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      "body": "I didn’t know initially what I was going to write in the article. Then, I had a conversation with my roommate. Before I go into that conversation, let me give same back story. \nMy brother and I were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Many don’t know that it is a cult. In leaving it, we were losing our family because of a practice called shunning. Worse yet, we stated that we no longer believed in their teachings, which means not only is our family to shun us, we’re to be considered the enemy of that society. All because we don’t agree with the teachings.\nNow, one of the teachings of the society is that we were to consider those outside of it as “Worldly.” A word used often to denote someone unholy. A heathen if you will. Now that my brother and I had left, we needed friends. “Heathen” friends. I had been playing at my local game shop and became friends with several people there. 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      "title": "Repeat After Me - Being Raised in a Cult",
      "body": "October 11th, 2003 St Louis Missouri. I was 15 and, I was about to follow through on a decision that I thought was the right one for myself. On that day, I dedicated my life - or so I thought - to the deity that I had been taught was the one true God. Flashforward 14 years and I’m considered - unofficially as far as I know - as the enemy of my friends and family, someone they call an “apostate.” How did this happen? First, I’ll have to give a little back story. I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses (JW). The mentors that I had growing up were my father and grandfather. They were both elders - the equivalent of a deacon. They had “regular pioneered” – someone who knocks on people’s doors for at least 70 hours a month. Growing up my older siblings had pioneered, so had my mother and grandmother and, many of my other relatives. I wanted to do the same, to follow in their footsteps. Everyone who I considered to be my friends were in this society.\n\nI was zealous going door to door, because I thought I was providing a true hope for others. When I was about 14 my family and I were in St Louis Missouri for an assembly - an event of about 1000 people. I had finished my breakfast that the hotel provided and, upon getting into the elevator a man got in with me and began asking me questions that made me think he was an apostate, someone I was to consider an enemy. When the elevator doors opened, a couple was standing nearby as I walked out yelling at him, saying things that I - with no basis - assumed about him.  We were getting ready to leave in my grandfather’s conversion van, when the man walked up and, my grandfather looked at me to see if it was the man I had told him about. Once I confirmed it was him my grandfather began yelling at him and, as the man could see there was no getting through, he handed me something about half the size of a business card that was folded in half and then he left. All I ever read of it was on the outside, it said: “Were we wrong?” I had no idea what it was about, I didn’t know what he wanted to ask. I just assumed and didn’t give him a chance to speak. But, those words have always stuck in my mind, because I had many questions that I couldn’t find the answers to. But, I had been taught to “wait on Jehovah.” However, “waiting on Jehovah” is waiting on the “Governing Body,” the men who were supposedly “spirit anointed” to publish new information.\n\nI had always been taught to do research. To study and find the answers on my own. A common saying amongst JW’s is to “make the truth your own.” Nevertheless, the only research source that we could use, was anything published by the society. The difficult part was getting literature published before 1970. Most sources that you could get the information from were considered “apostate” sites. So, I continued to have more and more questions with no real answers to be found.\n\nWith all this on October 11th, 2003 I still “dedicated” my life to this “god.” I got baptized more out of obligation than desire. So, I continued my research. Meanwhile, I joined the Spanish group at 17 years of age, I learned the language quickly. A few years later, I officially joined the group just before it became a congregation. Because the elders knew that I was good with numbers I became the accounts servant. Also, I had become a “ministerial servant,” someone who assists the elders, as well as a regular pioneer, before joining the Spanish group. Meanwhile my oldest brother began questioning the doctrine of this society. He had been for longer than I had, but, I didn’t know. He approached me about a book that, amongst other things, discussed health and wellness. But, at the end it discussed stuff that’s considered against the doctrine of the society. It intrigued me and, it made sense compared to what I had been taught. But, I couldn’t believe in it because, it conflicted with “my beliefs.” The biggest thing I learned from it, was to think for myself. So, I began to formulate my own beliefs, justifying them by comparing it to the doctrines I had been programmed to obey, saying to myself they were the same. Now I had two beliefs that didn’t quite fit. The one I had been taught since I was a child, that didn’t make sense and, a new one that opened the world to me. It made sense of matters made complicated by this society. But, I couldn’t believe it. Why? Because, it didn’t fit with the doctrine I had been taught.