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      "body": "笑一笑十年少，送上今天的笑话10则，博君一笑。\n## 你是来捣乱的吗\r\n\n某日，我正在宿舍吃香蕉。此时，去超市购物的姐妹儿从超市购物回来了。姐妹儿：啊，你也吃香蕉啊？我：嗯，你也买香蕉了？姐妹儿：我本来想买苹果的，后来看到樱桃太贵了，我就买了芒果。我：……\n\n\n## 祖孙俩的幽默\r\n\n祖母和孙子看电视。孙子说：“那些非洲的难民没有饭吃，好可怜啊！”祖母听了不以为然：“没饭吃，怎么还有钱烫头发？”\n\n\n## 医学院某班进行口试\r\n\n医学院某班进行口试教授问一学生某种药每次口服量是多少?学生回答:"5克".一分钟后,他发现自己答错了,应为5毫克,便急忙站起来说"教授,允许我纠正吗?教授看了一下表,然后说:不必了,由于服用过量的药物,病人已经不幸在30秒钟以前去世了!\n\n\n## 女人于穷人富人的调查~哥笑了\r\n\n据说如果一个穷小子冒充有钱人和你恋爱，然后被你发现你会如何反应？，99%的人选:坚决断绝关系，诚实是最重要的品质之一过了一个月这个网站又出了一道题:如果一个有钱人冒充穷人和你恋爱，然后被你发现你如何反应？99%的人选：继续交往，我爱的是他的人，又不是他的钱。\n\n\n## 真是牛叉的创意有木有\r\n\n高中时期，经常和一帮男生躲到厕所抽烟但班主任无比生猛，每次都要我们把手伸出来给他闻！每次我们几个都无比悲剧的写检讨有一天我们照常去厕所蹲点抽烟，准备完事后用水多洗几次手这时一哥们进来，脱裤……蹲下……拿出一根烟……然后华丽丽的从口袋掏出一双筷子……尼玛！用筷子夹住抽！瞬间全场亮了！至此以后，你可以经常看学校一帮男生人手一双筷子上厕所！\n\n\n## 香蕉不是拿来用的啊，是吃的\r\n\n今天去上课的路上碰见我们的女导员顺手把我准备带去上课吃的香蕉递给她一根她连忙说：谢谢…不用不用真不用…然后我特么也不知道怎么脑子一热就冒出一句：不用…你可以吃啊！\n\n\n## 你为什么不进男厕所\r\n\n我问一朋友：“假如你和一个你暗恋的姑娘去玩，突然你们两个内急都憋不住了，如果不马上入厕马上就会拉裤子，你让她先去，还是你先去？”朋友大义凛然道：“让姑娘先去！”我说：“那你怎么办？”朋友道：“我直接在外边解决。”我问道：“你为什么不进男厕所？”\n\n\n## 重复利用\r\n\n一理发师在给顾客刮脸的时候，为了防止顾客讲话，故意把一个玻璃球放到顾客的嘴里。一天，一顾客不留神吞到了肚子里。顾客道歉说：“对不起，我把你的玻璃球个吞下去了。”理发师说：“没关系，以前的顾客也经常这样，不过他们大便后，又把他给送了回来。”\n\n\n## 我的超能力\r\n\n我妈妈说我的智商只有176。我的智商到底有多高，我也不知道。我只知道我是一个杀伤力很强的人，很多人因我而受到伤害，他们有的对生活失去了希望，有的甚至自杀身亡。所以我一直怀疑我有潜在的超能力，而这种超能力又不知为什么对我的老师作用尤强。至今仍记得第一位因为我而牺牲的老师。那时我上小学一年级，老师带着我们去野外作自然实践课。看到春风拂绿，杨柳抽枝，老师不禁想起一个问题，于是问道：“同学们，你们知道如何识别风向吗？”“我知道！”同班的一个小女孩一边回答一边从从地上捡起一片树叶向空中抛去，“捡一片东西往空中一抛，看它往那边飘，不就知道了吗。”“嗯，很好。”老师表扬道，“那还有哪位同学愿意再给大家示范一下，看看现在刮的是什么风？”“我。”