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      "body": "Congratulations @daring-greatly! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@daring-greatly/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@daring-greatly) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=daring-greatly)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "author": "daring-greatly",
      "body": "Writing about old relationships, yea, I guess that idea didn't stick with me. Truth is these days no ideas stick with me. I know I don't want to write for anyone else but me, but for some reason my brain is still having trouble letting go of the idea that my content has to somehow be consumable, palatable, interesting enough to entertain some invisible audience that I don't even have. \n\nI have been writing since I was pretty young. I think the first real journal I started was in 9th or 10th grade. I also have a history of writing, then a few years later going back and reading certain things, and feeling that I've changed so much or I didn't recognize that part of me that I would destroy the writings. At this point I think I know I was destroying it because I didn't like what I saw. Not necessarily because I had changed or overcome some of the struggles or insecurities or whatever. But because when I bared my soul on paper, I didn't like what I saw. I was embarrassed about being vulnerable. Embarrassed about being seen at all really. \n\nI have become acutely aware of a life long inner conflict. I desperately want to be seen, noticed, heard...and am in turn compelled to hide, stay small, and go unnoticed. Somehow I am deeply afraid of what I seem to want the most. It's not as simple as the cliched fear of success. Or is it? I suppose we all define success on our own terms. I mean, I have a good job, my own house, nice things, people like me. But so what. \n\nPick what you love, what makes you feel joy, take one small step towards a goal each day, break it down, just keep moving...I know all that advice. Right now I have no idea what direction to go. I'm having trouble even remembering what feeling passionate about something feels like. I also don't know if I ever chose anything just for me. I always wanted someone else to be proud, or to notice, or be impressed. Maybe not everything. But a lot of things. \n\nI would like to create something. I'm just not sure what that is right now.",
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      "body": "I've finally gotten to the point in my life where I am not searching for a relationship, and therefore I feel the urge to tell all the stories of all of my past relationships. I think there is a universal quality to relationships, whether you are straight, gay, bi, or anything in between, but my story is that of a lesbian who just wanted to find that special someone (*gag*) and therefore I fell into the stereotype too often...committing too fast, knowing I found \"the one\" and telling the world only to have it fall apart within a year or two. I had all kinds of relationships. I was dumped. I dumped. If gay marriage was legal back in my day, I'm sure I would have been divorced at least two or three times by now. And now that it is legal (at least where I live, for now) I have no interest in it. This is just going to be my place to revisit each one, and actually feel and express the gratitude I have for them all, for the love--when it was good, for the lessons--when things were bad, and for the place of peace it has led me to now. I don't have a schedule, or a deadline, I'll just write when I feel like writing. Even though this is anonymous, I'll use pseudonyms, but it will all be true. Maybe I'll even learn something more, something deeper. Time will tell.",
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