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      "body": "Boobs.\nWe all agree we love them.\nBig ones, small ones, inbetweeners.\nSo why is it we spend all our time trying to cover them up?\n\n**I'll tell you why.... It's a big, fat, conspiracy.**\n\nAn evil conspiracy against nipples and human breast milk by the Reptilians and Monsanto. Yes, in fact the more I think about it the more I'm sure that Monsanto, the banking cartel, the Illuminati and world religions have been conspiring to cover up female bosomtalia in an attempt to take over the world. We could even call it 'The War On Boobs' because that's what it is.\n\nReptilians are not only known for being a) aliens, b) related to the Queen of Britain and c) great at karaoke, they are also known for being painfully jealous of warm blooded mammals and will stop at nothing to keep us away from the bounty and nourishment  breasts provide.\n\nAnd what about the bankers? Surely they must be in on it too....\nWhy did over 50 of them die recently in mysterious circumstances? Did they know too much?\nHad they discovered the secret?\nLet's be honest, when people are busy looking at boobs they are not out spending money or getting into debt (unless drunk and at a strip club of course, that goes without saying. Say hi to Vanilla for me).\nJust think how easily the Federal Reserve and giant humanoid reptiles can infect our babies with milk not sucked directly from the mother's teet?\n\nhttp://kristalpeierlsofwisdom.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/hillary-clinton-alien.jpg\n\n*Sorry human baby, it's the lifeless, plastic nipple for you. Boobs are dangerous.*\nDid anyone check the milk powder for cocaine? ketamine? nanobots?\n\nAnd what exactly is cupric sulfate? An ingredient found in most infant formula.\nOh... it's a harmless pesticide used for cleaning fish tanks. That makes perfect sense. But don't worry, it's only **mildly** poisonous. As long as you don't ingest it. (Note to self, the fish may be in on it too).\n\nWhen a woman gets out a glorious, milky tit to feed a crying baby in her arms people tut and turn their heads away, noses in the air with disgust. And all the while family become more dysfunctional, cancer rates are soaring, people are stressed out and covered with skin rashes and allergies. ADHD. WAR. BREXIT. ISIS.\n\nWhat is the probable cause?\n\n**I call it the breast/doom ratio. The more we cover breasts up the more doomed we become.**\n\nhttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/48/Weibliche_brust_en.jpg\n\nIn Eden, Eve covered her's up and shortly after became damned for all eternity. A symbolic story or real events? You decide. The world used to be filled with naked breasts bouncing through jungles and over streams, they kept us going when times were tough. They saw us through the Ice Age and into mammalian supremacy. This undoubtedly pissed the lizards off right?\n\nBut then one sunny afternoon, a single cretin thought it would be a good idea to cover those jubblies up. Breasts just made the world far to untidy and distracting. Soon after that fateful event society started to fall into chaos. Men were free to make weapons and go to war  and psychotic kingdoms rose from the ashes of our blood. \nNow boobs are sad, droopy, filled with lumps and bumps. Held tightly within cages of mesh and wire instead of basking in the eternal sunlight of freedom.\nOne scientist discovered that staring at boobs once a day for fifteen minutes increased his immune system and sense of overall well being. And what is even more fabulous is that this red blooded male actually managed to get a grant for the study. I can hear the pitch now: ‘Yeah, you know, I wanna stare at tits everyday for fifteen minutes and see if I feel any benefits’.\nWho wouldn’t want to fund that research and sit in on those sessions?\n\nhttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/Lisa_Lewis.jpg\n\nTo prove how deep the conspiracy runs I will share with you my own story of breast oppression. I was sunning myself in Miami, enjoying the breeze, when someone actually complained to the beach boob police (yes, it's a thing) that me and my well endowed girl friend were topless. They thought it might upset the children.\nBoobs?\nUpsetting children?\nMy baby girl wakes up in the night just to snuzzle them. Cannot sleep without them.\nAnd what’s more, I can clearly remember seeing dozens of topless men and more then one completely naked raccoon being able to walk freely and without restraint or threat of legal action.\nIf I saw a man with big saggy man boobs could I request he receive a visit from the moob police?\n*Sir, your uncommonly large man breasts are putting me off my picnic.*\n\nWe are teetering on the brink of annihilation, and it’s all down to the oppression of boobs.\nIf that isn’t one of the biggest cover-ups in history I don’t know what is.",
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      "body": "Glad to have you around!\n\nHere are some tips if you're not aware of already:\n* Secure your account: https://steemit.com/steemit-guides/@pfunk/your-steem-account-is-worth-money-how-to-secure-it-with-a-new-owner-key-to-keep-it-yours-forever\n* Verify your account and build your reputation: https://steemit.com/steem/@tuck-fheman/verified-accounts--reputation-system\n* Contribute with your own contents: https://steemit.com/steem/@grittenald/copy-paste-steal-cite-your-sources, and https://steemit.com/steemit/@pfunk/lets-discuss-verification-of-user-accounts-posting-previous-work-to-prevent-impersonation\n* Properly tagging your posts, especially when your content is `#NSFW` or for `#test` only\n* Know how Steemit works: https://steemit.com/steemit/@donkeypong/still-confused-by-steem-steem-dollars-and-steem-power-the-power-plant-analogy ",
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      "body": "I am a somewhat odd individual if you ask my older brothers, ask my younger brother and he'll tell you I'm reasonably normal. This is life. You can please some of the people some of the time but not all of them and certainly not all of the time. I am considered odd due to my propensity to dwell on the weird and wonderful. I read about aliens, lost ancient civilizations, conspiracies, stolen history, magic, other dimensions etc. I do not believe my TV tells me the truth and I do not trust authority figures blindly and without question. I have my own version of reality, my own religion, my own unique way of thinking that was not given to me by an institution or book. \nWe modern mystics, shamans and sages have little place within society as it's transforming. Gone are the days when villagers queued to get advice from the old crone that smelled like the forest. Instead we modern day mystics retreat to the underground rave scene, we travel as nomads selling trinkets or djing in exchange for board and lodgings. \n\nMy earliest cognitive memories are of me as a 5 year old looking around at the world thinking 'this is not how it's meant to be, it's all wrong'. I told stories to the other children of how we should be living in nature, close to the trees and animals. Where I got these stories from I do not know. A past life memory? Perhaps. No one in my family shared my odd view point. A sense of things being out of place and out of the natural scheme of things. \nThen just as I was beginning to integrate and become more normal, doing teenager things such as smoking cigs and drinking vodka, a big friggin UFO appeared right above me in my home town at 3am as I stood outside with my best friend smoking and chatting after a night out at the local club. That was it. All chances of me fitting in had been blown out of the water. \n\nTo be continued.....",
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