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      "body": "Slut shaming has become a vice that has come to stay in our society. It has eaten deeply into our system, that the result is sickening and totally preposterous.  Few weeks back, a Nigerian actress posted a picture of hers on social media, and the backlash she got from people was really demeaning. Some even went as far as calling her a prostitute all because of a picture she posted just to share with her fans.\n\n\nAccording to wikipaedia ,Slut shaming is the practice of Criticizing women and girls who are perceived to violate expectations of behaviour and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality. From the definition, it is clearly evident that slut shaming is sexist.  The society has encouraged this for so long, so it is gradually becoming an accepted  norm. A woman has to strive so desperately to live up to a certain standard, because once she falls short of this;she is labelled as something so denigrative.\n\nThe mere thought that a woman should act and dress a certain way is really stifling. A woman should be able to express herself in whatever way she feels appropriate,  without getting chastised for it. An opinionated woman at times can be referred to as a slut, it isn't just based on a woman's dressing alone. \nI'm talking about when a lady gets into an argument with a bus conductor over her transport fare, the next word he would readily dish out is something we all know. Why is this so? . Now, what exactly is responsible for this vice, that has made it proliferate?\n\nAs a result of this, some women have turned pretense into an art form, though there are some who would speak their minds and damn the consequences. Some women would rather die than truthfully admitting their body counts. They can't  readily express their sexual fantasy without getting a label, but a guy does the same thing and gets praised for it, because he's a man. The mere idea that a woman is seen as something fragile and should always act like an angelic being is laughable, once she acts otherwise she is readily labelled and in some cases in African referred to as being possessed.\n\nThere are so many successful women out there who still get slut shamed, it isn't just limited to young girls. It is really saddening that there are still so many myopic minds out there that can't grasp how a woman can be successful without being linked to a man. They will always talk about how she slept her way through to the top, this is really wrong.Though, there are some women who uses their sexuality to gain favours from men, that's bottom power, and is another vice entirely different.  But there are still so many women out there who have to work twice hard just to make a statement and should be respected, but at the end of the day still get been labelled as women of easy virtue. \n\nAn incident occurred sometimes back ,where a female student went to see her project supervisor. When she got to the office of her lecturer, she was ordered out of the office because she was wearing makeup and was asked to return when there was no trace of makeup on her face. The lecturer in question is a woman, yes a woman who believes for her fellow woman to be taken seriously, she had to dress a certain way, bereft of any makeup because that automatically makes her smarter. \n\n This slut shaming attitude isn't exclusive to some guys only, some women also partake in this. Women are supposed to have each other's back and together all condemn this despicable act right? But at the end of the day, it is actually surprising that some women pass  degrading comment to another woman like themselves, just to hurt them.  Where is that girl power again? And we keep blaming the male gender for this misfortune? Both genders have contributed immensely to this vice, and it's high time we start getting open minded.\n\nSlut shaming is more than just criticizing a woman based on her dressing as stated earlier, it is clearly dehumanizing another gender. It is an extended reflection of the misogynistic view that has always been in existence. The consequences of slut shaming is very destructive , from battling low self esteem, to depression and sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts. It's high time we put a stop to this act , reorientate our mind set and start respecting a woman in all of her feminine form.![IMG-20171116-WA0007.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZSiRAijCgJEqvq7UF3EmXiw5mNQS9h3hHCFTYZDGE9HV/IMG-20171116-WA0007.jpg)",
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      "permlink": "let-s-talk-about-slut-shaming",
