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      "author": "eauclaire",
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      "title": "办公室暧昧及恋情，谈还是不谈？",
      "body": "在企业从事职业（Career），就不要谈。\n在公司干活（Job），就随便。\n从事职业的意思是，你可以并且打算在这里做到退休，是奔着中上层决策以及合伙人级别去的。\n前提是这家企业也的确有这样的升迁制度和先例，并且这家企业已经有序传承了不止一代领导人，它在行业内有品牌、有地位、有战略。\n或者你直接就是创始人之一、在册股东之一，而这家公司不是只开来搞发票的，是你打算终身从事的事业。\n这种情况就最好不要谈——包括你先就谈了然后拉自己的恋爱对象或者配偶去创业，一样是忌讳。\n除非你是真爱，可以原谅一切的这种。\n事业是一个人自身的本质的一部分，是你的定义的核心内容，是你先应该确定，然后再去与人建立稳定关系的前提。\n不是说你事业未成就不要成家，而是说你事业未定，不要寻求成家。\n你都还没有确定你将来到底要做什么，甚至连一个严肃的决策都没有，你自己其实身如飘萍，却又不能、不舍、不愿随遇而安，这个时候去跟人谈亲密关系、血脉相连，你是在害人。\n很遗憾，这个就是冰冷的事实。\n你会搞得对方在几年后非常纠结要不要辞职跟你去北漂，或者北漂换沪漂、沪漂换家漂。为什么谈恋爱常要求对方事业稳定，有房？\n\n就是要一个确切的、有实际证据背书的“事业已定”的实底。\n\n没人想把生命建造在流沙上。\n\n尤其是明知自己是流沙，却因为自己的渴望极力勾引对方在自己身上建造的流沙身上。\n这本身就是不道德的，所以父母们对小孩子的“浪漫”几乎没有丝毫认同。\n注意，小朋友们看清楚——不是要你事业已成，而是要你事业已定。\n要的是你清楚的知道自己在干什么，为什么要这么干、知道自己会付出什么样的代价、要准备付出什么样的努力、并且要看到你不是开玩笑。\n你不仅要让对方自己确信，还要让对方的父母能确信。\n对方的父母会要求你站在与自己同一高度上对话，而且要你对答如流，自洽而且开放。\n不是靠固执、坚持，而是以坦率、谦卑而且开放的心态为前提，你才选择了现在的路线。\n你对这个路线不是有渴望——这是指你做它的原因是这个会很赚钱，而是有信仰——这是指你做它是对人有价值的，你也有将这价值兑换成合理收入的充分考虑。\n要的是你事业已定，以及可以支撑这份决定的相称的成熟。\n很多小朋友在愤恨对方的父母“拜金”，“只认房子车子钱”，其实你是完全搞错了——是因为你别的都没有，对方要妥协，只好寻求这种最后底线。\n这是对方能接受女儿跟你这个什么都没定、自己都不知道自己明年在哪的浮萍去赌人生、赌青春、赌命的最低底线。而你如果不但没有感到这是一份竭力打算成全的好意，还把这份退让视为一种进犯。\n只会在对方父母的眼里更进一步的说明你目前还没有成就任何事业所需要的那份至少能明辨是非的成熟。\n那么不光是这份物质上的保障要求会被瞬间加强一百倍，而且事实上对方已经根本不打算接受，而要转而努力让女儿断然跟你分手了。\n其实ta们的决策错了吗？\n坦率的说，不要被幸存者效应骗了——ta们十之八九是对的。\n换了将来是你女儿，你就会瞬间清楚明白的看懂这个逻辑。\n事业未定，你其实没有资格谈恋爱，利用对方的青春懵懂而硬闯，是一种不道德的行为。\n这一条认定是无可商量、无可退让的，就算你可以引来全网的同龄人齐声怒骂，对方的父母也不会在你面前退让一步。\n人家已经拿命生养守护了二十年，怕你这点狗屁倒灶的“威胁”？\n要这种自己都不自知死活的小孩子们的集体好评而拿女儿的命冒险，二十年的血泪岂不是白受了？\n甚至就是女儿自己的喝骂都不足以让父母动摇——因为ta们这二十年里顶着女儿的不理解为女儿做的牺牲多了去了。\n门朝外开，非要往里踹，此为不智。\n记住了，对方要的是你事业已定，不是你事业“已成”。\n是因为你事业未定或者你说定了，人家信不足，对方只好要你已有小成。\n这是退让和妥协，不是进逼。女儿们自己麻烦也长点心。\n男朋友被提了这种要求感到痛苦是可以的，感到遗憾也是可以的——这甚至值得你给他加分。\n但是，因此扣起什么“卖女儿”、“只认钱”的帽子，话一出口，就意味着你看错了人。\n这人没有成熟到值得你托付生命的程度，在ta眼里，自己的重大利益比别人的人格尊严重要，ta人的自由如果与ta的足够重大的利益冲突，在ta眼里意味着别人有罪。\n这是一种什么样的信号？你自己掂量一下。\n因为你自己要用未来几十年的命去一天一天的体会什么叫做“你的自由和尊严和ta的重大利益抵触是一种罪”。\n在这样的人眼里，给你的最大的爱就是对你这份“罪”的“持续原谅”，你必须“懂得感激”。\nta们可不会去想如果你直接不跟ta扯上关系，你根本就不会有这份来自私定酷法的罪可言。