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      "body": "Congratulations @outofthefog! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@outofthefog/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@outofthefog) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=outofthefog)_</sub>\n\n\n> You can upvote this notification to help all Steem users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "body": "Thank you so much for this beautiful article. I see it was written two years ago and so I hope you are still on Steemit to get this reply. I searched the term patriarchy out of a sad and crushing feeling welling up in me at the political situation in our country. I hoped someone could offer some emlightenment on this phenomenon, some secret understanding that might help me fight, as a woman, what feels like a violent revulsion in our country of all the gains women and minorities have fought so long to overcome. I fear this government whose open embrace and disgusting support of misogyny and its demand for patriotism, loyal obedience to its patriarchy may send us to dark times. Your article, although very enlightening tells me we must rely on men to come to this epiphany of the value of women. But you seemed to have been born with this grace. Your article gives me renewed faith that men like you are out there and will stand beside us in our fight against the subordination of patriarchy. You are a warrior and your strength is a 1000x that of the misogynist because he sees women as a threat.",
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      "body": "History According to White People\n\n  One of the most baffling ironies of conversing with conservatives is their insistence that the ills of the current political situation is due, quite directly, to a failure of schools today to teach history.  This is humerous on the surface just because I've seen old report cards from my parents and even a few of my grandparents and I didn't see any classes on history. There was reading, writing and arithmetic. But the reason I say that the statement baffles me is because I would although I disagree with those one the right on almost every level, I do agree that teaching children history would help ease the current political hostility.\n\n So how is it possible for people on opposite ends of the political divide to agree that teaching history would resolve that divide?  Well, the true answer is in what version of “history” you intend to teach.\n\nWhenever I find myself in agreement with a conservative I want to delve deeper into this rare territory.  I am genuinely intrigued that there is a glimmer of hope for mutual understanding between our tribes.\n\nBut as the details emerge about what “teaching history” means to them, that hope, like a cool misting fog on a late Autumn morning, quickly evaporates. Soon we are left standing in the glaring heat of midday sun, brightly illuminating the divide of what we each perceive as “history” and how teaching it will be the cure for our social ills. \n\nThis rift is created by the historical revision which has been conducted over the years by conservatives in their attempt to validate some of their more unpalatable views.  Like somehow by saying “this is how it always was before and if we go back to that, if we return to those simpler times, the so called ‘good old days’ all of these problems we see today wouldn't exist.” \n\nTheir nostalgic view of “the good old days”, based on their own biased version of history, makes this theory easy to dismiss by liberals.  The fact is, the good old days weren't all that good.  But it WAS better for some than for others. And that is where we see the breakdown.\n\n For those who associate themselves with the people who did well during the country’s infancy, conservatives  see a return to those old systems as a good thing. To those who identify with those who did not fair well under the old system, mainly minorities and women, they want to move forward.\n\nIn context though much of what the founding fathers attempted to do was liberal. The sought to resist government control in favor of individual liberties. They were forward thinking individuals who, in many instances, saw beyond their own time and recognized the inalienable rights of all human beings. \n\nMany liberals also miss an important historical context. They will often point to the founding fathers and state that they were mostly well to do and all white and all men.  But the frame of reference of these men was one of resisting the overreaching power and tyranny of government AND they did see themselves as people who were oppressed.\n\nThe founding fathers did not experience the form of racial oppression or gender oppression that liberals today hold as icons that define their ideals, but they did feel oppressed and bullied by a power bigger than themselves.  They did feel the stifling weight of monarchial censorship and religious bigotry.   \n\nThey were willing to fight, and die, to create a society where people were free to do the most fundamental things like hold their own beliefs and speak without repression. They sought to prevent abuses of power and control through a balance of powers.  They feared an executive branch and wanted it only in an extremely limited capacity.  They sought a division of powers, not a consolidation of powers and clearly wanted nothing resembling a king.