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      "body": "Congratulations @blankcanvas86! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=blankcanvas86)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/use-your-witness-votes-and-get-the-community-badge\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTugCUsoXX762vg1CuHRrpnPbfnjPogp8iCGv7F2kSVuj/image.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/use-your-witness-votes-and-get-the-community-badge\">Use your witness votes and get the Community Badge</a></td></tr></table>\n\n> You can upvote this notification to help all Steem users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "body": "Congratulations @blankcanvas86! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_[Click here to view your Board](https://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/carnival/@steemitboard/carnival-2019\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/http://i.cubeupload.com/rltzHT.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/carnival/@steemitboard/carnival-2019\">Carnival Challenge - Collect badge and win 5 STEEM</a></td></tr></table>\n\n> You can upvote this notification to help all Steem users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "body": "Hello @blankcanvas86! This is a friendly reminder that you have 3000 Partiko Points unclaimed in your Partiko account!\n\nPartiko is a fast and beautiful mobile app for Steem, and it’s the most popular Steem mobile app out there! Download Partiko using the link below and login using SteemConnect to claim your 3000 Partiko points! You can easily convert them into Steem token!\n\nhttps://partiko.app/referral/partiko\n\n![](https://d1vof77qrk4l5q.cloudfront.net/statics/partiko-poster-best-steem-app-for-your-phone.jpg)",
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      "body": "I fully acknowledge that we all are dependent on each other. This actually is mental independence as it realizes this matter of fact. Once you know things depend on each other, you can reach inner freedom. As it breaks the illusion of having to carry life all on ones own shoulders. If one thinks that he on one side must control others constantly and on the other side that he doesn't want to owe anything to anyone, this creates the biggest mental chains as the efforts in this field of tension are way too big. \n\nTo let go of control and still care speaks of the trust you mentioned.",
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      "body": "Congratulations @blankcanvas86! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86/voted.png?201902020630</td><td>You received more than 1000 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 2000 upvotes.</td></tr>\n</table>\n\n<sub>_[Click here to view your Board](https://steemitboard.com/@blankcanvas86)_</sub>\n<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>\n\n\n\n> You can upvote this notification to help all Steemit users. Learn why [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "body": "I'd love to have you over for coffee (my specialty). My boy turned two in November, he spends most of the day either playing with cars or playing in the car or pointing at cars in the street. \n\nIndependence is a tricky concept. No one really is, like Americans say, an island upon himself. Humans thrived because we *could* depend on each other. I'd like to see that trust in fellow humans grow again. Maybe where you are from this is not a problem, but here in the town where I live you cannot plant flowers on the front of your house because they will be stolen over night. We do depend on each other to be whole. I think one can speak of independence when ideas and decisions are implied. Maybe this is the concept of being an adult?",
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      "body": "<center>\nI'd like to take you on a journey with me.</center>\n \n*Quiero llevarte de viaje conmigo*\n\n<center>\nThe gateway is the ear. The key is sound. The road is pulse.</center>\n\n*La puerta es el oído. La llave, el sonido. El pulso, el camino*\n\n\n<center>\nThe right way, no doubt, for those in pursuit of the answer.</center>\n\n*La vía correcta, sin duda, para quienes persiguen la respuesta*\n\n<center>\nThe eternal wail of the lonely heart, finding refuge in the arms of memory.</center>\n\n*El llanto perenne del corazón que está sólo, y halla consuelo en brazos del recuerdo*\n\n\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLA0vB9LCTM&t=118s\n\n\n<center>\nTo be enjoyed with closed eyes and a foolish heart // Para escuchar con los ojos cerrados y el corazón atento</center>",
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      "permlink": "re-blankcanvas86-re-erhgermany-success-20190201t143334596z",