      "title": "Let's Talk About Slut Shaming"
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      "author": "iaminem",
      "body": "Is marriage really an achievement? This is a question that has been echoing for a while now in my mind. Marriage is an institution where two people come together and decide to spend the rest of their lives together, through thick and thin. It is an institution, which has been painted for so long as the next best thing that can ever happen to anyone;which everyone should endeavour to make a reality. It is meant for companionship, partnership, deriving joy, having a sense of fulfilment and of course, having unlimited access to sex. At least, that is what it has been painted as. But the sad news is, it is not always what it seems to be.\n\n\nSo many people enter into this sacred institution with little or no knowledge about it, going into it with false expectations which always gets shattered after realising that it was all a mirage. So boy meets girl,both fall in love and after the usual marital rites, decides to journey into forever together. Great news right? They've fulfilled that sacred rite that automatically qualifies them as responsible people who should be looked up to according to the society standard. But is that really what this great institution is all about? We even hear words like ' don't worry, when you get married everything will fall in place' where did this even come from? I stand to be corrected though; but is there a supernatural element tied to this institution called marriage that I do not know of? If you can't fix yourself now, why go into it with false expectations thinking everything will automatically work itself out?\n\nThere are so many people who do not  know the sole purpose of this institution, but every Saturday, we are always bombarded with the colourful asoebis all over. It's not always their fault remotely, most of them have been pressured into seeing marriage as the greatest achievement ever. As a result of this, the rate of divorce has been on the high side, and we keep wondering what exactly went wrong;when the fundamental intricacies of marriage have been abused. And in the Nigerian society, it is always the 'ogun aye' factor meaning (metaphysical forces) that is responsible for this misfortune.  How typical!\n\n.I have come up with some set of people who needs to work on their personality before considering the word MARRIAGE:\n \n1. The Emotionally Immature Adult(which can be otherwise known as little prince or princess syndrome)\n\nThese sets of people do not have a mind of their own, they are always indecisive and can never be trusted to make major decisions. They are considered as adults by every standard, but still helplessly cling to their parents, seeking their validations in all facet of their lives. Now, it's not a bad thing to include one's parents in one's personal life, but when it gets to making major decision that you will ultimately be the one to live with the result of that decision, then it is important to have a stance in it. \n\nAs for the ladies in this category, they thrive better when their parents most especially their mothers chooses a spouse for them isn't this laughable? For the boys in this category, they depend solemnly on their parents approval before proposing to the lady they've been dating for so many years. I don't understand this, if you're already having doubts about the woman you intend to spend the rest of your life, why seek your parents validation as if they would be the ones to live in that matrimony with you? So when they eventually refuse, and give series of reasons you can't get married to her, you will readily push the blame on them. In some cases,some will be pressurised to take the bold step and damn all the consequences. It is always 'my mummy says' or 'Daddy thinks'. What happens when little misunderstanding occurs? Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges, for how long will the parents keep settling these differences? They will not be here forever, so why not start making decisions that feels right instead of desperately seeking validation.\n\n2. The Superstitious/Myopic Minded Ones\n\nThese sets of people believes there is a supernatural element tied to marriage that readily brings good fortune. A story broke out one time about a man who insisted on the dissolution of his marriage. After much prying, it was discovered that the reason behind the man's insistence was because of something flimsy like his wife having 'bad legs' a term in Nigeria which transliterates into being an embodiment of misfortune. It is a general belief in Yoruba land that there is a certain blessing attached to marriage which a woman often time possesses . So the man got married to her with this mindset, but alas! His hope was dashed.  