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      "body": "Today is very much of day where everything I’m doing sucks and has no hope of ever becoming anything worthwhile ,or ever being capable of providing any kind of value whatsoever to anyone, let alone a means of reliable income. I’ve talked a lot about the idealized life after employment, finding a means to make ends meat by working on things that excite and fulfill you, but of course reality looks very different when reality checks in and creditors come knocking on your door.  The ideals naive utopia you’ve made of being able to go through your days willy nilly not worrying about where you next paycheque comes from starts to look more glib as time goes on . To be clear, we’re not at that stage quite yet, but the longer things go without gaining any real traction or momentum on projects I’m working on, I start to wonder what my head space will be in another 3-6 months?\n\nAs I contemplate weekly about fun project I’ve always wanted o work on or new things to learn that could feasibly someday be grown into some king of income generator, I periodically hit road blocks. The highs of a day spent making something work that didn’t work before are offset by the next day of logistical challenges, well funded competitors or dwindling markets. Since everyone and their dog are finding themselves with a shortage of work these days and starting to turn their attention to online e-commerce type business, My endeavours are moving ahead amidst a new onslaught of competition. How can I be sure my approach or offering can is better and can survive amount the others.  \n\nA lifelong fantasy of mine has always been to be able to sustain myself financially from nothing more than my imagination, be it a new invention or product I made that changes the world, to making new and exciting music, or some kind of writing, etc. Something that gets birthed from my brain solves a problem or provides value to people and I can go on perpetually like this forever, not having to ever rely on outside sources of income ever again.  This fantasy is also offset by my greatest fear, which is a fear of failure and wasting a large chunk of my life building something that is worthless, meaning that I have a very long list of false starts and abandoned projects that I have deemed to be not worth my time and not feasible to pursue.  If I’m going to continue down this path, I need to find some method to push past these barriers, defeat these inner demons and get out of my own way.  I’m sure I’m not alone in this, and others have been in this position and managed to persevere. If you are one of these people, I would love to hear your story.",
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      "body": "I've fallen off the blogging wagon for some time. Lots has happened. Let’s get caught up. \nIn just 4 more days, I will have been unemployed for a 3 full months.  3 days ago was my daughters 6 month birthday. I now have not had a full time job for half of her life (however the first half of her life was spent working from home, so from her perspective not much of a differenceI suppose. An Interesting reality during these strange times). \n\nSo what in the last month has changed? On one hand a lot and the other very little. I still spend a portion of each week scanning job boards and LinkedIn, browsing email notifications of new positions that match my profile and halfheartedly sending in applications mostly for the reason that it’s what I feel I’m supposed to be doing.  On more than one occasion,  a few companies I have had initial and second round interviews with have ghosted me. Complete radio silence. Was the position staffed? Removed? Did I blow the interview? and I used to have a pretty good batting average at those things. Perhaps I'm loosing my touch. Some days I continue down that dark path of finding my old colleagues on linked in to see if they’ve found new jobs yet. A lot of them have. It’s definitely enough to doubt yourself. My standard mental progression then reminds me that I don’t want to jump back in to another version of what I was just doing, that I was just filling time, passing the days in a socially stable framework to obtain comfort and approval. An answer to the question “So, what do you do?” Problem is, without a job, how does one answer this question?  \n\nOn the positive side, even though I don’t know exactly what I will be doing, I’m zeroing in on what it should be doing should feel like, trying to use this time as a luxury to devote a part of my day to working on something I want, and man does it feel great! iOS one week, 3D printing the next, python, cryptography, learning a graphics engine (why not) all things that I wished I had the time to do when I was working full time. Sure they’re small nuggets of projects that aren’t paying me anything, but for the first time in years I can say at the end of the week I know something that I didn’t know before. The seeds of development are starting to rekindle and excitement awakening.  However an answer to “What do you do” is still at this time elusive. \n\nYears ago I was watching a Netflix cooking documentary featuring a reclusive chef living far off grid, away from all civilization. At times he would mentor young up and coming chefs and he had a policy that once they were no longer learning anything new, he would boot them out and tell them to go do something else, that their time is being wasted if they stayed.  