ta基于自己的重大利益受威胁，就要判你父母这样猪狗不如的罪，将来在这同一审判席上站的就是你，你要站一辈子。\n不错，那“利益”的确重大，但是“利益重大”就算是你有罪的充足的理由吗？\n再说一遍，要的是事业已定，以及有可以让事业具有一点现实可能性的成熟。\n这本来应该是向任何人寻求亲密关系的当然前提，根本不应该有别的答案，只是因为独生子女的普遍化所导致的年轻人的思想成熟远落后于性成熟造成的发育断层导致了现在恋爱观的普遍幼稚化。\n而事业意识足够明晰的人，不主动在事业中涉入情事是一种基本常识。\n这样决策，本身就是缺少成就事业所必要的成熟的一种表征，会导致ta的事业决心不够可信。\n不过，有这样意识的人，也基本上不太会有空窗期就是了。\n这就看你自己的眼光能不能提前看出谁是这样的人了。\n切回本题——如果是在公司干活，那么你至少不需要有事业上的顾忌。\n\n不过还是那句话——\n事业未定，何以家为？",
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      "title": "每天下班后都很累的情况下，如何做到利用下班后的时间去学习？",
      "body": "先学让上班不那么累的东西。\n         比如你上班是做报表，那么下班就学“excel秘诀”。\n         学着学着就盘算着怎么把报表上的某个问题“千行数据一键解决”。\n         你上班是搞客户，那么下班就看看人家怎么做客服，请人吃饭聊天传授经验。\n         第二天拿新客户练手。学的东西马上就能让第二天的生活变轻松，自然学起来有兴趣，有劲头。\n         而且这个如果你学得有效，你会越学越有时间，越学越有兴趣。\n         下班之后学不进东西，很多原因是反馈链没建立起来——例如上班是摊煎饼，下班学的是英语和线性代数，盘算着的是考个研就不用摊煎饼了，而这个考试要一年后开始，这就违背了基本心理规律，自然就艰难了。\n         其实很多人总是去寻求这类所谓“正途出身”，这是不对的。\n         每个行业、每个职业都自有门道和需求，需要研究和练习，研究透了练习好了，自然在那一行里可以出人头地，甚至成为生产组织者、行业变革者。\n         避免学习的倦怠，关键总在于维持学习的兴趣，而维持学习的兴趣，关键总在于缩小学以致用的路径。\n         要避免那种“学两年才开始看到效用”的安排，安排成“今天学，明天用，当周结算”，你的进展会是飞速的，兴趣会大到影响性生活，不信你试试。\n         当年香港电影最兴旺的一段时间，演员班底常自己晚上去看别人的电影，看到精彩的创意桥段，一散场就会想到更好的点子，第二天就开始着手拍出来，一个月后就在院线上映了。\n         这也正是香港电影的黄金时代。\n         什么戏剧理论，什么表演流派，什么美学原则，这帮人怕是都没想过，但是现在这些人一样撑起了整个华语影视圈的技术和艺术底蕴。\n         很难有哪部电影没这些人或这些人的徒子徒孙的在幕后操刀的。\n         那些有高度、深刻的东西，在这些快速的、大量的、“低俗”的迭代之后会自然而然的生长出来。\n         这些人后来也有一些去自费进修电影理论的，同样是去进修电影理论，这些人远比一开始就啃名著的电影学院的学生有更好的领悟基础。\n         其实这个道理并不复杂，然而为什么很多人就会选择反馈链路很长的领域去学习呢？\n         因为这种学习的动力来自对自己现状的鄙视和憎恶。\n         所以选材的原则就是离现状越远越好，链路自然就长了。\n         链路长了，反馈就差了，要坚持自然就难了。\n\n ——热爱你的生活，热爱本身就会给你福利，明不明白？",
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      "body": "说个实在的，这词其实是初代翻译家犯了错误，陈陈相因搞出了一个深坑——那就是把“冒险”和“探险”混为了一谈。\n           要提倡的，其实只有探险（adventure）精神，从来就不该是冒险（risk）精神。\n           什么叫adventure？\n           有个地方没人去过，有个办法没人试过，有个问题没人想过，有个境界没有人达到过，有一个好的可能没有人验证过，你尝试去做，这个叫adventure。\n           干脆一点，这就是探索。\n           只是因为进入无人之境总是有天然的风险，所以翻译为“探险”也不为错。\n           而risk，则是纯粹的描述风险。\n           不光是指探索未知而来的风险，也包括无知造成的风险、鲁莽造成的风险、傲慢造成的风险、贪婪造成的风险、虚荣造成的风险。\n           冒风险，是永远要避免的。\n           不要对冒风险做任何的美化，更不要谈论什么“冒险精神”。