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      "title": "I'm sorry - and please let me explain",
      "body": "<html>\n<p>&nbsp;This blog is for all those lovely, beautiful people who I had the privilege to share this path with in some way or the other. And if you‘re reading this: YES, I‘m talking about YOU! <br>\n</p>\n<p>I haven‘t been myself lately. It was honestly the most difficult period of my life so far. Everything seemed to crumble and nothing seemed to work anymore. I was burnt out. I couldn‘t think clearly anymore. I didn‘t have the energy for the simplest things anymore. I felt anxious and suffered from migraine attacks. Most people think of migraine as a headache and you take a pill or take a good night‘s sleep and it‘s all good. But it's more complex. Here is what migraine looks and feels like in my case: I loose the ability to see on one eye (usually the right side). There's a paralysis unfolding usually on one side of my body aka temporary hemiplegia. I stop feeling one side of my body, last time it was the entire right side of &nbsp;my body, starting with the arm, moving into the face and tongue. You get the image. Then I loose the ability to verbalize my thoughts. At this point the condition is more similar to a stroke. But it doesn‘t stop there: It‘s followed by a pounding pain in the skull, forehead and temples. Worst case: it goes on for days. It‘s usually accompanied by what doctors refer to as photosensitivity. I can‘t handle any kind of lights anymore, albeit artificial or natural light. Consequently I lock my self up in the darkest room of the building. Being very sensitive to noises is usually also a side effect. And it‘s not like after the symptoms are gone it‘s all good again. There are some mid-term and long-term consequences too. Also in painfree situations I had more and more problems to think clearly and to verbalize my thoughts. I don‘t think that I am back at the level of my cognitive abilities I had say a year ago. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>\n<p>I want to point out: Yes, a condition like this sucks and I never felt as helpless and powerless as I did in recent months. However, this is not supposed to be a pity party. I don‘t want anybody‘s pity. Still I want you to understand why you might not have heard from me in a while, or why I didn‘t answer to messages and phone calls. I also want to empathize to whoever reads this: I do care about you! And me disconnecting from more or less everyone in my life has nothing to do with you but all to do with the difficult circumstances in my life. And to those who I neglected and to those who feel understandably neglected I want to apologize. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Back to the migraine: Doctors in these kind of cases test your blood, test for nutrient deficiency, scan your brain, maybe other areas like your lung, conclude that there‘s nothing wrong, that the root of the disease is unknown and hook you up with some chemicals to turn you into a drug dependent junkie. I‘m not blaming anyone here, it‘s just how it works. Still, the result is utter powerlessness. &nbsp;I‘m supposed to be the empowerment coach, so how can I teach others if I haven‘t figured out the crucial health department myself?! Of course, this lead to a deeper crisis. And it‘s obviously a necessary crisis. There‘s something pivotal I didn‘t realize yet, there‘s some lesson I didn‘t learn. I guess one is not to put so much weight on my shoulders. Nobody is really perfect and life is a constant succession of lesson after lesson. I would be quite boring too if you knew everything already, right? ;) &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>We are living in truly extraordinary times. We‘re confronted with an amount of technological advances that are unheard of. It‘s a big opportunity, but it also bears risks. The degree to which we‘re exposed to rather new kind of waves (through the internet, wireless technologies etc.). I can only tell from my experience: I couldn‘t handle all of this anymore. The increased exposure to technology could also be a root cause for my headaches. There‘s a term for this: Electro smog. I felt foggy in my head, anxious, tired, exhausted when exposed to a lot of this and decided to go into nature a lot more and switch of my phone and laptop for the most part of the day. <br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>There are so many systems surrounding me that are massively flawed to say the least. The political system, the educational system or the medical system to only name a few. For the last years I was in rebellion-mode. Being in a state of active resistance to all of these systems. Jeeez… it‘s exhausting… Now I try to see also the positive in these systems and aim to apply a more cooperative mode. For my health's sake. I don‘t want to go into much details about this here. Let‘s just say I‘m working on another area of my life to eliminate stress and anxiety. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>The mission of empowering others during the last one or even two years turned more and more into a burden that it took the fun away. One of my mentors once said: „You need fun in your life, otherwise you burn out.“ I had to learn it the hard way. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Last year I started doing my own workshops to teach the really empowering tools. I traveled to different countries inside Europe on my mission to empowering others. But in the midst of this wave of euphoria I forgot to pay attention to myself. There always seemed something that needed to be done. I didn‘t take a proper break, my mind was running and running. I forgot to charge my own batteries. At some point my batteries were empty. I don‘t know how long it will take until I am the „old Chaim“. One thing is for certain: I need to fill up my cup first, only then can I contribute. Only then can I serve from my overflow. It‘s the only thing that makes sense. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Besides, I now switched to a plant based vegan diet. From what I learnt it‘s my best shot at overcoming my migraines. And so far, it has been a great choice. I pay more attention to taking in healthy fats to increase my cognitive abilities and to detox through an increased intake of antioxidants. I‘ve also been experimenting with CBD oil. So far, as well, a pretty promising start. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>The fear of suffering another migraine attack creeps up occasionally. I feel a tingling sensation in my arm and I think: „Shit, there we go again!“ Sometimes it takes 30 minutes to get from feeling great, present and alive to the condition I described at the beginning of my text. It can thus take only a couple of minutes for the entire system to shut down. Damn, this really sucks! But it‘s simply something I have to deal with. <br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>And fun! Singing, dancing, joking around! In order to achieve a healthy balance in my life I need to bring the fun back. Just being. Just doing things because it's fun to do. No second thoughts, no \"improving the state of the world\". I hope some time in the future, we can meet and do all of these fun things together.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>https://i.postimg.cc/zByPBqLZ/Bildschirmfoto-2019-07-22-um-09-40-14.png<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>There‘s certainly light at the end of the tunnel. But it might still take some time. To quote AC/DC: It‘s a long way to the top if you want to rock n‘ roll ;) At this point it‘s about finding the balance and regaining trust in my body, brain, mind and soul and, for that matter, life itself. It‘s about taking the right decisions on a consistent basis and to be patient. I'm currently taking part in a coaching program that aims to balance out all of the essential areas of life. It's important for me to remind myself that other's have experienced similar things. I don't need to go through it alone. Instead I can benefit from other's experiences who did overcome obstacles I am faced with. <br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>If you made it this far, I want to thank you because it shows that you too care. If you have any thoughts, suggestions, tips etc. don‘t hesitate to message me or comment. I might take some time to reply, but I certainly appreciate it. :) <br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Much love <br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Chaim&nbsp;</p>\n<p><br></p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "<html>\n<h3>https://i.postimg.cc/cH7pmhc3/kid-1241817-1920.jpg</h3>\n<h3>The expectations trap&nbsp;</h3>\n<p>In my coaching practice I want to remain open to new approaches, always. There is always something that can be improved. And it‘s fun to experiment! A key to happiness is to discover the child within. Or to rediscover the child within I should say. The child that embraces challenges. The child that loves to try out new things. The child that‘s not afraid to fail. The child who doesn‘t know failure.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>\"How is that possible?“, you might ask. It's simple. The possiblity of failure implies a certain expectation. You want to remove failure? Remove expectations. That‘s when you embrace a different kind of playfulness akin to the playfulness of a child. It‘s that simple.</p>\n<p>However, I‘m not saying that expectations are inherently wrong or destructive. I‘m only saying that it tends to be an effective step towards experiencing life‘s lightness of a child once you remove expectations.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>Expectations are very useful. If you place and choose them wisely. They can be a massive factor for your motivation. If you place and choose them wisely. The key word, once again, is clarity. Clarity on your wants and needs. For many it‘s very uncomfortable because you start questioning the world you‘re living in. The world you deemed to be true. Questioning your thoughts, your beliefs, your goals etc. can be uncomfortable if not painful. And it should be! It indicates that there‘s something to be worked on. On the other side of pain lies relief and a new level of freedom.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>Expectations like big goals can stop you from functioning too. If the goal is too big you can feel intimidated and overwhelmed. I occasionally find myself overwhelmed. Focussing too much on goals can make you forget the joy of the journey itself. To me no goal is worth attaining if it means to stop enjoying the journey completely. There will be obstacles to overcome, it will feel uncomfortable, in some instances you will feel like you‘re not enjoying it, that‘s completely normal, it‘s part of the game. These are moments of facing your fears. Getting on stage, speaking up in a group of people, going to that job interview. These are exciting moments to grow as a human being. It can get quite uncomfortable when you‘re faced with the possibility of being rejected. In the end it's not about avoiding these uncomfortable moments. It would mean that you wouldn't grow. In the end it's about coping with these situations in the best way possible. Let‘s hand out a useful tool.&nbsp;</p>\n<h3><strong>How ridiculous...</strong> <br>\n</h3>\n<p>Jason Goldberg, a performance coach I admire greatly and the author of „Prison Break“, is a master when it comes mindset tools. In stressful situations he asks:&nbsp;</p>\n<p>„How ridiculously relaxed can I get?