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      "body": "<img src = \"https://unsplash.com/photos/1v1s1_HFerY/download?force=true\" />\n\n<h1>Sanctuary of Life</h1>\n<hr>\n\nAs children, our teachers are fond of asking us, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I remember that as being one of my favourite questions; partly because it didn’t require any counting of stones or fingers to provide an answer that would be marked wrong. And I remember my answer had always been that I would work in a bank. That was the dream. That was always the dream. \n\nBut that’s the thing about dreams, and children—they’re both unrealistically naïve. There are some people who are lucky enough to realize their dreams; there are those who stay tied to their dreams, achieve them and realize maybe those weren’t their dreams after all; and then there are those who spend every waking moment chasing their dream but fail to achieve them. I belong in the last category. Or maybe I belong in the second. The truth is, today, I work in a bank. But I doubt what I do here is the dream I conjured as a kid—I doubt the young me dreamed about being a cleaner at a bank. \n\nEvery morning, at exactly 4.a.m, I wake up and take a taxi to the bank. I open the doors, I go to the store room, grab a mop brush, brooms and other cleaning equipment. I work for two hours straight, and then I lock up and leave. It is a difficult job, especially because I work alone. My employers have asked me to bring on board helpers but I let them know that I am not interested. My back aches, in fact, I can’t stoop without wincing, and my palms are brittle from scraping but if that is the price I have to pay to cater for my family, then I am happy to do it. \nI am a husband, with a wife whose whereabouts have been unknown for two years. But I am a father first and foremost. I have two children, Joe and Afia. I like to think I am blessed; not many people get it right both times. But then again, thirty years of my life and I think the only blessing are those two. I am estranged from my family—no, cut-off, would be the right expression—for crimes I committed as a teenager.  Such is the price we must all pay. \nI love my children very much, as does every father. But when I say I love my children, I mean I love my children. I mean they are my joy; they are my purpose, and for them I would fight through sticks and stones. They are the reason I do the cleaning job; it isn’t much but it helps me to pay their school fees, put food on the table and maintain a roof over our heads. I know it isn’t much, and I know they expect and want more from me, but that is all I can give on the salary I receive. Sometimes I look at them and feel a tightening in my heart; I do not think I have ever loved any two people so much. \n\nMy children are different, the way night and day are. Joe, my eldest, is a bit of a hothead, a boisterous, jumpy thing, with a hunger that I fear would be his downfall. He wants, he yearns, and he craves. He sees something that doesn’t belong to him, and his face lights up; he looks across to me, speaking a language I understand all too well, and I scold him later—he takes uncannily after his mother. But my daughter, she is my flesh and blood. She is calm, and smart and reasonable. She dreams within her boundaries, and does not want what isn’t hers. She is shy, in a beautiful, heartwarming way, and when she smiles at me, I wish I could give her the world. \n\nI was 17 when I got their mother pregnant. Or so she claims. I hate to be that guy but the whole thing is blurry, and sometimes I think I have been conned into a life that is someone else’s. But I love my children, and that’s compensation enough. Anyway, when I got their mother pregnant, I was in junior high school. My parents did not take too kindly to it. They took me to their room, they did what every parent does when their child makes such a monumentally stupid mistake, and then they said she had to abort it. They would give me money but I would take her to the specialist—that was a cross no one would carry. I said okay. But before I could discuss it with the girl, word got out. Everybody in our community caught wind of it: Headmaster’s son impregnates local schoolgirl—that would have been the headline if we’d had a local newspaper.  My father came home from a Parents’ and Teachers’ Association meeting no more the headmaster, and with a decision to make: he voted to send me out of his house. It was raining the day I set off into the unknown. \n\nI have had many setbacks in my life, since 17, when I shattered the perfect, little life I had. I have worked in a hotel as a cleaner; I have pounded fufu in chop bars; I have served Akpeteshi in drinking spots; I have dressed beds in hotels; and I have made mistakes that set me back. I have stolen, and be stolen from. I have done things I am not proud of in order survive. I have lived on the edge; my whole life has been either fight or flight. But the one thing I never lost sight of was my dream. Dreams can be misleading but they can also bring hope. My dream was my hope, and I needed that. Hope is rare, expensive, in a world such as ours. But I had that at least. \n\nI held onto that, as you would a tree stump if you were being driven away by a flood. And I was being driven away by my own flood, but that dream, that was my tree stump. And I held onto it. I tried, I really did, I saved money, I enrolled in school, and completed my junior high school. I continued the same hustle and completed my secondary education; I read Business and Administration and passed adequately. But that was as far as life would allow me to clutch onto that hopeless dream. \n\nI was then working at a restaurant, <em> The Ish </em>, it was popularly known. I had finished the day’s work and moving on to the next hustle—a nighttime security work at a hotel—when I spotted her, Akosua. She had two kids with her, my children—it was the unraveling of my life. \n\n<h2>TO BE CONTINUED</h2> \n\n<strong>Please like, repost and upvote</strong>\n\nImage taken from https://unsplash.com/photos/1v1s1_HFerY/download?force=true",
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      "body": "I have been away for some time, partly because steemit itself was in a bit of a sleep-state, and also because life happened. But I'm here now, lovely steemians and I am dedicated, now more than ever, to use this platform as a blog for my writing. You see, I've also kind of taken up web & mobile development so my time here will be limited. But I will not ignore the voice in me, rising, soaring, breathing fire, burning, aching to be let out. Scout's honor, steemians!\n\nWelcome back (note to self).",