\n           “冒险”只有在实际指向adventure的时候能被其中的公益性救赎、成为一种伟大的牺牲。\n           否则纯属对自己生而为人的价值的不尊重，没有任何可讨论的空间。\n           每一个人生而为人，拥有人类这个物种如此之强的社会化禀赋，天意就不是为了让你当自了汉的。\n           把自己全部的生命全部用在让自己爽上，犹如一把狙击枪，非要把自己拿去当锤子用，这是一种极大的自我浪费。尤其是，你会因此错过丰富深刻得多的体验。\n           不过，这种形而上的价值观问题先放一边，姑且算是各人的自由，存而不论，只单从实践上看，这种行为也是个极大的恶兆——这人在心底里不会对任何事情真的有什么责任心。\n           因为ta自己的命ta都觉得可以拿来取乐用，真到了关头上，你的死活还能在话下吗？\n           那么“平时小事不冒险，到了大事要探险，你会没有勇气”是不是一个平时risk一些的正当理由呢？\n           这看起来逻辑顺畅，但却有一个漏洞——你的练习题材本身是不是只有那些risking的项目可选？\n           用超常规的解题思路去解你的题，也是adventure，也risking；\n           换一种材料实现超大跨度的拱形结构也是adventure，也risking；\n           换一种做法做同一道菜也是adventure，也risking；\n           换一种工具绘制图像，也是adventure，也risking；\n           换一个语言重构一个算法，也是adventure，也risking……\n\n           你解释一下，为什么你要跳过全部这些更安全有效的训练而不用，要用高速飙车、高楼跑酷、滥交这类东西来“训练承受风险的能力”？\n           你哪里是要借这些东西去“锻炼探险的能力”，你是要借“锻炼探险的能力”去搞这些东西。\n           探险的人厌恶风险，只是为了进入无人之境，不能不承受风险；\n           冒险的人喜欢风险本身，只不过要扯一下“前往无人之境”的大旗合理化自己的毒瘾。\n           前者做的是有风险的事，但极端注意安全，就像消防员和警察，全副武装积极训练。\n           后者则嘲笑安全措施，这是ta来的目的，岂能千辛万苦的给自己扫兴？\n           问题是，后者笑不了几天，总有一天要挂在墙上。\n           再说一遍——你要培养的是探险精神。那真正追求的是新知新得，而不是风险。\n           承受风险的强壮心灵和丰富技术，只是为了达成目标所得到的副产品。\n           人如果对这副产品本末倒置的上瘾，变成为了享受这种接近神的超人快感而反过来去凑风险。\n           那不过是一种death wish罢了。\n           会欣赏、迷恋这种death wish，误以为这叫勇气，觉得这很浪漫的人，不是自己年纪太小还不知道分辨，就是自己也有death wish。\n           这是不甘独死，要找一个伴罢了。\n           你真的想当这个伴吗？\n\n           Death wish不叫勇气。",
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      "title": "好人到底有没有好报？",
      "body": "这里给一个参考答案：好人的好报到底是什么？其实就是你作为一个自信不坏的人得到的生活体验。\n          不要觉得这待遇平平淡淡，甚至还让你很不满意，实际上你如果真的进入自己就知道自己是坏人的世界里体验一下，你就知道那是什么了。\n          坏人们不“潇洒”、“洒脱”，尽管看起来是那个样子。\n          ta们知道别人给的那些好处只要自己一旦衰老或者病倒就会消失。\n          不但消失，可能还会加倍被讨还。ta们也知道不管怎么努力，那一天总是要来的，那些东西总是要消失的。\n          问题是ta们已经对那些东西上瘾了。积累什么东西是没有意义的，那只会在那一天到来的时候给仇人增加可供进攻的目标、可供绑架的人质。\n          ta对别人的子女手下留情，希望以后来找ta的人也能学ta们，对ta的子女手下留情。\n          但是ta又知道这不过是骗骗自己而已——你把人家爹妈搞倒了，不必再对那温室里的小花朵动手，小花朵们被踢出温室也不过是九死一生的慢慢冻死而已。\n          至少ta知道自己家里的那两个小花朵，如果ta倒了，结局大概率是会被现实生活生吞活剥。\n          ta比谁都知道这个世界上到底有多少狼，而这些狼有多么狠。因为ta自己就是其中一只，ta很清楚自己做过什么。