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      "body": "<html>\n<p><img src=\"https://s17.postimg.org/n0jp2bswf/air-2501341_1280.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\"/></p>\n<p>「你做乜攞我支光劍！」小吉大吵大鬧，一下子就把弟弟手中的光劍奪回。</p>\n<p>只見小吉怒氣沖沖，緊握拳頭，兩眼瞪着弟弟。眼看不甘示弱的弟弟大聲尖叫反擊，坐在一旁的我也不得不介入這場光劍爭奪戰。起初我還能和顏悅色地跟兄弟倆講道理，但見他們各不相讓，互相推撞，我唯有動用最後武器 -「父親的權威」，大聲喝止這場衝突。事情雖然暫時獲得解決，然而我心裏總是有點內疚。</p>\n<p>及後送小吉回校補課，雨下過不停，我一邊打着傘子，一邊緊握着小吉的手。那時我還在想着剛才發生的事情，然而雨傘其中一條支架突然斷開，我突然靈機一觸，向小吉道：「這把雨傘的支架被雨水打敗呢！」只見小吉百思不得其解，我接着說：「這支架由鋁做成，非常堅硬，但居然被雨水這柔弱的力量所侵蝕，讓支架因生銹而斷開。有時柔弱的力量比想像中大。就好像剛才那樣，你與弟弟不斷叫囂，硬碰硬，還想用武力解決問題，但是如果你們能夠溫柔對話，心平氣和的面對問題，其實更容易能找到一個共同解決的辦法呢！其實爸爸也有錯，不應大聲責罵你們，做了一個錯誤的示範！」小吉聽後，似懂非懂。但見小吉溫柔地向着我微笑，繼續拖着我的手，我相信他應該會原諒我，並領略到箇中道理。</p>\n<p>在目送孩子入校門時，我的腦海中突然泛起幾米的說話：「當風可以很溫柔的對樹說話時，為甚麼父母總不能溫柔對孩子說話呢？」，常言道身教的重要，我自己也上了一堂寶貴的課。</p>\n<p>原文：經濟日報 | 吉爸學堂&nbsp;</p>\n<p>日期：1/3/2017</p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "<html>\n<p><img src=\"https://s17.postimg.org/5xgx75cb3/stop-children-suicide-2780203_1280.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"213\"/></p>\n<p>考試過後，各科成績開始出爐。就讀小一的小吉，回家後把手上的試卷從容地拿給媽媽看，成績為90.5分。吉媽看後，發現錯誤的地方全是那些無心之失所導致。故叮囑小吉要看清楚題目，並在完成後把試卷覆核一次，那便可以避免這些可避免的錯誤。怎知小吉語帶輕蔑地說：「好好㗎啦！老師說無人攞100分，最高的也是99分，還有很多人差過我呢！」聽到此回應，強忍怒火的吉媽咬牙地說：「我唔係要你攞滿分，只係提你應試應有的策略。你剛才咁同我講野好無禮貌啊！」怎料小吉也不甘示弱，不憤氣地說：「費事同你講！」提早青春期的小吉用了一句說話，KO了整個親子對話，只留下「品學兼憂」的吉媽。我在講座中曾與家長做過一個親子溝通練習。我展示了5條數學算式給家長看，要家長指出有甚麼發現。接近80%家長都很快找出錯誤的那一條，當中只有約20%的家長說有4條答對。透過這個練習，家長們都發現原來自己很少欣賞孩子的優點，而習慣地把孩子的缺點無限放大。其實，每個家長都會擔心孩子的品格及學習，然而若能多點關心孩子，多點發揮孩子的長處，孩子將會更有動力地向前走。吉媽與小吉的問題在於溝通。