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      "body": "So if I'm understanding this correctly then the Marxist theory goes that human excess population can only be measured by the level of unemployment within society?\n\nThings such as environmental destruction, lack of food and water, species loss, habitat loss, rising sea levels, pollution and climate change are not measures by which we can assess whether the human population of Earth is excessive and unsustainable?\n\nOr at least, if those are acceptable measures of over-population, it's only because they are side-effects of poverty through lack of employment rather than excessive consumption, excessive capitalism or excessive demands on a finite system?",
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      "permlink": "on-finding-the-muse",
      "title": "ON FINDING THE MUSE",
      "body": "![typewriter-407695_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSVeCSxjfaaZHRppYsTvVMXwY62E8b6wr946oUUhJVZDL/typewriter-407695_1280.jpg)\n\n                                               *\n\n\n\nBeing a writer is riveting. Simple as that. I find nothing more enthralling than people who can sit down and imagine worlds that do not exist and create people that do not exist and paint them as if they were real. For me, such boundless imagination is riveting! The fact that you can look at a flower's colourful tapestry and create poems and stories about love and peace and whatnot-all from looking at something as infinitesimal as a flower's tapestry-is riveting! \n\nThe first time I wrote a story was the first time I found love. It was the first time I reached out to a part of me that I never thought existed. Today, as I glance through my maiden story, I find a lot of cracks and fissures which were not perceptible at the time of my coining those words. Nonetheless, it didn't take the joy and shine away from it. I had made the improbable transit from being an ardent reader to finding a muse and putting it into words! I had become a writer!\n\nI remember beaming from ear to ear, showing my story to anoyne who cared to have a peep, explaining to them how I found the inspiration for the story. Every attempt to describe how I felt at the time has proven futile at best, and that is because there really aren't any words to describe, that moment you glance at your work and hear a voice deep inside of you sing your name and congratulate you on a good work done( it doesn't matter how terribly you may find the work). The feeling is surreal, it's indescribably emotional too as you are bathed in an air that is foreign and pleasant at the same time.\n\nFor me, it was the moment that set me apart from my friends. In my head, I heard the silent tickling that I was different, uniquely made. And why not? If I could look at the sky and create an entirely knew world, wouldn't that project me to a pedestal markedly different from that of the ordinary man?\n\nWhat followed was a sputtering flow of poems and stories. Instead of honing my craft, taking my time to learn and nurture the art the way it should have been, I followed the overbearing need to write something as soon as an idea popped into my head or a story or a poem unfurled itself through a word or a picture or anything at all. It is safe to say that my muse, my inspiration,  was blossoming like a new-found love.  \nAnd as with a new-found love, the challenge comes when the fieriness of the love goes dim or dissipates and one is burdened with trying to revive that fire. Eventually the blustery flow of my muse, dissipated into steady spits that had to be _romanced_ and _flirted_ with, before an idea could be born--the real challenge had reared its ugly head.\n\nWhat I find now, is that, I have lost my muse, the inesplicable voice that boomed from the indescribable beyond of my cognitive self and gave me ideas for my stories and poems has ceased talking. Now I find that I reach so deep into myself so that I can find a story or a poem. It is complemented by an unfamiliar sense of vaguery, a sort of blankness in myself that makes me feel as though writing a story or a poem is a task or a duty or a burden. But, the craft is best enjoyed when it doesn't feel like someone is holding a gun to your head! \n\nAnd so when I put my fingers on the keyboard, they are jittery and sweaty and cannot find the right keys to strike. When I pick up the pen, it feels too heavy and the ink doesn't flow anymore--I find a hollering unfamiliarity and virginity that can only be associated with someone who hasn't crafted anything before!\nI have been resigned to reading stories over and over, devouring pages upon and pages-awash with selfishness-as I will my muse to arise from within another writer's words. I feel the misery and the frustration of not blossoming anymore; of shrugging when a friend asks of my recent write-ups; of shying away from writers' groups so that I wouldn't face the humiliation of being unable to write anymore. None-the-less, there is joy in belonging in a clique of my peers, even though, for now, I have lost that voice.\n\nSometimes I hear that voice, thin and strangulated, like a person gripped at the throat. Those are the times I am able to sit down and write a page or a half of it, and then feel the now-familiar sense of emptiness and tiredness. \n\nThrough the \"muse drought,\" I have learnt a thing or two. I have learnt to not force my art, to not force that voice, to keep a steady hand on the tiller. I have learnt-and rather contradictorily- that by learning my craft, the range of my muse and the cracks and fissures that beholden it, I can be a better writer. \nThe muse doesn't come by chance anymore, I have to feed it as a parent may feed their children. By so doing I can embrace the vastness of my muse and its boundlessness-I may find the joy in writing again!\nNow as I trudge the ragged paths of rekindling the voice, my ears are splayed like the wings of an aeroplane, and my eyss are as wide as those of a toddler on psychostimulants. I am reaching for that elusive voice again; I am looking for the beauty in the flower's tapestry; I am looking for the story in that man's stare; I am looking for an explanation to the bruises and melancholy on that woman's face; I am searching for the poem in that girl's protruding belly. \nI am searching, earnestly, toward reclaiming my muse.\n****\n\nKhojo ©\n\n****\n\n\n*PLEASE UPVOTE AND RESTEEM*",
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