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      "body": "Congratulations @humblebishop! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@humblebishop/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@humblebishop) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=humblebishop)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/steemfest-commemorative-badge-refactored\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/arcange/YqQV5Tbj-image.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/steemfest-commemorative-badge-refactored\">SteemFest⁴  commemorative badge refactored</a></td></tr></table>\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "title": "What are the factors that cause a relationship to die?",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/ideas-abstractas/pkv9sjb45\">View the original post on Musing.io</a><br /><p>The fact is, that many relationships should end. That is especially true when both partners have done all they can, aren't even sure why things went wrong, and are weary of trying. Sure, there may be a contingent of difficult people who just can’t get along with others for any length of time, run when intimacy deepens, or just prefer sequential relationships for their own reasons. </p><p>But, for the most part, new lovers want to please each other, to deepen their connection, and to overcome their barriers. When they've tried everything they can, and the relationship still doesn't work, it should not be about fault, shame, blame, or fear of trying again.</p><p>There are some real and justifiable reasons why good people cannot seem to get past their relationship difficulties, no matter how much energy and time they have devoted to each other. If they've done their best and end in appreciation of the other’s efforts, they need not to linger in the grief of failure, but to use what they've given each other to form a better foundation for the next time around.</p><p>If well-intentioned and caring people can, without guilt or blame, recognize the symptoms that tell them that they need to let go, they can end their relationship without resentment or feelings of wasted time. If couples stay too long in a relationship that can’t get better, they risk losing the opportunity to cherish the lessons they have learned together.</p><p>Here are the eleven most common symptoms that herald a relationship that is likely to end:</p><p>1)     Small Irritations that Grate over Time</p><p>Every new relationship has both good interactions and not-so-good ones. New lovers do their best to appreciate the naturally satisfying connections and ignore those that are irritating. Unfortunately, over time, some of the distressful behaviors begin to fester and are harder for the other partner to ignore. They can be little things like leaving clothes on the floor, being chronically late, or forgetting a promise. </p><p>There are also more serious ones like still staying close to an old boy or girl friend, getting a little too drunk, or not paying bills on time. When these upsetting behaviors hit a critical mass, the other partner may be unable to tolerate them anymore.</p><p>When the good connections are eroded by accumulated resentments, the relationship’s balance shifts in the wrong direction, and the good that once kept the partnership intact becomes buried under layers of disappointment and disillusionment.</p><p>2)     Unacceptable Behaviors that were not revealed at the Beginning of the Relationship</p><p>Most new lovers purposefully hide past behaviors that have negatively affected their other relationships. They hope that, once the new relationship is established, their partner will be more likely to forgive those old transgressions.</p><p>No matter how tolerant a new partner may be, there are also certain late confessions that can destroy even the most desirable of relationships. The partner who has bought into believing that the other is trustworthy in those crucial areas, may be unable to accept past behaviors that challenge both that they happened at all and that they were concealed in the first place.</p><p>Here are some common examples:</p><p>Large debts that must be eventually paid out of mutual resources</p><p>An unmentioned child</p><p>Past affiliations with less-than-desirable characters who might crop up again</p><p>A prior marriage</p><p>An inheritable disease</p><p>An intrusive and controlling parent lurking in the background</p><p>Any past hidden behavior that might be unacceptable to a new partner can be a deal breaker when it is finally revealed. Whether one partner should tell another about them can vary by the seriousness of the issue and whether or not its aftermath will ultimately affect the new relationship.</p><p>These common examples can be hard to endure, and it is up to each person when to share them. There are also very serious issues that must be shared up front, even though the risk is high. For instance, if a potential partner has an STD that could threaten health, a vindictive ex-wife or husband, or a prior felony conviction that might affect the future.</p><p>3)     Mutually Exclusive Important Needs</p><p>When caring partners are first together, they accent the ways they can love each other, make allowances for differences, and try to push away as-yet-unrevealed needs in hopes that the deepening love between them will ultimately resolve the situation.</p><p>Sadly, some partners find over time that they cannot live with certain crucially important different needs or desires. Some of the most common are different sexual appetites, disparate dreams, or how to deal with prior partners, but there are many others. How should our money be allocated? What is our ideal place to live? How many children, if any, should we have? Do we take care of our parents? What are our criteria for friendships? How much time away from each other can we tolerate? How do we communicate and can we resolve important conflicts?</p><p>These potential differences rarely come to light early in a relationship. It is only when resources are pooled that partners begin to reveal what they can live without, compromise on, or are unwilling to change. Those differences need to be sorted out with mutual respect and support, but often bring out behaviors that neither partner could have anticipated, nor can live with.</p><p>4)     Diminishing Illusions</p><p>Oh, the blindness of new love. The partners who relish those early moments will hold on dearly to the joy of their bliss. They strive to overlook flaws, and embellish those qualities that make their new partner bigger than life.</p><p>It is totally normal for those exaggerated illusions to diminish over time and the partners grow to know each other more deeply. What is considered highly desirable at the beginning may have a negative downside that isn't revealed until the relationship matures. For instance, a partner dedicated to his or her mission in life may seem marvelously impressive, but then disappoints that partner by too often prioritizing that commitment over the relationship. A very attractive partner who dedicates a great deal of time maintaining that result might seem too self-interested. A person wonderfully careful about not over spending can, over time, appear stingy and cheap. A passionate partner who is initially highly sexual may be much less so as other priorities emerge.</p><p>A person who promises less and delivers more can be a joy, but it’s a rare quality. New lovers don’t usually focus on potential disappointments. When things quiet down, the partners are in line to make new appraisals of what is good, what needs improvement, and what may be unacceptable.</p><p>5)     External Stressors</p><p>The synergistic energy of a new relationship appears boundless. The couple’s connection makes more than the sum of the parts. Abundant in the energy to face challenge, they feel they can face any crisis, unexpected or anticipated.</p><p>Unfortunately, resources are not endless and too many stressors can erode the deepest of commitments. Major illnesses, accidents, work demands, loss of financial stability, family needs, grief over loss, or a series of uncontrollable disappointments can wear away at a couple’s ability to cope. If those stressors continue, they may lose faith in the relationship’s capacity to survive them.</p><p>Stressors stretch a couple’s capacity to learn and grow. If they cannot triumph over them, they run the risk of finding each other inadequate. Finding fault with each other’s reactions and responses, they will begin to lose trust and separate to solve their problems alone. Sometimes there is just too much heartache, and any relationship can go down when too much is too much.</p><p>6)     Power Struggles</p><p>When love is new, both partners are willing to compromise. They make decisions together, securing each other’s opinions and striving for agreement. Sharing the power to make decisions, they become an integrated team creating mutually-agreed-upon solutions. </p><p>As the relationship matures, one or the other partner may express his or her desires, biases, and prejudices with more intensity. Too often, this process results in reciprocal defensiveness with both partners may resort to defending their positions and trying to pressure the other into complying.</p><p>What might have been a mutual decision to spend all of their time together may become a problem if one partner wants more time alone and the other wants to share that time with others. For example, the more social partner may now want to bring other friends into the relationship, or spend time away without the other partner. Perhaps one partner needs quiet, separate time, leaving the other feeling lonely and abandoned. Either may have used sweet seduction, gentle coercion, or invitation in the past, but now has lost patience and uses more intense persuasions. Perhaps either may threaten consequences that are, in reality, hidden power plays for control. Hurtful struggles replace past compromises as each vies to win the game.</p><p>Power struggles can result in partners just walking away, ranting in anger, creating desperate pleas, or using guilt as a bludgeoning stick.  They may not even realize they are behaving that way, but it is clear that what seems like an innocent invitation has now become a demand with a clear “or else” behind it.</p><p>If power struggles persist, couples go from being a team to adversaries on opposite sides of the playing field. Too soon, they begin to save themselves at the expense of the other’s needs.</p><p>7)     Becoming superficial</p><p>It is hard for anyone to be totally authentic and open in a new relationship. Keeping things light, surface, and non-threatening is more common behavior. But, as love grows, successful couples begin to deepen their communication and take more risks in sharing their vulnerabilities and flaws. They are willing to be known in more vulnerable ways and to listen more deeply to each other. That richness of depth in communication and sharing becomes the couple’s signature of love.</p><p>It is all too common and terribly sad when partners cannot go beyond superficial interactions. Without the courage or capability to allow their core selves to connect, the relationship will fall prey to shallow connections over time.</p><p>There are many reasons why lovers are afraid to connect at a deeper level. Insecurity can make them afraid that their partners will love them less if they know too much. Perhaps, when they've tried in the past, they have had bad experiences and felt rejection, abandonment, or invalidation. </p><p>If they've tried in their current relationship and not been well received, they may have recoiled and returned to acting in ways that seem less threatening. As intimate conversations become more difficult, a couple’s chance of sharing hearts and souls in a deepening way begins to expire. Soon, they are more likely to share who they really are with others, rather than with each other. Fearful of scarring the relationship further, they stay with comfortable and non-threatening words and behaviors.</p><p>Over time, their interactions become predictable rituals, requiring less and less effort. To others, they may appear to be totally compatible, but they are really just repeating known and secure habitual behaviors. In time they will become susceptible to new and more intriguing experiences.</p><p>8)     Boredom</p><p>Constant discovery of the other partner’s internal and external transformations is the foundation of long-lasting, deepening relationships. Because partners in new relationships are usually “more than enough” to satisfy each other, they often don’t realize that their own independent growth is a necessary requirement for staying in love.</p><p>If a couple has made every effort to know one another deeply and comes to the end of that discovery, they will begin to take each other for granted and put less energy into a dull and habitual relationship. Taking the position of “aren't I good enough as I am,” or “You knew who I was when we met and it was okay then, wasn't it?” are rationales that cover the lack of interest in continuous growth.</p><p>Very often one partner moves ahead in his or her evolution and the other steadfastly stays the same. If no amount of requests, pleading, or threatening changes that pattern, the person who was once enthralled will feel entrapped in same-old-same-old, and needs to move on.</p><p>9)     Deadness</p><p>Relationships have two major dimensions, growing and scarring. If a relationship constantly scars and doesn’t grow, the emotional scarring will eventually pervade the relationship and destroy it. If the relationship both scars often but continues to grow, it will be constantly in flux, with partners who alternate between hurting and healing. These relationships often continue for long periods of time but usually eventually exhaust the partners who are in them. When a relationship seldom scars and is in constant transformation, the partners within it are lucky people who will probably never lose interest in each other.</p><p>The last possible combination is a relationship that neither scars nor grows. On the surface, it may seem a magically compatible, quietly successful union, but the lack of excitement and energy observed can be a powerful warning sign that there is trouble brewing. The partners within it may have become robotic and predictable creatures who soon learn each other’s every phrase, action, and thought. They no longer need to pay much attention to know what is going on. There are no surprises, no challenges, and no growth.