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      "body": "Great post.  On one hand, my own experience is that long distance relationships are tough to maintain: there's a lot of uncertainty involved with not seeing someone on a near-daily basis.  That being said, a friend of mine dated his (now wife) for 13 years long distance (we're talking Sri Lanka-to-United States) before they tied the knot.  I'm not sure how many time zones they're apart, but they made it through and not only that, are one of the happiest couples I've seen.  My take is it's a combination of extremely high chemistry and, in this case the guy being one of the most generous and understanding people I've met.  Definitely appreciate the advice you have for those who are trying to make things work!",
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      "body": "Watch any romantic comedy or read any romance novel and you’d believe that women have it hard when it comes to love.  You’d believe they’re surrounded by backward-baseball-cap-wearing bros only out for one night stands, creepy faux rich old geezers, and charming rent-but-not-buy playboys.  Women do have problems, but men have one that’s just as bad, if not worse:\n\n<b>Guys fall harder.</b>\n\nThis isn’t about whether men or women love more in a relationship.  What I’m referring to is <i>bouncing back</i>: when it comes to getting back up from a failed relationship,<b><i>men do not recover as well as women</i></b>.  More so than women, newly single men must use their confidence to find someone new.  After taking a swift kick to the crotch, your average guy is thinking more about how much his nuts hurt than how he’s going to sweep the next girl off her feet.  The confidence-destroying-breakup-crowbar strikes deep enough that a man may never walk the same again.\n\nWe’ve all seen this on the basketball court: a shooter misses his first few 3s and a jumpy coach benches him.  After riding the pine for the rest of the quarter, does that player ever come back and shoot the lights out?  Hell no.\n\nAs a longtime UCLA basketball fan, we used to have former coach Ben Howland, who was an old-school, hard-nosed defensive mastermind.  The way he ran his offense, however, sucked.  He’d put in a role-player to shoot some 3s and then pull that player after he missed a few deep shots.  His shooters never got in a rhythm and ended up playing a lot of backup minutes after they were benched.  During his tenure, Howland never developed a dangerous shooter.  Instead, players would be afraid to take shots – even good ones – after they missed a few.\n\n\n![UCLA.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmT9CihXVGKrWH6k1zpMQGu2Z3Aqmag8E6JFSUuqs65Nuh/UCLA.png)\n<b>UCLA basketball: better times ahead?</b>\n\nUnlike our benched shooters, women have one huge thing going for them: a built-in stable of willing suitors.  Often disguised as longtime friends (more on this later), these happy termites pop out of the woodworks right after your foundation starts its death tilt.  Even a slightly below average girl* usually has two or three of these little buggers for some quick attention.  A black widow famously eats its males after mating; a newly single woman never goes hungry.\nWhat’s a newly single guy to do against the forces of nature?  The first step to moving forward is to get your mind right.  Remember the three sidekicks from Disney’s Mulan?  (Hint: There was bucktooth, a fat guy, and a gnome).  They exemplify exactly what not to do: pining after a girl.  Instead of rightly developing his five finger exploding heart technique or no shadow kick, bucktooth and his ilk sing a song about missing “a girl worth fighting for”:  \n\n “You can guess what we have missed the most\nSince we went off to war\nWhat do we want?\nA girl worth fighting for”\n\n![Shang.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTcZxZp2fMrwU9jUvQSG5Gu4eUVN6o7F6M62zcsyNqv6X/Shang.jpg)\n<b>This guy is a badass</b>\n\nThere’s no quicker way to end up a sack of guts riddled by Mongolian arrows than to sing this shit while in war.  By improperly focusing on what they don’t have, the three stooges ignored the path to success.  (Seriously, would any self-respecting girl pick those three goobers over the jacked up Shan Yu (villain) with his badass hawk and penetrating eyebrows?)  \n\nIf you’re newly single, you’re at war.  You need to think about how to survive and thrive rather than wonder where your damn horse went.  Moral of the story: horse-chasers are doomed to misery.\n\n* Protip for below average women: #1 be nice #2 treadmill #3 mascara.",