Conventional wisdom would suggest that once you’ve worked so hard at something, you should stick around and capitalize on your newly honed craft. Take advantage of what you’ve learned. \n\nThis is what the master chef referred to as the ‘Comfortable Chair’. You master a skill and you spend the rest of your life churning out the same thing, loosing all creativity and capacity for new learning in the process. After all, it’s hard to always be learning, always being the new guy. This is not a comfortable way to live, however it’s the only way to ensure you are always growing, always progressing, being alive. For years, I sat snugly in that comfortable chair, slowly developing bedsores, and unable to get out. \n\nSo what have I gotten out of these last three months. I’m not really significantly closer to finding a new job, but it’s taken this long to begin isolating the feeling I’ve been looking. Francis Ford Coppola once said “You don’t have to specialize, do everything that you love and then, at some time, the future will come together for you in some form”.  So now with these small kernels of knowing what I want more of and what I don’t, the next steps can come into play. To be continued.",
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      "body": "I used to imagine opportunities in life were like tree vines hanging high up from the sky.  You push off strong enough from the tree and swing as far out as you can, until the vine reaches it's limit as you near other possible vines you can grab hold of that will continue to swing you onwards in one of several possible directions if you are nimble enough to grab it in time.  Of course if you wait too long to make up your mind, the vine you are on will either break or start swinging backwards in the direction you came from, until inevitably your initial momentum will dwindle and you are left hanging motionless, trying futily to sway your body back and forth to generate enough motion to come within reach of one of the other vines.  If one was also skilled enough, you may have learned how to grab and to hold on to multiple vines at once, that way in the event that one ends up being weak and breaks, you would not plummet to your doom.  \nI would always picture Tarzan expertly swinging from tree to tree, grabbing the next vine at precisely the right moment so that the next swing is faster and stronger than the last. I was always careful to have a firm grip on one or more vines before letting go of the last one, and to never put myself in a position where I was dependant on a single vine. Alas, as life happens, your selection of available vines tends to get reduced down gradually from many to one, and before you know it, your vine breaks and you are in free fall.  \nIn my imagined sky world of vines, after several years of swinging from vine to vine I envision that with each swing you get a little higher each time, and after a while you find yourself quite high above the ground, in the clouds even.  At this point if the vine snaps, you do not hit the ground right away. Instead, you are like a skydiver but without a chute.  You have time to contemplate your course and to try and steer yourself towards one of the other vines before you hit the dirt.  \n\nWe are now at Day 24, nearing a full month of unemployment. I am now starting to notice other former colleagues who lost their positions at the same time starting to secure new positions at other companies.  I myself during this time have only applied to a small handful of jobs, and have secured a very small number of leads, none of them serious.  \nIt's been a vicious cycle every few days. I browse at positions where my experience would be applicable, I spend a few moments imagining the first weeks/months in that role learning the ropes, and lastly I spend a few more moments imagining myself 6 months to a year in and how I will most definitely feel like quitting, and then be back in the same exact situation I currently find myself.  After this, I start to feel the nervous anxiety and weightlessness of free fall in my gut, as I watch the ground getting closer,  not knowing which direction I should steer.  \nAlthough I'm enjoying this time, sooner or later I will need to chart a new heading. While I do not know exactly which direction, I have come up with 3 guiding principles in the form of questions to myself designed to help me as I try to land:\n\n   #1. What could I be doing that would make me fell as though I've really done some good at the end of each day\n   #2. What could I be doing that would make me truly believe in what I'm devoting each day of my life to.\n   #3. What could I be doing that would make me feel good about myself\n\nMy searching thus far has not has not revealed any new option that is able to satisfy even 1 of the 3 principles above while being able to draw any kind of reasonable paycheque.  As I continue my journey slowly drifting towards earth, I will continue the mythical search for prosperity and meaning.  I must find Jane.",