It was later discovered that the man had accrued a huge amount of debt prior to the wedding, in order to impress the guests invited. So, he spent the first few months of his married life off setting the debt, which his wife didn't help with by the way; which as a result affected his business. Of course, his wife had to be a witch, if not; she would have used the midas touch she possessed to turn his situation around. A situation that could have been well avoided . Whatever happened to having an intimate wedding? It still beats my imagination the way folks spend heavily on a wedding ceremony these days.\n\n3. The Desperate Ones      \n                                                               \nThese sets of people are so headstrong about having a title attached to their names. The society has encouraged the view that for a man or a woman to be well respected,he/she has to be married. Hence,the societal pressure sets in. For some women, they turn pretence into their God's given talent, they cook, clean, and of course perform every sex style just to keep a man. At the end of the day when the man breaks off the relationship, they start saying things like 'all men are scum'. Really?you weren't forced to cook and clean for him, you only assumed you were one hundred percent wife material, not knowing that you were only exhibiting one hundred percent traits of a maid. \n\nAs for the sex part, why do some women always feel used when the relationship goes awry? You both enjoyed the sex, he didn't force himself on you; you only assumed wrongly that it was going to lead to marriage, so what exactly is the fuss about? For those who are 'lucky enough' to get that 'huge 'rock:ring(all sarcasm intended) they see it as the greatest achievement in life and slowly start exhibiting their real character few months into the marriage . \n\nThere are also some men who are desperate for this title, but the society is harder on the women, hence the emphasis on them.\n\n4. Those Who Believes In The Archaic Ideologies Concerning Marriage\n\nThese sets of people believes so much in the laid down culture and tradition, and would never be caught dead going against it. They believe a gender is automatically fit for a specific role, why not have the view of whoever is fit for the task should carry it out. I'm talking about men who assumes that women are born with a cooking and cleaning gene, is that the only thing a woman is created for? What stops a man from doing this? Why should he feel emasculated for partaking in the chores of the house he lives in with his wife? Where is the love? \n\nAs for the women in this category, they can't part with their money, they believe a man has to pay all the bills without rendering any support. Their popular mantra is 'my money is my money, and my husband's money is our money' this mindset is really disturbing and totally wrong. If you earn more than your husband, you should automatically shoulder more responsibility  with your man supporting with what he has .And if you earn lesser than him, you should also be willing to contribute in your own little way. But that doesn't mean a man should abuse this, some men hide under the disguise that since their women earn higher than them, they should be the ones doing everything without contributing a dime; it's bad. Both couple should be financially independent and supportive. Marriage is all about partnership.  The responsibilities attached to it should be divided equally.\n\nIn conclusion, marriage is not an achievement, if you're not yet married and you think you're a failure because of this, then you need to change your mindset fast. It is better to be single, enjoying every seconds of it than rushing into a marriage where you will constantly be in sorrow. Though there are some Marriages that have stand the test of time and are still waxing stronger, there are also some who paint a perfect picture;but do you really know the pain behind their facade?Develop yourself, work on your personality and most importantly be financially independent.  Marriage is not an automatic free![IMG-20171118-WA0000.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPsgQHSrq2GbMygHVgdpLGBM8UvVNNZKeU1RSk2FVGpWu/IMG-20171118-WA0000.jpg) reliever to your financial burdens.  Marriage is overrated and a very risky venture;so your ultimate goal in life should be to be happy.",
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      "permlink": "is-marriage-an-achievement",
      "title": "Is Marriage An Achievement?"
