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      "body": "Two years without money.\nTwo years without sex.\nTwo years without a cell phone.\nTwo years without bathing.\nTwo years without smoking .\nTwo years without your favourite food.\nTwo years without sleeping.\nTwo years without visiting toilet.\nTwo years without pasting.\nPlease be sincere when answering.",
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      "body": "Q: When should you buy a bird?\nA: When it’s going cheep!\n\n———-\n\nDid you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?\nHe wanted to make a long distance caw.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is green and pecks on trees?\nA: Woody the Wood Pickle.\n\n———-\n\nQ: There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?\nA: Roosters don’t lay eggs!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the bird get a ticket?\nA: It broke the law of gravity!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s?\nA: A funky chicken.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?\nA: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you catch a unique bird?\nA: Unique up on it.\nQ: How do you catch a tame bird?\nA: The tame way, unique up on it!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?\nA: With its sparrowchute.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?\nA: Because he was caught tweeting on a test.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you give a sick bird?\nA: Tweetment.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why does a stork stand on one leg?\nA: Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How did the bubble gum cross the road?\nA: On the bottom of the chicken’s foot!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the chicken cross the playground?\nA: To get to the other slide!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?\nA: He was a dirty double crosser!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do hummingbirds hum?\nA: Because they don’t know the words.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?\nA: He got caught peeping on a test.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?\nA: To get to the other size!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do ducks fly south?\nA: Because it’s too far to walk!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the rooster cross the road?\nA: To prove he wasn’t a chicken!\n\n———-\n\nThere was a duck who walked into a store and said, “got any candy?” The storekeeper said, “no, we don’t.” The next day, the duck went into the same store and asked the same thing and got the same anwer. The duck kept going back every day for a week and asked the same thing and kept getting the same answer until the store keeper got so angry he said, “if you come in here and ask that again, I will hit you on the head with a hammer!” The next day, the duck walks into the store and asks, “got a hammer?” The store keeper says, “no.” Then the duck asks, “got any candy?”\n\n———-\n\nQ: What does a cat call a hummingbird?\nA: Fast food.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?\nA: He was catching all the chickens!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do chickens get strong?\nA: Egg-cersize.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do crows stick together in a flock?\nA: Velcrow.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did one egg say to the other egg?\nA: Let’s get crackin’!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a crate of ducks?\nA: A box of quackers.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why didn’t the rooster cross the road?\nA: Because it was chicken.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What robs you while you’re in the bathtub?\nA: A robber ducky.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did Mozart sell his chickens?\nA: Because they kept saying “bach bach”!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How did the egg cross the road?\nA: It scrambled across!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a parrot that flew away?\nA: A polygon\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a sad bird?\nA: A bluebird\n\nQ: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?\nA: So he could grade his eggs.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?\nA: Owlgebra",
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      "title": "ANIMALS JOKE",
      "body": "Q: Why did the cat go to Minnesota?\nA: To get a mini soda!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where do orcas hear music?\nA: Orca-stras!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the cow cross the road?\nA: To get to the udder side.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a fish without an eye?\nA: Fsh!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?\nA: Take the words out of his mouth!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?\nA: A chili dog on a bun.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do fish live in salt water?\nA: Because pepper makes them sneeze!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where do mice park their boats?\nA: At the hickory dickory dock.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where did the sheep go on vacation?\nA: The baaaahamas\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a thieving alligator?\nA: A crookodile\n\n———-\n\nQ: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?\nA: A watch dog.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a cow that eats your grass?\nA: A lawn moo-er.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?\nA: Lilly.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How does a dog stop a video?\nA: He presses the paws button.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do cows go to New York?\nA: To see the moosicals!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call lending money to a bison?\nA: A buff-a-loan\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is the snake’s favorite subject?\nA: Hiss-story\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is black ,white and red all over?\nA: A sunburnt penguin!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why does a dog wag its tail?\nA: Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is a cat’s favorite movie?\nA: The sound of Mew-sic!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you make a goldfish old?\nA: Take away the g!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the lamb cross the road?\nA: To get to the baaaaarber shop!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?\nA: Squeaky clean!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What has four legs and goes “Oom, Oom”?\nA: A cow walking backwards!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where do you put barking dogs?\nA: In a barking lot.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for dangerous driving?\nA: A road hog.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is a cheetahs favorite food?\nA: Fast food!\n\n———-\n\nA team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What does a cat say when somebody steps on\nits tail?\nA: Me-ow!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?\nA: A gummy bear!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the dog cross the road twice?\nA: He was trying to fetch a boomerang!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?\nA: Its shadow!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a pig who knows karate?\nA: Porkchop!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where does an elephant pack his luggage?\nA: In his trunk!\n\n———-\n\nQ: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?\nA: None, because they were copycats!