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      "body": "We all have those moments when we're young.  Something fully captures our imagination, completely filling one with a sense of pure awe and inspiration. It usually occurs when you witness a profound event in history, such as the moon landing, a major scientific discovery or a new charismatic leader being elected promising hope and change for the better.  It also has a tendency to occur when you learn something new, and realize that you have the potential to do something that you were never able to do before.  In both of these scenarios, what you witnessed was the redefinition of what you know to be possible from what you previously thought was impossible.  \n\nWhen you were a kid, this would happen all the time, since you had fewer years worth of experiences to shape your definition. Your mind was being constantly blown, the result of which was a fairly consistent sense of awe and excitement as you discovered new frontiers and possibilities each day.  As we get older unfortunaly this happens less and less, primarily due to the simple fact that we have many more years of experience under our belts, making it far less likely to come across something truly unique and perspective shattering that we haven't already seen some version of before.  This is coupled with the fact that most people have the tendency to reduce exposure as they get older to new situations and environments due to it's discomforting nature, being content with reliving the same routine.  \n\nIt's already the middle of June, and the anxiety level I predicted a few weeks ago are already starting to kick in.  The tinge of self doubt is ramping up, and the temptation to cave and to take the next job in my field that I can get is growing.  I'm making good initial progress on the projects I've always wanted to do, but I'm getting anxious.  When are they going to make me some money to replace my income?  What if they fail and I can't cut it out on my own?  \n\nI've realized recently that the main reason I've always been drawn to being employed in some kind of organization was so that I wouldn't have to face the fear of whether or not I am good enough to have my work speak for itself.  If you can get in the door, fake it reasonably well while being generally likeable, you can stick around long enough to jump to the next position before things implode. As Dave Foley's Kids in the Hall 'Bad Doctor' character puts it, \"I didn't worry because I figured how far can you coast on charm.  pretty far actually\".  This is also a great way to avoid actually having to ever test your metal. It's something I've spend the first 15 years of my career avoiding rather successfully.  I'm only an average worker, but I've been a stellar employee.  \nIt's this feeling I want to avoid, to never have to feel again. To feel that same feeling of awe I had back when I was a kid that I've experienced only in fleeting moment as an adult.  What better guide could there be when deciding what to do.  Therefore, I have to be comfortable with the fact that nobody may ever use my app, buy my product or read this blog for that matter.  And that has to be ok.  Because I did it for myself, to improve, to realize ideas and thoughts I've had buried in me for years.  Now how to actually do it? To turn off the anxiety, the social pressure, the not appreciating financial realities  that have the potential to lead to utter ruin?  Perhaps I need only look to my past self as a child for inspiration, who would not be distracted with such matters, and focus souly on the pure enjoyment of what he would be doing next.  \"That stuff is so boooooring. I'm going to go out play now\"",
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      "title": "Dan AE (After Employment) Journal - Day 13: Germ Theory",
      "body": "It's now coming up on my two week layoff anniversary.  So far, I'd have to say I've actually been quite enjoying it!\nAside from the administrative tasks of reorganizing finances, insurance, retirements plans, health coverage and so forth, I've been finally able to devote good chunks of my day to pursuing things I've always wanted to do during prime hours: Catching up on reading, experimenting with new technologies and taking some some online courses (finally getting to officially learn swift to build iOS apps!) along with getting to spend some great guilt free daytime hours with my family.  I am, however, quite conscious of the fact that I am right in the middle of the honeymoon phase of unemployment, if that's even a thing.  Now that the news has been broken to my parents and in laws, that initial shock mixed with cautious concern and optimism will gradually give way to more overt concern and less optimism over the passing weeks with the lack of any new employment opportunities.  Rationally I know this, but haven't figured out how to properly manage it, as it will be an ongoing challenge as this project continues.  Perpetual awkwardness will have to do for now.  \n\nAs I monitor my overall state of mind, I find that I must continually check myself to resist the temptation to revert back to previous patterns. This weekend I've already been surfing the job boards, even submitting several linkedIn applications for positions I know I do not like, but the pressure to do what is expected of me is starting to kick in.  During this process, I couldn't help thinking of Ignaz Semmelweis, the doctor who discovered the disease-fighting power of hand-washing. An explanation is likely needed here:\n\nAs most already have heard the story in some form, Ignaz Semmelweis was the doctor who ushered in a medical revolution when he discovered that serious ailments and overall patient mortality rates could be drastically reduced by the practice of cleansing and disinfecting of hands prior to coming into contact with patients.  While the results were that mortality rates were reduced to below 1%, he could offer no acceptable scientific explanation for his findings. His observations were also not in line with the established scientific and medical community, some doctors were even offended at the suggestion that they should wash their hands and mocked him for his ideas which were fundamentally rejected. It was only years after his death that the practice of hand washing earned widespread acceptance in the medical community after Louis Pasteur confirmed germ theory which we all know to be common knowledge today (and now especially present in everyone's minds over the last several months)\n\nI have been theorizing the existence of a different kind of germ. One that is extremely contagious, is not detectable by any instrument yet developed by man and is unknowingly carried by the majority of people in the working world.  