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      "author": "iaminem",
      "body": "I was ten when my father told me about Mugabe.  He described to me a gallant man who fought bravely for the freedom of his people. My father was  seating on a sofa that evening,while I crouched before him, earnestly interested in gaining from his reservoir of knowledge.\n\n\n'You're so interested in history sunshine' my father teased me. 'I'm not surprised you've read most of my books you could lay your hands on' 'that's a good trait my dear, the mind needs books, so you have to keep feeding it'. I smiled shyly, cutting him off, and reminded him of the story he had started and definitely had to finish.\n\nMy father explained to me how Mugabe had joined other African Nationalists in protesting against colonialism and called for an independent black led state. During the course of his (Mugabe) protests, he made some inciting statements which was against the law and as a result of this, led to his imprisonment between 1964 and 1974. After his release, he left the country and took covered in Mozambique, where he started a group called ZANU(Zimbabwe African National Union) which fought against the white government.\n\n'So he formed a group like Dedan Kimanthi of Kenya  and fought against the colonial masters yes? I asked, interrupting him.\n\n'Yes sunshine, it shows you've been listening to every of my stories attentively' he replied me, smiling proudly.\n\n'So what happened after that father?' I asked him curiously, wanting him to complete his story so that he could start another.\n\n'The United Kingdom brokered a peace negotiation that resulted into the Lancaster house agreement.' So this agreement disrupted white minority rule which led to the 1980 general election, which Robert Mugabe led the group he had formed:ZANU(Zimbabwe African National Union) to victory and he ultimately became the prime minister of  Southern Rhodesia which was later changed to Zimbabwe by the natives.' My father explained.\n\n'Wow! That's so cool dad' I retorted, savouring the way the story had turned out.\n\n'He is a very brave man right? He fought for the right cause without any form of cowardice. I want you to know something today,a man (human being) should always stand for something, never run away in fear so far it is for the right cause. Do you understand? My father asked me.\n\n'Yes dad. So are you saying when next Philip bullies Temi my friend, I should beat him up since it's a right cause and I hate bullies.' I asked my father, looking at him expectantly, silently craving his validation to do justice to Philip come Monday.\n\n'No sunshine, i'm not teaching you to be  violent, when next anyone bullies your friend, report him to your teachers capisce?\n\n'Ok dad. But what is the meaning of white minority rule? I asked him, reading out the term from the note book I had written it down.\n\n'Oh, it is otherwise known as the dominant minority. That is,it is a group made up of few white people but has overwhelming political, economic or cultural dominance in a country they are colonising.' He explained to me, gesticulating with his hands.\n\n'So how come the whites wielded so much power  in Zimbabwe when they were just few in number? Are they really superior to we blacks because of their skin colour?\n\n'No, they are not superior to us. Intelligence is never based on a person's skin colour. God created us equally. The whites are considered better because they are more knowledgeable, organised and always curious to learn new things in order to improve their lives. But you see, we Africans are always complacent. There was also a time the whites experienced the dark age, that is a topic for another day my dear'. He concluded.\n\nThe picture my father painted about Robert Mugabe years ago seemed perfect to the ten years old me. He had fought for the right cause like Nelson Mandela, he had even spent ten years in prison because of his numerous protests. And so, when asked to mention notable heroes in Africa, a routine my father invented to gauge my knowledge about history then, Mugabe ' s name would always come up within the completion of my list of heroes.\n\n He became a respected figure all over Africa and the world at large, he was showered with encomiums and different honorary degrees.For years, he was the favourite of everyone. But as the saying goes,'Power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely' Grandpa Robert Mugabe became power drunk. He had vowed to better the living condition of his people, the dream was so beautiful but he disappointed his people, like most African leaders.  When Mugabe became the president, Zimbabwe became a one party state so as a result of this, no other political party could challenge his authority. In year 2000, he instigated an aggressive campaign to acquire farmlands belonging to the white settlers. He had earlier agreed to allow the white settlers to keep their properties and political rights but he reneged on his promise.