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      "title": "Have You Ever Thought About Throwing Your Life Away?",
      "body": "Hello beautiful souls :’))\n\nHere’s my humble post for today, I hope you’ll like it ^^\n\nEvery once in  while, a thought would come into my mind and will leave me in a disturbed state. A part of me wants it so bad, but there’s also a part of me that finds it repugnant. The thought of throwing my life away.\n\nThrowing ones life away doesn’t always mean suicide. You throw your life away by doing things you don’t like, by not achieveing your dreams, by destroying your health, by wasting your time...etc. But we never realized that.\n\nThis thought is always there, locked inside that dusty chest in a corner of that gloomy room in my mind. Sometimes, I just walk in that room led by mere curiosity triggered by that usual question « What if.. ? ».\n\nWhat if I were to throw my life away? What will make me do something  like that? Who will be affect by that decision of mine? \n![worth.jpeg](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmarSndtXmdkzGopkGFp7oMgajnFRHgPpUMCbYZ2CF4YGr)\n*(image source: pexels.com)*\n\nThere’s a lot of things that will never allow me to throw my life away. Aside from my religion, my consciousness and my family also make up that wall preventing me from commiting such atrocity. The fact that there’s people around me who’ll be affected by every decision I make is always there before my eyes.\n\nBut then again, what if I didn’t have a family? What if my parents & siblings died (May God protect them) what will happen to me? Will I be able to throw away my existence? Will I be the only one affected by that decision? Or will there be someone else who’ll be affected by my absence? \n\nThis thought, and these questions are always present there in my mind; not because I hate my life, or that I don’t have enough fate in this world; It’s just that I tried to find how great is my existence in this world . How are people’s lives connected to each other ? How can complete strangers influence each other’s lives ?!\n\nI realized that I wasn’t the only one that thought about it. There were a lot of authors that wrote characters that bore the same questions and the same thought ! And they’d often say things like: « How great it’d be if my life were mine alone. » « How great it’d be if it were the only thing that I’ve got so I can throw it away »\n\nReading the likes of these thoughts makes me wonder, why would you love to own something if you’re going to throw it away ? Isn’t that selfish behavior ? And also rises inside me that deep appreciation to this existence that dead people wish to buy again with all their wealth.\n\nI contradict myself again and again...\n\nThe thought is interesting, in my opinion, since it makes you wonder about the value of your life, but is also repugnant when someone uses it to express that his life is not worthy ..\nI questioned myself quite often, « what if I couldn’t be succesful ! Will someone else be affected by my failure ? » The answer was always pretty vague. A Yes-No answer is confusing.\n\nI tried to cut my family from that picture, and asked myself again the same question. The No became stronger in that situation. And here I thought « so that’s why people think that their lives are worthless ? » « But are they right or wrong ? » « Is throwing your life away the best thing you can think of ? »\nI was lost while trying to find how to calcul my life’s worth, and who it affects.\n\nMy thoughts were pretty much dominated by a religious perspective to the matter which I totally agree with. And that's it. My train of thoughts always stops right here and I end up switching to a different subject or focusing on something else. But afterwards, I realized something else just by watching people.\n\n![walking.jpeg](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmdzYYdZ7rBJerXADzqpQUatLzLFFUUQmWwbD6Qn2jMAoH)\n*(image source: pexels.com)*\n\nStill in my bed, spiraling up and down with all these thoughts and letting them swing my mood, until God's mercy saved me. My mother, came to my room and asked me to get dressed and go with her buy something.\n\nUsually, she would just go alone & on those rare occasions when she'd ask me to go with her, I'd make up some excuse or just say it's too much hassle to get dressed only to go somewhere nearby. \nBut that day, she asked me & I had no excuse. We went out, bought what we needed and decided to walk around for a while.