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      "body": "i'm looking for HELP !!!        in to parts, sorry cant do as much as i thought.    PART 1.![Screenshot_2017-02-11-11-10-34.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPApZrPa7QDUHzWD9fAh9ub4tMXSP4RQxkjPMCaxDKGXS/Screenshot_2017-02-11-11-10-34.jpg)\nfirst let me give you some idea of whom i am, where i live and what you would get;\nthen what kind of help i need.\n\ni suffer from a disease called mitochondria,  google it  (for simplicity most people refer to it as multiple scleroses) that's not what i need help with.\n\ni live in a beautiful town, called Dullstroom, in Mpumalanga, South Africa. out it the country, famous for its location and being one of the best fly fishing spots in the world, 2035 meters  above sea level, population +- 450. a tourist town, and worldly known  as a training town for the Olympics, due the the height. google it. unfortunately i'm still struggling with uploading of pics. industry- entertainment (16+ restaurants and of cause the great fly fishing attraction. We have people coming from all over the world for the fly fishing and training for the Olympics)  look me up on google maps.\n\nnow the hard part - i became full blown, no more relapses, full time attacks 8 years ago and went through a very bad stage 2 years ago, ending up on 650mg morphine a day besides more then 40 other pain killers a day. was bed ridden for two years, full blown effects of the disease, couldn't walk, on oxygen  and no release. however been a spiritual man all my life, starting from the Anglican monistory at 16; becoming a novice monk for three years, serving in the church, until i met my first wife (a missionary herself) fell in love and got married; had two daughters with her and by 23 had my own very successful business, house and become a millionaire; big deal, never really cared for money and after running the bus. for 6 years got bored and wanted to do something else. (oh!  during that time fostered 14 children during that time) had a enormous house so why not, beside kids are the most beautiful thing and closest things to God.\n\nSo i started a children's home (ended up with 120 children, also turned out to be a big success, still going today)  however was not at the business that much and my wife gave me an ultimatum;  come back to the bus. or she wanted a devorse, as i was a firm believer that my wife should follow me, besides it was Gods work and we were well off enough to continue the home without money worries; so i said devorse me then, and she did. stupidly i gave her everything, and i mean everything, thing i'am the man and can always start again.\n\nlong story short, i had to eventually leave the home and restart my life, did so and again ended up very successful, two properties and my own law practice.\n\nit was during this time that i had the privilege of going on a 3 year spiritual journey that was the most enlightening time of my whole life, so much so that i ended up spending more time meditating then working, and made the decision to leave the world of money and greed behind and head for the wilderness; having two fully paid for properties and plenty of money in the bank, i rented a 1000 hector farm, deep in the mountains, costing me R500 a month. paid for a year in advance and had no glue where to begin. sold my Mercedes and bought cattle, and was going to farm, what a jolt from reality to \"reality\"\n\ni was happy, and after three years visited some old friends back in the city Johannesburg, and met my current wife, three months later we were married, i was 40 at the time. we were madly in love and she suggested we get our own farm. agreed, and bought a 100 hector piece of land high up in the mountains, no electricity or road for that matter. (actually that farm is still on the internet, as when i started to show signs of being sick, we did a virtual video to market it world wide, type in \"Wilderness rapture farm for sale\" and enjoy the video, i played the guitar and she did the narrating,  enjoy the journey)\n\nafter 10 years of living off a coal/wood stove, going back a 100 years. the most wonderful and learning of note journey, i came to the point where i was so sick we had to do something. \n\ngetting very tiered now so will need to do this in two parts. watch the video and it will give you a better idea of the above, and will when got more energy do part 2. under tag of life ![MED.PNG](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPhMDr3GhvpBdBaZBvKmZAsu5Akz3ZnDFNBkbsFB4FuYY/MED.PNG)",
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      "body": "Have you ever tried to have a tantrum, in front of your son, let him see how he is behaving. One day when my daughter was having a tantrum, becuase she dident want to bath, i just picked her uo, cloths on , and put her in the the bath. She got such a shock; but never had a problem with bathing again. Sometimes a drastic change in the norm of how we deal with life's situations can work wonders, iamstephen",
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      "permlink": "i-ve-watched-so-many-video-s-on-living-and-dying-but-cant-understand-why-i-m-so-alone-in-this",
      "title": "I've watched so many video's on living and dying but cant understand why I'm so alone in this.",
