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      "body": "Congratulations @emilymeep! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@emilymeep/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@emilymeep) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=emilymeep)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "People being brain washed and it is not surprising with messages like this. But it's not like the government doesn't have a motive for suppressing the vegan lifestyle :/ ....\nIt's sad and scary because with the focus being on  bullshit like this, genuine cases of abuse and neglect go unnoticed and unresolved every day, and I don't really have faith that the government even care... \nSad :(",
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      "body": "I think I would want to know peoples’ thoughts. But it would probably be awful. But it is already awful; being betrayed and lied to and used and manipulated. At least I wouldn’t have to keep going through the same shit of seeing warning signs, and totally ignoring my instincts ‘just in case’. I would know early on and be able to act accordingly. Would I though? An instinct or a fact, would I do the sensible thing? The thing that would protect me and prevent me from being hurt? When do I do that? I don’t ever do that. I always hurt myself. I see the logical route and I consciously ignore it. That’s what I do. And I don’t know what would happen if I stopped doing that. Things might get better, easier. I might respect myself more. I might like myself more. But if nothing changes, if nothing gets better, if things get worse? What the fuck do I do then? I’d have no more options. I am toying with the idea of death everyday. Every fucking day, making myself feel even worse because I can’t even bring myself to die. It is so shameful. Looking at myself. I have failed in so many ways and it hurts me so much because I feel that pain so strongly. I feel it like a physical affliction. I am constantly carrying around all this horrible shit and it is fucking up everything and anything that could possibly lead to something good. I have become my own poison. I am the toxic relationship in my life. I taint everything that could be lovely and nice. I damage and break it all. And I just look around and feel my skin and it is just sheer disappointment. I can’t really even bring myself to try because I already know or have already decided the outcome. Nothing is going to work. I feel like I have already been sentenced to death. I think I know the outcome, so I just wonder: what is the point?\n\nFeeling desperately sad and in deep, emotional pain. Strong suicidal feelings. Urge to self harm.\n\nVM\n\nOriginal post: https://violetmoon.live/2016/04/",
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      "body": "There is so much happening in my head. It actually feels heavy. Like there is thick, brown sludge swilling around in there. I can’t make sense of anything and can’t see through anything. Everything is always so bloody unclear, and even when I think it makes sense, I can’t trust myself to believe it. It seems too easy, what if I am wrong? The consequences will be unbearable. I can’t let myself feel the things I want to feel which might allow me to enjoy parts of life. Yet, I find myself completely submerged in feelings that I don’t want at all. I tempt myself into feeling the things I know will lead to pain and suffering because I feel it is what I deserve. How am I supposed to get out of this cycle? Anything that might be good for me, I am too scared to do because if I fail, what will I be left with?\n\nAt work, overwhelmed yet apathetic to anything I should actually care about\n\nVM\n\nOriginal post: https://violetmoon.live/2016/04/",
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