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      "body": "Congratulations @missgenromero! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@missgenromero/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@missgenromero) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=missgenromero)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Here I am writing.\nIt’s been a month I can’t believe it so.\nI want to be happy because the holidays are here.\nBut I can’t you know I’ve been unhappy.\n I’ve been getting high to be happy.\nTrying to feel what he feels. \nI’ve cried enough tears to fill up your shower.\nYou can bathe in my tears and they’ll taste sour.\nImagine nothing of this happen to you and me.\nDo you think we would be happy?\nSeeing each other on the days we could.\nBut no that cannot be.\nI’ve been crying for many days for too many times.\nI laugh but I still want to cry.\nI am depressed but I do my makeup to feel better.\nI don’t for I have cried too much.\nRemember the letters?\nThe monthly one.\nThey’re ripped up in pieces.\nVisual representation of what my heart feels.\nIt breaks my heart to be so far from you for I don’t want you to be in jail you know I don’t want you too. \nHave oh been believing in Jesus? \nOr are you not even religious?\nDoesn’t matter what matters is you.\nI am high right now.\nThinking about you. \nMy feelings are about you.\nFor I have cried too many times because I’ve missed you.",
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      "body": "“Outside my building.” Was the last message I have of us on our phone.  You know how you can tell I really love this person? I don’t want to move on. I really don’t. Many tell me to. But I can’t. I just can’t. You know I shouldn’t be crying about the incident or that he went to jail. Crying doesn’t bring anything back. But I have to cry. This is the pain inside me right now. I miss him. I seriously miss him. I don’t cry like this for guys. I don’t. Why do I love him so much? Maybe because his teaching helped me grow. He has made me into a better person. Well I made myself into a better person but he helped. You know what breaks my heart that he thought I was cheating the day of the incident. I don’t cheat. I can’t cheat. If I accuse him of cheating he’ll go on a tangent that he doesn’t cheat. I recently got accused of cheating. It wasn’t true. The man wanted sex and I said “no.” He went crazy and I never saw him again. But I do miss him though (my boyfriend not the crazy sex guy.) He posted some pictures and videos man does he look good. I want to hug him right now so bad. I want to tell him “hey liddo baby I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you.” But I can’t do that there’s a restraining order. Ever since last year no one wanted me around him . Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t been this happy in forever. My love for him is so genuinely real it scares me because I didn’t think I had that much love to give to someone. When I was at work I didn’t think about any of this I was happy. But then I see pictures of him and God does he drive me crazy. He makes me so happy. I remember the most littlest details and I laugh and cry. We were so confortable with each other. It was so amazing. I’m crying as I’m writing this while noticing my teeth are moving because I stopped wearing my retainers. It gets to my skin sometimes when someone tells me to move on. Especially my mom. Like I won’t. I won’t I won’t I won’t. Unless he tells me there another woman on the line then I’ll be forced to move on. He told me he’ll wait then so will I. The last time I saw him I saw him leave with his lawyer by the corner of my eye. I was too sad and shy to look up at him because we were just issued the restraining order. We were suppose to go to six flags but we didn’t. We never went. We took separate cars that day. How sad it was for me and I bet for him too. I’ve written so many poems about him it’s crazy. My feelings are too real. That’s why it amazes me people say I’ll cheat on him. I’m sprung on this man no one like him. I’m breaking inside and I’m so sad. I miss him. And whenever I see him well his pictures it makes me so happy. He is a nice guy. He took me to Disneyland for my 20th birthday. Why did all of this have to happen? Why did I have the incident? It’s too late for all these questions because it has happen. Now I’m just dealing with the headache and pain in my heart. I miss him so much and i love him so much. He will soon be in my arms I hope...",
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      "body": "Today we turn 13 months. Does it matter anymore? Does it matter to him? Ever since the restraining order I feel things aren’t the same. Well ever since the incident. Does he know it’s our 13 month of being together? I’m falling into that hole of depression again. And like he said “don’t you have suicidal thoughts like everyday.” I don’t. I over came that years ago. Breaks my heart where our relationship has turned. You know the same dress I wore when he asked me out was the same dress I had on when I had the incident. Now the dress is all ripped up in the trash covered with my blood, tears, and my yelling. How crazy is that? And I shit you not it’s true. Very very true. It’s crazy to believe. Does that dress represent our relationship? I don’t want it to because I still want to believe that we can still do this relationship. After all he did say he was going to wait for me. I’ll wait for him too no worries. I began working again. Work makes me forget about my problems for a little bit. And then once I’m out I’m back to thinking about reality. I’m tired and exhausted from working but it seriously helps me forget about my problems. I passed by his college today. I had a appointment by Upland and I passed by his school on the freeway. I just saw that big triangle building. I look over my shoulder and I notice I’m upset. How did all of this happen. How? Everyone tells me to move on. But I don’t want to. It would be a lie if I told you he didn’t get my hopes up when he wrote that he’ll wait for me. That gives me hope. He knows it’s our 13 month. He knows. He saw. And yet there’s nothing he’s written. The day isn’t over. Well for me it is. I’m going to go find parking and sleep this pain. Besides it’s my day off I’ll just be sleeping all day today. All day. I hope he isn’t flirting with anyone. I don’t. I just try to make friends and I don’t text anyone. I just work and write poems. I’m serious. I just been making goals and plans on how to save money and move out. I’ll move it by June 2018. That’s my plan. And trust me I’ll have the freedom I always have craved. I can’t stand another minute being in that house. I can’t. I can’t even take the bus to work without her thinking someone gave me a ride. Or I’m still seeing him. She’s so absurd. She’s going to court too. She was so happy when she got the letter in the mail. I was pissed. But it’s good that way she’s there and she doesn’t make shit up. It’s crazy how bad I want to be with this person yet if I do want to be with him I get kicked out. Yet she’s dating someone who’s super toxic for her. But I can’t say shit because I’m the daughter. It’s annoying. Lately I found out some news about myself. I can’t deal with the news or else I’m homeless and no one can’t help me not even him. So I have to let go of the news. I have to go and find parking in loud ass Los Angeles. I’m working so hard to get my money to get my condo with my 4 dogs next to the beach. And it will happen just slowly.",
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