      "body": "Why is it, i have a wife who cant live with me, two kids that dont want to even see me and family in law who dont want anything to do with me?\nIm not bed ridden, have control over my bodily functions, in terms of toiletries; not depressed, not self distructive, im just in tremendous pain and very weak. Yet im left in the cottage at the bottom of the property, to live and fend for myself. (I get a plate of food at night brought to me, mostly because I cant cook) yet in every other way i have to take care of myself and deal with my prognosis on my own. I watch video's of so many people dying of one or another disease, have the help and support of there whole family and friends. Why then am i sitting hear so alone? I do as much as i can, im even trying to grow vegetables in a sun room, my home is clean and i have decorated it, to be a home of beauty and comfort. Yet im so alone, why, i dont understand. When they need something I'm always there to help (manly in advice and financially) when i need something, i get a bill with it. My wife's mother took care of her mom, incontinent and washed and cared for her until she passed away at 93. But my wife say she cant live with me, not even in a separate room, and im in no way demanding, re services, other then dinner, i make my own bed, in pain; i do everything in pain, alone, this is getting hard to write down, wanting to cry for myself, so although short I'm going to stop here. Sorry ill try again later, iamstephen ![IMG-20170708-WA0001.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVjuC9BQGKodnZ8pD2sCy9rrodPCnmfDUZeNbHsovAXP6/IMG-20170708-WA0001.jpg)",
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      "permlink": "the-dreams-have-stoped-thank-god-whats-the-learning-i-m-to-take-from-it",
      "title": "The dreams have stoped! Thank God! Whats the learning I'm to take from it?",
      "body": "No more dreams, and I'm doing much better; but in everything there is a learning; \nMy wife introduced me to the \"Akashic records\" only to realise that iv been accessing them each time i do my meditation; its the moment/s when you receive knowledge from a source from outside of yourself; suddenly during your meditation you are given this information pertinent to your need/s; a very enjoyable and exciting experience, often found the need to write it down with hast, or share with someone; so true though, that when we share such an experience; you somehow loose some of the personal meaning (meant for you). Even the scriptures refer to it as; \"dont cast pearl before swine\" \nSomething I've wanted to mention is that: when i refer to my pain, its not for a 'woe begone me' reason, but to try and put things in perspective. 'Pain' what a force; changes your perspective on your current understanding of just where you are; can allow you to see life in a way no other can, weather right or wrong, makes your personal perspective very much your own, but can hold such insight, or distortion of another's perspective. Maybe i should have titled this blog \"perspective\" however will put it as a tag. Question is...now that all my dreams have come to pass, and given the last one, pertaining to my demise, yet I'm still hear; yet know and not a fickle knowing but one that lies deep within my soul; I'm still dying. Medically I'm diagnosed to die; my sister died at 35, my mother died, and both my daughter's are showing systems, related; its not a story, its going to happen; lost more the 25kg in 6 months, getting weaker and weaker, all the signs are there, no doubt in my doctor/s, wife and friends eyes. Funny that, \"friends\" all have run away, question not, as its not for me to judge, but noted. Trying to find a helper/care giver, live in; remember i live alone and life alone in my condition is having to get up Regardles of my physical state, \"hell\" hum 'perspective' \nFoot note: I've become very aware of the comfort I'm finding in doing this, \"blogging\" strange that as I'm share my most personal feelings with the world, yet i detest face book and whatsup (see them as more damaging then helpful) never thought I'd do this (steemit) yet its been rewarding, personally, and yet i dont care for the earning potential. But \"pure of hart\" pray someone may benifit. Time for my \"friend\" (morphine and pain killers) both killing me in there own way, ironic? Seek \"your pure ![FB_IMG_1434961113756.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQo6CD2J8iRd7ncGzArGpXuEfq3q6W1gyF547oAPgyi2r/FB_IMG_1434961113756.jpg)of hart\" for what else is there? iamstephen",
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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-iamstephen-20170713t005947000z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "Congratulations @iamstephen! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x80/http://steemitboard.com/notifications/firstcommented.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@iamstephen) You got a First Reply\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x80/http://steemitboard.com/notifications/voted.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@iamstephen) Award for the number of upvotes received\n\nClick on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.\nFor more information about SteemitBoard, click [here](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)\n\nIf you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word `STOP`\n\n> By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "permlink": "re-iamstephen-to-afraid-to-go-to-sleep-dying-slowly-with-mitochondria-20170712t113455717z",
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      "body": "I wish you being great and healthy!",
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      "title": "",
      "body": "Really nice friend! You can post it here or on your blog! I followed you and keep an eye for your new post.\n\nPlease follow me back so that we can become best friends :)\n\nReally nice to know that you also love the Buddha and his concept!",
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      "body": "Have made a set of Buddha cards myself, whilst studying the book of living and dying, trying to work out how to send it to you, but if you don't get it, ill be trying to post it myself, still trying to master this steemit, iamstephen",
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