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      "body": "Congratulations @kyelthomas! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n<table><tr><td><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@kyelthomas/posts.png?202002211806\"></td><td>You published more than 30 posts. Your next target is to reach 40 posts.</td></tr>\n</table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@kyelthomas) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=kyelthomas)_</sub>\n<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>\n\n\nTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "author": "kyelthomas",
      "permlink": "9-years-ago-i-died-only-now-am-i-starting-to-be-reborn",
      "title": "9 years ago, I died. Only now am I starting to be reborn.",
      "body": "![treeinstairs.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRTKPpP6XFRQ91Q53Vh8aRBUtMPfSyiqUCqbCKj3XupAS/treeinstairs.jpg)\n\n\nIn numerology, there is this idea of cycles and that every nine years you traverse through specific themes and lessons. As there seems to be a lot of things coming to the surface now and changes taking place, something has recently become apparent to me.\n\n>  9 years ago I was expelled from the Marine Corp...\n\n>    ...9 years ago is also when I killed myself.. \n\nNow, I don't want to get into the whole story of it in this, but it was one of the profoundly influential (believe it or not, death was still not the most profound experience I have had...actually only about 3rd or 4th on my list) and life changing experiences I have ever had. It shattered my understanding and sense of identity I had come to be given. Transcending time and the idea of “self”. Re-inhabiting the multitude of experiences I have had over eons. Reliving entire lifetimes that, from our perspective here, in this moment of Earth’s time, would be the past. And yet, I experienced these things from my present perspective and, it would seem, within this current lifetime because… I came back. \n\n(or did I? I can get into a whole trippy thought experiment with that. Perhaps some other time.)\n\nIt is confusing, one of the lesser reasons I never really talked about it… aside from the fact I never really talked all that much anyways. Most of my stuff seems to be too far out there for most. To experience something so transcendental and beyond our force fed idea of what “self” and “Life” are, it was a lot to try to grasp and integrate.\n\nAfter getting released from the Marines, I lived in many different places, always spending most of my free time to myself, locked away in my cave. Sure, I was drinking, smoking and popping pills in there, but I was also seeking answers and, believe it or not, thinking that the drugs could help me see beyond myself once again… \n\n>They were a tool towards better understanding… \n\n> They were an escape from my self inflicted misery… \n\n>They were the things that were holding me back all along.\n\n![waterfalls.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRrvN8UzH7ifDhtqApozkMCjgHNVvy4d4YuiYwaQh2msV/waterfalls.jpg)\n\nI wanted answers… What had happened to me? I was hiding away, sure, but I was also in my cocoon. I wanted to solve the mystery of existence, all else in life was merely a distraction. Friends and family included. Nothing  material was more important than the Truth. \n\nSome may have looked at me and thought I had given up, that I was a failure. Little did you know I was seeking something beyond any one of us, something greater than anything found pursuing societies proverbial “carrot on a stick”. I wanted Ultimate Truth, not hand me down nonsense from so called authorities, with their agendas and desire to maintain control over the people. In a world where profits reign, ignorance begets the greatest of profits.\n\n\tSo, I left the society I had grown to despise and even hate. I couldn't understand how this world could be led so far astray. How it could become so backwards of what is possible. So I left… ish. I did my Costa Rica thing and then returned, thinking I could try again at this whole “civil society” thing. I couldn't.  So, I go with a backpack to Northern California, thinking I could just camp if nothing else works… 9 months later (there's that number again) I come back.\nI then at some point go off into the forest of Northern Michigan for 2 weeks with a few granola bars and no water… just to see how it would go. Remember, I wasn't just sitting in my room all fucked up, I was also researching spirituality and ways to transcend my sense of self again. Funny enough, both Jesus and Moses went off to be alone with no food or water, as did Mohammad, as did the Buddha, as did Gandhi, as did Lau Tzu, as did many spiritual masters of old. And here all you religious zealots sit, thinking you know anything and forcing your second hand opinion onto others and yet too afraid to truly seek and actually DO what those you worship did. What silliness! They were role models in which to strive to become, not ideals to toss your personal responsibility onto.\n\nI am skipping over so many things, but now I will bring myself to where I am now, Guatemala. After working here with The Doctor for 3 years and, as I started this silly wannabe sermon, 9 years of drugs and alcohol, I am now, finally, free. Pills, Booze, Cigarettes, Pot; all no more… And I feel power returning. Power That I have long forgotten about in my drug diluted memories.  A power I had always been afraid of, which is one of the reasons I smoked and drank. To numb myself… To keep myself in check… To keep myself weak… To carry on in my mental life story that life sucks and always will. To keep some sense of pity towards me for all the bullshit I have had to go through. To keep me passive… to keep me quite… \n\nTo reinforce my own thoughts of myself… That I can never be better than the failure I had become. After all, considering my birth, childhood, tours in Iraq and stripping of it all in the end... what else was expected from me?\n\n...But I don't have to succumb to normalcy… I can rise above societal expectations. I can become something greater than even I could imagine for myself… And so can you, so can anyone! It is all about what we think we are capable of that becomes our reality…\n\nChange your mind,\n\t\tChange your life.",
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      "permlink": "the-catalyst-to-understanding-my-self",
      "title": "The Catalyst to Understanding my Self",