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Which day do fish hate?\nA: Fryday!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a cow in a tornado?\nA: A milkshake!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the peanut say to the elephant?\nA: Nothing, peanuts don’t talk.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a deer with no eyes?\nA: No I deer!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why was the cat afraid of a tree?\nA: Because of the bark!\n\n———-\n\nQ: How are elephants and trees alike?\nA: They both have trunks!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call an exploding monkey?\nA: A baboom!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?\nA: Stuck!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a sleeping bull?\nA: A bulldozer!\n\n———-\n\nQ. How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?\nA. Put him in the front seat.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is the difference between a car and a bull?\nA: A car only has one horn.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?\nA: Do you want to grab a bite?\n\n———-\n\nQ: What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?\nA: Time to get a new bed!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where does a ten ton elephant sit?\nA: Anywhere it wants to!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What was the first animal in space?\nA: The cow that jumped over the moon!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you get when you plant a frog?\nA: A cr-oak tree.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is the quietest kind of a dog?\nA: A hush puppy.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How is a dog like a telephone?\nA: It has a collar I.D.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do cows wear bells?\nA: Because their horns don’t work.\n\n———-\n\nThere were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said “baaaa.” The first cow asked the second cow, “why did you say baaaa?” The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you stop an elephant from charging?\nA: Take away his credit card!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why do you bring fish to a party?\nA: Because it goes good with chips.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What would happen if pigs could fly?\nA: The price of bacon would go up.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?\nA: Take away his shovel!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the frog say when he heard “time flies when you are having fun?”\nA: Time is fun when you’re having flies!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?\nA: It gave a little wine!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?\nA: To hide in a bag of M&M’s.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you catch a squirrel?\nA: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where do fish keep their money?\nA: In a river bank!\n\n———-\n\nA duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did one cow say to the other?\nA: Mooooooove over!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What kind of cat should you never play games with?\nA: A cheetah!\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the turtle cross the road?\nA: To get to the shell station.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is black and white and red all over?\nA: A skunk with a rash.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?\nA: Five after one.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do whales eat?\nA: Fish and ships.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What part of a fish weighs the most?\nA: The scales.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?\nA: A tyrannosauraus wreck!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?\nA: The banana split!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?\nA: You can’t tuna fish.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?\nA: Anything you like, he can’t hear you.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?\nA: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?\nA: With flood lighting.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?\nA: With a cowculator.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?\nA: An udder failure.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the cow cross the road?\nA: Because the chicken was on vacation.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?\nA: As far away as possible.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the sardine call the submarine?\nA: A can of people.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What fish only swims at night?\nA: A starfish.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the elephant leave the circus?\nA: He was tired of working for peanuts.\n\n———-\n\nThere were two cows in a paddock. 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What size does your alligator wear?”\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?\nA: A woolen jumper!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?\nA: Glass flippers.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why was the mouse afraid of the water?\nA: Catfish\n\n———-\n\nQ: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?\nA: He felt funny.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?\nA: A phew.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?\nA: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you keep a skunk from smelling?\nA: Plug its nose.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?\nA: A mouse on vacation.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?\nA: Sir.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What’s black and white and red all over?\nA: A blushing zebra.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is a cow’s favorite place?\nA: The mooseum.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do fish take to stay healthy?\nA: Vitamin sea.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?\nA: Decalfinated!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a mad elephant?\nA: An earthquake.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?\nA: Peanut butter and jellyfish.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Where are sharks from?\nA: Finland.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish?\nA: A swordfish\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?\nA: He made an illegal ewe turn.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?\nA: A coat of arms.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What kind of dog always runs a fever?\nA: A hot dog!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?\nA: Bison!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.\nA: A cow on a skateboard.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why don’t bears wear shoes?\nA: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?\nA: A shampoodle!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old?\nA: 2 years old.\n\n———-\n\nCow: “Mooooove over!”\nSheep: “Naaaaaaa.”\n\n———-\n\nQ: How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?\nA: There are footprints in the butter.\n\n———-\n\nQ: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?\nA: Because his feet stink!\n\n———-\n\nQ: What’s a dog’s favorite food for breakfast?\nA: Pooched eggs.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you give a pig with a rash?\nA: Oinkment.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?\nA: Use a pen.\n\n———-\n\nQ: What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and green?\nA: Three skunks fighting over a pickle!\n\n———-\n\nFirst dog: My master calls me Furball. 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