我自告奋勇走了出来，从地上捡起半块砖头向空中抛去。。。“报告老师，现在刮的是上下风！”。。。。。我记不清楚老师当时的表情是什么样子，我只记得他拼命的挣扎了几下就气绝身亡了。后来据医院里的医生说他是由于突然受到强烈刺激导致气血逆行走火入魔而死。就这样，我害死了一名人民教师。之后的一段日子里，相继又有几位老师惨遭不幸，好在没有出了人命，也就没有捅出太大的漏子来。不过我的名气却是不胫而走，一时间也成了城里的名人。然而，名人也有名人的痛苦，我就深深的体会到了这一点。当我升初中的时候，我的名气给我带来了很大的麻烦。城里所有的中学都出于为本校老师的安全考虑，拒绝接收我入学。没办法，带着对重点中学无限的憧憬，我去了乡下。乡下的中学虽然条件是苦了点，但是没有了舆论的压力，我也算活地逍遥自在。然而是金子始终是要发光的，乡下中学特有的沉默并没有抑制住我的爆发。一次偶然的机会，我又横空出世，突然崛起，迅速占领了农村市场。那是一次智力竞赛，我们班和另外一个班经过最后的角逐仍没有分出胜负。于是主持人宣布了最后的决出办法：每个班抽签派出一名代表。两个代表再进行猜硬币。猜对者向猜错者提问一个问题，如猜错者回答正确，则猜错者胜。反之，则猜对者所在班集胜出。天灵灵，地灵灵，该我的差使躲也不行。我居然被抽为代表，并且顺利地猜错了硬币，进入问答阶段。老师和同学们一下紧张了起来，每个人都用殷切的眼光看着我。尤其是班主任李老师，面色沉重，一言不发。我也感觉到有一些压力，不过不是因为这个，而是因为我的对手——王小佛，王小佛是当时我们学校最具威力的“名师杀手”，他手底下也攒着好几条人命案子。据说，上一任校长就是断送在它的手中。不过我还是有几分底气的，因为不管怎么说我也是曾叱诧一时的人物。提问开始了。王小佛两手插在裤兜里，慢条斯理的说道：“我妈妈今天煮了几个鸡蛋放在我兜里，你知道有几个吗？”“哄！”周围一片哗然。我不知道大家为什么起哄，但是我知道这个问题引起了我极大的兴趣。鸡蛋！我几乎没听清楚他问的什么问题，我只听见清清楚楚的有“鸡蛋”二字。要知道在乡下的几年苦日子几乎没有什么可吃的，有两个鸡蛋那可真是美味佳肴了。我似乎看到了那亮晶晶的蛋清和黄嫩嫩的蛋黄。。。。“如果我答对了，你会给我一个吃吗？”我早已忘记了什么智力竞赛，什么班级荣誉。我感兴趣的只是鸡蛋，鸡蛋！“如果你答对了，我把两个鸡蛋全给你。”“哄！”又是一片哗然。我看到对方同学脸上一片愕然，而我的同学们一个个欢呼雀跃，相互拥抱着庆祝胜利，李老师也向我投来欣悦的目光，我不知道他们在高兴什么，不过大家都在朝我笑，我也不好意思地朝他们笑了笑，然后答道：“是五个吗？”同学们的笑容刹那间凝滞了，渐渐地，退潮一般消失地无影无踪。对方的同学却突然大叫大笑起来。这世间的事情真是瞬息万变，一转眼的功夫，大家哭的变笑，笑的变哭，哭哭笑笑的搞地我也不知道如何是好。我还没来得及仔细琢磨怎么回事。会场里忽然乱了起来。只见一人仰面朝天，口中鲜血如柱喷出，然后慢慢地倒了下去。“李老师！”“李老师！”是我们班主任老师！我也连忙赶了过去。只见老师面色惨白，双目紧闭，不省人事。“是他害死了李老师！”“是他！”“是他！”唰！唰！唰！唰！唰唰唰唰唰！！！一束束愤怒的目光利箭一样向我射来。我的眼前一片空白，耳边回响起一个声音：“多隆！关门！放狗！闲杂人等一律后退！”后来据说李老师并没有死，只是大病一场，病好出院以后，看破红尘，在五台山削发为僧，从此不再教书。\n\n\n## 这是我的屁股\r\n\n有一天，一个老婆婆坐车坐到中途，老婆婆却不认识路了…老婆婆用手中的拐杖打着司机屁股说：“这是哪？”司机：“这是我的屁股……”\n\n",