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      "body": "Your ex sucks.  There it is-- somebody had to say it.  The first step toward getting over your ex will be to understand that you don’t want her back.  To do that, you have to realize that she sucks.  How does she suck?  Indisputably, the facts are:\n\n1) She decided, in breaking up with you, that she’d rather be alone (or with someone else) than you or\n2) She thinks there is someone else out there that is better for her or\n3) She doesn’t like you as much as you like her\n\nIf you think about the three facts above and you are 100% honest with yourself, you’ll realize that at least one of them is true.  And unless you are some sort of spineless wimp, you know, deep inside, that you deserve someone else who is better.  \n\nAt this point,  some of you may be offended.  I don’t, however, give a rat’s ass whether your ex baked you oatmeal cookies or heated up some canned chicken soup for you when you were sick.  Believe me, there’s a girl out there who makes a meaner cookie and will serve you soup that won’t put your kidneys into sodium control overdrive.  Plus, her past good acts can’t make up for general crappiness (see 1-3).  That’s like saying “he treated me nicely when he wasn’t beating me” or “she was really faithful until I caught her cheating.”  \n\n![Cookies.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPAd1Bzf1SpBotHAcHydyaws66vHEeoR4LqNTVpcAihAJ/Cookies.jpg)\nHer cookies aren't that special anyway\n\nOf course, if you already realize that your ex sucks, you’re already 80% over her.  You’re probably fine, and should probably focus on learning to riding motorcycles, running marathons, or going 6+ rounds in a boxing ring- basically, stuff that will increase your badassery.  If you’re not quite there yet, read on.\n\nWanting to get back with your ex is a self-defeating game.  It’s like trying to re-recruit a player who’s decommitted from your college basketball team.  That player doesn’t really want to join up, and even she does, she’ll take bad shots, never rebound or play defense, and generally act like a little bitch.  Even after shooting 3 for 14, she’ll demand more minutes next game and jack up more crappy shots.  Why?  Because you were a pansy.  You came groveling back because you were desperate, and the she knows it.  What’ll happen is she knows he can get away with all sorts of shit, so she’ll run your team all the way to the ground, taking you with it.   In all the years that I’ve observed my friends getting re-recruiting their exes, almost none have succeeded.  It’s like duct-taping a bumper back onto your old Buick: it’s only a matter of time before that thing falls off and goes clanking down the road.  Relationships aren’t like broken collarbones: they don’t grow back stronger.\n\nYour ex is like a Scottish nobleman from Braveheart.  Remember the scene from Braveheart where the Scottish noblemen turn away from the battle right when William Wallace need them?  Your ex is just like that:: when times got tough, she hightailed it.  She didn’t want to ride into battle for you, and she’s decided that she wants all her cookies to herself (especially if they are any good).  \n\n![Braveheart.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXoPKmArxbCy9MkQTcCAyDDTyD7Vxe1bWju9T4nxDa2cB/Braveheart.jpg)\nWilliam Wallace is not a pansy\n\nImportantly, William Wallace didn’t spend the rest of the movie begging and pleading and buying the nobles flowers.  He didn’t make them a mixtape of old Scottish folk songs they used to listen to together.  He didn’t cook them their favorite dishes or write them love letters.  Although battered and beaten, Wallace moved on with his life and maintained focus on his goal, which was to defeat the English and liberate his people.  Wallace wasn’t a pansy; he didn’t let the Bruce’s betrayal beat him.  He spent at least 15 more minutes whooping some enemy ass in whatever way he could.  He even got revenge on some of those nobles (not recommended; this will be discussed in another article).  In fact, Wallace was captured and eventually beaten, drawn, and quartered, because he went back and tried to reconcile with one of the noblemen (Robert the Bruce).  His weakness was that he decided to go back to- even for a short while- someone who had already betrayed him.  \n\nThat flaw lead to his downfall.  Don’t let it be yours too.\n\nNote: It’s possible that Wallace being able to move on from the early loss of his childhood sweetheart, Murron MacClannough, opened the door to romancing Princess Isabelle of France.  That could be you.",