\n          “手下留情”不过是另一种不经自己手的残忍罢了——当然，做还是要做的，有个念想总比没有好。\n          所以，未来是指望不上的。再不“潇洒”，就什么都不剩了。别人对自己的“爱”，可能是诡计，ta不敢冒险相信；别人对自己的“敬”，恐怕只是恐惧和贪婪，ta骗不了自己。而每天担心新政策是针对自己，新运动是为了搞掉自己，这一个靠山明天可能得癌症，下一个领导恐怕自己搞不定，下一个电话是通知自己跑路，下一次见面是埋伏，下一次谈话是窃听，担心身边有卧底、担心身上有追踪器、担心一脸正常的新邻居可能是伪装监控的警察……\n          这些担心却是真的，而且永无休止。不喝酒，每天想这些都会睡不着。\n          拜佛没有用，四大皆空，说得容易，能空老子还折腾个屁。\n          求神也没有用，如果自己做的这些没报应，自己都不信这个神不是骗人的。\n          你做好人的回报是什么？不是心想事成、万事如意、长命百岁。\n          而是不用像一个坏人那样活着。\n\n          你可能对做好人的待遇不够满意，但其实已经报过了。",
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      "title": "世界是弱肉强食的吗？",
      "body": "弱肉强食？\n\n谁是弱肉？\n\n羊在狼面前是弱肉？\n\n并非如此，完整的弱肉顺序是这样的：\n\n狼在狮子率领的羊群面前是弱肉。\n\n没有找到狮子的羊群和没有找到羊群的狮子在狼群面前是弱肉。\n\n孤狼在狮子面前是弱肉。孤羊在孤狼面前是弱肉。\n\n第一，你是羊、是狼还是狮子，尚在未定之天，你自己其实并不知道。\n\n但有一条奇妙的规则——\n\n当你自认不可能不是羊的时候，你不可能变成狮子，但最可能变成披着羊皮的孤狼。\n\n          \n你是狼，不表示你就能强食羊，你最好学会分清有狮子的羊和没狮子的羊——以及及时加入狼群。\n          \n你是狮子，不表示你可以强食狼，你最好学会分清孤狼和群狼——以及及早获得自己的羊群。\n\n最后你会发现，弱肉强食绝不是一个斗兽棋一样简单的排序规则。\n\n这看似无情的规则里，蕴含了不容抗拒的命令，实际上惩处的不是“弱肉”，而是装着糊涂的抗命者。\n\n无论羊、狮、狼，逆天抗命，同为弱肉。\n\n\n\n世界就是这样的，一视同仁，公平之极。",
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      "memo": "🔥 Ignite your content’s potential with Beemengine! Amplify your reach, captivate a larger audience, and watch your upvotes soar to new heights 🚀. For just 1 HIVE/STEEM per month, you’ll gain access to 24/7 auto voting, a vibrant community of over 1.5k members, up to 100K boosted posts, and a team of dedicated curators. Plus, enjoy the simplicity of passive earnings 💰.\n\nYour content deserves to shine 🌟. Don’t let it fade into the background. Subscribe today at beemengine.com or reply ‘subscribe’ to start your one-month subscription for just 1 HIVE/STEEM. Unleash your content’s true potential with Beemengine. Your audience is waiting."
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      "body": "Hello welcome to Steemit world! \n I'm @steem.history, who is steem witness. \n This is a recommended post for you.