunity to create an existential and spiritual bonding which surpasses the traditional role many parents choose unwisely to follow. \n\nBeing a parent is an invitation to embrace a way of being both for them and ourselves which demands no less than everything. \n\nIt is about helping them find themselves, facilitating with dedication their self exploration in order to make them competent to express their real self when we won’t be there. Being willing to listen to them and entering their world is a brave opportunity of growing them up while letting them growing us up. It’s an opportunity of keeping the self actualization motivation alive because showing real interest is the best way to contribute to the formation of self assured and happy adults.\n\n<center>![dadk.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTnx8nKJ4ZTeZfYk9FZx9i9hAe28TzTB4vLKSLnm3DFJv/dadk.jpeg)</center>\n\nProfound faith in their infinite worth as human beings is the only prerequisite we need to feel. The use of the core conditions of each and every genuine relation: empathy, unconditional positive regard and genuineness, is the path to follow.\nEvery parent should be prepared to meet at a relational depth with his children but in order to do so these core conditions should be offered to them before generously given.\n\nI truly believe that we miss what really counts in our child’s development and that is so unfortunate. \n\nTry to read behind the lines and address the feelings that drive your child’s behavior. Do not punish. Place rules but be there to replace them, to change them, to alter them as they grow. Rules are important as there are everywhere in life. As there are in football for instance. There is a coach. There is a goalkeeper. \nWe do not use the hands. Show them the rules of life. Keep your role, clear but be tender. \n\nHonor your role in the family because we can’t escape from it. Honor yourself and you will honor your child and their feelings.\n\nFirst respect them and then prepare them for the adult world. Teach them that we do not play basket with the feet or football with the hands but teach them also to keep alive their desires. Help them translate their desires according to the rules of the game of life. Teach them how to feel sorrow and happiness, how to want and follow their dreams, how to cry and laugh but for their own sake not yours. \n\nOffer them the most basic human need they need:  trust, by being there present and helpful. Tell them what they need to hear: “I love you unconditionally is a de facto truth. It is as it is, because I am your mom. Point final.” That is what they really need to know and from there establish, in the spirit of an alliance, a meaningful connection. From that point of view you can place any boundaries you wish and they will follow because they can sense it is for their safety and through goodwill not adversary or hostility.\n\nForm this framework of acceptance and true interest, and they will receive the greatest present one can take: the conviction that they are people of infinite worth",
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      "author": "sevenskies",
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      "title": "Our personal compass",
      "body": "<center>We all have a little voice, an inner voice as we call it, that lives inside us and sends signals of existence from time to time, but it is often not heard.\n\nIt is our own small compass that doesn’t really tell us where to go or even where we are but just sends us to the right direction if we know how to use it. It always tells us the truth but unfortunately never in a brave, clear and concrete way. It points the direction but without telling us what to do in every step of the way. \nThis voice is usually quiet and keeps its volume very low, that is why our rational mind, which is strong and loud, often ignores it.\n\n![images.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcQp885nXwjP7NJPhAn1eWrjWyLpY6f89LyPECzH5a4vi/images.jpeg)\n\nFor example, we are settled and happy about a decision and suddenly something doesn’t feel right. We decide to get married and during the last month of our preparations we start feeling aches in our body, we find a new job and instead of relaxing and being happy we feel as something is missing again, we meet someone and are excited but something doesn’t feel right about Mr. perfect. It’s as if we “know ” something is wrong but have no rational evidence to back it up. \nWe have doubts. We do not know why, we are not aware of the reasons for its occurrence, but we are conscious of the gut feeling.\n\nAt first we think we are suspicious or that we are overreacting about something and tend to suppress or withhold this feeling. We try to find answers externally, we look outside our self since we think the gut feeling lacks trust and stability. So we do not pay attention to that insane intuition and ignore the hidden message. But then, this voice that challenges the thinking, rational mind, comes again. We feel angry and frustrated but it doesn’t go away. We have a dilemma and do not know what to do. That is so hard and painful because we are not trained to decode the message, to speak its language and communicate with it so it remains a stranger to us.