\n\nThe sudden violent upset disrupted farm production, the Agricultural sector had been the fundamental support of the economy. This affected the economy greatly. There was food shortage everywhere, there was no respect for the lives of the citizens he had sworn to protect in the first place. His high records of breaching the fundamental human rights of his citizens made many universities around the world that had bestowed him with honorary degrees to revoke them. But instead of being remorseful of his actions and resign honourably like any sane person would do; having spent over thirty years , he retained his authority as the unquestionable one.\n\nHe had never accepted any form of opposition, and those who challenged him were readily cut down. No one could openly determine who the next successor would be, because he had not allowed that. But everything changed this year when his wife Grace Mugabe(the same one who beat up a lady with cable wire because she found her in her son's room in South Africa, and fled to her country claiming there was nothing the lady could do about it)made her intention of succeeding her 93 years old Grandpa; Oh, husband known. Of course Mugabe didn't reject this, he endorsed the prospect and suspended his Vice President:Emmerson Mnangagwa who served as a threat. One would have thought it was their ancestral throne which belonged primarily to the Mugabes.\n\nThis didn't sit well with the citizens, most especially the military who couldn't accept Grace Mugabe as the heir apparent who was known for her ostentatious lifestyle.And so, on the 15th of November, a coup took place and Robert Mugabe was placed under house arrest pending his honourably resignation which he has bluntly refused after ruling the country for 37 years.\n\nEmmerson Mnangagwa(75) had been made the interim president pending the time the whole issue is being resolved. But one cannot help but wonder the poor sense of judgement of the people. This same man being made the interim president was once nicknamed 'The Crocodile ' because of his similar authoritarian style of Mugabe. So when exactly is this menace going to stop?they've all been jubilating about the military intervention, but will their happiness be short lived? Only time will tell.![images.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSDTufEFFiT5WNNtg5yTWMRGXENJghTACCiLUBmGTnMw3/images.jpeg)",
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      "author": "iaminem",
      "body": "Can you see her? with her unsteady gaits,                                                                        \nIt shows how tired she is.\nBut home feels like the hornet's nest.\nNo, she doesn't wait for her man for chop money,\nShe provides, even as the \"supposed neck\"\nAnd yet you call her the weaker one?\nCan you see her?\nShe is a strong black woman\nShe has defied all gravity as the neck,\nWith the sun as her harbour daily.\nIn her eyes opens the flood of love, warmth and determination.\nWhere does she get all that strength from?\nShe is fragile, to be protected\nBut here she stands; unapologetic for her femaleness.![WOMAN-HAWKING-CV.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmW1dNGqqencYyFkXDroWAem94KFYx7h7EJHkTvCL8L4d7/WOMAN-HAWKING-CV.png)",
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      "parent_permlink": "blog",
      "permlink": "beneath-her-beauty",
      "title": "Beneath Her Beauty"
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      "author": "iaminem",
      "body": "There are some traits some guys exhibit these days which ladies find repulsive. Though, some guys engages in such act without knowing it's wrong, while others just feel it's a norm. I've come up with a list, if you're a guy and you fall under this category, please desist from it and try to mend your ways\n\n\n1. THE  GUYS WHO HIDE UNDER THE CLOAK OF NICE GUYS\nAn incident happened few days ago, when I went to a restaurant to get a decent meal. As the lady was attending to me, a guy sashayed in with his friend and the following conversation ensued:\n\nGuy: hello, how are you?\n\nMe: i'm fine, thank you.\n\nGuy:you're pretty.\n\nMe: thank you.\n\nGuy:what's your name?\n\nMe: Bami\n\n(As I was about paying for my meal he cuts in)\n\nGuy: don't worry, I will pick up the bill.\n\nI smiled because I knew what he was getting at, so I politely declined and thanked him for his kind gesture. He insisted and then I asked him why he was hell bent on paying for my meal. Then he said something shocking.\n\nGuy:you're a beautiful girl, you should not be paying for your meal while I'm here.\n\nI gazed at him surprisingly, if he had known the kind of person I was, he wouldn't have uttered that statement. Apparently, he had tried that with other girls in past. Then I heard his friend whispering to him to make sure he gets my mobile number.  I knew that was what he was up to in the first place, but I kept my calm and offered my money to the attendant the second time. He told her not to collect the money from me, insisting that he was going to pay. Then I lost my cool, this guy was already creating a scene, he snatched the money from the attendant and shoved it into my shopping bag that was with me. I shouted at him to stop embarrassing me and I went outside to pay to the madam, but this guy still followed me and even suggested that he was going to drop me at home with his car. After much drama, I paid the madam, and of course I didn't give him my number.