\n\nSo fast forward to today. The narrative of history being pushed by those conservatives who identify with the privileged (white) class (even if they are, by large percentage, middle and low income whites) is just not based in fact.  But truth isn't what sells it. It is the idea that by returning to this imagined era where people had wholesome values, society had structure and order, society will be better off.\n\nSome will blatantly and brazenly  state that we need a return to white, “Christian” America where men were providers, women were homemakers and everybody knew their role and their place.  A time when the government wouldn't tolerate the disobedience and “lawlessness” we see today. \n\n(I will pause here to clarify that I am pretty moderate in my political ideology and when I refer to conservatives this is not meant as a blanket to cover them all. Like all groups, conservatives can not, and should not be painted with a broad brush. Of course there is a broad  spectrum.\n\nFor the purpose of this piece I refer to the Trump praising, Maga hat wearing, dixie flag lovin conservatives with whom I find our “agreement” on history education to be the most shocking. Although a vein of this thinking runs through the perspectives of other moderate conservatives who couch their views in more socially appropriate ways. Often the uglier side only revealed when they are confronted with the possibility that they could be, well, wrong.)\n\nIt is now understood by many in America that for a large percentage of these Trump loving conservatives, their ability to openly advocate for their unpopular ideas is like taking off a suffocating girdle at the end of the day. Sheer relief that they can relax and finally just say they want America to go “back to its foundations”.  They call this rebellion against “political correctness” while the rest of us see it as a call to white male patriarchy. \n\nSo this is where I have come to realize how we can both see “teaching history”  as the answer. Because they know only a propagandized, folk art version of America’s past as history. They rile at any suggestion of white aggression against native peoples or discussions about the brutal realities and the dehumanizing torture that was slavery. \n\nhttps://photos.app.goo.gl/znfo2Jo4K7mznqia6\n\n\nA picturesque version has evolved on the right, a Norman Rockwell style of what they truly believe is American history is that has been shaped and altered by those who have rewritten the story to make whites into great Christian benefactors. They imagine Paul Revere’’s brave ride and Betsy Ross in a rocking chair sewing the American Flag. \n\nNow, I have no degree in history as many of them will point out, but even under the most timid scrutiny the thin shell protecting their indoctrination cracks wide open. \n\nThree main areas I will focus on are, racial inequities, balance of power and immigration.\n\nThe biggest glaring inconsistency right now surprisingly doesn't even involve race. It has to do with the Constitution. The Supreme Law of the land. The brilliantly designed document that has sustained our country for the entirely of its existence. This document enshrined, if nothing more, the need for a balance of powers between the legislative, judicial and executive branches of government. \n\nMany conservatives will claim to desire a strict adherence to the original “intent” of the Constitution and proclaim that they are Constitutional “purists” if you will. But these same people will also make statements directly in contradiction of things in the Constitution which require no interpretation at all.\n\nOne remarkable example is their support for Trump’s recent proclamation that private entities such as Google, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube need to be regulated because they are biased, left leaning and that by ranking their search results they are limiting, even repressing the free speech of conservatives.\n\nNow, here is where I would interject that history education would help our country because this idea is antithetical to what the Constitution actually says. \n\nThe founding fathers wanted to enshrine the freedom of speech and the press in the Constitution. This was because they had come from a land where the Monarchy controlled the press and severely punished those who dared to criticize the crown.\n\nBenjamin Franklin was a printer and published newspapers and was a strong advocate of protecting speech, even unpopular political speech. For Trump and his supporters to argue for regulation of private venues for speech is on its surface unconstitutional.  The 1st Amendment is not ambiguous. It clearly states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”\n\nThere is no manner to interpret this other than the government should not control speech or the press. and in fact, they looked at the press as the ultimate check on all government.  \n\nSo let’s say even if Google, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube were completely left leaning, even if unapologetically so, the government should not try to repress it or otherwise influence that and certainly should not pass laws to do so.  Even if Google deleted anything conservative and promoted every far left idea, the only thing one could argue is that Google is a liberal media.  