This germ is the persistant idea that 'everybody needs to be employed at some kind of drudgery so that they may justify their right to exist'.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, just as long as you are doing something, and for that something you should be getting paid. This idea is so engrained in everyone's psyche that much like Semmelweis' , rejecting this idea is guaranteed to produce open scorn and judgement from one's colleagues and family when one's thinking is not in line with the established docttrine. In much the same way, I have no acceptable scientific explanation for my theory thus far.  I do hope that this experiment can be a test of a hypothesis, making a correlation between a practise and a consistent set of results.  The practise in my case also involves a formal cleansing and disinfection in an attempt to drastically reduced instances of patient death.  The infection we are attempting to prevent is not an infection of the body, but an infection of the soul.",
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      "body": "It's now coming up on my two week layoff anniversary.  So far, I'd have to say I've actually been quite enjoying it!\nAside from the administrative tasks of reorganizing finances, insurance, retirements plans, health coverage and so forth, I've been finally able to devote good chunks of my day to pursuing things I've always wanted to do during prime hours: Catching up on reading, experimenting with new technologies and taking some some online courses (finally getting to officially learn swift to build iOS apps!) along with getting to spend some great guilt free daytime hours with my family.  I am, however, quite conscious of the fact that I am right in the middle of the honeymoon phase of unemployment, if that's even a thing.  Now that the news has been broken to my parents and in laws, that initial shock mixed with cautious concern and optimism will gradually give way to more overt concern and less optimism over the passing weeks with the lack of any new employment opportunities.  Rationally I know this, but haven't figured out how to properly manage it, as it will be an ongoing challenge as this project continues.  Perpetual awkwardness will have to do for now.  \n\nAs I monitor my overall state of mind, I find that I must continually check myself to resist the temptation to revert back to previous patterns. This weekend I've already been surfing the job boards, even submitting several linkedIn applications for positions I know I do not like, but the pressure to do what is expected of me is starting to kick in.  During this process, I couldn't help thinking of Ignaz Semmelweis, the doctor who discovered the disease-fighting power of hand-washing. An explanation is likely needed here:\n\nAs most already have heard the story in some form, Ignaz Semmelweis was the doctor who ushered in a medical revolution when he discovered that serious ailments and overall patient mortality rates could be drastically reduced by the practice of cleansing and disinfecting of hands prior to coming into contact with patients.  While the results were that mortality rates were reduced to below 1%, he could offer no acceptable scientific explanation for his findings. His observations were also not in line with the established scientific and medical community, some doctors were even offended at the suggestion that they should wash their hands and mocked him for his ideas which were fundamentally rejected. It was only years after his death that the practice of hand washing earned widespread acceptance in the medical community after Louis Pasteur confirmed germ theory which we all know to be common knowledge today (and now especially present in everyone's minds over the last several months)\n\nI have been theorizing the existence of a different kind of germ. One that is extremely contagious, is not detectable by any instrument yet developed by man and is unknowingly carried by the majority of people in the working world.  This germ is the persistant idea that 'everybody needs to be employed at some kind of drudgery so that they may justify their right to exist'.  It doesn't matter what you are doing, just as long as you are doing something, and for that something you should be getting paid. This idea is so engrained in everyone's psyche that much like Semmelweis' , rejecting this idea is guaranteed to produce open scorn and judgement from one's colleagues and family when one's thinking is not in line with the established docttrine. In much the same way, I have no acceptable scientific explanation for my theory thus far.  I do hope that this experiment can be a test of a hypothesis, making a correlation between a practise and a consistent set of results.  The practise in my case also involves a formal cleansing and disinfection in an attempt to drastically reduced instances of patient death.  The infection we are attempting to prevent is not an infection of the body, but an infection of the soul.",