其實吉媽只需先欣賞孩子的努力，孩子便願意打開心扉，把她說的話聽進耳內。</p>\n<p>原文：經濟日報 ｜吉爸學堂</p>\n<p>日期：15/2/2017</p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "「沒有不發火的父母」完全是現今家長的最佳金句。父母每天催促孩子早起床，主動完成功課，溫習默書測驗，若有兩個孩子，還要處理兄弟姐妹之間的紛爭。無論大小事務，都讓現今的父母難以心平氣和地與孩子說話，「溫柔媽媽」都變成「暴龍家長」。在講座裡，曾有位媽媽與我分享，她嘗試把自己動怒的情緒大小都記下來，結果在晚上「總結成績」的時候，嚇然發現自己竟能在一天內暴發多達52次！\n\n其實，我非常理解父母的心情，正所謂「愛之心，責之切」，我們都是因為緊張孩子，希望他日後能更易應付這個複雜的社會，父母才會冒著破壞親子的關係而責備孩子。然而有沒有想過，父母衝口而出的憤怒說話，會深深地破壞與孩子之間的親密關係？待冷靜下來又感到後悔不已？以下是我在講座中常聽到父母責罵孩子的說話，在心理學的角度看，句句都有嚴重的破壞力，直插孩子的純潔心靈！\n\n1.「你真係無用！」－破壞孩子能力感的說話\n\n有很多父母急着要孩子達到自己預期的目標，在孩子多次還未能達標時，父母便很容易說出這句說話。當孩子聽到這句說話，不但未被激勵，倒反更覺得自己無用，甚麼事都做不成，從此孩子提不起勁做任何事，莫說嘗試任何新事物了。這句說話絕對是父母的大忌！\n\n2.「你睇唔見我做緊野咩？別煩我！」－破壞孩子自身價值的說話\n\n當父母辛苦工作了一整天，又或完成整天的家務，孩子放學回家，急着把學校發生的事情告訴父母時，父母便容易說出這句話來。可能父母覺得不經意地說出這句話沒甚麼大不了，但在孩子心目中，他「沒價值」這個想法便深深地殖入他的腦海中。孩子覺得自己在父母心目中不存在任何地位，讓孩子容易看輕自己，自己所做的任何事都得不到父母的欣賞，最可惜的是此後孩子有甚麼快樂、不快樂的事情，都不願意與父母分享了！\n\n3.「人地細過你都做到，點解你做唔到！」－讓孩子失卻自信的說話\n\n比較是親子溝通的大忌，每個孩子都是獨一無異的，孩子各有自己的專長及能力，父母太多的比較，只會讓孩子失卻自信，讓孩子覺得每件事都技不如人。當遇到困難時變得更容易放棄，在人群中不願意主動表達自己的意見，亦不會主動幫忙做事，就算自己有能力做到都只會默不作聲。\n\n4.「我警告你，你再唔xxxxxx，你就知味道！」－讓孩子變得沒主見的說話\n\n這種對孩子恐嚇的說話，警告只會帶來恐懼，孩子自己將會受罸而被迫無奈地接受，不情願地跟隨父母的意思去做，若父母不在孩子身邊，負面能量得以發洩出來，孩子的負面行為亦得變本加厲，每件事都與父母對著幹，父母只感到這個孩子非常難教。\n\n5.「你再xxxxxx，邊到都唔駛去／咩都唔駛做！」－讓孩子產生無助感的說話\n\n在孩子的角度看，這是一個懲罸，但懲罸多次後，孩子開始發現無論自己怎麼努力，父母都不滿意，孩子便很容易放棄，心產生無助的感覺。當過程裡中得不到父母的讚賞，孩子便會逃避嘗試。就算父母出動吸引的禮物，孩子都不會感到有興趣。\n\n6.「叫咗你好多次啦，你次次都係咁，講極你都唔聽，上次己經警告過你一次，依家有係咁….（下刪500字以上)） －讓孩子不接受忠告的說話\n\n教導孩子最忌長氣，長篇大論看似很有道理，但在孩子的角度看，沉長類聚的說話並不會帶來良好的果效，倒反訓練孩子聽慣了這些「偉論」，當父母生氣說話，孩子只須無理父母的說話，耳邊風地聽父母的教訓！孩子慣用這些手段，以後父母說甚麼孩子都不會再聽了。\n\n 7.「你有無認真㗎？