But Google is NOT the government.  And the failure of a private entity to endorse conservative ideas does not, in any way, represent the type of government oppression that the 1st Amendment is there to protect. I mean let's be realistic here, there is Fox News which is obviously very conservative, right wing to the point of near parody at time, but they are a private business and can operate however they want.\n\nAnother common point of historical division and revision, centers around the civil war and slavery. As we have seen, many MAGA hat wearers will also be sporting a Confederate flag.  Quite simply, the Confederate flag is a flag of men who chose to rise up against the United States of America out of their own selfish interest in \n But here again, the revisionists were quick to step in and try to reframe the argument in a way that makes their continued defense of the Confederacy possible while at the same time denying that they are racists.\n\nTo refute this historical revision all one has to do is look at the words written by the southern states themselves which clearly outline their reason for succession and a war with the United States was specifically to preserve the institution of slavery.\n\nHere is a great summary outlined in a reddit article by freedmenspatrol:\nThe most damning testimony to this fact is right there in the Declarations of the Causes of Secession passed by four of the seceding states. This is from South Carolina's:\nBut an increasing hostility on the part of the non-slaveholding States to the institution of slavery, has led to a disregard of their obligations, and the laws of the General Government have ceased to effect the objects of the Constitution. The States of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin and Iowa, have enacted laws which either nullify the Acts of Congress or render useless any attempt to execute them. In many of these States the fugitive is discharged from service or labor claimed, and in none of them has the State Government complied with the stipulation made in the Constitution. The State of New Jersey, at an early day, passed a law in conformity with her constitutional obligation; but the current of anti-slavery feeling has led her more recently to enact laws which render inoperative the remedies provided by her own law and by the laws of Congress. In the State of New York even the right of transit for a slave has been denied by her tribunals; and the States of Ohio and Iowa have refused to surrender to justice fugitives charged with murder, and with inciting servile insurrection in the State of Virginia. Thus the constituted compact has been deliberately broken and disregarded by the non-slaveholding States, and the consequence follows that South Carolina is released from her obligation.\nNotice that an act by a state that nullified federal law was seen as just grievance for Carolina to quit the Union. Had they possessed a genuine enthusiasm for states rights qua states rights, they'd have been applauding that kind of thing.\nHere's Mississippi:\nOur position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery-- the greatest material interest of the world. Its labor supplies the product which constitutes by far the largest and most important portions of commerce of the earth.\nGeorgia:\nFor the last ten years we have had numerous and serious causes of complaint against our non-slave-holding confederate States with reference to the subject of African slavery.\nAnd Texas:\nShe was received as a commonwealth holding, maintaining and protecting the institution known as negro slavery-- the servitude of the African to the white race within her limits-- a relation that had existed from the first settlement of her wilderness by the white race, and which her people intended should exist in all future time. Her institutions and geographical position established the strongest ties between her and other slave-holding States of the confederacy. Those ties have been strengthened by association. But what has been the course of the government of the United States, and of the people and authorities of the non-slave-holding States, since our connection with them?\nThe controlling majority of the Federal Government, under various pretences and disguises, has so administered the same as to exclude the citizens of the Southern States, unless under odious and unconstitutional restrictions, from all the immense territory owned in common by all the States on the Pacific Ocean, for the avowed purpose of acquiring sufficient power in the common government to use it as a means of destroying the institutions of Texas and her sister slaveholding States.\nAnd here's the Provisional Vice-President of the Confederacy, Alexander Stephens of Georgia:\nOur new Government is founded upon exactly the opposite ideas; its foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery, subordination to the superior race, is his natural and moral condition. [Applause.] This, our new Government, is the first, in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.\n(https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/352b2e/was_the_civil_war_about_states_rights_or_slavery/)\n\nAnd if that weren’t enough to prove that the Civil War was absolutely about slavery not state’s rights, we can do a quick review of the Compromise of 1850. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/ourdocs/compromise1850.html&ved=2ahUKEwiz8eeqgc3dAhWCrFkKHclHD5AQFjAfegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw3G7zLFE1XPVcbinyNp6naV\n\n Here’s the short version.  California wanted admittance to the United States, to become part of the Union.  The balance of states was pretty evenly divided between free and slave states.  The southern states argued that they would not support California being admitted into the Union as a free state unless all of the other remaining territories when admitted would be slave states.  This proposal couldn’t have been designed any more precisely to show that the southern states did not support states rights to self determination.  \n\nAnd then of course, we could  spend a few weeks on the aftermath of the Civil War where the south, though defeated in their endeavor to maintain the institution of slavery STILL continued to make every effort to subjugate and abuse the now free blacks. They codified their racism through Jim Crow laws, terrorized african americans through hate crimes and at every turn looked for ways to raise themselves up and subjugate their now freed slaves.\n\nThe level and depth of their seething hatred towards African Americans and the way that this trait seems so woven into the core of their beliefs and culture makes me wonder what makes it such and enduring concept.  \n\nAnd still we see it with those waving the Confederate flag, insisting that they are merely protecting their “proud” history.  Is this the same history they claim to want to teach to our children to somehow cure the problems in the country? Yes. Because they long to return to the days when whites were in control and had power. If you think I'm being harsh, ask the next Trumper who advocates for history to be taught in schools again what parts of history they think we should focus on and why. The next southerner who claims the Civil War was about states rights to explain to you the Compromise of 1850. This is where a large percentage of the Make America Great Again crowd is exposed as the Make America White Again. \n\nIt saddened me to see that possible bridge between our tribes come down as quickly and completely as a controlled demolition, but it left me asking, “Now what?”\n\nI have given this some careful consideration.  Most people will form an opinion and seek out those who support that opinion and will avoid those who criticize. The louder and more hostile the criticism the more they retreat to their own corner. So I think we need to ask the people who espouse teaching history to first tell us why they believe what they do. Be respectful and open a real dialogue. As them where their ideas originated from. What books do they read and would they use to teach our children? And as you develop an understanding ask them if they think that we should teach about the Constitution and the Civil War. By this time you should have a feeling of where they are coming from and should be able to steer the conversation more toward a review of the facts. \n\n Of course it's slow. Of course it's arduous. But that's the only true way to get people so protective of their ideas to see any other reality.\n\nAs always I invite critique and other views. I am always learning too.\n\n  http://www.civil-war.net/pages/ordinances_secession.asp",
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      "body": "@@ -7313,8 +7313,225 @@\n s topic.\n+%0A%0ACredit for photo: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13152289-alpha-s-prize&ved=2ahUKEwjcuuWO6JDdAhUFvVkKHXvvB1w4ChAWMAJ6BAgHEAE&usg=AOvVaw2kT39PJuhfH9ySwjnv_gzF\n",
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      "author": "mfxae86",
      "body": "no probs mate, dont worry bout it for this one, just keep it in mind for future posts, just helps with copyrighted image issues ect. If you are using google you can hit the \"tools\" button and then the \"usage rights\" drop down menu then select the \"labeled for reuse\", those images you wont have a problem with them at all. \n\nif you want to engage with like minded people who will read an comment on articles, help you grow your account and share their works with you too etc. i would suggest you join Discord (its like an instant messenger ap) , there are many communities where steemians hang out text, talk on audio channels , etc. I recommend the two i mentioned in my first post, PAL Network and Helpie. im in them quite frequently so if you join, look me up and send me a message :)",
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      "body": "@@ -302,17 +302,119 @@\n ck. \n-Thanks again.\n+Not that these initiatives aren't honest but I didn't understand how it works I guess.  Thanks again for your help!\n",
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      "body": "Thank you so much for the comments and the advice. I wondered about the image. Im sure I can find the page I got it from. Can I just add the reference in the reply. (I'm obviously new). I read a little abouy how to \"boost your votes\" but I didn't want to so something other than just get honest feedback. Thanks again.",