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      "body": "笑一笑十年少，送上今天的笑话10则，博君一笑。\n## 这得有多热？\r\n\n刚才听到一个消息：重庆某大学一个同学今天在操场上摔了一跤最终被校医院确定为三级烫伤，好吧，今天是得有多热？\n\n\n## 这样更方便\r\n\n小时候奶奶带我，有段时间养成一个习惯每次吃完饭就去大便。奶奶说你吃了就拉，还不如直接盛碗饭倒进茅坑好了。天真年少的我被这个逻辑唬住了，于是，下顿饭的时候我盛了满满一碗饭，华丽丽的倒茅坑了。奶奶一脸黑线。\n\n\n## 传说中的风水轮流转\r\n\n老妈明天要考驾照，哈哈，等了二十年，终于轮到我对她说“好好考啊，不用紧张，考不好也没事……”真舒坦！\n\n\n## 好好找找是不是落在宿舍了\r\n\n在校我有一很好的哥们经常拉我去厕所，那天和往常一样被他拉进厕所。没有尿意的我在旁边看个伙计站上坑。看他两只手在裤裆里摸了半天，突然他表情疑问，说了句：怎么不见了……不见了……\n\n\n## 你是不是也想这样问问\r\n\n每次看到火车站旁边有要5元钱回家的人，我就很有冲动问问她们粉笔哪里来的\n\n\n## 灵感\r\n\n又是做“当代八股”（作文）的时候了，虽是死的八股，园丁也还要把死的方法介绍一遍。最后，却道出一句未曾说过的话：“嗯，最主要的是，灵感。灵感的火花一旦擦出，文章定会高分！”我的同桌听了却得了真谛似的，忙掏出打火机，把唯一的稿纸烧了。老师见状，生气地责问。同桌慢吞吞道：“灵感的火花是擦出了，可惜太强。”哈！\n\n\n## 我到底该不该笑\r\n\n本人重症监护室苦逼小男护士一枚。一病人车祸截了双下肢，都已经第五天了，每天嘻嘻哈哈跟我们说笑。突然那天下午一掀被子大喊了一声：哎哟我操！我腿呢？整个科室都震撼了，这几天他怎么过来的。。\n\n\n## 原来我是个斗鸡眼\r\n\n苦练了QQ游戏上的美女找茬游戏，后来已经没有敌手了。朋友问我为什么这么厉害···我说我也不知道啊，后来终于明白了。原来这么多年来我是个斗鸡眼！\n\n\n## 同学多带点行不\r\n\n早上有晨读的习惯。今天也不例外，在教学楼6点多，突然来了感觉，痛快后发发现没带手纸，遂呼朋唤友送纸入厕，正当我告知好友地点后，卫生间隔板被敲响，一个虚弱的声音说：“同学，让他多送点行么，我也等好久了...\n\n\n## 买玩具\r\n\n有几个小男孩一起凑了十几块钱想买玩具，但不知买什么，其中一个年纪稍小的提议道：去买卫生巾吧！众不解，问为什么？该男孩说，我也不太清楚，不过电视上说有了它，就可以爬山、滑水、打球、溜冰，而且快乐没烦恼。\n\n",
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      "body": "笑一笑十年少，送上今天的笑话10则，博君一笑。\n## 为什么结婚只发糖和巧克力呢\r\n\n少爷收到妈妈闺蜜阿姨的结婚礼物，是非列罗巧克力若干，少爷高兴之余叹息了一番。娃：为什么结婚只发糖和巧克力呢？娘：嘁，那你想发什么？娃：我呀，我结婚的时候就发奥特曼和生化战士！！娘：行，你太太愿意就行，我没意见。\n\n\n## 你丫坑爹呢\r\n\n为了让儿子早起上学,我刻意把闹钟拨快10分钟。有一天，我偶然听到他在电话里向同学吹嘘：“你知道我家有多大吗？从我的睡房到大门口，有10分钟的时差呢。”