\n\nWe prefer not to explore further this unknown bodily sensation out of fear that change brings and use all defense mechanisms to make the inner voice hush.\nBut fortunately enough we can’t make it disappear since it is an innate, natural human ability that never dies, just sleeps for a while until one day it sends a strong, voluminous and loud symptom in the pit of our stomach or the chest that cannot be ignored anymore.\n\nThat’s how the inner voice shows up: by sending hidden messages, by creating dilemmas, signals of doubt, physical sensations, gut feelings. \n\n\nThe truth is that this voice IS our wisdom. It offers guidance, it facilitates the path of our self-actualization, it helps us align feelings with actions because this dimension of consciousness is deeper than thought and speaks the truth.\nAll we have to do is master the ability to know something directly without analytic reasoning and when we achieve this, it will mean that we have bridged the gap between the conscious and unconscious part of the Self.\nSo “how on earth do we do that?” you must be wondering.\n\nBy listening more to ourselves.\n\nBy staying in silence and asking questions like “who am I?” or/and “what do I want?” without necessarily knowing the answers.\n\nBy being at ease with “not knowing”, just experience what is going on within our self.\n\nBy giving time to the inner voice to unfold, to build a relationship of trust with it.\n\nBy feeling deep within us the truth. \n\nBy empowering and trusting this feeling of “knowingness”.\n\nThis is a gift we all have but need to water everyday. We must be in touch with what comes and how we feel about it. We need to be open to the experience.\n\nThis “openness” leads to “knowingness.”\n\nStay open to all feelings: fear, discouragement, pain, awe, courage, tenderness.\nMatch the experience with awareness. BE CONGRUENT! **Feel, experience and act in a way that respects your self-image.**\n\n**Trust all your data in a situation with consciousness - with the total of your organism: body, feelings, mind, soul.**\n\nSlowly you will realize that in life, when making a decision, if something is not a YES, then that’s a NO. \nBe patient, it’! It is a tool you have but need to learn how to use. It’s a process that we should all trust. Be in touch, listen to your inner voice and you will live a life with “aha” experiences.\n\nThis power is greater than you, it will take over and eventually one day you will no longer make decisions. You will spontaneously act in a right way. That has nothing to do with impulsivity or unwise behaviors but with being congruent.\nYou simply follow your heart and gut feeling which are aligned to that greater consciousness where wisdom reigns and every action is for your best. Whatever arises out of that state of consciousness is for your best.\n\nBelieve in yourself, empower yourself, trust your own experience and stay open to experience whatever comes. </center>",
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      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "3a0e7e41a47689ed7d6f94c29ea22642fec82d23",
  "block": 26722867,
  "trx_in_block": 20,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-11T19:50:24",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.002 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "507dbb265e93900f3a24595369529378e023fba0",
  "block": 26694589,
  "trx_in_block": 1,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-10T20:14:45",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.002 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "3e6c58143f0d08b1780c3d84fbe2274ade1ea497",
  "block": 26666112,
  "trx_in_block": 10,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-09T20:30:18",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.002 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "3a62ed254dbce3a06fb58377082cc256a071ecc2",
  "block": 26636853,
  "trx_in_block": 3,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-08T20:06:30",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.002 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "7f76e342dccb5f3b3d1843d45e25a9f7f736b70e",
  "block": 26635397,
  "trx_in_block": 6,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-08T18:53:42",
  "op": [
    "delegate_vesting_shares",
    {
      "delegator": "steem",
      "delegatee": "sevenskies",
      "vesting_shares": "10098.040999 VESTS"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "8eddde5c6f9fe5d6d44a3a8e0fb3a8699df09f8d",
  "block": 26608031,
  "trx_in_block": 7,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-07T20:04:54",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.002 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.002 SBD"
    }
  ]
}

{
  "trx_id": "fda669fc9e1856bd7b9d118837808a4cd2519a69",
  "block": 26578767,
  "trx_in_block": 2,
  "op_in_trx": 0,
  "virtual_op": 0,
  "timestamp": "2018-10-06T19:40:24",
  "op": [
    "transfer",
    {
      "from": "minnowbooster",
      "to": "sevenskies",
      "amount": "0.001 SBD",
      "memo": "Your MinnowBooster payout is 0.001 SBD"
    }
  ]
}