      "body": "![IMG_20170718_120708878.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQRjn4QYjeHigBv4fTH4Jta8ffZNrLmYxu6EQh7m81azQ/IMG_20170718_120708878.jpg)\n\nMany may wonder what has become of me. The one who mysteriously vanished. Though, rest assured, it was just as mysterious for me as well. I was only the receiver of sensations with a voice, telling me where I had to go.\n\nMy life has been a curious one, this was not the first time I listened to an obscure sensational voice in my head. It is one and the same as the one that led me to Costa Rica, Northern California and the self imposed isolation in the U.P. of Michigan. I am never given hows or whys, only that I must. It has been such an exercise in faith and trust. Even though I have not trusted many people, I have been given reason enough to trust something higher than man. There is a guiding force that will provide for you, despite all perceived odds.\n\n>\tBut enough of that rubbish... \n\nBack to the question at hand, what happened to me?\n\nI will take you back, back to the murky recess’ of my own hazy memories. From the end days of my Marine Corp. career. After being told I was to be expelled and striped of all benefits for being a designated driver. This was the final thing that snapped me. So many wrongs with what the U.S. has been doing, invading countries to force an opinion on others. The truth of what that opinion actually entails. The slow and steady realization that I was fighting for the wrong cause. \n\nI wanted to make the world a better place, only to discover that I was nothing more than mob muscle, an unwitting imposer of Mafia like tactics, fighting to make the world far worse… and now this. The stripping of my benefits for my attempt to right a wrong from the past. To experience first hand that the powers that be do not care for those below them. We all are only puppets and pawns to further some unknown agenda. One which only benefits a few, and does nothing to better the human condition or humanity at large.\n\n>\tI was complicit in the extortion and manipulation of the mass’. \n>\tI was part of the destruction of innocent people.\n>\tI was deceived.\n\nI wanted to save the world, only to find I had helped to make it worse. And, in the end, to see that it was all for nothing, was a lot to handle.\n\nThere seemed to be two paths laid before me. Concede to what fate had dealt me and go home with nothing, or rebel and wallow in despair. Destroying myself in hopes that others would see the pain that had been done to me over the years.\n\nWhat would I choose? Acceptance or destruction?\n\nOf course, I chose to probe the depths of the mysteries of life, found only amongst the ash and rubble of self-destruction. The question of “who am I” cannot be adequately answered with innumerable layers of concepts and ideas of who I thought myself to be, masking the truth buried beneath it all.\n\nBut it was fate’s guiding hand all along. This was a split in potential timelines, differing choices thrusting me into different potential futures. Shortly after things settled and I was on restriction with few people, a figure presented himself that would offer me the tools I would need for just such a task. The tools to not only destroy myself, but open my mind to a whole other realm of possibilities and understanding.\n\nI do not know how to explain all this. A lot of things happened and my memories have them all bunched together as one.\n\nBut I shall try this...\n\nOn January 21, 2010, I was hospitalized for a drug overdose. From the time of losing consciousness and regaining it, many life times went by. Instantaneous glimpses of the entirety of lifetimes; there and gone in the blink of an eye. One moment I am inhabiting the body of a man walking, hand in hand, with his 6 year old daughter. The wife of this man had died in complications with the birth of said daughter. The close and surrounding area shows that this is the “past”. A wheat farm in the 1400’s. I witnessed the life of this man from his perspective and felt as he felt in times of high emotion… Was I this man in the “past”? I was reliving it “now”, the entirety of it was experienced “now”. Was it a new life to be experienced before returning to this one? Was it a flashback? Was it just a dream?\n\nI also remember experiencing being killed in a battle in southern France. Killed by spear in the chest. I remember not being aware I had died until I was looking down upon my corpse laid strewn about on the battlefield. I remember being an orb of awareness. No thoughts nor singular sensation, only an orb of experiencing. Drifting above the battle still raging below. I was as a pendulum, drifting from side to side, as I continue to rise higher. Then, a moment comes, and the boundary of this orb is engulfed in a flame-like light, swirling back into itself. The orb as singularity, collapsing back into itself. \n\nThe curtain of light falls, and now I exist as a singular point of view within an infinitely vast ocean of perspectives. Infinity individualized as an individual photon of light. All the same, yet all different and still all part of the whole that is the ocean. Then, at some point, the light begins to take on density, shape and form. Swirling amongst itself until a picture forms, and the experience of life forms anew.\n\nThese things stirred my curiosity… What lies beyond human perception? What else is there? Questions many may ask, but unlike everyone else, I had experience. I witnessed other realms or possibilities or worlds. I left this life and experienced others, and then I returned.\n\nThis was only the beginning, my catalyst. From here I would continue my destructive ways, always seeking to walk the razor's edge again, but fearful of going to far now that I was doing these things alone. I didn't want to die for good in this life. I wanted a foot in both worlds at the same time.\nI had always been displeased with the superficiality of the life we are taught to think of as “real”.\n\n>“What is real? How do you define what is real? If it is what you taste, smell, see and feel, than reality is nothing more than electrical signals interpreted by the brain.”\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\tMorpheous, “The Matrix”\n\nExistence is the translation of light into form. An interpretation, nothing more. Who gave you the codex for this translation you are living out? Who gave you the definitions to those specific interpretations of the sights and sensations you perceive as “good” or “bad”? \n\nWhat do you believe to be real?\n\n\nAnywho, story to be continued...",
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