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      "body": "Thank you very much. I can envision myself in your living space and eating a cookie and let this life pass through me. Having a young child is very time consuming. I can very well remember those waking hours and doing things which I felt were boring to me as I had to let go of my usual routines. It impresses me that you seem to be able to combine all those things. \n\nSeeing children grow up is a fascinating matter. My son is 14 and becomes more of a stranger to me now. On the other hand, there is this familiarity which cannot be reached with other humans. How old is your son?\n\nYes, being and feeling that one is ones own boss is priceless. From what I think this is easy with enough money in the bank and security in the back. It's not easy when circumstances are neither safe nor easy. But then the quality of independence comes to full fruition, doesn't it? Only, when the fine line between being independent touches what is called poverty on the brink of starvation and other life threats this inner independence gets destroyed very often. \n\nI wish you good waking hours.",
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      "title": "",
      "body": "As I read this it's seven thirty in the morning, I hold my son on my lap while he does the dance of waking up, one that started half an hour ago, and involves a lot of carrying and rocking to and fro. I'm at the computer because I've been taken out of bed too early and I need something to keep me busy or else I'll want to go back to bed. So I take the chance to check my emails, download the next batch of documents I have in store for translation and maybe, if my hands are free, do some little reviewing of whatever it is that I have written recently. \n\nThis is what my day looks like for the most part: I work while playing to my son while talking to my husband while minding a sick cat while enertaining family or friends at home while sweeping and listening to music, because it's all part of the same dance, which you have so joyfully described. \n\nSuccess is this for me: I see my son growing in front of my eyes every second of the day, I have one endless ongoing conversation with my husband throughout the dat about everything and nothing, I receive visitors and give them coffee and cookies if I can afford them that week, I make my living at home and decide on my own schedule, and yet my family and I lack nothing. \n\nI wish more and more people understood that they are their own bosses, whether or not they work freelance. \n\nGreat piece Erika :)",
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      "body": "Oh, good. I hope more men are going to read this. I wonder how he takes it in. But I am not asking.",
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      "body": "I have shared this with my husband for educational purposes. It's great to have the vision from someone who has walked down the sexual road and liked it. :)",
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      "title": "",
      "body": "Very interesting what you say. \nOh, my age. I am turning 49 this March. \n\nRight now I am busy and cannot answer in depth. Maybe I'll come back to you later. But this inspired me and I wrote an article about this topic:)",
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      "body": "Like your comment, ha, thanks!",
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      "body": "It makes a lot of sense, I feel the same way.\n\nI am currently in my thirties. I graduated from my twenties with the birth of my child. I have never felt protected by my husband, I am the provider of the house and honestly most of the time I behave like a single mom with two children, one thirty years older than the other. It is not fair to my husband that I treat him that way, but I do, is part of who I am: the I-can-do-it-myslef-just-fin-thank-you-very-much woman. Sometimes I do crave it (protection) and sometimes I do need to feel swept away from my own feed, I need a man to take charge. I have small infidelities in the shape of smiles and looks that say it all between other men and myself, speaking without words, but never touching, and this gives me huge sexual pleasure. \n\nI had my shots with real infidelity, and I didn't feel guilt either, but at one point I came clean to the man I was with and I had never seen such a rush of tears. It made me pity him and the thought of his reaction kept me forever onwards away from letting another man touch me. I even developed fear at thinking about other men, because I though he would find out somehow. I developed a terrible paranoid state for many years and only recently I came out of it.\n\nI wonder how old you are, because you sound so young. Like someone in her twenties with a soul in her fifties. It's very helpful to discuss these matters with sober and mature people. The women around me in the physical world would die before admitting they are sexually attracted to men other than their husbands, and some of them even to admit they experience sexual desire at all.",
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      "author": "sukhasanasister",
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      "body": "Magical indeed, as Erika already awed.\n![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPqDgQmVgx7cM8sy1p1nFAjHwDMkhcS7zdwZxxE2NoqoU/image.png).\nFor me there were instant resonances with the Fisher King, indeed, but also for that tooth, with Jason the Argonaut. Dragon teeth turn into an army of men: the ferocity of a lower nature or dormant will is transformed into a conscious (thinking) wise action. \nReading your writing, caped by its aura, I believe in the golden fleece (Higher Self) again: that enlightenment we can drape around our shoulders, sheltering the heart, off-setting the head, off to meet with Medea (in myth not the wicked witch of Euripides but the forces of astute conscious awaress that work best in a mellower tone of heart). \n*For more  on an (anthroposophical) reading of Greek mythology see [Leo Heirman](https://rscbookstore.com/collections/fifth-grade-curriculum/products/1109) (who really brings some of the myths renewedly alive and accessible to the modern mind, I found, without doing a Stephen Fry on them and using only a modern mind to decode them).*",