</p><p>These people seem to go through life as if in a house of mirrors. As long as there is no conflict, they do not color outside the lines nor feel their energy diminishing. If their passive behavior is confined to the relationship, they will eventually have little to say to each other, and even lessened passion. If they are getting their needs for transformation elsewhere, the contradiction between their behavior within and outside of the relationship will eventually erase one or the other.</p><p>10)  Self-Serving Escapes that Become More Important than the Primary Relationship</p><p>Addictions are the most notable examples. Addictive behaviors are simply compulsive, urgent indulgences that take one partner away from the other and cause long-term damage to an intimate relationship. Whether drugs and alcohol, social engagements, involvement in sports or body fitness, or excessive work commitments, they are competing relationships that take precedent over the primary one, and drain its energy.  A partner on the other end of an addictive mate is not given a vote to keep the primary relationship intact. Only the partner who engages in the addictive behavior can make the decision to re-prioritize the energy that he or she is spending elsewhere.</p><p>The triangles between two committed people when one is addicted to something, or someone, else will always diminish the unique bond between them. Whenever something or someone becomes more important to one partner than to the other, the relationship will be threatened. If the addictive partner is not willing to look at the cost of his or her decision, the partner deprived of a vote will eventually become distressed enough to disconnect.</p><p>Any escape that competes, diminishes, or threatens a relationship should be fair play for exploration and repair. Remember, the common resources of a relationship can only be distributed by mutual agreement if the partnership is important to both. One person cannot unilaterally decide to use those resources without the permission of the other without destroying the sanctity of that agreement.</p><p>11)  Escalating Misunderstandings and Misassumptions</p><p>Many people in maturing relationships forget how to listen carefully without jumping to conclusions, especially with regard to what their partners are actually feeling or thinking. They believe that familiarity has entitled them to thinking they know everything they need to about the other, even if one or the other has changed.</p><p>Life’s challenges can steal people’s energy away from their relationship and put its exploration on a back burner. Very often over time, the partners believe they no longer have to make an effort to renew their interest in new priorities. They continue making assumptions based on old or incorrect data, and miss crucial changes and meanings that could alter their responses.</p><p>Soon, the couple’s communication consists of laconic phrases and inaccurate assumptions. They lose interest in each other and fail to resolve misunderstandings. As these destructive interactions multiply,   </p><p>Perhaps these warning signs could have been addressed earlier and the relationship would still have had the vitality needed to reconfigure it. But many couples, with the best of effort and intentions, have been unable to stop themselves from destroying the love that was once there. If they have tried their best for as long as they were able, and still found themselves unable to triumph over their relationship heartbreaks, they must leave one another with respect and gratitude, and take the lessons learned as sacred bounty to use them in their next relationship.</p><p>“Many mistakes but no regrets,” would be a wonderful way to end every relationship that has outlived its lessons. To have travelled a journey that began with hope and ended with sadness is not a failure in life unless the partners use blame or guilt to erase what they needed to learn. When the parting occurs, and both genuinely respect what they have shared, a failed relationship need not imply a failed life. Very often, when successful in the next relationship, many people realize that their current positive outcome was a direct result of what they learned from the relationship they lost.</p>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"love\",\"life\",\"question\"],\"appCategory\":\"love\",\"appTitle\":\"What are the factors that cause a relationship to die?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>The fact is, that many relationships should end. That is especially true when both partners have done all they can, aren't even sure why things went wrong, and are weary of trying. Sure, there may be a contingent of difficult people who just can’t get along with others for any length of time, run when intimacy deepens, or just prefer sequential relationships for their own reasons. </p><p>But, for the most part, new lovers want to please each other, to deepen their connection, and to overcome their barriers. When they've tried everything they can, and the relationship still doesn't work, it should not be about fault, shame, blame, or fear of trying again.</p><p>There are some real and justifiable reasons why good people cannot seem to get past their relationship difficulties, no matter how much energy and time they have devoted to each other. If they've done their best and end in appreciation of the other’s efforts, they need not to linger in the grief of failure, but to use what they've given each other to form a better foundation for the next time around.</p><p>If well-intentioned and caring people can, without guilt or blame, recognize the symptoms that tell them that they need to let go, they can end their relationship without resentment or feelings of wasted time. If couples stay too long in a relationship that can’t get better, they risk losing the opportunity to cherish the lessons they have learned together.</p><p>Here are the eleven most common symptoms that herald a relationship that is likely to end:</p><p>1)     Small Irritations that Grate over Time</p><p>Every new relationship has both good interactions and not-so-good ones. New lovers do their best to appreciate the naturally satisfying connections and ignore those that are irritating. Unfortunately, over time, some of the distressful behaviors begin to fester and are harder for the other partner to ignore. They can be little things like leaving clothes on the floor, being chronically late, or forgetting a promise. </p><p>There are also more serious ones like still staying close to an old boy or girl friend, getting a little too drunk, or not paying bills on time. When these upsetting behaviors hit a critical mass, the other partner may be unable to tolerate them anymore.</p><p>When the good connections are eroded by accumulated resentments, the relationship’s balance shifts in the wrong direction, and the good that once kept the partnership intact becomes buried under layers of disappointment and disillusionment.</p><p>2)     Unacceptable Behaviors that were not revealed at the Beginning of the Relationship</p><p>Most new lovers purposefully hide past behaviors that have negatively affected their other relationships. They hope that, once the new relationship is established, their partner will be more likely to forgive those old transgressions.</p><p>No matter how tolerant a new partner may be, there are also certain late confessions that can destroy even the most desirable of relationships. The partner who has bought into believing that the other is trustworthy in those crucial areas, may be unable to accept past behaviors that challenge both that they happened at all and that they were concealed in the first place.</p><p>Here are some common examples:</p><p>Large debts that must be eventually paid out of mutual resources</p><p>An unmentioned child</p><p>Past affiliations with less-than-desirable characters who might crop up again</p><p>A prior marriage</p><p>An inheritable disease</p><p>An intrusive and controlling parent lurking in the background</p><p>Any past hidden behavior that might be unacceptable to a new partner can be a deal breaker when it is finally revealed. Whether one partner should tell another about them can vary by the seriousness of the issue and whether or not its aftermath will ultimately affect the new relationship.</p><p>These common examples can be hard to endure, and it is up to each person when to share them. There are also very serious issues that must be shared up front, even though the risk is high. For instance, if a potential partner has an STD that could threaten health, a vindictive ex-wife or husband, or a prior felony conviction that might affect the future.</p><p>3)     Mutually Exclusive Important Needs</p><p>When caring partners are first together, they accent the ways they can love each other, make allowances for differences, and try to push away as-yet-unrevealed needs in hopes that the deepening love between them will ultimately resolve the situation.</p><p>Sadly, some partners find over time that they cannot live with certain crucially important different needs or desires. Some of the most common are different sexual appetites, disparate dreams, or how to deal with prior partners, but there are many others. How should our money be allocated? What is our ideal place to live? How many children, if any, should we have? Do we take care of our parents? What are our criteria for friendships? How much time away from each other can we tolerate? How do we communicate and can we resolve important conflicts?</p><p>These potential differences rarely come to light early in a relationship. It is only when resources are pooled that partners begin to reveal what they can live without, compromise on, or are unwilling to change. Those differences need to be sorted out with mutual respect and support, but often bring out behaviors that neither partner could have anticipated, nor can live with.</p><p>4)     Diminishing Illusions</p><p>Oh, the blindness of new love. The partners who relish those early moments will hold on dearly to the joy of their bliss. They strive to overlook flaws, and embellish those qualities that make their new partner bigger than life.</p><p>It is totally normal for those exaggerated illusions to diminish over time and the partners grow to know each other more deeply. What is considered highly desirable at the beginning may have a negative downside that isn't revealed until the relationship matures. For instance, a partner dedicated to his or her mission in life may seem marvelously impressive, but then disappoints that partner by too often prioritizing that commitment over the relationship. A very attractive partner who dedicates a great deal of time maintaining that result might seem too self-interested. A person wonderfully careful about not over spending can, over time, appear stingy and cheap. A passionate partner who is initially highly sexual may be much less so as other priorities emerge.</p><p>A person who promises less and delivers more can be a joy, but it’s a rare quality. New lovers don’t usually focus on potential disappointments. When things quiet down, the partners are in line to make new appraisals of what is good, what needs improvement, and what may be unacceptable.</p><p>5)     External Stressors</p><p>The synergistic energy of a new relationship appears boundless. The couple’s connection makes more than the sum of the parts. Abundant in the energy to face challenge, they feel they can face any crisis, unexpected or anticipated.</p><p>Unfortunately, resources are not endless and too many stressors can erode the deepest of commitments. Major illnesses, accidents, work demands, loss of financial stability, family needs, grief over loss, or a series of uncontrollable disappointments can wear away at a couple’s ability to cope. If those stressors continue, they may lose faith in the relationship’s capacity to survive them.</p><p>Stressors stretch a couple’s capacity to learn and grow. If they cannot triumph over them, they run the risk of finding each other inadequate. Finding fault with each other’s reactions and responses, they will begin to lose trust and separate to solve their problems alone. Sometimes there is just too much heartache, and any relationship can go down when too much is too much.</p><p>6)     Power Struggles</p><p>When love is new, both partners are willing to compromise. They make decisions together, securing each other’s opinions and striving for agreement. Sharing the power to make decisions, they become an integrated team creating mutually-agreed-upon solutions. </p><p>As the relationship matures, one or the other partner may express his or her desires, biases, and prejudices with more intensity. Too often, this process results in reciprocal defensiveness with both partners may resort to defending their positions and trying to pressure the other into complying.</p><p>What might have been a mutual decision to spend all of their time together may become a problem if one partner wants more time alone and the other wants to share that time with others. For example, the more social partner may now want to bring other friends into the relationship, or spend time away without the other partner. Perhaps one partner needs quiet, separate time, leaving the other feeling lonely and abandoned. Either may have used sweet seduction, gentle coercion, or invitation in the past, but now has lost patience and uses more intense persuasions. Perhaps either may threaten consequences that are, in reality, hidden power plays for control. Hurtful struggles replace past compromises as each vies to win the game.</p><p>Power struggles can result in partners just walking away, ranting in anger, creating desperate pleas, or using guilt as a bludgeoning stick.  They may not even realize they are behaving that way, but it is clear that what seems like an innocent invitation has now become a demand with a clear “or else” behind it.</p><p>If power struggles persist, couples go from being a team to adversaries on opposite sides of the playing field. Too soon, they begin to save themselves at the expense of the other’s needs.</p><p>7)     Becoming superficial</p><p>It is hard for anyone to be totally authentic and open in a new relationship. Keeping things light, surface, and non-threatening is more common behavior. But, as love grows, successful couples begin to deepen their communication and take more risks in sharing their vulnerabilities and flaws. They are willing to be known in more vulnerable ways and to listen more deeply to each other. That richness of depth in communication and sharing becomes the couple’s signature of love.