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      "memo": "Hello khennny, I automate the swapping between trx back to Steem.  Just send 15 or more trx to >>>   TUep3qrvP4QwqHtoXJjdQ6Q7JRQdyuaJQH   | put your Steem username no @ for the memo <<< You will recieve the market value of tron converted to steem. within seconds.  I posted a my results from sending it 100 tron yesterday here ->  https://steemit.com/trx/@steemegg/sending-100-trx-to-trx-steem-and-i-got-back-25-203-in-6-seconds",
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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "body": "Congratulations @khennny! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@khennny/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@khennny) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=khennny)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/the-steem-community-has-lost-an-epic-member-farewell-woflhart\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQWnM36SWCPGn98nY83M1ArgweMz5fnovQEp2E4FiDdug/Wolfhart_header.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/the-steem-community-has-lost-an-epic-member-farewell-woflhart\">The Steem community has lost an epic member! Farewell @woflhart!</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemtoolbar/@steemitboard/steemtoolbar-update-display-bug-fixed\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/http://i.cubeupload.com/7CiQEO.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemtoolbar/@steemitboard/steemtoolbar-update-display-bug-fixed\">SteemitBoard - Witness Update</a></td></tr></table>\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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{
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    {
      "author": "khennny",
      "body": "<strong>An apology before I start</strong>\r\n\r\nI always go missing, hiding inside myself, as I try to decipher the meaning of life in a language I can understand. Trying to disentangle knots, clear up space, exist despite fear and still breathe to spite it (I could go on and on about what I'm trying to do...). So with all of this \"wanting to\" and \"trying to\", \"things getting too much\" and \"me feeling pulled in different directions\", I always tend to fold up and run away.\r\n\r\nI've always been scared of situations where my feet can't be on the floor, so things like swinging, someone lifting me up (please stay away all these \"let me carry you to see how heavy you are\" people) etc leaves me anxious. I always want my feet to be firm, there's this need to always find solid ground and when I don't, I just blow up inside and it leads me to paths where to cross, I have to go ghost.\r\n\r\nMaterializing is always hard and I'm usually tempted sore to not come back at all; I'd have to apologise for my absence, explain why I always fall off the radar (someone said I ghost because I'm a self-saboteur (whatever that means) and try to sound more wholesome by telling a few (or a lot of) lies to explain/appease.\r\n\r\nBut I'd like you to know that as I crash and climb back up into this driver's seat, my shaky foot on the pedal (or whatever this is) my readers (WELCOME BACK to those who've been on this ride and a BIG WELCOME to new passengers!!) in their seats, I put my hand on my heart as my mind's hand caresses my new scar and say that I'm forging a path to a place I will no longer need to run from.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nSooooo, I turned 20 on the 13th of October...so far, I just want to say honestly that it sucks, I don't know what I'm doing and things have been tough on me mentally and emotionally lately.\r\n\r\nThe 20’s is a time where it's easy to feel stuck, to see no light at the end of the tunnel, to curl around the question mark, to be unsure, to pause, to be afraid. Not knowing can be terrifying and I'm in this headspace where I'm uncertain of the direction I'm supposed to go...I somehow feel like I was told before, like I was shown a map then I memorized it and totally forgot. It's disappointing. How so? I never quite know how to phrase disappointment in a way that doesn't make me come across as a person with too many expectations because the truth is, I DO have many expectations. Even for the people around me. I digress. I have always had too many expectations for myself, too many goals, too many aspirations (most times they don't even correlate). I know that people say you should \"always push to be the best version of yourself that you could possibly be\" and \"it will be worth it in the end\", however I'm struggling to find the boundary between finding the best version of myself and being happy. It feels like it won't get easier, like I'd continue to wake up every morning with a greater sense of defeat lingering in my head, like it'd never get better, like I'd never reach the high level of happy and content I aspire to. No, I'm not a pessimist. I just think several steps ahead and sometimes ignore the present.\r\n\r\nI'm constantly worrying about where I'd be in a year, the steps I need to take in my walk as a writer and how I can be all round better as though these things happen instantaneously. I accept that I'm always going to be looking into the future and that I'm always going to worry but I also can't neglect my present. \"The present always has answers, you may be overlooking them\", is an important thing I've had to learn in the past few days.\r\n\r\nIn the past month, people I've told my concerns have expressed this same sentiment. Nobody started out where or who they are today. Consciously or unconsciously, we've balanced our unknown with hard work and consistence (and a little or a lot of \"cut me a little slack\"), an art that some of us (especially me) haven't appreciated. December is 14 days old and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't already thinking about next year and all the things I'd have to face there. But this is where staying in my present comes in, I have to consciously remind myself of how thankful I am right now - for waking up, for the wonderful people in my life, for the weather, for the little steps I'm taking.