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      "title": "How I Became \"the ASSHOLE\", The Hoody",
      "body": "(I appreciate all the feedback, especially if it's about the lengths of the parts.. I don't intend to make it short but I don't want to overdo it as well. Thank you, Waiting for you answers...)                                      \n\n                                           -\tPart 2      -\n(The source of this story is my journals, so if it feels like there is an insane amount of details, you are right... because the majority of it is recorded in writing)\n\nI told about all this to one of the fellas from our group to which he replied, \"Yeah I had figured it out, I was checking where you were looking all so \"discreetly\" and smiled.I asked for some advice from him. I was so out of control at that point. He said the hard part was over, there was contact and we were classmates; hence all the more contact. \"You take her out a couple of times and this is done.\"\n\n(I thought \"Well, duh. But I don't know the city at all, where the hell am I supposed to take her?\")\n\nAnyway, he lived in the city so he knew the places, where he took me over the weekend so I could pick.\n\nI mean, what was so wrong with all this anyway. I would take her out as a \"friend\". Simple as that. There was nothing wrong about this. I was in love, the purest of all emotions...\n\nIn the meantime, one of the fellas met a girl from our class who didn't show up the first week over MSN. (No social media back then...) and was intending to get her into the “crew”.\n\nI liked to be with Aysen but because I had to go along with the group, we hung out with the 4 v 4 “crew” from time to time. That’s what that was about.\n\nThe weekend couldn’t have passed more slowly. Who on earth would think “God, I wish the Monday comes fast and I could go to the school”? I swear I would get up 3 hours before the lectures started so I could make up my hair and stuff.\n\nDays passed and here came the Monday. I was so not able to contain my self in the dorm room. I had the contact, I was trying to find common interests and such... I was fully motivated.\n\nWe arrived at the school. And Serhat the Bastard was waiting with the girl he mentioned in front of the building. I guess he had taken the earlier shuttle.\n\nI was restless to get to the class and see my love but on the other hand, that ambiance in front of the building; the fellas, the girls.. I couldn’t really leave it behind.\n\nWe met the new girl. Her name was Ebru. Sweet one, a little too preppy you would call her maybe but she was nice. She was from Izmir, nice city and background. She was like waiting for a chance to be “naughty” but was obviously gonna screw everything up if she was in a position, and was so not able to keep her cool.\n\nAfter a little chit-chat in front of the class we got in.\n\nThe first you see was where Aysen was sitting anyway, where she was shining like the moonlight...\n\nI was waiting for some other girl to settle so I could go to her and say Hi, so I kept looking at her a little but she didn’t really notice, talking to those around her with her exited smile again..\n\nDemoralized I sat down, looking at her to get a chance of course..\n\nThen the rest of the crew arrived, settling down. Then this girl Ebru came and sat down right next tome abruptly. “I just sat down, this is empty,right?” she said.\n\n“No, it’s okay, welcome” I replied, smiling like an ass.\n\n(Of course it’s not okay but what was I gonna do? Tell you it’s not empty like an asshole AFTER you sat down?)\n\nThe lecture started, me sitting in the wall-side again, glancing at which-side-you-know.\n\nOf course I didn’t think about it back then but I can bet my ass now Ebru was thinking I was glancing HER the whole lecture..\n\nLecture ended..\n\nThe crew and I was going out, I looked Aysen’s way, she saw me back and we exchanged smiles..\n\n“You go out, I will catch you later” I told the crew. I approached Aysen’s in the meantime. (Now that I think about it, I was a little ballsy for my age, the idiot courage...)\n\nShe was sitting with da bitch. I said “Hi, wassup?”.\n\nGood and such she replied and we started to chat up again. She offered me some of her bagel, in the meantime I was harassing the bitch a little so she wouldn’t get in the way of things again.\n\nAs we talked the break time just poured away we didn’t even notice..\n\nThe crew returned, I had got back to my desk so they wouldn’t get suspicious. The only one who knows about it was my dormmate, Okan. He of course knew what was going on but Serhat was instantly like “Why didn’t you come out man? \nWhat the hell” and stuff.\n\nI made up a few excuses (As if I had to answer to him for fuck’s sake...)\n\nThat whole lecture Ebru tried like hell to make me laugh, which I pretended I did..\n\nThe lecturer almost threw us out cuz of the noise we made.. God knows what Aysen thought about all that. Maybe she couldn’t care less, but I was feeling like some sprouting was happening, the kind I didn’t root for at all...\n\nDays gone by...\n\nIt was the midst of the third week I guess..\n\nI was falling more and more in love with Aysen, maintaining my relatinship with the crew as well..