\n\nOk guys, I get it, you want act like mister nice guy,like the one I just described up there just to impress a new girl you just met. Trust me, I understand.  But there should be a boundary. How can you just offer to pick up the bill of a girl you just met because you think she's pretty, isn't that shallow? Please this is really embarrassing ok? So far the girl didn't ask you for help, please respect yourself and keep your money to yourself. It's not even as if you want to pay the money genuinely, it's because of the lady's contact you want to get, so why not just be upfront about it instead of hiding under the cloak of 'Mr Nice Guy'? Trust me guys, most ladies find this disgusting, so please drop it.\n\n2. THE ONES WHO INVITES GIRLS TO THEIR CRIBS ON FIRST DATES\nReally guys? Like this is really bad please. You don't just expect a girl to come to your crib on a first date. I mean courtesy demands that a first date should always be in a public place, so why will you invite a girl to your crib giving silly excuses like 'you're a very private person and you don't like hanging out' please this is really wrong and outright rude ok? The kind of society we live in doesn't even encourage that. What if you're a ritualist or a rapist? The girl would always get blamed for visiting a guy she knows nothing about in the first place. So if you know you have nothing up your sleeves, never suggest your place as the venue of a first date.\n\nSide note to the ladies please:never go to a guy's place for a first date. There's a new trick out now,in fact it's an old trick where some guys lace the drinks of their female guests just to have their way with them. Please protect yourself. If you're not comfortable with the venue of the date, tell him about it and suggest a place where you guys can talk. If he's not cool with this and insist on you coming to his crib instead, drop him like he's hot, he's obviously a douche bag.\n\n3. THE BORING GUYS\nEver wonder why some girls always reply your messages late or at times just ignore? Well it's because they find you boring. You can't keep asking the same questions over and over again and even type in  abbreviation and expect a girl to take you serious. Some guys can't even maintain an intellectually stimulating conversation, it's that bad. So how exactly do you expect the girl to find you thrilling? And for the love of God, please stop typing in abbreviations.  You're lettered ain't you? So start acting as such. I'm a serious sapiosexual, and I always find guys with these traits as shallow.  I see philosophical conversations as foreplay. So guys, work on your vocabulary and improve your conversation skills. Make love to the girl's mind with intelligent words.\n\n4. THE BRAGGARTS\nOk, I get it. Your father is a billionaire and your mother is the younger sister of Otedola, trust me I understand! But don't go around rubbing it on people's faces. The annoying one is when a guy approaches a lady and the next thing he utters is 'baby I want to take care of you' . Did she ask for your help? Or does she look like she's suffering? Please you need to change the mentality that ,the only way through a girl's heart is money and start working on your personality.  Personality works for me any time any day over looks or any other thing. Make her fall for your personality, not your account balance. Don't impress her with your wealth, so what happens when you go broke and she leaves you ? It's because you've painted a false image of yourself, and that was what she was interested in,in the first place.\n\n5. THE GROPERS\nI hope you know it's disgusting when you touch a girl who is not your partner suggestively while having a conversion with her right?. Please keep your hands to yourself next time. It is totally rude when you keep doing that ok? I used to make my hair at a male hairstylist's place , but this guy can never keep his hands to himself, there was a day I shouted at him and brushed his hands off angrily )after warning him several times to stop touching me. That was the end of my visits to his salon. So next time you're having a conversation with a girl, please keep your hands to yourself instead of touching her suggestively and tapping current.\n\n6. THE ONES WHO CALLS EVERY GIRL THEY'VE JUST MET DIFFERENT PET NAMES\nPlease, if you've just met a girl, don't go around calling her different pet names, i'm sure I don't have to spell it out. Just address her by her name. Most girls find this irritating when a guy they've just met is constantly reeling out different pet names to address them. Please stop it, it is very disgusting.![dd278da17abe293b53b82bca5466c5d2--african-men-african-fashion.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmdcfdxNSqL2YhfqL7PuZcZjFzyGt6BZoVFfxuqtFhW7px/dd278da17abe293b53b82bca5466c5d2--african-men-african-fashion.jpg)",
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      "title": "Annoying Traits Some guys Exhibit"
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      "author": "iaminem",