</p><p>It is all too common and terribly sad when partners cannot go beyond superficial interactions. Without the courage or capability to allow their core selves to connect, the relationship will fall prey to shallow connections over time.</p><p>There are many reasons why lovers are afraid to connect at a deeper level. Insecurity can make them afraid that their partners will love them less if they know too much. Perhaps, when they've tried in the past, they have had bad experiences and felt rejection, abandonment, or invalidation. </p><p>If they've tried in their current relationship and not been well received, they may have recoiled and returned to acting in ways that seem less threatening. As intimate conversations become more difficult, a couple’s chance of sharing hearts and souls in a deepening way begins to expire. Soon, they are more likely to share who they really are with others, rather than with each other. Fearful of scarring the relationship further, they stay with comfortable and non-threatening words and behaviors.</p><p>Over time, their interactions become predictable rituals, requiring less and less effort. To others, they may appear to be totally compatible, but they are really just repeating known and secure habitual behaviors. In time they will become susceptible to new and more intriguing experiences.</p><p>8)     Boredom</p><p>Constant discovery of the other partner’s internal and external transformations is the foundation of long-lasting, deepening relationships. Because partners in new relationships are usually “more than enough” to satisfy each other, they often don’t realize that their own independent growth is a necessary requirement for staying in love.</p><p>If a couple has made every effort to know one another deeply and comes to the end of that discovery, they will begin to take each other for granted and put less energy into a dull and habitual relationship. Taking the position of “aren't I good enough as I am,” or “You knew who I was when we met and it was okay then, wasn't it?” are rationales that cover the lack of interest in continuous growth.</p><p>Very often one partner moves ahead in his or her evolution and the other steadfastly stays the same. If no amount of requests, pleading, or threatening changes that pattern, the person who was once enthralled will feel entrapped in same-old-same-old, and needs to move on.</p><p>9)     Deadness</p><p>Relationships have two major dimensions, growing and scarring. If a relationship constantly scars and doesn’t grow, the emotional scarring will eventually pervade the relationship and destroy it. If the relationship both scars often but continues to grow, it will be constantly in flux, with partners who alternate between hurting and healing. These relationships often continue for long periods of time but usually eventually exhaust the partners who are in them. When a relationship seldom scars and is in constant transformation, the partners within it are lucky people who will probably never lose interest in each other.</p><p>The last possible combination is a relationship that neither scars nor grows. On the surface, it may seem a magically compatible, quietly successful union, but the lack of excitement and energy observed can be a powerful warning sign that there is trouble brewing. The partners within it may have become robotic and predictable creatures who soon learn each other’s every phrase, action, and thought. They no longer need to pay much attention to know what is going on. There are no surprises, no challenges, and no growth.</p><p>These people seem to go through life as if in a house of mirrors. As long as there is no conflict, they do not color outside the lines nor feel their energy diminishing. If their passive behavior is confined to the relationship, they will eventually have little to say to each other, and even lessened passion. If they are getting their needs for transformation elsewhere, the contradiction between their behavior within and outside of the relationship will eventually erase one or the other.</p><p>10)  Self-Serving Escapes that Become More Important than the Primary Relationship</p><p>Addictions are the most notable examples. Addictive behaviors are simply compulsive, urgent indulgences that take one partner away from the other and cause long-term damage to an intimate relationship. Whether drugs and alcohol, social engagements, involvement in sports or body fitness, or excessive work commitments, they are competing relationships that take precedent over the primary one, and drain its energy.  A partner on the other end of an addictive mate is not given a vote to keep the primary relationship intact. Only the partner who engages in the addictive behavior can make the decision to re-prioritize the energy that he or she is spending elsewhere.</p><p>The triangles between two committed people when one is addicted to something, or someone, else will always diminish the unique bond between them. Whenever something or someone becomes more important to one partner than to the other, the relationship will be threatened. If the addictive partner is not willing to look at the cost of his or her decision, the partner deprived of a vote will eventually become distressed enough to disconnect.</p><p>Any escape that competes, diminishes, or threatens a relationship should be fair play for exploration and repair. Remember, the common resources of a relationship can only be distributed by mutual agreement if the partnership is important to both. One person cannot unilaterally decide to use those resources without the permission of the other without destroying the sanctity of that agreement.</p><p>11)  Escalating Misunderstandings and Misassumptions</p><p>Many people in maturing relationships forget how to listen carefully without jumping to conclusions, especially with regard to what their partners are actually feeling or thinking. They believe that familiarity has entitled them to thinking they know everything they need to about the other, even if one or the other has changed.</p><p>Life’s challenges can steal people’s energy away from their relationship and put its exploration on a back burner. Very often over time, the partners believe they no longer have to make an effort to renew their interest in new priorities. They continue making assumptions based on old or incorrect data, and miss crucial changes and meanings that could alter their responses.</p><p>Soon, the couple’s communication consists of laconic phrases and inaccurate assumptions. They lose interest in each other and fail to resolve misunderstandings. As these destructive interactions multiply,   </p><p>Perhaps these warning signs could have been addressed earlier and the relationship would still have had the vitality needed to reconfigure it. But many couples, with the best of effort and intentions, have been unable to stop themselves from destroying the love that was once there. If they have tried their best for as long as they were able, and still found themselves unable to triumph over their relationship heartbreaks, they must leave one another with respect and gratitude, and take the lessons learned as sacred bounty to use them in their next relationship.</p><p>“Many mistakes but no regrets,” would be a wonderful way to end every relationship that has outlived its lessons. To have travelled a journey that began with hope and ended with sadness is not a failure in life unless the partners use blame or guilt to erase what they needed to learn. When the parting occurs, and both genuinely respect what they have shared, a failed relationship need not imply a failed life. Very often, when successful in the next relationship, many people realize that their current positive outcome was a direct result of what they learned from the relationship they lost.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"pkv9sjb45\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"ideas-abstractas\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "title": "What do you think is the best way to find a relationship?",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/giovaabbatichio/pkzgxjbe5\">View the original post on Musing.io</a><br /><p>Firstly, to get into the relationship you want, you need to know what kind of relationship you want. So know your deal-breakers and remember that you have every right to stick to them. “A deal-breaker is an issue that is so important to a person, that if the other person will not compromise or concede, the relationship would probably not work out, “They are things that are so deeply and utterly important to the person, that they could not be in a relationship with someone who did not share, or at least support and respect them. Deal-breakers are usually formed throughout our lives, and start in childhood. They are made up of personal, or familial, values, beliefs, and their sense of right and wrong.”</p><p>It could be anything from whether or not you want kids, needing complete honesty, wanting support in your career, where you want to live, how you deal with money — anything that’s important to you. Decide what you need out of a relationship and keep that in mind. Compromise is important in a relationship, but so are boundaries.</p><p>Dating apps can make it difficult to really focus on the dating process — and the people involved. \"A mindful approach to life generally means doing one thing at a time and doing only that,\" relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. \"Often when people use dating apps, they are ambivalent.\" I found all of the swiping impersonal — and it led to me treating people as more disposable than I should have done. So make sure that when you’re chatting to people and looking at potential dates, you’re taking your time and really giving it the attention it deserves.</p><p>It may sound counterintuitive, but knowing how to be single is important for getting into a relationship. If you love being single, you’re not going to jump into a bad relationship for the wrong reasons. \"I'd rather be single, in a comfortable relationship with myself, than trapped in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship with someone else,\" certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca tells Bustle. It’s so true. If you can embrace single life, then you’re not going to settle you’ll wait until the relationship you actually want comes along.</p><p>If you want to be in a relationship, it’s natural to have an urge to move quickly — especially when you meet someone you really seem to click with. But make sure to take your time and allow authentic bonds to form. \"I don't care how well-adjusted you are, it takes time for a human being to earn another human being's deep trust,\" clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. \"If you expect that bond to happen immediately, you will likely be disappointed.” But if you take your time and get to know someone, you’ll know that you’re getting a really strong foundation.</p><p>A new year is a great time to find the relationship that you really want — whatever that means for you. Relationships are not a one-size-fits-all situation. Work out what you really want in a relationship and then take your time finding and nurturing that. If you can do that, you’re far more likely to find the kind of relationship you really want.</p><p>Whether these zodiac signs' habits are due to insecurities, miscommunications, or perspectives completely out of line with their partners', they can become lifelong bad habits if not addressed. Luckily, every single sign has their own things to overcome, so no one is alone in dealing with this issue.</p><p>Some of these habits might clash more than others. Zodiac compatibility takes into account not only matching good traits, but also how each sign deals with conflict, and their chances of overcoming tough times. A couple is less likely to last through inevitable bumps in the road if their habits clash. Cancer and Aquarius, for example, are two signs that are not known for their compatibility. Both have habits of ignoring their partner when the going gets rough.</p><p>Still, just because a person displays bad relationship patterns doesn't necessarily mean they'll fall into toxic relationships. \"People can make the same mistakes over and over again in relationships,\" astrologist Lisa Stardust tells Bustle. \" [...] Sun signs (zodiac signs) can shed insight into the patterns people make, what they are prone to repeat, until they have the urge to transform.” And with open communication between partners, the couple should be able to figure out how to fix potential problems by overcoming whatever issues they're dealing with.</p>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"love\",\"life\"],\"appCategory\":\"love\",\"appTitle\":\"What do you think is the best way to find a relationship?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>Firstly, to get into the relationship you want, you need to know what kind of relationship you want. So know your deal-breakers and remember that you have every right to stick to them. “A deal-breaker is an issue that is so important to a person, that if the other person will not compromise or concede, the relationship would probably not work out, “They are things that are so deeply and utterly important to the person, that they could not be in a relationship with someone who did not share, or at least support and respect them. Deal-breakers are usually formed throughout our lives, and start in childhood. They are made up of personal, or familial, values, beliefs, and their sense of right and wrong.”</p><p>It could be anything from whether or not you want kids, needing complete honesty, wanting support in your career, where you want to live, how you deal with money — anything that’s important to you. Decide what you need out of a relationship and keep that in mind. Compromise is important in a relationship, but so are boundaries.</p><p>Dating apps can make it difficult to really focus on the dating process — and the people involved. \\\"A mindful approach to life generally means doing one thing at a time and doing only that,\\\" relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. \\\"Often when people use dating apps, they are ambivalent.\\\" I found all of the swiping impersonal — and it led to me treating people as more disposable than I should have done. So make sure that when you’re chatting to people and looking at potential dates, you’re taking your time and really giving it the attention it deserves.