\n\n\n## 这哥们太会做生意了\r\n\n我高中时候对门宿舍有个逼孩子八百元买了个仿真充气娃娃……尼玛……出租……租一次四十……后来那货被学校开除了。。。\n\n\n## 唐伯虎的智慧,有点小“暴力”\r\n\n有一天，祝枝山告诉唐伯虎:后山住着一个寡妇，守寡三年，把贞节视为生命，只养了一只老鹰相依为命。 如果你能搞定这名女子，那我祝枝山对你五体投地.唐伯虎想一想，便要祝枝山过几天再来听消息。 过了两天，下起倾盆大雨。半夜，唐伯虎爬上了后山，到了寡妇家门口。唐伯虎敲了敲门，问道：「能不能让我避避雨？」寡妇开了门，原来是江南才子唐伯虎，连忙让他进屋。唐伯虎进了门，连连道谢，接着又问道：「可不可以将湿的衣服脱掉？」寡妇一看衣服全湿了，连忙把衣服那到灶上烘干。这时，唐伯虎又问：「大嫂，我口渴了，借我一口瓢，让我喝口水行吗？」 寡妇连忙拿了一口瓢给唐伯虎。唐伯虎喝完了水，看看很晚了，问寡妇：「大嫂能否让我在这里过一夜？」寡妇想了想，屋外雨下得正大，也就答应了，将唐伯虎领至客房，唐伯虎进了客房，也不客气，倒头便睡。第二天天亮，唐伯虎起得早，悄悄走进院子，果然看见那只相依为命的老鹰。唐伯虎抓住老鹰，把毛都拔了下来；然后，也没和寡妇打声招呼，就回了家。过了几天，唐伯虎和祝枝山在家下棋，听见有人敲门。祝枝山开了门，原来是那寡妇，寡妇一看见唐伯虎就用国语破口大骂：「唐伯虎啊唐伯虎！你是江南文人，一代才子，为何做出这种龌龊事来？那天我看你挺可怜，好心开门让你进来。你要避雨，我就让你避雨；你要脱，我就让你脱；你要瓢，我就给你瓢；你要过夜，我就让你过夜。你说！你为什么把我的鹰毛都拔光了 ？」祝枝山在旁听得目瞪口呆…\n\n\n## 我不跟狗谈恋爱\r\n\n一人暗恋一女孩不敢表白…就用一纸条上面写着"我喜欢你，能和我交往吗？…"让他家狗叼给那女孩。不一会狗叼一纸条回来了上面写着"我不跟狗谈恋爱"…\n\n\n## 这孩纸太傻了\r\n\n今天走路迎面碰到前女友和她的新男友，我不知道怎么脑残就打了一个招呼她男友问，“你认识？”，她回答，“嗯，你前辈~”此男显然不理解，居然就朝我怯怯的问候了一句，“前辈好……”我：“....”\n\n\n## 红米白米\r\n\n有个人新近丧母，偶然吃了顿红米饭。一个迂腐的儒生便指责他在居丧期间不该这样做。丧母者问他什么原因，他说：“红色是喜庆的颜色，居丧时不该吃。”丧母者反问道：“那么，天天吃白米饭的人，难道都是天天有丧事？”\n\n\n## 老师今天表扬我来着\r\n\n我那小侄子放学以后兴冲冲地跑回家，跟他妈妈说：“妈妈，妈妈，老师今天表扬我来着！”妈妈一听，特高兴，平时他可是光挨批评的啊！就问他：“老师今天表扬你什么啦？”我那小侄子一咧嘴：“老师说啦，今天所有罚站的同学里，我站得最直！”\n\n\n## 老佛爷为什么对晴儿那么好？\r\n\n《还珠格格》里老佛爷为什么对晴儿那么好啊？因为老佛爷就是甄嬛，晴儿是某个亲王的女儿，亲王战死福晋殉情，老佛爷就养大晴儿了。这个亲王，极有可能就是承袭果郡王一脉的弘瞻，是甄嬛跟果郡王的儿子，晴儿实际上才是老佛爷的亲孙女啊，而紫薇根本不是，所以她当然得秒杀紫薇小燕子一条街。\n\n\n## 你有奶吗？\r\n\n下班后男女同事几人相约到饭店小聚，男同事要白酒，女同事要酸奶。一会儿，小姐就把菜和白酒端了上来，男同事开始吃喝起来。一男同事突然发现没给女同事上酸奶，于是问小姐：“有奶吗？”小姐脸红红的嗫嚅回答到：“有、不大。”\n\n",
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