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      "body": "It's now been a week since I've joined the ever growing ranks of the unemployed.  I can already feel the early stages of pressure mounting, to find something, anything that brings in a regular paycheque. It's only been a week. That's still early, taking some time to readjust.  2 weeks, I'm making inroads, following up on loads  A month, questions may form, but no reason to start worrying just yet.  2-3 months without another job, people start wondering what's wrong with you. What you're not working.  \n\nFor the last several years at my last job, I had become comfortably numb. I felt like I was in an endless loop, unable to get out. Every week was the same and I was unable to really be effective at what I was doing. I wasn't learning anything new. I thought that surely if I simply soldiered on, I would eventually find a way to turn it all around.  It was a great job on paper, surely if I wasn't happy with what I did there was something wrong with my attitude or perspective. I felt that surely it could be salvaged, or maybe it was that I just didn't want to admit defeat, that I couldn't cut it.  I remember having fantasies, actual fantasies about getting fired. When my boss would call me into a surprise meeting, I would walk down the hall with intense feelings of dread mixed with excitement.  'Imagine all of the things you'd be able to do if tomorrow you didn't have to come here?' That thought was quickly replaced by wondering about how I would be paying my mortgage, but then getting excited again about another new project I'd be able to start or something new to learn.  \n\nWith a week now behind me, today I started turning my attention to the job boards.  It was exactly as I feared. There are a lot of positions out there, but none worth getting excited about. Just different flavours of the same thing I've been doing.  If there is one thing that I've learned throughout this process, it's that if I don't want to get out of bed for a job on day 1, I won't be any more enthusiastic on day 100 or day 365. So we're back to the simple choice really:  \n\nThe irresponsibly choice: The ideas that filled me with excitement as I walked down the hall on the chance I would be fired,  the youthful exuberance of having the freedom to pursue anything I wanted and being able to look forward to progressing more each day. Arguably the selfish choice. The choice that does not guarantee my family any kind of stability, a roof, an education for my kids, or a retirement.  \n\nThe responsible choice: Finding another version of what I just left.  Having met up with a few former colleagues today over lunch, various options and leads were flowing.  If I committed myself to it whole heartedly pursuing them, there would be a way to find another job relatively quickly if I has absolutely no preference for what the job was or what the company did. Isn't that how the capitalism in a nutshell?  The quality of a particular choice can be quantified at any given time by how much money is generated as a result of that choice, even if it feels like death? What other consideration is there?\n\nI've made the responsible choice my entire career. Putting off what I've wanted to do for what was best at paying the bills.  Holding up a mirror to myself 10 or 20 years on, I don't like the person I see. An empty shell of a person who exists only superficially and doesn't stand for anything. Perhaps there is only one question worth asking when deciding the next phase of my career:  What makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning?",
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      "body": "I am stranded on Mars. \n\nIn 'The Martian', the main character Mark Watney finds himself alone on the red planet, his team having evacuated the habitat due to a severe storm under the assumption that he was dead.  Upon regaining consciousness and taking a moment to regain his bearings, the first thing he does is to take stock of his supplies to determine exactly how long he can survive with the existing resources that are available.  \n\nIn the months leading to my dismissal, covid lockdown was ramping up and mandatory work from home orders were issued. I started trying to hoard more cash and limit expenses in the event that cutbacks due to business slowdown would occur. I was able to stockpile a small amount of cash savings.  At our current rate of spending, the time to deplete existing cash reserves is 3 months.  \n\nMy tenure at the company had been roughly 6 years. Given the general rule of thumb of a month severance for each year of employment, my dismissal package worked out to roughly that, 6 months worth of salary, which extends my survival time to 9 months.  \n\nOne other slight silver lining of Covid is that most banks (Canadian banks at least) offer mortgage payment deferrals that can be applied for if your income stream is disrupted due to the ongoing pandemic.  By my rough calculations, this would reduce our family's monthly cashflow burn rate and extend my survival timeframe  to 12 months.  \n\nQualifying for Employment Insurance may increase this further, however my existing severance package may limit the amount of employment benefits I am able to claim.  To assume a worst case scenario, I will not include this as a dependable resource in my estimates.  \n\nAfter 12 months give or take, our cash reserves would be depleted and I would then need to start borrowing to meet our demands without a replacement income stream, which is the monetary equivalent to your body beginning to starve, having depleted it's fat reserves and resorting to consuming muscle in a downward spiral inevitably leading to a slow and painful death, cannibalizing one's own body to survive.\n\nThe question will be, how can I get innovative and use what I have to plant my proverbial potato crops to increase my food supply in a desolate economic environment where nothing grows.",