      "body": "Women are powerful, they are created in God's image just like men; though men and women are different biologically. But women sometimes do not acknowledge this power they possess, and will at times look for the easy way out. Can we really blame them? Is it entirely their fault?\nHow exactly has the society made women acknowledge the fact that the only power they can wield is BOTTOM POWER? What is bottom power?it is a slang coined by Nigerians which simply means the power a woman who uses her sexuality to gain favours from men wields. To get a clearer picture, i'm talking about a woman who gets things on a platter of gold because of what she can exchange (her body)in order to get the things she desires. She's not handed that thing (whatever she seeks) based on her intelligence, her strength, her creativity or her talent;but it is based on her willingness to readily part her legs and in some cases uses her feminine wiles to her advantage. With the analysis stated herein, can we really call Bottom Power a real power?\n\nHow has the society contributed to this vice? It starts with the orientation each and everyone of us has which is :It's a man's world, so the world definitely revolves around men. Women are taught by their parents to see a man as the superior being, so as a result of this, they hide under the fact that since they are considered as the lesser being; they really don't have to strive as hard as men to get things done and turn their sexuality into a magnet to attract benefit. In the African society,women have internalised the fact that success is gender based and whatever they can acquired will be entirely linked to a man's effort. Of course, this wrong and the fallacy of the highest order. A woman can be as successful as man irrespective of her gender, because a man wasn't born with a successful gene, same way a woman wasn't born with a cooking  and cleaning gene. Men and women are created equally, but societal norms exaggerates that one gender is superior to other.\n\nAs a result of this,we have ladies all over who believe their greatest asset is their body which will ultimately secure their happiness. They have no dream or ambition, they despise any intellectual setting. Their main focus is to enhance their physical appearance to hook the highest bidder. Now, it is not a crime to look good. There is a popular adage that says ' you will be addressed the way you're dressed' so looking good is actually good business. But it becomes a problem when the sole purpose of a woman to  look good is because of what she stands to gain from the opposite sex. This has served as a catalyst for ladies to compete amongst themselves to get a loaded man(rich). It would have been nicer if the competition was about getting a good job based on their level of intelligence, talent or ability.\n\nThese set of women (those who wield the bottom power) have accepted the fact that their sexual organs automatically makes them powerful. I ask again, can we really blame them? The society has encouraged this. We tell our female children from a very young age not to be too ambitious, we teach them men will run away from them if they become too successful, so in order not to end up old and lonely, they have to limit their cravings for excellence.  We praise male children about their academic performance, but we tell the female children that whatever degree they earn will end up in the kitchen with them. So how exactly are they supposed to see the opposite gender as their equal and thrive hard just like them to make ends meet, instead of seeing them as automatic ticket to success?\n\nThe world is gradually encouraging gender equality which can actually put an end to this vice,but in the African society;it is still seen as a taboo. In Nigeria, the bill titled \"Gender Parity and Prohibition Of Violence Against Women\" was presented by Abiodun Olujimi in 2016. But the Nigerian senate blocked the bill, because they see it as an insult if equality is being introduced and will definitely make them feel emasculated. So how can this vice become a forgotten issue? It starts with you and I, when we begin to see both genders as equals.\n\nSo we all want this menace to go into extinction right? It begins with how we raise our female kids. Teach them what self esteem means, make them strive like their male counterparts for whatever they want, teach them the dignity in labour, teach them never to see their sexual organs as the easy way out. Let them have ambitions, support their dreams, don't tell them to limit their quest for excellence because they are girls. And above all, make them understand the fact that success is not sexually transmitted and they can be successful irrespective of their gender. We all have to reorientate our mindset and acknowledge the fact that bottom power is not a real power ,and can never be the easy way out.![Sad-1.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmQnsFYM49yjzpJ4TMJxu4zxP4C7P8xa8958Zyo7BSAJtT/Sad-1.jpg)",