\n\n(Piece of advice to the young folks: The crew is everything in college. You are as cool as those around you. Either get into one crew, or make your own one. Otherwise, you will be one of those losers who do nothing but listen to the lectures all the four years at college. That lone island act doesn’t fly at the university)\n\nOne bad aspect of our crew.. They smoked like a chimney. And of course at the time there was no “No Smoke” law at place, and me ,as a non-smoker, was getting disturbed like hell. To this day, I haven’t even touched one.\n\nEbru and I got dangerously close, sitting with me every lecture, Serhat the Bastard ,of course, is utmost disturbed by this situation.(she introduced us and all that..) I was aware of the discomfort, but I couldn’t care less cuz my expectations at the time was no more than a few chit chats with the crew. It was their problem, why should I have cared?\n\nMy care was with Aysen, and of course my dormmate Okan; the man, the myth, the legend. The rest could have stayed away.\n\nAnyhoo, thay day, I couldn’t approach Aysen cuz the crew took me as hostage, the lecture ended, me and Okan got to the city center\n\nIt was raining a little, that annoying kind, not makes you wet but stings you like a bitch..\n\nWe were looking for a joint to talk and stuff when Okan suddenly said to me: ”Dude, isn’t that your girl?”\n\nYep!!! There she was. Standing under a dome with her umbrella and the bitch at her side, as if waiting for someone...\nWe were on the other side of the road, I almost jumped in the road to cross, which almost killed me btw.. Okan was like \n\n“Dude, wtf, chill a little..”\n\nWe crossed the road, got near them, exchanged Hi’s... \n\n“What are you doing in this rain?” I asked laughing a little\n\n“Waiting for a friend” she replied, with that cute smile..\n\nI got demoralized in the instant. I mean what friend? A guy? A girl? Who is this?\n\nShe realised my face expression I guess and said\n\n“Some girl from the Nurse Training Department” I didn’t know at the time if she did to cheer me up or whatever but I didn’t care about it at all. She was a girl was all that was important to me\n\nI asked if they had a specific plan..\n\n“No, we were just waiting for her, to decide what we would do when she arrives” she replied.\n\nThere it was.. “Come on Lyubov, this is your chance” I thought to myself. And even more, my wingman was with me..\n\nI said “There is this joint that I like very much, would you like to join us?” (the place that Okan showed me of couse, I had never been there before)\n\n“Of course!” she replied with shining eyes.\n\nI’m high as a star at that point.. “This is gonna happen, you will have someone you love for the first time, this is it” I was thingking to myself.. I was just counting the chickens before they wre hatched unfortunately...\n\nHer friend arrived.. a nice one I thought. Okan would go for her and the bitch would just die out of boredom in her little corner... so I thought.. There is my revenge..\n\nWe went to the joint.. Okan and I was wet as hell btw. I took out my hoody, which Aysen placed on the radiotor at the side of the table.\n\n“You are gonna get sick, why didn’t you take a coat?” she scolded me a little.\n\nAnd I was like “She cares about me!”\n\nWe had a great conversation there, talking about our hometowns, how we enjyoed it here, what food we like and stuff..\n\nI learned everything about her, and she about me..\n\nOnly one thing mattered for me at that table, the rest was shit. And my mind which was still among the stars only wished that she was thinking about the same.. No one had yearned something stronger than that before..\n\nI took her phone number, left her to her the dorm, kissed her on the cheek (I mean in a friendy way, who knows what she was thinking?) Couldn’t wish for anything better actually. I literally floated in the air on the way to my dorm.. My feet weren’t tounching the ground..\n\nI didn’t realise the three text messages on my phone which Ebru had sent while we were at the joint until midnight..\n\nI didn’t reply back.. We had done all the “What you doin’..” texting already anyway..\n\nI texted Aysen instead.. The radiators at her dorm was not burning apparently and she cold (state funded dorm).. Mine were like burning like hell (prive funded)\n\n“I wish I was cold instead of you” I said\n\n“You got cold enough today, I hope you don’t get sick” she replied.\n\n“If I do, would you make me some soup” I asked\n\n“Do you really have to get sick for us to get some soup” she replied.\n\nAnd so on and on.. mutual compliments, insuniations and such.. I had turned into Joker with my smiling all night..\n\nWe decided a date for the weekend..\n\nThe happiest night of my life, couldn’t sleep again of course. But this time, it wasn't tension or anxiety.. I was just.. Happy..",
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      "permlink": "how-i-became-the-asshole-how-it-all-began",
      "title": "How I Became \"the ASSHOLE\", How It All Began",