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      "body": "@@ -654,16 +654,18 @@\n rriage. \n+%0A%0A\n My first\n@@ -1378,17 +1378,18 @@\n Beno\n-it\n+%C3%AEte\n  Groul\n-e\n+t\n  did\n",
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      "body": "Jealousy is a rather immature emotion in man, I think. I am not free from it either. But this has not been a painful aspect of my life and will not be any more. We all feel that we are occasionally attracted to someone and it is probably the unknown that attracts us, the new thing about an encounter. An attractiveness that made me think about fidelity again and again at a young age. I must confess that without occasional infidelity I would not have lived out the sexual energy you speak of. I would have stayed with what seemed safe to me. In addition, I thought that no man would have a claim on me and felt stubborn resistance to engagement and marriage. My first long-term relationship was an experiment in living together and getting to know each other, but sexually I felt trapped. It was not until the 30s that I began to venture further forward and to explore and fathom my femininity better. It was a very exciting, albeit selfish time, if you will. I suspect that we modern people need much longer to mature. On the one hand, I am happy to have given in to my thirst for adventure and to meet a man who wanted to experience this adventure together with me. For this we paid a high price and we injured other people. The moral construct in which we live cannot be ignored. But at times I also thought that I could have affairs without having to feel guilty, like Benoit Groule did in her books. \n\nThe fact that you and your husband openly address these issues is of great value. We do the same and it helps us to stay authentic. I am amazed that you would have wanted to raise a child without your husband. This is very unusual because motherhood is initially also vulnerability and need for protection. At least that was the case for me. I wanted security. Only later did I question this need. \n\nWith everything I think, it is not a matter of pleasing someone, in the sense of complaisantly presenting oneself. It is, as I experienced, the unconditional acceptance of each other.  The dropping of all masks and reservations, the will to surrender oneself totally. To do this, women need men who are curious about the female sex and want to give them the greatest possible pleasure. To take them beyond the top of what they didn't know could be any further. I think a man must completely forget his own desires and turn to the woman in so far as he provides her with all the craftsmanship and orchestral talent he is capable of. Without this masculine virtuosity both will have no ecstatic moments and will always remain below their possibilities. \n\nI was never out to give pleasure to a man, but always assumed that my sexual pleasure must be sufficient for both. This has been confirmed and I have never experienced greater joy in being together between man and woman as with my present man. \n\nHis unselfishness finally brought him the greatest benefit in his sexual experience. By \"forgetting\" himself (his own needs), I could also forget myself. I admit that I see my female body more as an instrument that wants to be played skillfully than as a player. I am the receiver and by receiving unconditionally I give the greatest of myself. \n\nDoes that make sense to you? \n\nI hope you are going to uncage your sexual energy to the fullest.",
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      "body": "> I have always been opposed to monogamy because it seemed to me that this form fostered certain dependencies and had less to do with human than with sexual fidelity and vested interests.\n\nI agree completely. I sometimes discuss this subject with my husband, how I am open to understand that he feels sexually attracted to other women and hope he understands the same in me, we even discuss the possibility of bisexual attractions. However this is far from leaving the realm of theory among us, as I recognize very well whenever he feels jealous and consciously avoid situations that might cause this, because I know it hurts. I understand that jealousy can be translated into: \"I loathe this person because he/she is just as good as I am, but she does me better than I do myself\" like two different actors playing the same role. \n\nMy husband and I spoke of a girl he felt attracted to while I had just realized I was pregnant. He met this woman in social situations alone, while I was on a trip, and I knew there had been sparks between them but said nothing. I felt that he could go with her and leave me and I wouldn't mind, I actually felt like I could regain a lot of lost freedom, even with a baby coming. Not long ago, last year, we spoke about her and how it was obvious he liked her and she wasn't indifferent (plus, she had the MOST interesting name I have envountered in a female) and I doung her on facebook. God, she was gorgeous. And I hated her for it,  but that hate was for myself, because I didn't care enough about my looks to pose for beautiful pictures like she did, or fix my hair and smile more often. \n\nSo i fixed that, and I am no longer jealous, at least not of her. \n\nI'm looking for a long-caged female sexual energy within me, I'm trying to set it free.",