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      "author": "dantastic",
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      "title": "AE (After Employment) Journal - Day 1",
      "body": "Yesterday I lost my job.  \n\nAfter several months of bearing the brunt of reduced sales and a full staff, the technology company where I had worked for 8 years informed me (over a virtual teams meeting of course) that my position was no longer available.  Unfortunately, this has been an all too familiar scene during this crisis. \nWas I surprised? Slightly. Given what’s going on in the world, those who still hold permanent full time employment likely have a nagging wonder in the back of their mind when the other shoe might drop (I did).  However, my team had just finished a long project, with plans for followup activities in the works, so although a large phase was coming to conclusion perhaps creating a natural inflection point where steam members could be changed, I still perceived any concerns I had relating to the sudden meeting invitation request the following afternoon from my manager to be nothing more than paranoia.  Turns out it wasn't\nWas my initial reaction one of despair,  disappointment, sadness or rejection? The truth is…No. Not really.  But why?\n\nLet’s back up a bit.  3 months ago, my wife and I gave birth to a baby girl. Our second child, having been born 5 years after our first.  One would thing that a normal reaction, especially with a 2 young children at home in need to support would be something to the effect of “how the hell are you going to provide for your family when you have no source of income, nobody is hiring and the world is still mostly in lockdown?\" These are all very good questions to which I do not have the answers to.  \n\nSince the start of university, I had always had a job, some kind of income stream no matter how small, even if it was extremely casual and non reliable.  Waiter, music teacher, bartender, clothing retailer, musician, help desk analyst, summer camp instructor, and finally after I graduated, programmer, engineer, project manager and technical lead.  Today is actually the first time in almost 20 years that I have absolutly no prospects for income generation of any kind whatsoever.  I really have no idea what the future holds, but I kinda like it.  Terrifying, but sobering. \n\nDon’t get me wrong. There have been brief moments of realization and sheer terror about the distinct possibility that I have no options and no future going forward (which are likely to continue at higher frequency and magnitude throughout the coming weeks).  I have come to the realization however that all along, especially after completing University, I really just took the first job that was offered to me because I was too scared about the idea of having no prospects.  What if I turned it down and didn’t get another job offer?  How would I pay my debts, afford rent, be a respectable member of society?  I would go from job to job like this, sometimes as few at the same time. As a result, except for a few notable exceptions, I turns out that most days of my 15 year professional working career have been spent doing things that I didn’t want to be doing.  Days gone by, trading in time for money, without anything cosmically significant resulting from it.  What could be more tragic than that last statement.  \nLike most people, I made decisions on what was worthwhile by how much I would be paid.  Surely, if I was being paid an above average wage, it would mean that my contribution to the world for the years spent would also be of above average importance.  Right?  The reality began to sink in more and more with each passing year, that I was not getting anything else out of the time invested except a paycheque\n\nI began to ask myself: What would happen if I started making decisions of where to invest my time based exclusively on what I wanted to do the most that day, not what would pay me the most money. When you actually write it out and read it back to yourself, it sounds absolutely ridiculous and irresponsible.  This is no way to pay the mortgage or put food on the table in any consistent way. \n\nThere is a Japanese concept known as Ikigai, which outlines a path to fulfillment when 4 overlapping tenants come into alignment.  They are:\n\n-Do What You Love\n-Do What You Are Good At\n-Do What The World Needs\n-Do What You Can be Paid For.  \n\nI started to ask myself: what would happen if I lived every day only following my Ikigai?  Would I simply become destitute and homeless in a matter of months if all I wanted to do is watch movies and play video games instead of doing anything productive? I can’t particularly say that I felt all that motivated in most of my previous positions other than that I was expected to fill a role and hold certain responsibilities in exchange for a paycheque.  What if it actually was this easy, that by committing to doing what you love every day, you would inherently open up opportunities needed to sustain yourself from doing that very thing as a side effect.  Most people would say that this is wishful thinking, and they would most likely be right, but the path less traveled by is less traveled for a reason.  As I chronicle my daily life After Employment, I hope to track my thoughts, experiences and progress as I go (This could very well be the shortest blog series in history). \n\nLet’s get started...",
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