      "body": "- Introduction -\n\nThis is the story of a once ordinary, even naive at that, young man.\n\nThe time frame is the college years, with all the cherishable memories; the sad and the joyful ones, the exciting and the usual ones, the \"Hell Yeah\" ones and \"Oh No\" ones...\n\nHopefully, you will be able to relate to most of them...\n\nThe narration is from the first person, so you should feel free to question the objectivity.\n\nYou will realize, as you read, that this sounds a lot like a diary.\n\n\n                               -  Part 1 -\n\nI will not dive into my childhood. My highschool years were pretty good. I was happy, had a lot of friends, and had a close circle with whom we would be able to chew the rag all the time.\n\nMy relationship with girls has always been good; I can say I was the golden boy of the class. I had good intentions; Never leered on anyone but, of course, had girlfriends, rejected some and got rejected, as well.\n\nI went through it all in highschool, or so I thought... Life was only just beginning.\n\nAs I said, a good environment, a good highschool, a relatively good puberty brought a succesfull result in my University Entrance Exams. I was able to sign up to an above average university.\n\nAnd THAT was the beginning of the story of How I Became \"ME\".\n\nI will never be able to forget the very first day. I probably widened a couple inches because of the stress and the tension.\n\nI mean, just think about it... You are just seperated from your beloved friends, your buddies who would finish your sentences, the girls who were never in a short demand, all your social joints, the pastry shops, your parents... It's all behind now.\n\nAnd you are placed in a 60-person classroom full of people who are feeling EXACTLY how you are feeling. Can you feel the tension already?\n\nThe uniforms are gone, everybody is all dressed up, the first day of college...\n\nMe and two fellas from the dorm who I met the previous nights entered the classroom, we were early apparently...\n\nThen, some girls that one of the fellas knew and their other friends joined us as well, hence a 4 v 4 friendly situation came to be outside the class.\n\nI was like, \"Oh good, I'm making some friends at the very first day\" but believe me you, I was so coming and going between the \"Oh shit I better not do anything stupid\" anxiety and, ironically, the nice ambiance that was coming to be.\n\nAt least everybody was warmhearted, so my anxiety was diminished a little.\n\nWe entered back into the classroom before the class was about to start and holy shit was the class like the back-goal of a soccer stadium. The first thing that caught my eye: 2/3 of the class was made up of girls. I was tearing up for crying out loud, I must have been in heaven.\n\nWe sat down to our chairs, chatting up with the front row, the back row asking questions to us and such... With all the whizling of the newly met people...\n\nAnd as all this was happening, I saw THE girl, who, as the phrase is, was going to suck the life source out of me...\n\n(Well, nowadays I actually don't think the situation was exactly like that but...\n\nThat's the change anyway. Am I satisfied with this way of thinking now? Me, the old me I mean, what would have happened if that poor little guy grew up without being \"fucked up\" ?\n\nBut I'm not gonna complain about that...)\n\nThere she was, sitting at the window-side, cross left of me.\n\nI, on the other hand, was on the wall-side, leaning on it of course as per the habit, completely in a boothy manner. She was at least 10 feet away from me, with a couple of rows between us.\n\nBut at that very moment, that magical goddamn moment, I was so focused... As if it was just the two of us...\n\nThat whizling was almost unnoticable to me at that point, I wasn't listening to those around me nor understanding what the hell they were talking about.  The only thing I was seeing was that beautiful face, smiling so excitedly while chatting with those around her... I was locked in, drifted away..\n\nI'm not gonna lie here, I didn't score that many times in highschool. And falling in love ? What the hell was that ?\n\nWell, I did have fondly emotions towards my girlfriends, but in the way that I was fond of my favourite chocolate, or the soap that airs once in a while, or that shirt that fits you so well...\n\nI mean, what the hell was going on at that very particular moment anyway ? I had never looked at anyone this way before ! I was so unfamiliar with what I was feeling, I mean, holy shit! I'm almost 18 for god's sake, and I'm falling in love for crying out loud.\n\nEven now, whenever I talk about \"us\" with my friends they always say, \"Your thing was almost out of Hollywood, man\"\n\nIt really started like a movie...\n\nEverything was out of a well written script...\n\nThe naive young man, the cute and gorgeous girl, love at first sight and everything that fell into place after that...\n\nI was not able to talk to her the first day but we had eye contact a few times (I mean of course I was practically staring at her anyway, some contact was bound to happen) . I even thought she smiled during one of those, which literally gave me a heart attack. \n\nSome lecture was given that day, some people met up and exchanged contacts but I couldn't give one short and two curlies about all that stuff anyway, I was in a whole different world...\n\nAs you can very well guess, I couldn't sleep that night :)\n\nThis girl, whose name I didn't even know, was a classmate of mine for god's sake...