</p><p>It may sound counterintuitive, but knowing how to be single is important for getting into a relationship. If you love being single, you’re not going to jump into a bad relationship for the wrong reasons. \\\"I'd rather be single, in a comfortable relationship with myself, than trapped in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship with someone else,\\\" certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca tells Bustle. It’s so true. If you can embrace single life, then you’re not going to settle you’ll wait until the relationship you actually want comes along.</p><p>If you want to be in a relationship, it’s natural to have an urge to move quickly — especially when you meet someone you really seem to click with. But make sure to take your time and allow authentic bonds to form. \\\"I don't care how well-adjusted you are, it takes time for a human being to earn another human being's deep trust,\\\" clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. \\\"If you expect that bond to happen immediately, you will likely be disappointed.” But if you take your time and get to know someone, you’ll know that you’re getting a really strong foundation.</p><p>A new year is a great time to find the relationship that you really want — whatever that means for you. Relationships are not a one-size-fits-all situation. Work out what you really want in a relationship and then take your time finding and nurturing that. If you can do that, you’re far more likely to find the kind of relationship you really want.</p><p>Whether these zodiac signs' habits are due to insecurities, miscommunications, or perspectives completely out of line with their partners', they can become lifelong bad habits if not addressed. Luckily, every single sign has their own things to overcome, so no one is alone in dealing with this issue.</p><p>Some of these habits might clash more than others. Zodiac compatibility takes into account not only matching good traits, but also how each sign deals with conflict, and their chances of overcoming tough times. A couple is less likely to last through inevitable bumps in the road if their habits clash. Cancer and Aquarius, for example, are two signs that are not known for their compatibility. Both have habits of ignoring their partner when the going gets rough.</p><p>Still, just because a person displays bad relationship patterns doesn't necessarily mean they'll fall into toxic relationships. \\\"People can make the same mistakes over and over again in relationships,\\\" astrologist Lisa Stardust tells Bustle. \\\" [...] Sun signs (zodiac signs) can shed insight into the patterns people make, what they are prone to repeat, until they have the urge to transform.” And with open communication between partners, the couple should be able to figure out how to fix potential problems by overcoming whatever issues they're dealing with.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"pkzgxjbe5\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"giovaabbatichio\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "body": "Hi! I am a robot. I just upvoted you! I found similar content that readers might be interested in:\nhttps://www.thecut.com/2016/10/why-are-people-afraid-of-the-dark.html",
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      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/bala41288/pkvehtgex\">View the original post on Musing.io</a><br /><p>Some fears are acquired based on specific life experiences; others are more universal and innate. Fear of darkness, which in extreme forms is known as nyctophobia or achluophobia, falls into that latter category. The reason: It’s not the darkness itself that’s frightening. It’s the fear of what the darkness masks. The dark leaves us vulnerable and exposed, unable to spot any threats that may be lurking nearby. For much of human history, dark meant danger, and fearing it meant taking precautions to stay safe. Evolutionarily, it was an advantage.</p><p>That’s not really the case anymore — there’s not much to fear when we spend the darkest hours of the day tucked safely in our beds — but darkness has nevertheless held on to its place in our psyche as a manifestation of the terrifying unknown. Psychologist Thomas Ollendick, the director of the Child Study Center at Virginia Tech University, told Live Science that childhood fears of the dark come from a fear of “the unexpected”: “Kids believe everything imaginable,” he said. “That in the dark, robbers might come or they could get kidnapped, or someone might come and take their toys away.” Our brains, in other words, equate darkness with the frightening side of unlimited possibility.</p><p>But it’s a shockingly common fear among adults, too …</p><p>As they age, people typically learn to disregard that link in everyday life. Darkness can up the spook factor of a novel situation, but most of us eventually become comfortable enough to ditch the night-light in their own homes. Not all, though: In one 2012 U.K. survey, nearly 40 percent of respondents said they were afraid to walk around the house with the lights off. In fact, 10 percent said that they wouldn’t even get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. And in one small study, around half of the participants who characterized themselves as “poor sleepers” also admitted to being afraid of the dark, compared to just a quarter of self-described “good sleepers,” suggesting that in some cases, the fear can be powerful to enough cause chronic insomnia.</p><p>And maybe even more common than we think, because it’s so hard to diagnose …</p><p>But the connection to poor sleeping habits also makes it easy to mistake fear of the dark for other fears, or for more general anxiety. “An individual may not be able to fall asleep once it’s dark and their mind starts to wander,” study author Colleen Carney, a psychology professor at Ryerson University, told Time. “They think, ‘What if someone breaks into my house?’ Instead of realizing these associations may indicate a fear of the dark, they skip a step and assume they have a fear of burglars.” Like other phobias, Carney added, an intense fear of the dark can be treated through exposure therapy; the key is just recognizing it first.</p><p>Problem is, the trigger’s so incredibly common — and unlike dogs, or llamas, or people looming in close proximity, it’s a fear that’s nearly impossible to contain: Once the lights go out, it builds and spreads, manifesting as a fear of what’s in the room to whatever your imagination can conjure.</p>",
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      "body": "Congratulations @humblebishop! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@humblebishop/voted.png?201811092351</td><td>You received more than 250 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 500 upvotes.</td></tr>\n</table>\n\n<sub>_[Click here to view your Board of Honor](https://steemitboard.com/@humblebishop)_</sub>\n<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>\n\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/steemfest3-and-steemitboard-meet-the-steemians-contest\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeLukvNFRsa7RURqsFpiLGEZZD49MiU52JtWmjS5S2wtW/image.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/steemfest3-and-steemitboard-meet-the-steemians-contest\">SteemFest3 and SteemitBoard - Meet the Steemians Contest</a></td></tr></table>\n\n> Support [SteemitBoard's project](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)! **[Vote for its witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1)** and **get one more award**!",
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      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/mumuaboki/p3rjuq645\">View the original post on Musing.io</a><br /><p> They are Goal Oriented</p><p>You need to be a habitual goal setter, and dedicate yourself to working from clear, written goals every day of your life, forming daily habits.  All highly successful people are intensely goal oriented. They know exactly what they want, they have it written down, they have written plans to accomplish it, and they both review and work on their plans as a daily routine.</p><p>I suggest you learn how to use the 80 20 rule to efficiently work toward achieving your goals.</p><p>They are Action Oriented</p><p>This is really the most important habit for material success.  It is the ability to get on with the job and get it done fast.  It is your ability to develop and maintain a sense of urgency, and a bias for action.  Fast tempo in whatever you do is essential to your success.</p><p>You need to overcome procrastination, push aside your fears and launch 100% toward the achievement of your most important goals.  The combination of goal orientation, result orientation and action orientation, in themselves, will virtually assure great success.</p><p>I highly suggest you learn to use SMART goals to list achievable targets that you can measure and track.</p><p>They are Results Driven</p><p>This is made up of two practices.</p><p>The first is the practice of continuously learning so that you become better at what you do.</p><p>The second practice is that of time management. This means setting very clear priorities on what you do and then concentrating single-mindedly on the most valuable use of your time.</p><p>All really successful people are intensely result-oriented.</p><p>They are people oriented</p><p>This is where you put relationships in the center of your life.  This is your decision to cultivate within yourself the habits of patience, kindness, compassion, and understanding.  Virtually all of your happiness in life will come from your ability to get along well with other people.</p><p>The good news is that you can become a wonderful human being in your relationships with others when you decide to.</p><p>As Aristotle said, the only way that you can learn any habit is by practicing it on a regular basis.  The more you practice being a truly excellent person in your relationships with others, the more you will internalize those qualities and actually become that person.</p><p>Focusing on being more pleasant with the people in your life is a great technique to promote a positive thinking lifestyle.</p><p> They are Health Conscious</p><p>The habit that highly successful people develop is health consciousness.</p><p>This means that you must fastidiously watch your diet, and always eat the right foods in the right portions.  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      "title": "Why are humans crazy about the life of the world compared to the hereafter?",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/black-horse/pkh442qe5\">View the original post on Musing.io</a><br /><p>This story got my attention and  it’s related to your question, now let me share it with you and to answer the question.</p><p>Just a few minutes before we were to meet, I was told the subjects of this session were Elaine and Joe Stillwell. It was a nice surprise,</p><p>As I stood to go to the conference room door to greet them in advance of their arrival, my thoughts immediately went to the chairs--comfy, swiveling, leather armchairs that I can, and have, sat in for hours. I knew Elaine and Joe would get a kick out of the chairs. Many things had changed over the many years since I started working in earnest out of my house in Deer Park, Long Island, after taking a chance and leaving my job as an operator at the New York Telephone Company, including the furnishings. More than thirty years ago, Elaine and Joe had come to a small group session held in my home. Money was tight, so things were as basic as you could get. The room in which I held sessions was unfurnished, except for a framed print of a schooner (which the home’s previous owners had left hanging in order to avoid having to repaint the wall that had faded around it), a table lamp that gave off a hideous glare, and the beat-up armchair in which I sat. My clients sat on borrowed folding chairs, sometimes for hours, to hear from their loved ones and to reconnect with the souls they had lost. The leather chairs were certainly an upgrade.</p><p>At our first meeting more than thirty years ago, I realized I already “knew” Elaine and Joe, without ever having met them before. I remembered reading in the paper about a terrible accident in which two young people, a brother and sister, lost their lives. They were driving back from a concert at the Jones Beach Theater when they attempted to cross a small drawbridge. They must not have realized that the single flashing light on that darkened road meant the bridge was on its way up. Their car hit the rising portion of the bridge, killing one sibling. The other, who was critically injured, died four days later at the hospital.</p><p>The story resonated with me because I knew the area where they were killed. During the day, it’s a beautiful sun-soaked drive through dunes and gorgeous water views. But at night, that beautiful ride becomes a daunting labyrinth of dark stretches and sudden turns on a poorly lit highway. It always surprised me that more people didn’t meet tragedy driving through that desolate area at night.</p><p>The siblings were Elaine’s children from her first marriage. The souls identified themselves in the session as Denis and Margaret, a formal name the young lady quickly changed to Peggy. They talked about their closeness and an unusually deep friendship for sister and brother. They insisted that although the bridge was poorly lit and the drawbridge signal nearly impossible to see, the accident was nobody’s fault. But then, Denis, the older of the two, said something extraordinary that made me sit up straight in my chair. He told us that Peggy had died instantly in the crash, but he had lingered. He explained that while he was in a coma, Peggy came to tell him that she had passed on, that she was going ahead of him to the hereafter. Denis, fearing not only that he could never live with the pain of losing his sister but also that he would have to bear the responsibility for her passing, decided that he wanted to go with her. After clinging to life for three days, Denis passed, following his sister into a world of joy.