\n\nTo deal with my stress or to organize my thoughts, walking always served as a meditation for me. You just walk without destination, until you sort out that mess inside your head. \n\nI walked slowly, or so I thought. The world around me seemed to be in slow motion. I just kept staring at people's faces, and my thoughts would drift me elsewhere. Until a beggar asked us for some money. I looked at him/her sympathetically, prayed for her/him and walked away... I didn't have a penny.\n \nWe walked for a few minutes, and saw a crippled, young man on his wheelchair. He was selling some socks & his mother was helping him out. \n\nI was shocked at that sight! Usually, some people fake being crippled to gain people's sympathy & start begging for money. But that wasn't the case for this young man!\n\nHe was crippled,yet he worked to gain his bread & didn't ask anyone for money. It was cold outside & he's probably less fortunate than most of us. But instead of whining like some  of us do, and instead of lazing around, he decided to be true to himself and live with dignity!\nDespite his health, the weather & other things.. He worked hard & he was so polite & all smiles. He taught us something we rarely see nowadays \"Gratitude\" & \"Contentment\" \n\nThe young man reminded me of this verse:\n\n> \"An ignorant [person] would think them self-sufficient because of their restraint, but you will know them by their [characteristic] sign. They do not ask people persistently [or at all].\" *(Quran: 2-273)*\n\nHe was one of  the people who deserve our help the most! I wished to buy all what he was selling, but as I mentioned before, I had no money on me.\n\nAfter what I saw, I came to the conclusion that the reason why I couldn't find an answer to my question is because the question itself is wrong! \nInstead of asking \"Who would be affected by my failure?\" the question should be \"How many lives will my success make better?\" \n\nYou don't measure your worth by failure. You should always try to do better & look at the good things you can do! Think of your family, society & the whole world as a spiderweb. The slightest movement you do moves the whole web. \n\nDear friend,\n\nYour life is worth more than you think & you have a greater impact on this world even though you don't notice it. \n\n**Thank you for being alive until now! Keep fighting WARRIOR!**\n\nP.S: I'm sorry this post is a longer than usual & I'm sorry it took me more than 2 months to share it...I need to start avoiding procrastination.\n\n*Peace be upon us & upon you!*",
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      "body": "Hello beautiful people long time no talk ^^\"\nIt's been 4months, time surely flies when you're busy with worldly things!\n\nI hope you'll enjoy this humble writing :'))\n\nYesterday night, I had a hard time sleeping. As usual, the moment I put my head on my pillow questions flood my mind. But this time unlike all the other nights, there was this question that messed with my brains.\nI approached the matter in all sides and tried to find an answer to that why?! When I started finding that faint light that may lead me to the answer that I needed, my head went blank and I fell asleep.\n\nToday, I opened the novel that I am currently reading & found that the MC is experiencing the same thing that I wondered about last night. Tbh, I was shocked & wanted to scream to the Author Are you stalking me? Are you by any chance reading my mind while I'm reading your book?\nBut maybe he'd be the one to say that I'm copying him, since he suicided 27 years before my birth. And there's no way I am copying him since that's the first time I'm reading his novel. I ignored the matter, and focused on my mundane life.\n\nA few hours later. I logged in to my Twitter account & started scrolling until I stopped by a tweet that talks about the same thing. The person only stated that matter without giving any details, but that was the same topic again in a different angle.\nThis made me stop & think why are the living & the dead talking about what I thought about last night? Maybe my pillow absorbs my thoughts and sends them to another dimension! or Maybe in the dead silence of the night, our spirits are wandering on this earth! & Maybe the living meet the dead somewhere, exchange thoughts & life experiences without crossing the frontier that separates life from death.\n\nA million possibilities may come to your mind while reading this. How great is our imagination lol! But let's be rational again for a second, all these happenings, in fact, aren't mere coincidences. It's just one of the basic laws of this world! Just like Rumi phrased it : \" What you seek is seeking you.\"\n\nGood evening y'all & may this year bring you nothing but good things :D\n![pexels-photo-769525.jpeg](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmXFYNF63ZukY8ETy1MtLuEodwjgQB4WV3cxwbe3Jgjsjg)\n*(image source: pexels.com)*",
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