[Newcomers Guide](https://steemitdev.com/guide/@steemitblog/steemit-a-guide-for-newcomers) and [The Complete Steemit Etiquette Guide (Revision 2.0)](https://steemit.com/steem/@steem.history/the-complete-steemit-etiquette-guide-revision-20-homage-1598425779) and, recommended community [Newcomers Community](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-172186) \n I wish you luck to your steemit activities.<center> \n \n \n https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXHwdcNs5VPcBft1iSosPdHLpBNBfjuG84g3ffWhMw5JQ/image.png \n <sub>(The bots avatar has been created using https://robohash.org/)</sub> \n @steem.history \n \n ### My witness activity \n - [My aspiration for STEEM witness](https://steemit.com/hive-185836/@steem.history/my-aspiration-for-steem-witness-1601280729) \n - Provides information on Steem.  \n [Reference](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-130095) \n - Supporting the Steem project. \n [SPUD4STEEM project](https://steemit.com/trending/spud4steem) \n - Supporting the community. \n [Newcomers Community](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-172186),[Steem Sri Lanka](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-133716) ,[WORLD OF XPILAR](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-185836), [GLOBAL STEEM](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-145160), [Scouts](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-181136), [Latino Community](https://steemit.com/trending/hive-188619) \n \n ### My featured posts \n - [The Complete Steemit Etiquette Guide (Revision 2.0) -Homage](https://steemit.com/steem/@steem.history/the-complete-steemit-etiquette-guide-revision-20-homage-1598425779) \n \n [![image.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmd7of2TpLGqvckkrReWahnkxMWH6eMg5upXesfsujDCnW/image.png)](https://steemlogin.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steem.history&amp;approve=1) \n <sub>please click it!</sub> \n \n ![image.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWDnFh7Kcgj2gdPc5RgG9Cezc4Bapq8sQQJvrkxR8rx5z/image.png) \n <sub>(Go to https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type fbslo at the bottom of the page)</sub> \n \n </center>",
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