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      "body": "Watch any romantic comedy or read any romance novel and you’d believe that women have it hard when it comes to love.  You’d believe they’re surrounded by backward-baseball-cap-wearing bros only out for one night stands, creepy faux rich old geezers, and charming rent-but-not-buy playboys.  Women do have problems, but men have one that’s just as bad, if not worse:\n\n<b>Guys fall harder.</b>\n\nThis isn’t about whether men or women love more in a relationship.  What I’m referring to is <i>bouncing back</i>: when it comes to getting back up from a failed relationship,<b><i>men do not recover as well as women</i></b>.  More so than women, newly single men must use their confidence to find someone new.  After taking a swift kick to the crotch, your average guy is thinking more about how much his nuts hurt than how he’s going to sweep the next girl off her feet.  The confidence-destroying-breakup-crowbar strikes deep enough that a man may never walk the same again.\n\nWe’ve all seen this on the basketball court: a shooter misses his first few 3s and a jumpy coach benches him.  After riding the pine for the rest of the quarter, does that player ever come back and shoot the lights out?  Hell no.\n\nAs a longtime UCLA basketball fan, we used to have former coach Ben Howland, who was an old-school, hard-nosed defensive mastermind.  The way he ran his offense, however, sucked.  He’d put in a role-player to shoot some 3s and then pull that player after he missed a few deep shots.  His shooters never got in a rhythm and ended up playing a lot of backup minutes after they were benched.  During his tenure, Howland never developed a dangerous shooter.  Instead, players would be afraid to take shots – even good ones – after they missed a few.\n\n\n![UCLA.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmT9CihXVGKrWH6k1zpMQGu2Z3Aqmag8E6JFSUuqs65Nuh/UCLA.png)\n<b>UCLA basketball: better times ahead?</b>\n\nUnlike our benched shooters, women have one huge thing going for them: a built-in stable of willing suitors.  Often disguised as longtime friends (more on this later), these happy termites pop out of the woodworks right after your foundation starts its death tilt.  Even a slightly below average girl* usually has two or three of these little buggers for some quick attention.  A black widow famously eats its males after mating; a newly single woman never goes hungry.\nWhat’s a newly single guy to do against the forces of nature?  The first step to moving forward is to get your mind right.  Remember the three sidekicks from Disney’s Mulan?  (Hint: There was bucktooth, a fat guy, and a gnome).  They exemplify exactly what not to do: pining after a girl.  Instead of rightly developing his five finger exploding heart technique or no shadow kick, bucktooth and his ilk sing a song about missing “a girl worth fighting for”:  \n\n “You can guess what we have missed the most\nSince we went off to war\nWhat do we want?\nA girl worth fighting for”\n\n![Shang.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTcZxZp2fMrwU9jUvQSG5Gu4eUVN6o7F6M62zcsyNqv6X/Shang.jpg)\n<b>This guy is a badass</b>\n\nThere’s no quicker way to end up a sack of guts riddled by Mongolian arrows than to sing this shit while in war.  By improperly focusing on what they don’t have, the three stooges ignored the path to success.  (Seriously, would any self-respecting girl pick those three goobers over the jacked up Shan Yu (villain) with his badass hawk and penetrating eyebrows?)  \n\nIf you’re newly single, you’re at war.  You need to think about how to survive and thrive rather than wonder where your damn horse went.  Moral of the story: horse-chasers are doomed to misery.\n\n* Protip for below average women: #1 be nice #2 treadmill #3 mascara.",
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      "body": "Your ex sucks.  There it is-- somebody had to say it.  The first step toward getting over your ex will be to understand that you don’t want her back.  To do that, you have to realize that she sucks.  How does she suck?  Indisputably, the facts are:\n\n1) She decided, in breaking up with you, that she’d rather be alone (or with someone else) than you or\n2) She thinks there is someone else out there that is better for her or\n3) She doesn’t like you as much as you like her\n\nIf you think about the three facts above and you are 100% honest with yourself, you’ll realize that at least one of them is true.  And unless you are some sort of spineless wimp, you know, deep inside, that you deserve someone else who is better.  \n\nAt this point,  some of you may be offended.  I don’t, however, give a rat’s ass whether your ex baked you oatmeal cookies or heated up some canned chicken soup for you when you were sick.  Believe me, there’s a girl out there who makes a meaner cookie and will serve you soup that won’t put your kidneys into sodium control overdrive.  Plus, her past good acts can’t make up for general crappiness (see 1-3).  That’s like saying “he treated me nicely when he wasn’t beating me” or “she was really faithful until I caught her cheating.”  \n\n![Cookies.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPAd1Bzf1SpBotHAcHydyaws66vHEeoR4LqNTVpcAihAJ/Cookies.jpg)\nHer cookies aren't that special anyway\n\nOf course, if you already realize that your ex sucks, you’re already 80% over her.  You’re probably fine, and should probably focus on learning to riding motorcycles, running marathons, or going 6+ rounds in a boxing ring- basically, stuff that will increase your badassery.  If you’re not quite there yet, read on.\n\nWanting to get back with your ex is a self-defeating game.  It’s like trying to re-recruit a player who’s decommitted from your college basketball team.  That player doesn’t really want to join up, and even she does, she’ll take bad shots, never rebound or play defense, and generally act like a little bitch.  Even after shooting 3 for 14, she’ll demand more minutes next game and jack up more crappy shots.  Why?  Because you were a pansy.  You came groveling back because you were desperate, and the she knows it.  What’ll happen is she knows he can get away with all sorts of shit, so she’ll run your team all the way to the ground, taking you with it.   In all the years that I’ve observed my friends getting re-recruiting their exes, almost none have succeeded.  It’s like duct-taping a bumper back onto your old Buick: it’s only a matter of time before that thing falls off and goes clanking down the road.  Relationships aren’t like broken collarbones: they don’t grow back stronger.\n\nYour ex is like a Scottish nobleman from Braveheart.  Remember the scene from Braveheart where the Scottish noblemen turn away from the battle right when William Wallace need them?  Your ex is just like that:: when times got tough, she hightailed it.  She didn’t want to ride into battle for you, and she’s decided that she wants all her cookies to herself (especially if they are any good).  \n\n![Braveheart.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXoPKmArxbCy9MkQTcCAyDDTyD7Vxe1bWju9T4nxDa2cB/Braveheart.jpg)\nWilliam Wallace is not a pansy\n\nImportantly, William Wallace didn’t spend the rest of the movie begging and pleading and buying the nobles flowers.  He didn’t make them a mixtape of old Scottish folk songs they used to listen to together.  He didn’t cook them their favorite dishes or write them love letters.  Although battered and beaten, Wallace moved on with his life and maintained focus on his goal, which was to defeat the English and liberate his people.  Wallace wasn’t a pansy; he didn’t let the Bruce’s betrayal beat him.  He spent at least 15 more minutes whooping some enemy ass in whatever way he could.  He even got revenge on some of those nobles (not recommended; this will be discussed in another article).  In fact, Wallace was captured and eventually beaten, drawn, and quartered, because he went back and tried to reconcile with one of the noblemen (Robert the Bruce).  His weakness was that he decided to go back to- even for a short while- someone who had already betrayed him.  \n\nThat flaw lead to his downfall.  Don’t let it be yours too.\n\nNote: It’s possible that Wallace being able to move on from the early loss of his childhood sweetheart, Murron MacClannough, opened the door to romancing Princess Isabelle of France.  That could be you.",
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      "body": "Watch any romantic comedy or read any romance novel and you’d believe that women have it hard when it comes to love.  You’d believe they’re surrounded by backward-baseball-cap-wearing bros only out for one night stands, creepy faux rich old geezers, and charming rent-but-not-buy playboys.  Women do have problems, but men have one that’s just as bad, if not worse:\n\n<b>Guys fall harder.</b>\n\nThis isn’t about whether men or women love more in a relationship.  What I’m referring to is <i>bouncing back</i>: when it comes to getting back up from a failed relationship,<b><i>men do not recover as well as women</i></b>.  More so than women, newly single men must use their confidence to find someone new.  