</p><p>I was young at the time, still in my thirties, and it was the first time in hundreds of sessions that any of the souls had dared to tell me they had a choice: to stay on the earth or go on to the hereafter. It took me a second to comprehend what was being said. Although the souls had told me many times that there is a day and an hour we will pass on, sometimes it is possible to rewrite the script, to bend the rules, to literally change what I had been taught by the souls was a one-way ride. In the past, the souls had been very resolute on this point. We live, we pass on, we continue forward to the hereafter on a specific day and at a specific time. It all seemed so tidy. But this new information generated more questions than it answered, especially for me. Is fixing what dumb luck seems to have broken something the souls are able to do? What about the life journey? Wasn’t that plan etched into us even before we were born? It was simple, Denis told me. They weren’t rewriting their lives, they were just moving the goalposts a little to bring each other peace, while also still providing the life lesson for those left on the earth.</p><p>I almost thought this information would be too much for Elaine to bear. I thought she would cry out at the injustice of losing two children simply because it was an easier road for Denis to walk. I looked into her soft eyes, and all I saw was peace. She knew. As a mother, she knew it had been as it had had to be. She told me afterward that that was Denis’s way, and that, although it was painful to know his life could have been spared, she understood his decision to go on with his sister and loved him all the more for it.</p><p>So I had found out that choice is a wild card, and circumstance is apparently moveable when the souls need it to be. This was news to me, and a bit of a wrinkle in my thoughts. The souls had usually been straightforward when it came to why we live, why we die, and what we are to learn in both circumstances. But this became one of several asterisks in their narrative, a new concept: that the souls, due to our needs or theirs, can change the journey for us here or change the resolution for us in the hereafter simply because there is a greater good at stake. It was a real learning experience for me as well as for the Stillwells, and something that has helped bond us as friends for many years.</p><p>When we began writing this book, I tried to think of the times in which the circumstances in sessions were somewhat extraordinary and challenged what we had learned or been told about life here and hereafter. This was the first time I realized that, between these worlds, anything is possible for the souls to experience what they need to, so that they can proceed on their own life’s journey; and everything is possible when you are dealing with the interface between our world and theirs.</p><p>Some thirty years had passed since I first met the Stillwells and heard Denis’s incredible revelation. We thought it would be interesting to bring Denis and Peggy back and see if their original assessment of their lives and their journey held true, and if, perhaps, they had any nuances they could share with us. To me, the session that follows shows how much they had evolved in their own soul growth as well as how much they were continuing to impact Elaine’s and Joe’s growth here on the earth.</p><p>This is Elaine and Joe’s story, in their words: </p><p>An incredible journey opened to me following the tragic, sudden deaths of my two oldest children, twenty-one-year-old Denis and nineteen-year-old Peggy, in a car accident on a rainy summer night, August 2, 1986. Peggy died instantly and Denis died four days later, following brain surgery, the day after we buried Peggy. Even in my state of shock and fighting the utter weariness and agony that assaulted my body, I was consumed with a passionate energy to tell the world how much I loved these children. I poured my heart and soul into preparing their funerals and writing their eulogies with every ounce of strength I could muster, thinking that would be my last gift of love to them. As the last guest and all our caretakers left after Denis’s funeral, my husband, Joe (stepfather to my children), and I sat there in the living room, staring at each other, thinking, Where do we go from here? How do we get up in the morning? How do we sit at the table with two vacant seats, soon to be three when my remaining child, Annie, leaves to begin her freshman year at college? How do we bear the utter quietness in our house after living with the constant din of telephone calls, stereos, and chatter? How do we face the world again? These were all frightening, overwhelming, almost paralyzing thoughts in those dark first moments of unimaginable grief. I didn’t have a clue or a plan for how to survive, but unbeknownst to me, God did.</p><p>Peggy and Denis were just a year and a half apart in age, and only separated by a year in school. From the playpen up they were always together and enjoyed the same neighborhood pals and school friends, becoming the “Inseparable Duo.” Denis, the firstborn, the big brother, the only son, named after his father and grandfather, curly blond hair, piercing green eyes, sunburned nose, and infectious smile; he made his own mold. Social studies, history, the Civil War, Germany, English literature, cooking, and concerts were his special interests. Fishing, surfing, skiing, and camping fed his love of the outdoors. Swimming, soccer, baseball, and lacrosse filled his life with that competitive zest. But music was his spirit! He had a charm that could move all ages, a wit that could keep you entertained for hours, a smile that could not be forgotten, and a love of life that would make you feel how great it was to be young. He had belonged to the fraternity of lifeguards since he was sixteen, risking his life for others every day. And this giving of self was evidenced in the very last act of his life: the donation of his organs to save or better the lives of others. Friends were his anchors, Samantha was his love, Peggy was his pal, and Annie was the one he loved to tease. </p><p>Denis loved life, being on the go, traveling, getting together with friends, talking till the wee hours of the morning. He was a loyal fan of football pools, the Mets, the Islanders, Notre Dame, and the horse “My Boy Dennis.” Surf shirts, crazy hats, and sunglasses were his trademark. He was surrounded with golf clubs, lacrosse sticks, stereo tapes, records, and whatever else he could fit into his car.</p><p>Following high school graduation, he took an extra year to knuckle down, get back on track, and apply himself to his studies. After graduating from Nassau Community College, he was excited and eager to be heading to Northeastern University in Boston a few weeks later, to major in International Relations and pursue their work-study program, “on the eight-year plan,” as he called it. After his accident we honestly thought he would recover from brain surgery in time to be there shortly after the semester began, but it was not to be.</p><p>Peggy was a beautiful free spirit who enjoyed colorful outfits, dangling jewelry, and big pocketbooks. She truly relished life and loved being Irish. Music and rhythm were part of her vitality. Expressing her thoughts verbally or in writing was her forte, and choosing just the right card to send you was her specialty. She had a knack for expressing exactly how she felt in a concise, humorous style that endeared her to you. She bared her soul to Denis, shared her soul with Annie, and spoiled our dog, Mickey, who was her shadow.</p><p>Peggy loved parties, staying up late, baking, shopping, celebrations, Christmas, balloons, crepe paper, and tradition. She was loyal to the core and had an innate sense of fairness. She was a good friend. She made her share of poor choices, but could always say, “I’m sorry.” She tested the rules, affected by her father’s long-term health issues and her parents’ divorce, but got through “teenage syndrome” in one piece. Attending the University of Dayton, living in “The Ghetto” there, being a member of Lambda Nu sorority, deciding on a psychology major were joys to her. Whether babysitting; dog-walking; working at the A&P, Nassau Beach, or the Nassau County Probation Department; or just being your friend, she joked and laughed and made you feel the happiness in her soul. People responded to “Peggy O’s” twinkling green eyes, her impish smile, her famous dimple on the chin (devil within), and those unforgettable freckles! None of us will ever forget her sensitive, fragile, beautiful, loving spirit that enhanced our lives. When Peggy died, I immediately comforted myself by believing she was in heaven with my mother, for whom she was named. It made my heart feel so good to know Peggy was not alone and that she was enthusiastically welcomed by my mother. When Denis died, I knew they would both be overjoyed to be reunited, and that notion actually gave me strength to get through the double loss. </p><p>Even in my pain, missing them so terribly and surrounded by their possessions, I knew right away that I wanted my children to be proud of me as their mother, living life and not hiding under the covers. I wanted to use that special love I had for them, spread it around and not waste it. I wanted them to be remembered forever, not erased from memory, but I had no clue how that would happen, how they would eventually become known from coast to coast.</p><p>In those early days of grief I operated as if by remote control, grateful for my job as a third grade teacher. I returned to work three weeks after burying two of my children because it was the opening of the school year, and you had to be there to set down the rules and the goals for the class to “be yours.” It gave me motivation to get up in the morning, structure to my never-ending day, and loving children and colleagues to keep me nurtured, busy, and needed. Little eight-year-olds keep you on your toes all day. I put one foot in front of the other each morning and tried so hard to make sure Peggy and Denis would be proud of me for wanting and trying to have a meaningful life again. When I didn’t give homework on Denis’s birthday, the children all yelled, “We love Denis!” How could you beat that? Returning to work was a big door to open. </p><p>As months went by, I was bolstered by the books I read, as I eagerly looked for answers to my pain. Learning that others had survived the death of their children gave me inspiration and encouragement for the journey out of the Valley of the Shadow, as they called it. When every book I read mentioned the value of The Compassionate Friends, a national organization for bereaved parents, I was anxious to find such a group near my home, but there was none. So I asked my husband, Joe, if together we could start a local chapter in our hometown.</p>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"life\"],\"appCategory\":\"life\",\"appTitle\":\"Why are humans crazy about the life of the world compared to the hereafter?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>This story got my attention and  it’s related to your question, now let me share it with you and to answer the question.</p><p>Just a few minutes before we were to meet, I was told the subjects of this session were Elaine and Joe Stillwell. It was a nice surprise,</p><p>As I stood to go to the conference room door to greet them in advance of their arrival, my thoughts immediately went to the chairs--comfy, swiveling, leather armchairs that I can, and have, sat in for hours. I knew Elaine and Joe would get a kick out of the chairs. Many things had changed over the many years since I started working in earnest out of my house in Deer Park, Long Island, after taking a chance and leaving my job as an operator at the New York Telephone Company, including the furnishings. More than thirty years ago, Elaine and Joe had come to a small group session held in my home. Money was tight, so things were as basic as you could get. The room in which I held sessions was unfurnished, except for a framed print of a schooner (which the home’s previous owners had left hanging in order to avoid having to repaint the wall that had faded around it), a table lamp that gave off a hideous glare, and the beat-up armchair in which I sat. My clients sat on borrowed folding chairs, sometimes for hours, to hear from their loved ones and to reconnect with the souls they had lost. The leather chairs were certainly an upgrade.</p><p>At our first meeting more than thirty years ago, I realized I already “knew” Elaine and Joe, without ever having met them before. I remembered reading in the paper about a terrible accident in which two young people, a brother and sister, lost their lives. They were driving back from a concert at the Jones Beach Theater when they attempted to cross a small drawbridge. They must not have realized that the single flashing light on that darkened road meant the bridge was on its way up. Their car hit the rising portion of the bridge, killing one sibling. The other, who was critically injured, died four days later at the hospital.</p><p>The story resonated with me because I knew the area where they were killed. During the day, it’s a beautiful sun-soaked drive through dunes and gorgeous water views. But at night, that beautiful ride becomes a daunting labyrinth of dark stretches and sudden turns on a poorly lit highway. It always surprised me that more people didn’t meet tragedy driving through that desolate area at night.</p><p>The siblings were Elaine’s children from her first marriage. The souls identified themselves in the session as Denis and Margaret, a formal name the young lady quickly changed to Peggy. They talked about their closeness and an unusually deep friendship for sister and brother. They insisted that although the bridge was poorly lit and the drawbridge signal nearly impossible to see, the accident was nobody’s fault. But then, Denis, the older of the two, said something extraordinary that made me sit up straight in my chair. He told us that Peggy had died instantly in the crash, but he had lingered. He explained that while he was in a coma, Peggy came to tell him that she had passed on, that she was going ahead of him to the hereafter. Denis, fearing not only that he could never live with the pain of losing his sister but also that he would have to bear the responsibility for her passing, decided that he wanted to go with her. After clinging to life for three days, Denis passed, following his sister into a world of joy.