你都無盡過力？」 －破壞孩子對別人信任的說話\n\n在父母的角度孩子好像沒有盡能力，然而父母往往未能探究孩子為何未能做好？是能力問題？又或未找到合適的方法？當父母懷疑孩子的能力時，其實說明了親子間沒有了彼此間應有的信任，親子關係變得更差，孩子亦較易以謊話欺騙父母。\n\n8.  「你成日掛往玩，到時你Ｄ朋友升咗班，得番你一個留級，到時考唔到理想的學校，到時你辛苦咋！」－讓孩子對將來無望的說話\n\n部份父母在孩子還年幼時，為要他們努力學習，便預示一個「很遠」的將給孩子聽，然而對孩子來說，根本是難以想像！我聽過有些幼稚園家長甚至預言孩子將來會入那一所大學！這對孩子來說實在太遠了，這絕對無助孩子的學習動機，倒反孩子對自己的將來更沒有把握，握殺孩子的目的感。\n\n負面的說話好比利器，句句直插孩子的內心，日後當父母用任何方法嘗試修補的時候，己變得太遲了！那麼，當孩子閙情緒時，我們如何對他說，孩子才會聽？說甚麼才會有效呢？以下我將與你分享「甜密親子溝通術」，只要父母多加練習及嘗試，必能提升彼此間的關係！\n\n「甜密親子說話術」\n\n 放鬆心情好說話 (Relax)\n\n無論孩子做錯甚麼事，犯了甚麼錯，始終都是你的孩子，當你按奈不往自己憤怒的情緒時，無論你的說話有多道理，孩子都不願意聽。因此父母可以先行放鬆自己，讓彼此的心\n\n情得以平伏，溝通才變得有可能。父母可以參考以下的說話與孩子開展溝通，讓孩子慢慢說出自己的感受及事發經過。\n\n「讓我們先放鬆心情，然後再慢慢說。」\n\n「我現在很生氣！讓我們暫時分開2分鐘，等大家放鬆後，再討論這個問題。」\n\n「你可以在那張椅子上先放鬆，然後再告訴我發生甚麼事。」\n\n「你看來很生氣的樣子，那麼先放鬆心情再才說吧！」\n\n「你可以生氣，但我們很難說話，請先暫時放鬆，我們再說吧！」\n\n正面積極不可少 （Being Positive)\n\n在對話的過程中，留意自己的身體語言及用字。例如父母適宜坐在孩子旁邊，與孩子相約高度，並用「嚴而不惡」的語調向孩子了解事情。這樣孩子才願意打開心扉，與父母作深入的溝通。在說話過程中，父母亦要留意自己的用字是否正面、積極及明確，儘量避免用一些無凌兩可的字詞，孩子得到清晰的指示，才會較容易改善自己的問題。\n\n「不要跑來跑去！」→「請你慢慢行！」\n\n「你做功課咁慢，點得㗎！」→「請你快點完成功課！」\n\n「唔好望來望去！」→「請你專心做功課！」\n\n「唔好掛住喊！」→「請你先放鬆心情，再慢慢跟我說！」\n\n「你講到一舊舊，我都唔知你講乜！」→「請你清楚點說給我聽！」\n\n齊來想出辦法來  (Solution)\n\n年紀大的孩子，父母可引導孩子想了多個辦法，讓孩子自行決定可行的辦法。留意父母須以開放的態度，聆聽孩子的說話，有時可能孩子提出的辦法可行性很低，又或因為缺少練習而想不出辦法來，然而父母只需要給予耐性，並以開放的態度傾聽孩子，孩子便會慢慢想出很多富創意而可行的辦法來。\n\n在這階段：父母可以問孩子：\n\n「我們日後如何解決這問題呢？」\n\n「我們怎樣做，大家才滿意呢？」\n\n「你能想出甚辦解決辦法呢？讓我們看看那個辦法可行，那個辦法不可行？」\n\n當父母協助孩子想出辦法，並得到共識後，記緊要立即實行。另外，重點並不是要孩子想出一個「完美的方案」，而是要孩子學會承擔責任及後果，在日後遇到相近的事情時，都能主動而勇敢地承擔問題。\n\n當父母能平心靜氣地與孩子說話，孩子才會打開心扉，接納父母的教導，孩子才會得以成長。",
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