After taking a swift kick to the crotch, your average guy is thinking more about how much his nuts hurt than how he’s going to sweep the next girl off her feet.  The confidence-destroying-breakup-crowbar strikes deep enough that a man may never walk the same again.\n\nWe’ve all seen this on the basketball court: a shooter misses his first few 3s and a jumpy coach benches him.  After riding the pine for the rest of the quarter, does that player ever come back and shoot the lights out?  Hell no.\n\nAs a longtime UCLA basketball fan, we used to have former coach Ben Howland, who was an old-school, hard-nosed defensive mastermind.  The way he ran his offense, however, sucked.  He’d put in a role-player to shoot some 3s and then pull that player after he missed a few deep shots.  His shooters never got in a rhythm and ended up playing a lot of backup minutes after they were benched.  During his tenure, Howland never developed a dangerous shooter.  Instead, players would be afraid to take shots – even good ones – after they missed a few.\n\n\n![UCLA.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmT9CihXVGKrWH6k1zpMQGu2Z3Aqmag8E6JFSUuqs65Nuh/UCLA.png)\n<b>UCLA basketball: better times ahead?</b>\n\nUnlike our benched shooters, women have one huge thing going for them: a built-in stable of willing suitors.  Often disguised as longtime friends (more on this later), these happy termites pop out of the woodworks right after your foundation starts its death tilt.  Even a slightly below average girl* usually has two or three of these little buggers for some quick attention.  A black widow famously eats its males after mating; a newly single woman never goes hungry.\nWhat’s a newly single guy to do against the forces of nature?  The first step to moving forward is to get your mind right.  Remember the three sidekicks from Disney’s Mulan?  (Hint: There was bucktooth, a fat guy, and a gnome).  They exemplify exactly what not to do: pining after a girl.  Instead of rightly developing his five finger exploding heart technique or no shadow kick, bucktooth and his ilk sing a song about missing “a girl worth fighting for”:  \n\n “You can guess what we have missed the most\nSince we went off to war\nWhat do we want?\nA girl worth fighting for”\n\n![Shang.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTcZxZp2fMrwU9jUvQSG5Gu4eUVN6o7F6M62zcsyNqv6X/Shang.jpg)\n<b>This guy is a badass</b>\n\nThere’s no quicker way to end up a sack of guts riddled by Mongolian arrows than to sing this shit while in war.  By improperly focusing on what they don’t have, the three stooges ignored the path to success.  (Seriously, would any self-respecting girl pick those three goobers over the jacked up Shan Yu (villain) with his badass hawk and penetrating eyebrows?)  \n\nIf you’re newly single, you’re at war.  You need to think about how to survive and thrive rather than wonder where your damn horse went.  Moral of the story: horse-chasers are doomed to misery.\n\n* Protip for below average women: #1 be nice #2 treadmill #3 mascara.",
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      "body": "Your ex sucks.  There it is-- somebody had to say it.  The first step toward getting over your ex will be to understand that you don’t want her back.  To do that, you have to realize that she sucks.  How does she suck?  Indisputably, the facts are:\n\n1) She decided, in breaking up with you, that she’d rather be alone (or with someone else) than you or\n2) She thinks there is someone else out there that is better for her or\n3) She doesn’t like you as much as you like her\n\nIf you think about the three facts above and you are 100% honest with yourself, you’ll realize that at least one of them is true.  And unless you are some sort of spineless wimp, you know, deep inside, that you deserve someone else who is better.  \n\nAt this point,  some of you may be offended.  I don’t, however, give a rat’s ass whether your ex baked you oatmeal cookies or heated up some canned chicken soup for you when you were sick.  Believe me, there’s a girl out there who makes a meaner cookie and will serve you soup that won’t put your kidneys into sodium control overdrive.  Plus, her past good acts can’t make up for general crappiness (see 1-3).  That’s like saying “he treated me nicely when he wasn’t beating me” or “she was really faithful until I caught her cheating.”  \n\n![Cookies.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPAd1Bzf1SpBotHAcHydyaws66vHEeoR4LqNTVpcAihAJ/Cookies.jpg)\nHer cookies aren't that special anyway\n\nOf course, if you already realize that your ex sucks, you’re already 80% over her.  