</p><p>I was young at the time, still in my thirties, and it was the first time in hundreds of sessions that any of the souls had dared to tell me they had a choice: to stay on the earth or go on to the hereafter. It took me a second to comprehend what was being said. Although the souls had told me many times that there is a day and an hour we will pass on, sometimes it is possible to rewrite the script, to bend the rules, to literally change what I had been taught by the souls was a one-way ride. In the past, the souls had been very resolute on this point. We live, we pass on, we continue forward to the hereafter on a specific day and at a specific time. It all seemed so tidy. But this new information generated more questions than it answered, especially for me. Is fixing what dumb luck seems to have broken something the souls are able to do? What about the life journey? Wasn’t that plan etched into us even before we were born? It was simple, Denis told me. They weren’t rewriting their lives, they were just moving the goalposts a little to bring each other peace, while also still providing the life lesson for those left on the earth.</p><p>I almost thought this information would be too much for Elaine to bear. I thought she would cry out at the injustice of losing two children simply because it was an easier road for Denis to walk. I looked into her soft eyes, and all I saw was peace. She knew. As a mother, she knew it had been as it had had to be. She told me afterward that that was Denis’s way, and that, although it was painful to know his life could have been spared, she understood his decision to go on with his sister and loved him all the more for it.</p><p>So I had found out that choice is a wild card, and circumstance is apparently moveable when the souls need it to be. This was news to me, and a bit of a wrinkle in my thoughts. The souls had usually been straightforward when it came to why we live, why we die, and what we are to learn in both circumstances. But this became one of several asterisks in their narrative, a new concept: that the souls, due to our needs or theirs, can change the journey for us here or change the resolution for us in the hereafter simply because there is a greater good at stake. It was a real learning experience for me as well as for the Stillwells, and something that has helped bond us as friends for many years.</p><p>When we began writing this book, I tried to think of the times in which the circumstances in sessions were somewhat extraordinary and challenged what we had learned or been told about life here and hereafter. This was the first time I realized that, between these worlds, anything is possible for the souls to experience what they need to, so that they can proceed on their own life’s journey; and everything is possible when you are dealing with the interface between our world and theirs.</p><p>Some thirty years had passed since I first met the Stillwells and heard Denis’s incredible revelation. We thought it would be interesting to bring Denis and Peggy back and see if their original assessment of their lives and their journey held true, and if, perhaps, they had any nuances they could share with us. To me, the session that follows shows how much they had evolved in their own soul growth as well as how much they were continuing to impact Elaine’s and Joe’s growth here on the earth.</p><p>This is Elaine and Joe’s story, in their words: </p><p>An incredible journey opened to me following the tragic, sudden deaths of my two oldest children, twenty-one-year-old Denis and nineteen-year-old Peggy, in a car accident on a rainy summer night, August 2, 1986. Peggy died instantly and Denis died four days later, following brain surgery, the day after we buried Peggy. Even in my state of shock and fighting the utter weariness and agony that assaulted my body, I was consumed with a passionate energy to tell the world how much I loved these children. I poured my heart and soul into preparing their funerals and writing their eulogies with every ounce of strength I could muster, thinking that would be my last gift of love to them. As the last guest and all our caretakers left after Denis’s funeral, my husband, Joe (stepfather to my children), and I sat there in the living room, staring at each other, thinking, Where do we go from here? How do we get up in the morning? How do we sit at the table with two vacant seats, soon to be three when my remaining child, Annie, leaves to begin her freshman year at college? How do we bear the utter quietness in our house after living with the constant din of telephone calls, stereos, and chatter? How do we face the world again? These were all frightening, overwhelming, almost paralyzing thoughts in those dark first moments of unimaginable grief. I didn’t have a clue or a plan for how to survive, but unbeknownst to me, God did.</p><p>Peggy and Denis were just a year and a half apart in age, and only separated by a year in school. From the playpen up they were always together and enjoyed the same neighborhood pals and school friends, becoming the “Inseparable Duo.” Denis, the firstborn, the big brother, the only son, named after his father and grandfather, curly blond hair, piercing green eyes, sunburned nose, and infectious smile; he made his own mold. Social studies, history, the Civil War, Germany, English literature, cooking, and concerts were his special interests. Fishing, surfing, skiing, and camping fed his love of the outdoors. Swimming, soccer, baseball, and lacrosse filled his life with that competitive zest. But music was his spirit! He had a charm that could move all ages, a wit that could keep you entertained for hours, a smile that could not be forgotten, and a love of life that would make you feel how great it was to be young. He had belonged to the fraternity of lifeguards since he was sixteen, risking his life for others every day. And this giving of self was evidenced in the very last act of his life: the donation of his organs to save or better the lives of others. Friends were his anchors, Samantha was his love, Peggy was his pal, and Annie was the one he loved to tease. </p><p>Denis loved life, being on the go, traveling, getting together with friends, talking till the wee hours of the morning. He was a loyal fan of football pools, the Mets, the Islanders, Notre Dame, and the horse “My Boy Dennis.” Surf shirts, crazy hats, and sunglasses were his trademark. He was surrounded with golf clubs, lacrosse sticks, stereo tapes, records, and whatever else he could fit into his car.</p><p>Following high school graduation, he took an extra year to knuckle down, get back on track, and apply himself to his studies. After graduating from Nassau Community College, he was excited and eager to be heading to Northeastern University in Boston a few weeks later, to major in International Relations and pursue their work-study program, “on the eight-year plan,” as he called it. After his accident we honestly thought he would recover from brain surgery in time to be there shortly after the semester began, but it was not to be.</p><p>Peggy was a beautiful free spirit who enjoyed colorful outfits, dangling jewelry, and big pocketbooks. She truly relished life and loved being Irish. Music and rhythm were part of her vitality. Expressing her thoughts verbally or in writing was her forte, and choosing just the right card to send you was her specialty. She had a knack for expressing exactly how she felt in a concise, humorous style that endeared her to you. She bared her soul to Denis, shared her soul with Annie, and spoiled our dog, Mickey, who was her shadow.</p><p>Peggy loved parties, staying up late, baking, shopping, celebrations, Christmas, balloons, crepe paper, and tradition. She was loyal to the core and had an innate sense of fairness. She was a good friend. She made her share of poor choices, but could always say, “I’m sorry.” She tested the rules, affected by her father’s long-term health issues and her parents’ divorce, but got through “teenage syndrome” in one piece. Attending the University of Dayton, living in “The Ghetto” there, being a member of Lambda Nu sorority, deciding on a psychology major were joys to her. Whether babysitting; dog-walking; working at the A&P, Nassau Beach, or the Nassau County Probation Department; or just being your friend, she joked and laughed and made you feel the happiness in her soul. People responded to “Peggy O’s” twinkling green eyes, her impish smile, her famous dimple on the chin (devil within), and those unforgettable freckles! None of us will ever forget her sensitive, fragile, beautiful, loving spirit that enhanced our lives. When Peggy died, I immediately comforted myself by believing she was in heaven with my mother, for whom she was named. It made my heart feel so good to know Peggy was not alone and that she was enthusiastically welcomed by my mother. When Denis died, I knew they would both be overjoyed to be reunited, and that notion actually gave me strength to get through the double loss. </p><p>Even in my pain, missing them so terribly and surrounded by their possessions, I knew right away that I wanted my children to be proud of me as their mother, living life and not hiding under the covers. I wanted to use that special love I had for them, spread it around and not waste it. I wanted them to be remembered forever, not erased from memory, but I had no clue how that would happen, how they would eventually become known from coast to coast.</p><p>In those early days of grief I operated as if by remote control, grateful for my job as a third grade teacher. I returned to work three weeks after burying two of my children because it was the opening of the school year, and you had to be there to set down the rules and the goals for the class to “be yours.” It gave me motivation to get up in the morning, structure to my never-ending day, and loving children and colleagues to keep me nurtured, busy, and needed. Little eight-year-olds keep you on your toes all day. I put one foot in front of the other each morning and tried so hard to make sure Peggy and Denis would be proud of me for wanting and trying to have a meaningful life again. When I didn’t give homework on Denis’s birthday, the children all yelled, “We love Denis!” How could you beat that? Returning to work was a big door to open. </p><p>As months went by, I was bolstered by the books I read, as I eagerly looked for answers to my pain. Learning that others had survived the death of their children gave me inspiration and encouragement for the journey out of the Valley of the Shadow, as they called it. When every book I read mentioned the value of The Compassionate Friends, a national organization for bereaved parents, I was anxious to find such a group near my home, but there was none. So I asked my husband, Joe, if together we could start a local chapter in our hometown.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"pkh442qe5\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"black-horse\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "parent_author": "bjornb",
      "parent_permlink": "fkww8dqe5",
      "author": "humblebishop",
      "permlink": "f3gxmzpe5",
      "title": "Question answered on Musing.io",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/bjornb/fkww8dqe5\">View this answer on Musing.io</a>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"life\"],\"appCategory\":\"life\",\"appTitle\":\"If you died today, how many people would be at your funeral?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>It varies on a lot of things, I've seen funerals where only the immediate family attended - even though it was a public visitation - so there were about 15 people. However, the person had Changed town for years and there weren't many family members active in the community. I've also seen funerals where there were over 600 people total. It varies based on who has known the deceased, how active they were in their community, have they been in the area or did they move away, how active the family members are in the community, etc. Overall, I Think it’s varies, most people can expect between 60 - 100 people.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"fkww8dqe5\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"bjornb\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "parent_author": "bjornb",
      "parent_permlink": "f32rslw4x",
      "author": "humblebishop",
      "permlink": "p3jf6yfe5",
      "title": "Question answered on Musing.io",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/bjornb/f32rslw4x\">View this answer on Musing.io</a>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"life\",\"health\"],\"appCategory\":\"life\",\"appTitle\":\"How often and how long do you meditate? If never, why not?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>I often get asked variants on the question, “How long should I spend meditating each day, and is there any benefit to meditation if you can’t manage forty minutes?”</p><p>Some people notice distinct psychological benefits in the forms of reduced stress and greater happiness with only ten minutes of meditation daily, although most people seem to require around twenty minutes to experience benefits.</p><p>When I was taught to meditate the meditations in the class were usually 40 or 50 minutes long. I picked up the idea that anything shorter than that wasn’t a “real” meditation and didn’t really count. That was a most unfortunate idea to pick up, because there were many days I couldn’t do that amount of meditation and so I ended up not sitting — even though I did have time to do 15 or 20 minutes.</p><p>One well-known study trained people in meditation for eight weeks. The participants, who were new to meditation, ended up meditating for an average of 23 minutes a day. At the end of eight weeks their brain activity had measurably changed, and they showed much higher activation of parts of the brain that are associated with feelings of well-being and less activation of parts of the brain associated with stress. And they were found to have an improved immune response as well. That’s after just 23 minutes a day, on average.</p><p>Through my own experience I’ve found that any amount of meditation is better than none. One those days where, for whatever reason, I’ve only been able to meditate for five or ten minutes, I’ve found that my mental states can change perceptibly over that period of time, and that the benefits persist throughout the day.</p><p>So my advice is, just do it. If you can only manage twenty minutes a day, do twenty minutes. If you can only manage ten, do that. If three minutes is all you have, then spending three minutes is much, much better than not doing anything.</p><p>And just do it every day, and have a minimum commitment for yourself of something like five minutes a day..</p><p>The amount of time you’ll have will vary. You might meditate on a regular basis for 20 or 40 minutes, but then have one of those days where you just don’t get a chance to sit until last thing at night, when you’re so tired you think you’re going to fall off your cushion. So sit for at least five minutes. You’ll maintain a sense of being committed to your practice no matter what, and you’ll feel better about yourself. And even five minutes makes a difference.</p><p>What about a maximum? Obviously for most people time available for meditation is a limiting factor. On retreat we might meditate for five, or six, or ten hours a day. That’s hardly feasible for most of us in our daily lives, but it’s worth experimenting with doing more practice and seeing what effect it has. I find that if I meditate for more than 90 minutes over the course of a day, there’s an extra “kick” from the practice, and a deep sense of joy comes into my life. I don’t expect that this length of time will apply for everyone, but I expect that there are “tipping points” past which meditation has extra benefits, and that that’s true for most people, even if the magic number isn’t always the same.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"f32rslw4x\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"bjornb\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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    {