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      "body": "Nice article @outofthefog, as in many instances the answer rarely lies in the extremes, if males were all alphas it would be a problem, if there were none which were alphas that would be equally as problematic. there is a degree which we must maintain to keep the balance not only in the numbers of males identified as alphas, but also the balance within ourselves. \n\nin the correct conditions someone who would not be regarded as an \"Alpha\" can express traits which would classify them as an alpha. it is quite complex, multifaceted in nature and not as binary as the extremes would have us believe. \n\njust an fyi if you are using images which are not your own you should be referencing where you got them,  a link to their location online is enough. if you would like to find more like minded people and grow your account consider joining the communities i have mentioned below. \n\n\nYour post was upvoted by the Copes Upvote Initiative. My account was delegated 5000SP for one month by [Make a Minnow](https://steemit.com/@msp-makeaminnow) on the [P.A.L Network](https://discord.gg/wSEHkgE).  This has increased my voting power to more than 10 times what it normally is, with some assistance of my Superfriends over on [Helpie]( https://steemit.com/@helpie) the Copes Upvote Initiative was created for a limited time, please check out the programs which made this possible and for your chance to be selected to have 5000SP delegated to you.  \n\nMuch love in your direction\n\n~ Cope",
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      "author": "outofthefog",
      "body": "Very well written. I honestly try to engage those with opposing views but I am so frustrated by their adherence to talking points and their inability to acknowledge factual evidence when it is put right in front of them. To try and stay vigilant I find calling out my own side when they make poor arguments or use appeals to emotion and propaganda. But I have a hard time finding conservatives who can present any kind of factual argument. I really with this weren't true. I do find that I agree on things like welfare reform, but only because I see the potential for a hand out to harm an individual if they arent given opportunity, NOT because as they argue that welfare recipients are lazy and entitled. Thanks for the breakdown of  how people fall into the traps we all need to avoid.",
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      "body": "There seems to be quite an ongoing conversation these days, some might say debate, surrounding the issue of the role of so called Alpha males in our society. The camps seem to be pretty clearly divided. There are  those who see the Alpha male as a natural and vital part of a stable society and consider societal trends which seek to minimize or vilify these traits to be the main, if not sole, cause of societal decline.  \n\nOn the other side are people who see the Alpha male as an egocentric patriarchal relic whose adorers excuse his negative, even criminal behaviors as being normal “maleness”. They see his conduct as bullying, selfish and would say it supports sexism and normalizes domestic abuse. This camp looks at the alpha male as an obstacle to gender equality and a modern, less violent world.\n\nAs I’ve listened to these arguments and read articles (most of which attempt to define the alpha male and explain how to determine if you are one) there is often a reference to the “natural” origin of the Alpha.  \n\nThe idea being that whether we like it or not, the strong, aggressive and sometimes violent tendencies are what allowed humans to survive in ancient times.  So the narrative continues that we owe this type of man our respect and to lose the traits he brings to society is surely a recipe for destruction. This idea is a tremendous assertion, at least in my mind, and one that deserves some serious consideration.\n\nOn the one hand, I do tend to believe that most of our modern-day traits, physical emotional and psychological have some origin in our evolutionary history. But if that were the case one would think that everyone surviving today would appreciate the alpha male and that we would all come together in a sort of instinctual understanding of his necessity. But given the clear bright-line that seems to divide these two camps, the absolutely polarizing effect of the Alpha male, I started to consider another option.\n\nEvolution of the human species as we understand it, of course began in a very brutal world, surrounded by apex predators who looked at us as a meal. Combine that with the ever present threat of starvation itself and it is amazing that we survived at all. \n\nSome advocates of the Alpha male are quick to remind us that the original hunter-gatherer tribes appreciated and respected the role of the alpha male he was essential to the survival of the species. \n\nBut this theory also causes me to wonder where the virulent opposition to the Alpha male comes from. Could it also be rooted in evolution or is it the natural reaction of a modern day society? Wouldn’t the rejection of the Alpha male make sense in a world now far removed from those ancient times? Why is a great percentage of our modern society made so uncomfortable by the idea of the dominating if not superior Alpha male?\n\nWell, this caused me to develop a theory. Evolution is a process whereby desirable traits passed on based on their benefit to the species. If we look at the Alpha male in this context we can see the traits he exhibits may have been beneficial in primitive times.  