You’re probably fine, and should probably focus on learning to riding motorcycles, running marathons, or going 6+ rounds in a boxing ring- basically, stuff that will increase your badassery.  If you’re not quite there yet, read on.\n\nWanting to get back with your ex is a self-defeating game.  It’s like trying to re-recruit a player who’s decommitted from your college basketball team.  That player doesn’t really want to join up, and even she does, she’ll take bad shots, never rebound or play defense, and generally act like a little bitch.  Even after shooting 3 for 14, she’ll demand more minutes next game and jack up more crappy shots.  Why?  Because you were a pansy.  You came groveling back because you were desperate, and the she knows it.  What’ll happen is she knows he can get away with all sorts of shit, so she’ll run your team all the way to the ground, taking you with it.   In all the years that I’ve observed my friends getting re-recruiting their exes, almost none have succeeded.  It’s like duct-taping a bumper back onto your old Buick: it’s only a matter of time before that thing falls off and goes clanking down the road.  Relationships aren’t like broken collarbones: they don’t grow back stronger.\n\nYour ex is like a Scottish nobleman from Braveheart.  Remember the scene from Braveheart where the Scottish noblemen turn away from the battle right when William Wallace need them?  Your ex is just like that:: when times got tough, she hightailed it.  She didn’t want to ride into battle for you, and she’s decided that she wants all her cookies to herself (especially if they are any good).  \n\n![Braveheart.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXoPKmArxbCy9MkQTcCAyDDTyD7Vxe1bWju9T4nxDa2cB/Braveheart.jpg)\nWilliam Wallace is not a pansy\n\nImportantly, William Wallace didn’t spend the rest of the movie begging and pleading and buying the nobles flowers.  He didn’t make them a mixtape of old Scottish folk songs they used to listen to together.  He didn’t cook them their favorite dishes or write them love letters.  Although battered and beaten, Wallace moved on with his life and maintained focus on his goal, which was to defeat the English and liberate his people.  Wallace wasn’t a pansy; he didn’t let the Bruce’s betrayal beat him.  He spent at least 15 more minutes whooping some enemy ass in whatever way he could.  He even got revenge on some of those nobles (not recommended; this will be discussed in another article).  In fact, Wallace was captured and eventually beaten, drawn, and quartered, because he went back and tried to reconcile with one of the noblemen (Robert the Bruce).  His weakness was that he decided to go back to- even for a short while- someone who had already betrayed him.  \n\nThat flaw lead to his downfall.  Don’t let it be yours too.\n\nNote: It’s possible that Wallace being able to move on from the early loss of his childhood sweetheart, Murron MacClannough, opened the door to romancing Princess Isabelle of France.  That could be you.",
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      "author": "patp",
      "body": "Hello, Steemians!  \n\nI'm looking to add a new dimension to the excellent subjects already here, mostly centered around relationship advice primarily directed toward men in hard times.  I wasn't able to find a good site on this subject: there's a bunch of pay nonsense, misinformation, and generally weird stuff out there.  I wanted to take some of my own experience and lessons I learned from people who helped me out and get a dialog going.  (Note: although generally geared as advice for guys, definitely interested in hearing opinions from people of all walks of life)\n\nA little about me: from a relationship context, I've been in more \"unsuccessful\" relationships than I can easily count.  Sometimes when I was on the receiving end of a breakup, I took the news pretty hard and, like many others, had to reinvent myself to keep moving forward.  I've dealt with cheating, getting the cold shoulder, bro code violations, dry spells, crazy exes, and the like over a 15+ year period.  After years of dating, testing, and learning, I'm now married (marriage going strong).  I live in San Francisco, California and have a job totally unrelated to anything creative or relationship-related.   Hoping that my posts (some of them preachy, some of them funny) will be interesting and maybe help some guys who are either in bad relationships or are finding themselves newly single.",
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