      "parent_author": "rachel1998",
      "parent_permlink": "f32wxk2lx",
      "author": "humblebishop",
      "permlink": "pkypxyp45",
      "title": "Question answered on Musing.io",
      "body": "<a href=\"https://musing.io/q/rachel1998/f32wxk2lx\">View this answer on Musing.io</a>",
      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"business\"],\"appCategory\":\"business\",\"appTitle\":\"If you were given a lump sum of money to start a business, what kind of business would you start?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>There are so many information on the internet on how to start fish farming in Nigeria especially catfish farming but few are detailed enough to really assist aspiring fish farmer to get started. I will be endeavor to make this article as detailed as possible and hope that other experienced fish farmer will add to it as we try to answer people’s questions by commenting.</p><p>One of the most popular agribusiness in Nigeria is fish farming and for good reasons. Gone are the days when the only means of getting fish is by catching it in the local rivers and ponds through trial and errors. Today, the modern farm practice has made it possible to grow fish in the farms and control the input.</p><p>Catfish Farming Nigeria Picture</p><p>Matured Catfish, Ready For Market | WealthResult.com</p><p>If you are thinking of business to start now, I recommend you start Catfish Farming. If you are an existing farmer and you are looking to expand your farm capacity, I’d encourage you add fish farming to your line of business. Fish farming (especially catfish) is most compatible with poultry farming as you can use the poultry drops to produce the feed for your fish.</p><p>Benefits of Fish Farming</p><p>1. Fish is Popular</p><p>Fishery products is by far the most popular animal products in the market, constituting more than 60% of meat produce in the Nigerian market.</p><p>2. Fish is Source of Protein</p><p>Fish is one of the highest source of protein. It is a low-fat high quality protein that is filled with omega-3 fatty acids and vitamins such as D and B2 (riboflavin). Fish is also very rich in calcium and phosphorus and is equally a great source of minerals, such as iron, zinc, iodine, magnesium, and potassium.</p><p>3. Fish Sells Quick</p><p>Fish sells faster than any other animal products in the market and is relatively cheaper than meats, making it the number one choice when it comes to affordability.</p><p>4. Fish Matures Quickly</p><p>Fish grows very fast as practices in fish farming makes it possible for farmers to increase the fastness of their fish growth by giving them certain feeds, ensuring that you harvest and sell within short period of time.</p><p>5. Fish Contains Omega-3</p><p>Fish is the biggest source of Omega-3 fatty acids which is extremely beneficial to human heart; Omega-3 helps to keep our heart and brain very healthy. Since human body doesn’t produce Omega-3 fatty acids, the only source through which we can get it is by what we eat, that is where fish comes to the rescue.</p><p>6. Fish Farming is Profitable</p><p>Fish farming is very profitable. With proper planning and good management, N3 million investment in fish farming could easily result to N4 million of pure profit within six months.</p><p>7. No Environmental Hazard</p><p>Fish farm does not cause any environmental hazard. Unlike poultry farming, you can setup fish farm anywhere, including residential areas. If you have a specious compound, you can easily setup a small fish farm within your backyard without any regulatory precaution.</p><p>Risks and Challenges in Fish Farming</p><p>1. Sensitive to Manage</p><p>Fish is very sensitive to manage and a slight mistake could result to degenerated growth of your fish or even death which may cause massive revenue loss.</p><p>2. Capital Intensive</p><p>Setting up fish farm is capital intensive, much more than that of poultry and snail farming. Setting up fish farm requires more careful planning and much capital input. A relatively small fish farm may take up to N500,000 to setup, while bigger ones takes millions of naira.</p><p>3. Fish is Priced High</p><p>Due to the cost of production, fish produced from the farm is priced higher than those caught from the rivers and ponds by fishermen. Therefore, if there are good quantity of fisherman’s fish in the market, you may find it difficult to sell as people would prefer the cheaper ones.</p><p>4. No Byproduct</p><p>There is no byproduct in fishery unlike poultry where even the drop can be harvested and sold to other farmers and make extra profit. In fishery, all you get is the flesh.</p><p>Types Of Fish You Can Farm</p><p>Haven seen the benefits as well as the risks involved in fish farming, let’s now proceed to decide which specie of fish we want to farm. Below are some of the most popular fish species that is suitable for Aquaculture.</p><p>1. Cat Fish –</p><p>Even though Catfish is not the most popular fish in Nigeria, this fish species is by far the most cultivated in Nigeria. One thing good about catfish is that it is one of the easiest fish species to cultivate. So, people naturally flow to the direction of fish specie they found to be the easiest to cultivate.</p><p>2. Tilapia –</p><p>Second most popular fish in Nigeria’s aquaculture industry, Tilapia is a fish species that lives in fresh shallow water. Tilapia is very easy to cultivate and very popular in Nigerian market, it reproduces very rapidly and grows fast too.</p><p>3. Mackerel (Titus) –</p><p>This is by far the most popular fish in Nigerian market but so sad it’s not farmed. All Mackerel Fish are “wild caught” but some farmer in Nigeria are considering the possibility of creating artificial salty water that will be similar to sea water where mackerel can only survive. Can this deep blue sea fish specie be cultivated artificially? Only time will tell but for now, you have to focus your attention to Catfish and Tilapia.</p><p>What You Need To Get Started In Fish Farming</p><p>1. Secure a Land</p><p>Any location is good since fish doesn’t cause any environmental disturbance. Look for land where you can get it cheap and buy. Depending on the capacity you wants to operate on, half plot of land is just good enough for average fish farm.</p><p>However, you may go for something bigger like full plot or two if you can afford it probably for convenience sake. If you already have a compound with leftover space you thing can accommodate two or three ponds, you may use it.</p><p>2. Construct Ponds</p><p>You need to engage the service of expert pond construction engineer or you go to another fish farm to get the specification and construction requirements. The plumbing work must be properly done to ensure proper drainage.</p><p>Catfish Ponds For Catfish Farming</p><p>Example of local fish ponds in Nigeria</p><p>3. Dig a Borehole</p><p>Adequate water supply is the lifeblood of fish farm and lack of it may result to disaster because water need to be changed on regular interval. Naturally available sources of water such as borehole and river water is the most suitable. Rain water and tap water from chemically treated source is not recommended for fish cultivation.</p><p>4. Install Overhead Tank</p><p>This is the water reservoir from which water is supplied to your ponds. This tank has to be connected to your ponds through plumbing system to make it convenient for water to flow into your ponds when needed.</p><p>5. Get Juvenile Fish</p><p>Get your juvenile from another farm that specializes in supplying it. You need to go for the high yield specie of catfish or tilapia and make sure you are getting it from a healthy farm.</p><p>6. Get Training</p><p>Not the kind of training you get from one day seminars; you need to get attached to a fish farm for proper apprenticeship. For you to properly learn this trade, you need at least two months training on this.</p><p>Remember that your investment is at stake, trial and error is not good in business except you have unlimited funds to experiment with.</p><p>Feasibility Study For Standard Fish Farming</p><p>SEE ALSO: Feasibility Study On Poultry Farming For Beginners</p><p>This feasibility study prepared for a catfish farm capacity of 10,000 and fingerlings of high breed catfish where to be stocked. The expenses from pond construction to marketing is considered. The farm is to have 10 concrete ponds of flow through system and each pond is to contains 1,000 stocked catfish.</p><p>Cost of Constructing Each Pond is as Follows</p><p>Each pond is 3m x 2.5m by 1.4m, each pond consumes 210 blocks and each bag of cement for 30 blocks. Hence 210 x 10 = 2,100 blocks. 2,100/30 = 70 bags of cement needed. 2000 x 70 = 140,000 naira.</p><p>4trips of sand used = 7,000×4 = N28,000</p><p>2trips of gravel = 32,000x 2 = N64,00</p><p>Cost of labour = N150,00</p><p>Cost of plumbing (inlet and outlet facility) = N100,000.</p><p>The cost of bore hole = N150,000.</p><p>Cost of treatment = N50,000.</p><p>The cost of high breed fingerlings 30×10,000 = N300,000.</p><p>Cost of feeding from day one to maturity stage is 200 bags of foreign feed = N1,000,000.</p><p>After the average weight of the fish was 1.7kg. And it was sold at 800 naira each. The output was 800×9800 fishes, due to 200 mortality. 800 x 9800 = N7,840,000.</p><p>Input is N3.25’million. The profit is N4.59 million after six months of culture. Following this cost analysis, you can easily invest N3 million and expect good turnover within six months of harvest and sell.</p><p>There is no doubt that fish farming is among the list of lucrative businesses in Nigeria. You need to get it right by drawing complete business plan and following it to the later. You need to apply good management skill and follow the acceptable standard. If you do all these, you are sure to make good profit from your fish farming business in Nigeria, Kenya, Ghana, South Africa or where else you choose to set it.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"f32wxk2lx\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"rachel1998\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "title": "Question answered on Musing.io",
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      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"Throw\",\"lite\",\"on\",\"it\"],\"appCategory\":\"Throw\",\"appTitle\":\"What is the benefit of love? It’s not only good for your spirit; it has some physical and psychological advantages too. Who doesn’t appreciate that magical feeling of being in love? Over the years many studies have shown that being in love goes beyond that warm and fuzzy feeling and the obvious advantage of always having a date for Valentine’s Day. Whether you find yourself with a romantic partner, family members or friends, these special connections have actually proven to be beneficial to our health.  The health benefits of love may surprise you - love can keep you healthy mentally, physically, socially and spiritually too.This is good news for people who spend time in loving environments and what’s most important is that it’s not just the physical side from which you can benefit– just being in love is enough.   Professor Jacques Snyman, Clinical Advisor for Resolution Health Medical Scheme highlights why it is important to make room for love in your life.  1.    Love may make you live longer  Since the beginning of time, humans have depended on one another for survival. As social animals we all have biological drives that naturally make us want to find an intimate bond with others. Not finding those connections may result in stress and other factors, which can affect our lifespan.  “Research shows that people in loving relationships have a lower death rate than single people, even people who have unhealthy lifestyles tend to live longer than those who lack social and community support,” says Professor Snyman.   According to a study conducted by Brigham Young University, spending time with those you love has an extremely positive effect on health and can cut the risk of an early death in half. The study attributes a person’s lengthened lifespan to high self-esteem due to his or her partner’s positive feedback, which lowers the chances of depression.   In addition, the study also showed that people will often adopt safer behaviours when they are coupled up. For example, a person is less likely to risk their life with smoking, binge drinking, reckless driving or dangerous eating habits if a loved one is depending on them.  2.    Love can help combat diseases  What’s better than being in love with your partner to help combat deadly diseases? Studies have shown that being in love can help combat asthma, arthritis, hay fever, nasal congestion and even a headache.   “A strong romantic support system protects the body from developing high levels of cortisol which is a stress hormone.This helps to protect from various diseases including cardiovascular diseases such as strokes, high blood pressure and ischaemic heart disease - three of the most deadly diseases,” says Professor Snyman.  3.    Love boosts your immune system  Having love in your life might just save you from the flu. A recent study showed that a five-minute episode of feeling genuine care or compassion enhanced the whole immune system, causing a gradual increase in the release of immunoglobulin A (IgA), your body’s natural antibody against colds, flu and other invading germs.   