\n\nWhite - pale skin, straight black hairs going as low as her waist, her beautiful face, those big hazel-green eyes, the smile that was never absent from her face all the live long day, her sweet excitement... Everything that was making her all the more attractive...\n\nShe must be the love of my life...\n\nDon't give me that \"You are young, what \"love of your life\" are you talking about?\" talk. You feel it sometimes, you say \"Yes, she is the one\". She had to be \"the ONE\", she would be \"the ONE\", she was supposed to be \"the ONE\"...\n\nYou would think it would be hard to get up in the morning and go to school back then. But with the first-days excitement and all that \"love at first sight\" was stronger than 10 cups of coffee for me.\n\nAfter day 1, 3 , 5 WHATEVER... We finally had our first introduction and conversation after the first week;\n\nHer name was Aysen, just the name worthy of my loved one... \n\nWe had chemistry class that day and we were in the lab. Of course, I had been staring at the woman for all the god damn week. On the one side I was like \"I'm so gonna be labeled as the creep of the class\" and on the other side I couldn't help myself at all. I was literally fighting myself, but it was such a one-sided one anyways... You see her wherever you look...\n\nAnyhoo, there are rows in the lab, set up for the each of the six groups. It was like a library setting, you could see the other group in front of you. But the damn splitter was in such a place that I had to either crouch or elevate where I was standing to see her...\n\nWe started the experiment; she was in the group facing us. Of course I knew what was coming my way so I just dropped all the equipment, so I wouldn't embarrass the hell out of myself in front of everyone with my trembling hands and stuff.\n\nI leaned on the desk, pretending to take notes, looking at you-know-who every chance I got. She caught me looking, and I immediately looked away. I mean what the hell ? I am looking at her just maybe, maybe we could have eye contact and when that happens, I look away...\n\nThat repeated a couple of times. At the very same time, I was a little embarrassed that I was making her uncomfortable but I also could not stop. Then I tried elevating so maybe she wouldn't notice and what do I see ? She was looking my way as well !!!\n\nThis time, I didn't look away, and she smiled all so mischievously that I died a little bit inside... It wasn't me anymore, it was a guy madly in love, a whole other person, a stranger in my own body...\n\nShe was wearing a blue eye-liner that day. Oh-my-god, is it possible to carry it more beautifully than her that way ? (Apparently I still remember it very vividly even today...)\n\nAll those glances at each other, all those smiles...\n\nWhen the class ended, everybody started to pour to the exit, per usual, while she was staying a little behind. And with all the encouragement I said to myself \"Yep, this is it. This is the moment. GO FOR IT.\"\n\nI also stayed a little behind. (I mean what was I going to do at that young age anyway ? We would try to get through the door at the same time, I would let her go first and start the conversation bla bla bla.)\n\nShe started to approach the exit with her girl friend (I mean however close you can get in a week, that close a girl friend). I paced up a little, got ahead of them just so I could let them go first. Ffffst.\n\nAnyway, it actually all turned out how I pictured it would. I stood aside and smiled, she said \"Thank you\" and smiled back, keeping eye contact...\n\nI said \"Hi\", trying to back it up with my face gestures and stuff.\n\n\"Hi\" she replied, laughing a little. My god, what a great voice... It was beyond my imagination.\n\n\"What's your name, I'm Lyubov.\"\n\"Aysen, nice to meet you. Where are you from?\" \n\"Bursa, you?\" (Attempting to smile again, in the meantime we are walking with all the books in our lap)\n\"Istanbul\"\n\nShe told me about the trips she took to Bursa and I told her about my trips to Istanbul. With all this chatting up and stuff, we almost  arrived at the shuttles when her hideous friend said \"I was supposed to take copies from yours Aysen, shall we get to that?\". (For god's sake woman.. We were so gonna sit side by side to the on the shuttle for a good half hour, would be such a good start. Damn !)\n\n(Token of truth: somebody is bound to screw up your dreams and goals. It is what it is. You plan all the live long day and then someone comes along and takes a dump on it !)\n\nI told them I could wait for them, to which the bitch replied \"Nooooooo, you don't need to do that at all\". (Did I ask you, woman ?) While walking to the shuttles I also had to chat with her as well but didn't really pay attention to her anyway. Was this a payback to that or what ?\n\nAnd when my girl also said out of politeness \"You really don't need to wait\" and such, I just had to go. I mean what am I, a slimy bastard ? I got to that point with sooo many difficulties anyway, no way in hell would I be able to push further.\n\nI got on the shuttle, swearing with my whole heart on the inside, of course. I just watched the ceiling that night; no sleep, no nothing. \n\nTo be continued...",
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