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      "title": "",
      "body": "Yes, the inner attitude always gives direction, I agree. \n\nOh, you still remember the book recommendations:) The book sounds interesting, a private history of home. I can imagine one could read a lot going through peoples homes.",
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      "title": "",
      "body": "@@ -1454,22 +1454,23 @@\n man who \n-father\n+conceiv\n ed a chi\n",
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      "body": "@@ -864,15 +864,11 @@\n  my \n-husb\n+m\n an\n-d\n  and\n",
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      "body": "The degree between sexual pleasure and pain is so fine that we often hardly know the difference. A phenomenon in my eyes. I think when you look at people doing sexual acts, it's obvious that their ecstatic facial expressions are barely distinguishable from those that feel physical pain. Or even more, you can feel it when you yourself experience orgasmic moments of great intensity. \n\nAs enlightened and free-spirited as I wanted to be and want to be, I also realize my imprint, which is clearly Christian. It is almost impossible to arm myself against it and I had moments in my life when I clearly felt that my judgment about sexual practices came from a source that I was ambivalent about.  For example, when it comes to monogamy. \n\nPerhaps I break it down to the truth I see behind it when I say that I bring trust into a relationship. A relationship between my husband and me must not be determined by emotional and financial dependence when fear is the dominant factor. I have recognised this in the course of my life, precisely because we have ethnic information from other peoples that are, for example, matrilineal. There are no spouses, but only men and women who are attracted to each other (sexually and emotionally), but where the pregnancy and raising of the children is not done by the fathers, but by the brothers or other male relatives of the women who give birth to children. This means that in case of separation of this man and this woman who fathered a child, nothing changes for the descendants because they remain in the motherhouse. A very intelligent form of being together, I think. To put it casually, it says: Everything can, nothing must. This form of society takes sexual instinct into account, just like the result of pregnancy. But it does not condemn people to remain in another sexual and emotional relationship forever. Relationships can last a lifetime or not. The men who enter into a relationship with the women are, so to speak, visitors in the mother houses, so we speak of a \"visiting marriage\". \n\nI have always been opposed to monogamy because it seemed to me that this form fostered certain dependencies and had less to do with human than with sexual fidelity and vested interests. \n\nNevertheless, I lived predominantly in monogamous relationships, because this corresponds to my Christian heritage and the morality of my society is clearly to be found on the side of conjugal fidelity. Having affairs is considered infamous and fraudulent. I cannot completely free myself from it. But I always ask myself: What is actually hurting there and what is being hurt? \n\nFuck is a really emotionally charged expression. It actually violates the moral feeling because it has become so connoted. \n\nFor me, the fact that we are so ashamed of our desires has clear civilizing influences: you shouldn't devour your food greedily, you shouldn't sexually expose yourself in public, etc. Here we find a lifelong conflict between the biological possibility of fertility, sexual highlights in the life of the sexes and the meanwhile predominantly rejected sexual commercialization of sex. \n\nWhen I was much younger, I was much more liberal and less moral than today. This is certainly an error in itself, in that I should not describe it as moral, but as a phase in my life when sexuality is rapidly losing its meaning and something else takes its place or should ideally take its place: Trust in oneself. \n\nMoreover, for me the sexual desire I once felt is now so distant that I can hardly comprehend it. The phase of experimentation, adventure and carelessness lie behind me. I have often heard that women of mature age rediscover their lust. I don't necessarily belong to them. But since I am still alive and hope to continue to do so for some time to come, it is not yet evening every day. \n\nYour approach to a topic now results in this long comment. You give valuable impulses to dedicate yourself intensively to a topic. As always, I like the background research and your food for thought.",
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