However, as we evolved from hunter-gatherers into agricultural communities how did this affect the role of the Alpha male? \n\nWe envision Neanderthals as tribes with males going out to hunt large game \nto sustain the tribe as a whole. Without a doubt as males ventured out on hunting excursions and returned,  the men who were the strongest and best hunters would have been elevated to a higher position in the society as they were the ones who literally were keeping everyone alive by providing the food. \n\nWomen would have been left with the young and would have been responsible for nurturing and protecting them from predators, an equally vital role so be sure. However, the women would have benefitted from working together as a collective unit, making the evolution of an Alpha female not beneficial.\n\nAlso, regardless of whether ancient Alpha males won over their female counterparts through admiration of their hunting skills or whether they physically subdued the female of their choice after conquering other lesser males the outcome would have been the same.  We would still see the Alpha male traits passed on simply by virtue of their ability to overpower others.\n\nLater on as human beings developed agricultural communities we would have seen that the Alpha male would have been somewhat displaced. Whereas in hunting communities the Alpha male would have been put on somewhat of a pedestal and made a hero, in the agricultural community there's more sense of everyone working towards the common goal of producing a crop. \n\nAgain if we look at animals who hunt prey to survive, it is often true that the strongest and most dominant eat first and get their fill before the next strongest gets to eat and so on down the line until the weakest would be sometimes deprived of food. This survival of the fittest mentality among hunting communities would make sense and again would ensure the strongest most dominant of the species would survive.\n\nIn agricultural communities however there is an idea that everyone collectively works together and everyone collectively shares in the harvest. The Chinese have a saying that \"Many hands make light work\" and in farming communities this is eminently true.  The more hands you have as opposed to the best hands would be the rule. The survival of all members is equally important.\n\nSo if we discuss the evolutionary base of the Alpha male we should also acknowledge that as agricultural communities developed this persona may have, in those communities, become a detriment. The egocentric Alpha male would be considered a liability in a farming community where the group takes precedence over the individual.\n\nAnd so, it would seem that as most of the developed world now does its hunting and gathering at Walmart, are the traits of the Alpha male still as desirable to society? If you look at the family structure today, many women are equal providers and don't accept the deference to the male as “king of the castle”. She expects full equality. And given that many women have to work full time, they may find a man who can equally love and nurture her children as more desirable. \n\nAnd if that is true, and men have evolved with one of two types of genes, Alpha male hunter gatherer or the collectivist farmer, and women choose the collectivist, then will the Alpha be bred out of existence? Are men today taught to  suppressing these ancient tendencies or have the males become less Alpha through evolution? \n\nIs the rise of right wing populism around the globe a sign of A![images.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaRZ1n19KW5SqgZPWgt7XVt5oVdaKKg6JZiNgQFjUYRv8/images.jpeg)lpha male frustration?  A fear that they are being eliminated? Is Donald Trump's blatant egoism and the audio of him saying he loves being rich because he can grab women by the pussy an appeal to this more primitive archetype? Is the Me Too movement a response by women to let men know that they have chosen a path that will not tolerate certain male behaviors as they once did? \n\nThese are all questions which I leave to the reader and I invite thoughts comments and criticisms. Also if there ia research into this and you have links, please share. I am very curious about this topic.",
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      "body": "Practicing Happy\n\nPracticing happy may seem like an odd arrangement of words.  But words often tell us more about our motives, perceptions and behaviors than we realize. \n\nOne of the age old questions of mankind has been \"How do I find true happiness\" or someone might ask \"What makes you happy?” The first phrase sounds rather haphazard and random, as if happiness is a tangible item that some supreme being has hidden under a rock for us to stumble upon - while the latter phrase is totally passive. To ask what \"makes us happy\" implies an event outside of ourselves, some occurrence, or object that either forces happiness upon us or robs it from us.\n\nMany studies have been conducted about happiness because of its mental and physical benefits, not to mention the increased quality of life we have when we are happy.  Some of the studies specifically looked at people who have encountered extremely difficult or tragic circumstances in their lives yet still manage to be happy people.