Even watching movies about love, petting an animal and practicing selfless service for others has been shown to increase levels of IgA.  4.    Love helps you look younger  That healthy glow from being in love isn’t a myth. Many studies indicate that people in happy relationships look physically younger than those who aren’t. “With the increasing blood flow to the skin, being in love can increase the supply of essential nutrients and oxygen to your skin cells, making you look healthier,” explains Professor Snyman.  5.    Love can keep you slim  It is very common for people to lose weight when they start dating somebody. “Being in love causes your body to pump out a neurotransmitter called adrenaline, which acts as an appetite suppressant,” says Professor Snyman.  “Since all that adrenaline is keeping you alert, you are less likely to have late night food cravings or feel the need to nibble when you aren't really hungry, which helps avoid putting on extra weight. Also, chances are that being in love will get you motivated to exercise more to look and feel your best for your partner,” he continues.  6.    Love improves your mental wellbeing  We all know that being in love makes people feel overjoyed, but it's not just in our heads. People in love generally have increased energy, which makes them excited to discover new adventures and different hobbies.  “Loving and being loved helps to vaccinate you against anxiety. When you are in love the brain produces a chemical called dopamine, a feel-good stimulant that is responsible for feelings of bliss, optimism and patience,” says Professor Snyman.  “Infatuated people also produce a surplus of a chemical called oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This endorphin spreads a warm, internal flutter throughout the body when it is released during touch or physical intimacy,” he adds.  7.    Love improves self-confidence  People in healthy relationships tend to be more confident in all areas of their life. It has been proven that getting married and staying married reduces depression in both men and women.  “Having a positive self-esteem comes from being validated and receiving affirmation that you have worth. With improved self-esteem, people in love are often more capable of achieving and maintaining their professional and personal goals in life,”  says Professor Snyman.  So before you roll you eyes at all the love struck people you are most likely to come across this Valentine’s Day, keep in mind that there are psychological and physical benefits to being in love.   Furthermore being compassionate and loving to those close to you is bound to have you feeling good about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically too. If that can result in you even looking a tad bit younger then that’s  reason enough to pursue love this Valentine’s Day.?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>Looks like you forgot to erase the answer, hahaha.</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"p3twrcf4x\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"humblebishop\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"Throw\",\"lite\",\"on\",\"it\"],\"appCategory\":\"Throw\",\"appTitle\":\"What is the benefit of love? It’s not only good for your spirit; it has some physical and psychological advantages too. Who doesn’t appreciate that magical feeling of being in love? Over the years many studies have shown that being in love goes beyond that warm and fuzzy feeling and the obvious advantage of always having a date for Valentine’s Day. Whether you find yourself with a romantic partner, family members or friends, these special connections have actually proven to be beneficial to our health.  The health benefits of love may surprise you - love can keep you healthy mentally, physically, socially and spiritually too.This is good news for people who spend time in loving environments and what’s most important is that it’s not just the physical side from which you can benefit– just being in love is enough.   Professor Jacques Snyman, Clinical Advisor for Resolution Health Medical Scheme highlights why it is important to make room for love in your life.  1.    Love may make you live longer  Since the beginning of time, humans have depended on one another for survival. As social animals we all have biological drives that naturally make us want to find an intimate bond with others. Not finding those connections may result in stress and other factors, which can affect our lifespan.  “Research shows that people in loving relationships have a lower death rate than single people, even people who have unhealthy lifestyles tend to live longer than those who lack social and community support,” says Professor Snyman.   According to a study conducted by Brigham Young University, spending time with those you love has an extremely positive effect on health and can cut the risk of an early death in half. 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Studies have shown that being in love can help combat asthma, arthritis, hay fever, nasal congestion and even a headache.   “A strong romantic support system protects the body from developing high levels of cortisol which is a stress hormone.This helps to protect from various diseases including cardiovascular diseases such as strokes, high blood pressure and ischaemic heart disease - three of the most deadly diseases,” says Professor Snyman.  3.    Love boosts your immune system  Having love in your life might just save you from the flu. A recent study showed that a five-minute episode of feeling genuine care or compassion enhanced the whole immune system, causing a gradual increase in the release of immunoglobulin A (IgA), your body’s natural antibody against colds, flu and other invading germs.   Even watching movies about love, petting an animal and practicing selfless service for others has been shown to increase levels of IgA.  4.    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      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"Wield\",\"life\"],\"appCategory\":\"Wield\",\"appTitle\":\"WHY ARE LIONS KING OF THE JUNGLE? By Mike E. Lions live in Africa south of the Sahara and in Northwest India. Lions don't actually live in the jungle. Their real habitat is the open savanna where they hunt mammals such as gazelles, antelope, and zebra. They may also cooperate to catch larger mammals such as buffalo, giraffes and even crocodiles. Lionesses, or female lions, usually do most of the hunting. Sometimes they work together to flush out prey. One lion will scare out prey towards the others making it difficult to escape.  Lions live in groups called prides. These prides usually consist of as many as 15 lionesses and their young, and 3 adult males. An average lion's body is 4 1/2 to 6 1/2 feet long, and their tails are 26 1/4 inches long to 3 1/4 feet. They can also grow up to 3 1/2 feet high and can weigh up to 500 pounds.  So why are lions the kings of the jungle? Lions are the kings of the jungle because of their raw power and strength. Lions fear no other animals, however, like a king lions do have enemies. The lion's worst enemy is the hyena.  Hyenas eat the same food as lions, so the lions and the hyenas often come into conflict over food. The only other enemy the lions have is people. Unfortunately the beautiful fur of a lion is very valuable on black markets. Because of this the lion is in danger of poachers, and because of poachers, the lion is an endangered species. In fact humans are the only thing that lions have to fear. Unfortunately these poachers don't care if these lions become extinct, and extinct is forever. This means once lions are gone, they will never come back.  Like a king, lions also maintain order. A king maintains order by making laws and punishing those that don't abide. A lion maintains a balance by killing some animals. If there no lions, herds of antelope would overcrowd the savannas and destroy all the grass resources. Everything impacts something.  Kings are the most powerful people or rulers of a land. Perhaps this is why the lion is considered king, because it is control of the land it lives on and all the other animals that live on it. Hyenas, however, are not really controlled by or fear the lions, but are a common enemy. It is sometimes said that if it wasn't for the ugly looks and walk of the hyena, they would be considered the kings of the jungle. On the other hand, the beauty and grace of a lion makes it the perfect king.  Lions also rest about 20 hours a day. In a sense, they have the life of kings. They eat, drink and sleep and do away with pests. This is why lions are considered the kings of the jungle.  I once saw a documentary on lions. At the end of this documentary a pride of lions was being attacked by a pack of hyenas. The hyenas were attacking the cubs; the lionesses were doing their best to keep the hyenas away, but the hyenas kept coming back. Unfortunately there were no male lions in sight and there hadn't been in weeks. In the last slip of the documentary, there is a lioness chasing a hyena but can't catch up, when from out of nowhere there appears a huge male lion, it's muscles bulging with strength from anger. With each step it gracefully charges past the lioness and with one strike to the right hind leg of the hyena, the hyena crashes to the ground tumbling and rolling from the sudden loss of footing. This is the act of a king, a king that was crossed the wrong way--a creature in command. ?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>What is this shit?&nbsp;</p>\\n<p>@musing&nbsp;</p>\\n<p>This is obvious plagiarism.</p>\\n<p>How do spammers ever expect to get any respect? Obvious abuse, and obvious that users like this do not care about our platform. Yet they want to be taken seriously? What a joke...</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"fkm2xjxe5\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"humblebishop\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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      "json_metadata": "{\"app\":\"Musing\",\"appTags\":[\"Wield\",\"life\"],\"appCategory\":\"Wield\",\"appTitle\":\"WHY ARE LIONS KING OF THE JUNGLE? By Mike E. Lions live in Africa south of the Sahara and in Northwest India. Lions don't actually live in the jungle. Their real habitat is the open savanna where they hunt mammals such as gazelles, antelope, and zebra. They may also cooperate to catch larger mammals such as buffalo, giraffes and even crocodiles. Lionesses, or female lions, usually do most of the hunting. Sometimes they work together to flush out prey. One lion will scare out prey towards the others making it difficult to escape.  Lions live in groups called prides. These prides usually consist of as many as 15 lionesses and their young, and 3 adult males. An average lion's body is 4 1/2 to 6 1/2 feet long, and their tails are 26 1/4 inches long to 3 1/4 feet. They can also grow up to 3 1/2 feet high and can weigh up to 500 pounds.  So why are lions the kings of the jungle? Lions are the kings of the jungle because of their raw power and strength. Lions fear no other animals, however, like a king lions do have enemies. The lion's worst enemy is the hyena.  Hyenas eat the same food as lions, so the lions and the hyenas often come into conflict over food. The only other enemy the lions have is people. Unfortunately the beautiful fur of a lion is very valuable on black markets. Because of this the lion is in danger of poachers, and because of poachers, the lion is an endangered species. In fact humans are the only thing that lions have to fear. Unfortunately these poachers don't care if these lions become extinct, and extinct is forever. This means once lions are gone, they will never come back.  Like a king, lions also maintain order. A king maintains order by making laws and punishing those that don't abide. A lion maintains a balance by killing some animals. If there no lions, herds of antelope would overcrowd the savannas and destroy all the grass resources. Everything impacts something.  Kings are the most powerful people or rulers of a land. Perhaps this is why the lion is considered king, because it is control of the land it lives on and all the other animals that live on it. Hyenas, however, are not really controlled by or fear the lions, but are a common enemy. It is sometimes said that if it wasn't for the ugly looks and walk of the hyena, they would be considered the kings of the jungle. On the other hand, the beauty and grace of a lion makes it the perfect king.  Lions also rest about 20 hours a day. In a sense, they have the life of kings. They eat, drink and sleep and do away with pests. This is why lions are considered the kings of the jungle.  I once saw a documentary on lions. At the end of this documentary a pride of lions was being attacked by a pack of hyenas. The hyenas were attacking the cubs; the lionesses were doing their best to keep the hyenas away, but the hyenas kept coming back. Unfortunately there were no male lions in sight and there hadn't been in weeks. In the last slip of the documentary, there is a lioness chasing a hyena but can't catch up, when from out of nowhere there appears a huge male lion, it's muscles bulging with strength from anger. With each step it gracefully charges past the lioness and with one strike to the right hind leg of the hyena, the hyena crashes to the ground tumbling and rolling from the sudden loss of footing. This is the act of a king, a king that was crossed the wrong way--a creature in command. ?\",\"appBody\":\"<p>You just copy pasted this text from here http://gaudet.info/LEARNIN1/GAUDET/ENVIROW3/ENDANGER/LIONS.HTM as your question on musing. It's not OK as it is an act of plagiarism. @musing might flag you or not, but this type of posts as this one are just spam and plagiarism which is not a good thing on Steem and recommended at all. I would advise you to write your own questions and not do this anymore. Your reputation score might suffer from such actions as at some point in time you will be flagged. Don't take it personally, as you probably are not aware of the way things work on Steem but I recommend you to avoid such prcatices.&nbsp;</p>\",\"appDepth\":2,\"appParentPermlink\":\"fkm2xjxe5\",\"appParentAuthor\":\"humblebishop\",\"musingAppId\":\"aU2p3C3a8N\",\"musingAppVersion\":\"1.1\",\"musingPostType\":\"answer\"}"
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