\r\n\r\nI started to;\r\n\r\n*Meditate (no I'm not joking please)\r\n\r\n*Workout (release those endorphins and be happy)\r\n\r\n*Practice gratitude (never stop giving thanks for the things you have)\r\n\r\n*Be mindful of my space (I'm not a messy person but I started to be more mindful of my space. It gives for a better mindset)\r\n\r\n*Write more in my journal (express yourself)\r\n\r\n*Surround myself with positive people\r\n\r\n*Place peppermint oil (or just a spritz of my perfume) in the palm of my hands and inhale deeply (this calms me down really quickly)\r\n\r\nI’m not near perfect. And I’m not trying to be. But I hope this helps you as much as it started to help me.\r\n\r\nIf you’ve been in some type of funk before, how did you come out of it? I'm dying to know.\r\n\r\nLove x Warmth\r\n\r\n<img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-310\" src=\"http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/signature-1-300x139.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"139\" /><br/>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nP. S I plan on doing more posts like this, where I talk from a personal point of view based on experiences, books, videos, and all. If you enjoy content like these, I’d love feedback from you, by subscribing to the blog &amp;/or leaving your opinions in the comments.\r\n\r\nAlso don't forget to like and share.\r\n\r\n<a style=\"color: #ffffff;\" href=\"http://thebloggersays.com/?page_id=438\">Subscribe here</a> or down below  if you haven't.\r\n\r\nFollow me on Instagram <a style=\"color: #ffffff;\" href=\"http://instagram.com/thebloggersays\">here</a>\r\n\r\n&nbsp;<br /><center><hr/><em>Posted from my blog with <a href='https://wordpress.org/plugins/steempress/'>SteemPress</a> : http://thebloggersays.com/20s-the-right-way/lifestyle/14/12/2018/</em><hr/></center>",
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      "body": "<center>http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG-20180629-WA0003.jpg</center> <br/><img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-591\" src=\"http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180629_125524-241x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"241\" height=\"300\" /><br/>\r\n\r\nDo you have hair? I do. Lots of it, all over my body. I didn't use to mind till ss1, when a boy I liked told me to shave so I'd be like the other girls in class. I wanted him to like me back and if the hair on my legs was the only thing he felt wasn't attractive about me, well it had to go! I became so self-conscious, I shaved every 3 days and I considered waxing and hair removal creams like Veet and Nair ; I read every article about hair removal and tried quite a few painful processes. Most of them quite expensive, but the looks of revulsion of strangers hurt more and unknowingly became my drive. It was quite disheartening...and funny now that I sit back to think about it.\r\n\r\nEveryone always says to love your skin, accept the way you look, but their actions say differently; everywhere I turn everyone is in support of dramatic, altering changes if you are dissatisfied with yourself so I’m caught between loving myself and changing myself. Weird thing is, I never felt really disgusted about my body until that ss1 incident, I mean there were other incidences but this one was the one that made me look at myself differently; not good different, bad different. My hair was something that was just there, you know? It grew because it was supposed to.\r\n\r\n<img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-593\" src=\"http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180629_125737-218x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"218\" height=\"300\" /><br/>\r\n\r\nOn some days I'd tell myself to stop wasting so much time, get back to simpler times when I didn’t care. I could use the hurtful comments and stares of strangers as stepping stones to self-confidence, but it’s easier said than done. Just when I think I was making progress, a stare or a snigger would wrench me back to where I was; being insecure. There were days where all I thought of were procedures and procedures and more procedures because I felt so hurt. I'd daydream of peeling off my skin, and sewing on better skin—hairless, scar-free, perfect. Everyone would love it and admire me, and be jealous of how I could be born with such a flawless skin devoid of any hair.\r\n\r\nRead this <a style=\"color: #ffffff;\" href=\"http://thebloggersays.com/afro-lovin/uncategorized/08/06/2018/\">post</a>\r\n\r\nI loathed feeling vulnerable, that the comments and stares and whispers of people controlled my confidence, I couldn't stand it! That I could barely look myself in the mirror without repulsion just made me realize that my body was no longer my own because I let others tell me what it was supposed to look like.\r\n\r\n<img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-592\" src=\"http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180629_125633-300x292.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"292\" /><br/>\r\n\r\nSo I started trying this thing I stumbled on one hair removal binge reading spree—I have to say one nice thing about myself everyday, even if I don’t feel it. It’s okay if it’s a repeat word from the previous day. I say one word and I tell myself why I’m that word. For example: yesterday's word was fresh. I chose that word because after I spent a while in the bathroom where I cleansed, steamed and exfoliated with the toning and moisturizing afterwards, I looked so nice. I felt good about myself actually. I had exfoliated and I had new skin, fresh skin and a fresh start.\r\n\r\nIt’s challenging to be kind to myself when I am down, but I still do it and it has been helping a little bit. Truthfully, on some days it doesn't really work, but I am getting better at erasing the voices of others and giving priority to my own voice. I'm not always saying \"it’s just this stupid hair!\", I'm touching it and enjoying the feel of my own body without feeling repulsed by myself.