\n\nThese studies found that happy people have different habits in their thought patterns. They actively pursue happiness and nurture it by appreciating the things they have to be thankful for.  When they encounter negative experiences they do so with a sense that they will overcome their situation, maintaining a commitment to focusing on what they CAN do rather than what they can't. \n\nThis may sound trite and of course is not a suggestion that one can simply \"think their way out\" of depression. Clinical depression can be related to chemical imbalances in the brain which must be treated like any other medical condition. But we aren't discussing that kind of happiness here.\n\nWhat we are talking about is why some people seem to have more of a capacity for experiencing joy and overcoming stressful and negative experiences than others.  Given the dramatic differences in the quality of life that this can bring, I wanted to share what I've learned from these studies as well as from my own experiences.\n\nFirst off, you have to have good happiness habits. This is sometimes called mental hygiene. \n\nBefore detailing these habits I should mention that neurologists know that when we experience emotions,  chemicals signals are released in our brain. These chemicals attach to the matching receptors in the brain to complete a pathway.  Different emotions have different chemicals and different pathways.\n\nNeural pathways used frequently get stronger each time they are utilized and those not used as often get weaker.  Over time the reoccurrence of the sane emotional reactions can change the hard wiring of the brain.\n\nBut that might suggest that people who have more often experienced difficult life events would have stronger negative pathways, but this is not true. Many people who describe themselves as happy have been through very negative experiences while other people who have had pretty mild lives are not happy. \n\nThe difference is how happy people process their experiences.  They tend to focus on positive emotions on a regular basis and therefore have strong positive pathways.  When they first encounter a negative situation, they take an active role in how they process that negative experience.\n\nIn the minds of happy people, the very first perception of that negative experience causes them to deal with it in a way that is more productive, in a way that causes their brain to release different chemical signals, that causes the strengthening of the neural pathways which help them to overcome their hardship.  \n\nAs a result, over time, these individuals become mentally and emotionally stronger because they are, by good mental habits, building a brain that is built to overcome. \n\nThe unhappy person tends to be overwhelmed, flooded with sadness, anxiety, anger, feelings of helplessness and they focus on how bad they are feeling.  This sends out  different chemical signals, thus building and reinforcing the pathways that will make those thinking patterns more dominant and thus, situations harder to overcome.\n\nI need to pause here to say that this should not be interpreted to mean that if a person is not happy it is their own fault. This is not about assigning blame. What it is, is a call to all of us to have an awareness of the mechanisms at work in our minds and to remember that although we can not avoid bad life experiences, we are not helpless to change how we deal with them.\n\nThe tools with which we might build a stronger mind however are not \"found\" they are not things which will be foisted upon us \"making\" us happy but rather are things in which we must take an active role.\n\nIn much the same way that we can not prevent all physical illnesses, we can still develop healthy habits to help us recover more quickly when we do get sick and we can make choices to avoid things we know will cause disease.\n\nOne last thing I want to mention. During my first job in customer service I attended a training on what “good customer service” is. The trainer talked about the importance of smiling at the guests and engaging them with an energetic welcoming attitude. I almost walked out thinking I was hired as a security guard and didn't realize being bubbly was part of the deal. \n\nI've never been a \"perky\" person and it seemed fake to me. The trainer told me that research shows if you make yourself smile and behave in a friendly manner your brain will be convinced that you are experiencing a happy event and that by smiling you can actually make yourself happier.  I didn't believe it, but I gave it a try and the fact is that acting happy does make you a happier person.\n\nThis “fake it until you make it” is only good as a starting point though. Cultivate a positive attitude by knowing that the first step on the path to happiness is realizing that you can't pick the events in life but you can decide how you will perceive them. \n\nJust try this. The next time a negative situation happens in your life, when you feel that emotion rising up in you, the fear of being overwhelmed, say to yourself, \"I will get past this.\"   The idea is not to stop your feelings or repress them. That is not possible or healthy.  