“&nbsp;</p>\n<p>Try it out for yourself the next time you‘re afraid to speak up in group or the next time you feel anxious before a job interview. You start shifting from engaging with a potential worst case scenario to using your mind to not just focus on the now, but to create a state beyond fear. You cannot be relaxed and afraid. Being afraid means you are all tense, ready to for the fight or the flight. When you're relaxed you're way more likely to see opportunities. Being relaxed indicates that there's not an existential threat. That one job interview doesn't determine your fate. There will be more opportunities. &nbsp;</p>\n<p>„How ridiculously relaxed can I get?“&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A lof of Jason Goldberg‘s work has to do with the a mindset-shift away from scarcity towards abundance. Very often we get overwhelmed because we feel there‘s not enough time, there‘s only this one chance, there are not enough materialistic resources, there‘s a lack of skills etc. It‘s the clichee of the devil on your shoulder. The fear-driven voice inside of you. The inner voice of doubt. The voice of fear and scarcity. The voice that makes up worst case scenarios to stop you from pursuing your dreams. The voice that makes up worst case sceanarios to stop you from enjoying the now. The voice that makes up worst case scenarios to stop you from living in a world of unlimited possibilities.</p>\n<p>\"How ridiculously relaxed can I get?“</p>\n<p>It‘s a constant search for balance. The expectations shouldn‘t be too high, otherwise you feel overwhelmed. The expectations shouldn‘t be too low, otherwise you‘re not motivated, there‘s just not enough at stake. It‘s interesting, however, that a relaxed state of being doesn‘t translate into sloppiness or a lack of focus. I find that I‘m at my best when I am relaxed AND focussed. Like a child. Give it a shot!&nbsp;</p>\n<p>So, how ridiculously relaxed can you get? :D<br>\n &nbsp;</p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "<html>\n<p>What do you really need? I mean really, really need?&nbsp;</p>\n<p>I'm sitting here with my cup of tea, enjoying the view. There's nothing else I need, really.</p>\n<p>The problem with today's epidemic of anxiety is the lack of clarity on what it is that you really need and really want. You need to consider both. In order for you to realize what you need, you first need to figure out what you want. And that's a tough one for so many people.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>A job, status, wealth, family, a relationship, a pet, a house, the right food, health...</p>\n<p>A sense of contribution too: save the oceans, save the rain forest, cure diseases, feed the poor, cloth the poor, erase inequality....</p>\n<p>However, before you consider contribution, you need to know what's right for you. You got to start with yourself first. Only if you know how to nurture yourself, you'll have the capacity to contribute in the best and biggest way possible. &nbsp;</p>\n<p>What is it that you really, really, really need?&nbsp;</p>\n<p>It doesn't suffice to analyze the various aspects of your life and your environment on a purely rational level. You won't come to a conclusion. Well, the conclusion most certainly will be: \"I don't know...\"</p>\n<p>https://i.postimg.cc/6QnZJgj2/vipassana-997078-1920.jpg</p>\n<p>In order to figure out what you truly want you need to be able to observe. Observe without judgment. Observe your emotions. They will tell you what you want and what you don't want.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>What is it that makes you feel alive? You got to feel into your body. It's a big issue since the vast majority of us are trained to remain in our heads. Your body, which is your subconsciousness, will tell you what you really want and what you really need. Just observe. Don't judge. Feel into it. That's what you need.</p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "@@ -1167,12 +1167,370 @@\n le with you.\n+ %0A%0AAfter all, this anger has brought you something good and since you never know whether an anger will be replaced by a pleasant thing, any unnecessary grief is probably a bit of wasted energy. But we are human beings, aren't we? %0A%0AIt's good that you've enjoyed your time and I can well empathize with being sad and curious about the future at the same time.\n",
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      "body": "Wonderful! That's a good lesson for you. In your intention to convert others, you have gone too far and instead of only expecting your roommates to do as much as you could see, you wanted to show them how mature you already are and how they should be just like you. HaHa! I had a similar episode. My roommate at the time never paid the phone bills, lived like a pig and didn't get much involved in cleaning up and cooking. When I told her what I thought, she said I was not her mother. Finally, since I didn't know, the landlord contacted me and made me liable to recourse for the missing two monthly rents that were outstanding. Then she begged me to go to him with her and explain the situation. Which I did, but the decision had been made for me. I called her an energy vampire in a later short story and my brother and I laughed a lot at my foolishness in forming a flat-sharing community with her when I already knew how much trouble she was having in her old shared flat. I moved out as fast as I could - even before she did - and have never seen her again since. \n\nIt is refreshing that you talk about it so openly and that you see your own foolishness. I smile with you.",
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      "body": "I practice a clear seeing process... where anytime something happens that is upsetting to me, I dig out all the mind chatter that gets triggered (I’m not worthy, she thinks she’s better than me, blah blah etc) then verify what if it is true, false, or what I don’t know (aka stories we make up based on beliefs held by our egos). Once I am down to the truth of the matter it takes a lot of the emotion away and I can process with more honesty.",
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