\r\n\r\nToday’s word is patience. I am patient with myself because when I feel like giving up, I remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That even though most people do not like I how I look, my being fearfully and wonderfully made does not require their approval. I am going to love myself fully and unapologetically one day. And to get there I have to remain patient. I am patient with others so even when they snicker  and laugh or make rude comments, I smile because one of these days, they'd come to love my fearfully and wonderfully and if they don't, I guess it’s ok. We are not all made the same. To be fearfully and wonderfully made means that I have a unique characteristic and the challenge is love those characteristics fiercely despite every thought that suggests that I am not enough or not quite right. I’ll get there I know. 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      "body": "<center>http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/ala.jpeg</center> <br/>Mama had just finished ekpe ekpere ụtụtụ*, as she prayed, her lusty voice bounced off the walls and somehow made the room shake and tremble but afterwards, it was quiet again. Her eyes were already starting to water as she looked into the distance with vacant eyes, so I sat on the floor of the obi* and tugged on her hand to bring her back from her thoughts and I waited for the story she always told me...it took a while to rouse her, to make her look at me with tear filled black eyes but I did and she started with the story, as I knew she would.\r\n\r\nYou weren't always an only child Mbari, was always how she started the story, \"I had another girl, with a full head of hair, beautiful brown skin and black eyes just like mine. We, your father and I, named her after Ala, the wife of Amadioha, fertility goddess of the earth and mother of all things. She was beautiful\", mama said as she wiped her nose on her lappa. She went on to tell me about her birthing and how this sister of mine didn't make her stay in labor for long unlike me, see I was barely alive the night I was born - my mother was even presumed dead and had to be taken to the community clinic where she was nursed back to health and even that took days.\r\n\r\nAla was a beautiful girl,  she continued, everyone in the village wanted to carry her, they praised us daily for birthing such a beautiful child and we made sure to always dress her up in her best. She didn't lack anything, anything at all. When she was of age, we took her to the white man's school and since she was a fast learner, they only brought us good results...Father Jones said she was a star. But Ala had a problem, she was mischievous and played jokes on everyone- she would always trick your father and I and we'd always believe her, once she hid your father's snuff box and insisted that he left it at the village square, it was after hours of going back and forth searching that she brought it out of its hiding place, she laughed so hard. Her father punished her that day and she fell sick, the nwoke ọgwụ* told us she was an ogbanje and that if we punished her again, she would die; it came as a shock to us but we never punished Ala again.\r\n\r\nThen we had you, Mbari, on the day you arrived, Ala had a dream and told us you'd come, we believed her because it was a gift she had...she was not keen on your arrival, she always eyed my belly with consternation and cried when I sang to you, so on the day you arrived, she disappeared. Your father found her at night, sitting on an udala tree inside the forest, she was crying bitterly about how you would kill her and it took a lot of pleas to get her down and even more to get her home which was a big feat as it was a stormy night.\r\n\r\nShe never adjusted to having a sibling, she constantly said she was an only child. She hardly carried you and when she did, it was to get a good chance to pinch you where her little hands found flesh - we kept her away from you as much as we could. This was how we lived till you were about a year old.\r\n\r\nYou were very fond of the Okonkwos, a childless couple living close and you were always waddling over to theirs - they took care of you so well that everyone that saw wept on their behalf for Chukwu to give them their own child. You spent many a night in their home. On one of such nights, we heard Ala screaming outside our obi, we found her stitting in front of a freshly dug and covered hole in the ground; her screams were so loud that it brought almost the whole village to our hut. She refused to tell us why she was there at that time of the night and she came to an abrupt stop when she saw you in Mrs Okonkwo's arms, so your father, after apologizing to the disgruntled crowd and dismissing them, took his mkpisi* and flogged her mercilessly, thinking it was one of her silly jokes again. She promptly fell sick and we remembered too late the nwoke ọgwụ's warning - Ala died within a week of that beating, Mama said as fresh tears rolled down her face.\r\n\r\nThe whole village mourned with us and many wondered about her death since she was a very healthy child, we never told anyone of the circumstances surrounding her death... I had to consult the nwoke ọgwụ and he explained to me why Ala was outside that night; she had had a bad dream, bad men took you from the Okonkwo's house, killed and buried you in the same spot we found her that night, unknown to her your father had planted a few akụ oyibo* seeds earlier on when she was at school. She only stopped crying when she saw you and realised it was not one of her clairvoyant dreams. Months later, your Papa followed her, I do not know why your father died, heartache maybe...on some days, I can see her; like now, she's here, Mama says and I feel a hand rustle my hair.\r\n\r\n&nbsp;\r\n\r\nHope you enjoyed reading. Enjoy your week.\r\n\r\nLove and warmth,\r\n\r\n<img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-310\" src=\"http://thebloggersays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/signature-1-300x139.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"139\" /><br/><br /><center><hr/><em>Posted from my blog with <a href='https://wordpress.org/plugins/steempress/'>SteemPress</a> : http://thebloggersays.com/the-tale-of-ala/uncategorized/25/06/2018/</em><hr/></center>",
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