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      "body": "A wife material according to the society standard is often time a woman who is great at cooking and cleaning, who nurtures and can never stop giving,who is humble and respects her man constantly (now, respect used here is always what a woman is being taught to show her man in order to massage his ego. Most times; not what a man shows his woman wholeheartedly in some cases).\n\nA woman who is overtly submissive and can never make any contrary opinion, a woman who can give up her dream, career or ambition just to be a stay at home mum because that is her greatest accomplishment in life. A woman who can endure every physical, emotional and psychological abuse because it's a man's world and in order to be referred to as a good woman has to stay put in her marriage and hope her man doesn't kill her someday.\n\nShe is a woman who is expected to be emotionally mature and should always turn blind eyes to the philandering ways of her husband because African men are polygamous in nature. She is a woman who  should never complain about not being sexually satisfied in bed and  should instead kill her sexual urges and transfer all her love to her children. She is a woman who should always ask her man for permission before making new friends. She is a woman who should gladly give up her identity that has been a part of her life for so many years and wholeheartedly take up her husband's surname because it shows that she is submissive to her man. She is a woman who should always strive hard to make her man happy even when she is losing part of herself in the process. All these attributes are what our mothers exhibited in the past, that made them to be referred to as good wives and mothers of those days.\n\nBut, when a woman defies all these attributes and believes a she should be her own individual who doesn't have to give up her identity, her career and can as a matter of fact be opinionated, who believes the level of respect she shows her man should be shown to her in equal proportion. A woman who sees herself as being equal to her husband and doesn't have to endure the physical, psychological and emotional abuse meted out on her to be called a good wife and mother according to the society standard.Can she still be referred to as a wife material? How does the society view this type of woman? She is often time seen as an arrogant woman who will definitely end up old and lonely because no man likes it when his authority is being challenged.\n\nThis brings me to the question of what marriage is really all about. Is marriage supposed to be a master/servant relationship where a man gets to exerts his authority as the 'head of the house' irrespective of the fact that whenever he makes a wrong decision, his family will be at the receiving end?. Isn't it supposed to a partnership because two people have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together? I don't understand the rationale behind the fact that for a marriage to be successful, a woman has take up the Messiah form, because it is her greatest failure as a woman if she can't keep her marriage. If her man should cheat on her, she has to take the blame, because she is definitely not doing something right which led her man outside and has to understand the fact that all men are polygamous in nature.\n\nAs a result of all these attributes, which is expected from a woman by the society; we no longer have women who are true to themselves or better put,women who exhibit their true characters like their male counterparts because of the gender expectations that has been placed on them. That is why we have bitter women all over who promote misandry and not what true feminism entails, they always see men as scum, animals,beasts and what  have you because of what they've experienced in the hands men. (But the truth is, not all men are scum. There are still so many good men out there). They are women who have been taught that the best way to secure a man is to be homely (a woman who has to exhibit every attributes listed above to be called a wife material) but resentment will always set in when in spite of all these qualities, the marriage or relationship fails.\n\nSome of our young girls these days no longer have an identity of their own, whatever they do is always remotely connected to how to get a man. They regurgitate every lesson they have internalised from the society, if they can't keep up with the qualities, they resort to pretence in order to make the man see them as the standard 'wife material'. This still beats my imagination,because I don't understand why a woman is supposed to act in a certain way and aspire to marry while the man doesn't have to go through all these.\n\nThe society will thrive better when the burden of gender expectations isn't placed on any sex. A wife material is only a word coined by some misogynists who expects that a woman should act in a certain way to be viewed as a perfect being by the society. Both men and women should possess  good qualities that qualifies them for marriage, pressure should never be put on any gender.![1506795285278_433133.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmZX6J7pWZqajNQ9ytu8LWLWYPyLSFWiUNj6EGt93gXkLM/1506795285278_433133.jpeg)",
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