\n\nMy ability to fulfill assignments began to wane. And I didn’t know what to do. I was no longer a pioneer because I couldn’t make the 70 hours per month. I didn’t want to admit I was depressed because others were worse off than I was. So, I tried to be strong instead of taking care of myself. Thinking for myself, I kept asking myself “was I wrong?” Or, “have the teachings I’ve been told my whole life been a lie?” During this time, I looked up a quote from the Imperial Bible Dictionary, a reference to it was in the book this society produced called the “Reasoning Book.” To find the full reference I had to go online. That was the first time I had read apostate information. Only, it was the reference the society was quoting, or rather misquoting. The moment I realized it was an apostate website I closed the tab and, looked elsewhere. But, when I read the reference, it confused me. I didn’t understand, it was exactly what the apostate site said. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t make sense. It became buried in the back of my mind, almost forgotten until last year. At the age of 26 I began making notes of teachings that didn’t line up with each other. Statements made by the society that contradicted each other. A year later it became a game of does it agree or doesn’t it. During meetings and assemblies, I’d make notes on phrases in the talks, quotes of the governing body or, scriptures that didn’t line up with the teachings of the society. I had so many notes I became paranoid of ones seeing inside my briefcase, over my shoulder or, in my car or room. Meanwhile, my older brother and I were slowly opening up to each other about our concerns with this society. We began discussing our beliefs and what we found troubling with the society.\n\nAlso, at the age of 26 I became interested in a girl at the factory at which I worked as a custodian.  I wanted to ask her out for Valentine’s day. But, there was a problem. Unlike all the other girls I had been interested in, she wasn’t a JW and, if I were to go out with her, I would lose my assignments and, be reproved, a step away from “disfellowshipped,” or removal from this society. Besides that, JWs are not supposed to celebrate Valentine’s day, or any holiday for that matter. The fear was debilitating. I tried to muster up the courage to ask her out but, the fear overwhelmed me. I couldn’t even pass her a note to ask her if she wanted to go on a date. The day prior to Valentine’s day she was leaving work, walking down the hallway that I was sweeping. My last opportunity. And, as she said “hey” all I could say was “see ya.” Then, she turned at left. I had allowed the programmed fear to control me, to prevent me from asking her out. And, that fear still affects me today.\n\nWith all of these things happening, my brother and I decided we were going to leave. But, we didn’t know anyone or, anything in the world outside of this society. My brother had close friends he met while on a cruise, and they live in LA. As for me, I knew no one. I began talking to others in my hometown, but still hiding who I was for fear of being found out. Then, one Wednesday night, at the local game shop, I stumbled onto D&D. The ones sitting around the table invited me to play, I was apprehensive at first, but I sat down and, they helped me make a character. Getting used to the game in those few hours, I fell in love with it. It became my habit to play every Wednesday night. I would say I was sick if a JW meeting night were to fall on Wednesday, so I could play. Which, I was sick, of the meetings. Then, last year my brother decided to do the “unthinkable,” he began to look up “apostate” information. I was apprehensive at first because it was “apostate” information. After, he had found a plethora of research that dismantled the entire society, I began to look up the information as well. The worst was the Australian Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Abuse. With this new information and references of other information, dating back to the beginning of the society, we knew we had to get out.\n\nEvery year my brother makes a mix for Cruise Night – a night to show off your classic cars in our hometown. Last years was called the “Get Free Mix.” So, we planned to “Get Free,” and we took a trip to check out San Diego and, to meet other exJWs, which became good friends of ours. Besides that, we took a trip to LA and met my brother’s friends from the cruise. Which I felt more comfortable talking to them about my life then even my brother. Now, we felt free. Now, I feel free. Yes, by publishing this my family and friends would have to consider me their enemy. But, I am free and happy. Free from feeling guilty for my opinions and for what I have found to be true. Free to have friends who care about who I am unconditionally, rather than ones who only care about me conditionally. It still hurts me every day that my family would choose their beliefs over me. But, I know that I’m no longer living a lie and now, I can become someone greater.\n\nNow excuse me while I go play some D&D. a game created by Gary Gygax – an exJW.\n\nhttp://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/case-study/636f01a5-50db-4b59-a35e-a24ae07fb0ad/case-study-29,-july-2015,-sydney.aspx\nhttp://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/case-study/10908a67-70c5-4103-94cc-dac096fdb585/case-study-54,-march-2017,-sydney",
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