Tell yourself you are going to  feel it these emotions, but not let them seize control of you. \n\nOnce the waves of emotion begin to calm you will start to separate the feelings, anger, grief, shock, hurt, etc. This is where you can choose the direction you will take. If you focus on the angry feelings, those connections will become stronger and every moment you focus on it is a reinforcing of that thought pattern. Anger changes nothing about the situation. It is cyclical. It won't move you past the experience to a place of healing. \n\nLikewise grief, though a necessary feeling to have, doesn't move you forward. As you allow yourself to feel these feelings, you have to try and find a positive to focus on to keep balance. As time moves on, you will tip the balance back to the positive.  Just like physical therapy after an injury, it will be slow and hard at first but you will feel you are on a path to recovery. \n\nWith each event life throws at you, these mental exercises with create a stronger more positive brain.  \n\nI hope something in this article helps you onto a happier path.\n\nhttps://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201704/stuck-in-negative-thinking-it-could-be-your-brain%3famp\n\nhttps://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/vanessaloder/2015/03/18/how-to-rewire-your-brain-for-happiness/amp/",
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      "body": "I completely agree with what you've written. I think the root of happiness, true appreciation and thankfulness. I also think a large part of expressing love to another person is through feeling thankful that we have them and telling them so.  I have always struggled to feel a true understanding of who I am but in times of stress, pain and sadness that I get the most clear and tangible sense of who I am. Thank you for sharing.",
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      "body": "@@ -130,15 +130,4 @@\n ses.\n- Resteemed.\n",
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      "body": "I agree with your point and I just hope these new forms of currency have time to take himd before the other system totally collapses. Resteemed.",
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      "author": "outofthefog",
      "body": "Let me first say I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience and your reflections on its meaning. As a student of life we can all learn from our collective experiences. You are right in that our experience with our mothers is a unique one in life as no one else can fill that role. But I reflected as I read your story on the people in my life and their experiences with their mothers as well as my relationship with my own children. Some of these relationships were fraught with dysfunction and abuse, alcoholism and bipolar disorder and then there were others which were quite normal and loving. As I read your story I thought over the impacts of those relationships with a deeper more profound understanding of the suffering of thosw who lose a mother or those who live with a mother who does not or can not love and nurture them. I am 48 and often think about my role as a mother and now a grandmother and although we often doubt ourselves and struggle to be the best mother we can be, it is hard to appreciate the gravity of our role through the eyes of being the mother.  We can only do that, as you have done here, through the eyes of a child. Thank you again. Resteemed.",
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      "body": "Summing up the content of a human soul with words is a daunting task, but I will do my best. I joined this forum because like may others I am on a journey to understand this existence and my place in it. I am here as both a student and a teacher. I want to learn from all of ypur collective experience and share mine, adding to the library of lives collected here.\n\n Our world is a complex place, but I believe that much of the confusion we experience is caused from our self induced estrangement from the simple, the profound, undeniable truths of our universe. If we are far removed from this solid base of truth, we build our knowledge and perception of reality on faulty logic and mistruths and before you know it we are lost in a fog of confusion, lonliness, anxiety and depression. \n\nI try to take the events of our world and break them down to their more simple origins so I can feel assured that my understanding of it is based in truth. \n\nI hope that in this journey I will find many teachers, mentors and students on this forum. All of my posts welcome discussion  and criticism. \n\nTogether we can help each other find our way back to the truth and lead one another out of the fog.![walkers-486583_1920_1.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQJ6prUowUj8kS5w7rEkb4LVtsLSz7EEYhJUvMSsmbKps/walkers-486583_1920_1.jpg)",
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      "body": "Hello hagijah36 and welcome. I am brand new to this forum and haven't even created an introduction yet, which is how I cam upon yours. It is difficult to sum up ones self with words, so I thought I would see how some others did it and I found your post most interesting. My reason for wanting to join this community was to find my position in a community where I am both a student and a teacher. I'll ne sure to check in with you again when I get all set up. My account here is @outofthefog. See you soon.",
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