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      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-andikasmart-20191011t094730000z",
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      "body": "Congratulations @andikasmart! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@andikasmart/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@andikasmart) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=andikasmart)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/the-new-steemfest-badge-is-ready\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRUkELn2Fd13pWFkmWU2wBMMx39EBX5V3cHBEZ2d7f3Ve/image.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/the-new-steemfest-badge-is-ready\">The new SteemFest⁴  badge is ready</a></td></tr></table>\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "title": "The tribulations Men undergo just to be with 'that girl\"",
      "body": "There's this time I was dating this girl *I thought I was* Let's call her 'Miss' (name preserved to sooth my ego) We had met somewhere at a house party and we fell in love on sight. For the time we were together, it was epic and we knew we were going to get married. and start a family and raise our kids together. and be the lovers that everyone talked about and age together and hopefully die toothless together. *again I speak for myself \n\nThere's this day my roommate sent me to exile at 9pm (wanted to have sex with his girl in our room). It was on a Friday and I had no plans, in fact I was the latest version of broke at the time. We had a rule that every night exile had to be accompanied by some ksh 200 and there I was with an extra 40 ($0.4) bob. I called 'Miss' my angel and informed her that I was headed to her place for a sleep over and I was bringing some booze. I passed by some rooms in the hostel where I lived and hustled enough to buy a soda and kamzinga ya kibao(Cheap spirit). \n\nI got to her place and found her dressed up like she was going out but she hadn't mentioned it. So I assumed that she wanted to look good for me. I never really understood why she liked me though, maybe it was the little things I did and God was rewarding me. You know those little things like giving money to the homeless -that 3 bob that remains after withdrawing every cent from mpesa or because I was born on Christmas and God somehow favoured me. \n\nI kissed Miss and before I even engaged my buttocks to 'our' seats and changed to some shorts I kept there to allow easy movement of shuma (dick) and free myself from the borrowed jeans that was in protest with my already slim body, she announced that we were going out. I tried to send signals that my financial situation could not allow us to go out but she insisted that we were and that she would take care of things. I thanked God for sending Miss my way, I wouldn't have asked for more. \n\nSome minutes past 11, a cab picked us up and we headed to Westie with only 50 bob($0.5) in my pockets but I was not afraid for I was not alone. Got to changes and at first the bouncers did not like me and I had to talk myself in for about 15 minutes. Once inside I resulted to a hunt that led me to where she was with some 3 guys and another 2 chics. I bet they were waiting for one more chic for us to be all couples that's why they hadn't ordered any drinks yet. I looked at the guys, one by one, from head to toe and I felt naked. Guys looked like they were straight from the TV. I felt out of place but I had my girl. she wanted me to be there. \n\nThis was one of those moments where love literally takes you to places. We talked for some minutes then my girl sent me to  get her some airtime from the counter and she gave me some 100 bob. Like a little boy, I obliged and took me some minutes to get past the crowd of people and I came back with the airtime to find an empty table. I tried waving my hands with a smile so that they could spot me but it seemed everyone was now dancing. I looked everywhere for them, from table to table and even asked around but no one seemed to have seen my Miss or her friends. Her phone was off but I understood since we were out together. \n\nAfter I was sure that I had somehow lost them and all faces now looked familiar from the countless rounds I made, I went out. I had 55 bob ($0.55) and a 100($1) airtime card of  YU. the gods must have been angry with me on that day since I couldn't go back to my place, I couldn't find my 'wife' and no money to even buy me something to pass the night. I decided to go back to her place which was in the opposite direction from my hostel since I knew where we had hid the keys to her house. I walked for about an hour since I couldn't get a cab and there were no mats at that time of the night. I repented every sin I had to my name, prayed for everyone I owed money and all my Ex girlfriends mentioning each by name \n\nGot to her apartment and pleaded with the caretaker to let me in since I assumed he was my friend because I always smiled when I passed him. It took some time then he allowed me on condition that he was to make sure that I had the key and I couldn't leave before she came back. He accompanied me to her door where I searched for the key which we had hid a few hours ago but it wasn't there. I even asked him to help me break 'our' door but he instead kicked me out. He seemed to know more about our house that's why he didn't hesitate to kick me out. \"Hapa lazima tuhame kesho\" (You must be out of here by tomorrow) I threatened. \"si kwako ata\" (its not your place even) I cursed and insulted as I left. Back into the darkness again, tired and fed up. Miss's phone was still off so I decided to go back to my hostel room. At least there I had a bed and friends who would laugh but understand. \n\nAnother hour of walking and I was back in Westie, it was almost morning now and I decided to check one last time before I headed home. just in case I had missed them, or people had gone home and it would be easier to locate them. I did two rounds and checked every table and counter. No sight of them. It now dawned on me that nimecheswo! (been played)How and why I couldn't understand. My walk back to the hostel was a silent one, I had exhausted all prayers. I reflected on our life with Miss and what I may have done wrong but all answers seemed to be with her. I bought some mandazi from some woman who had opened early selling to some honda guys(motorbike guys). Pleaded with a few honda guys to take the 100 bob airtime and the 20 bob that remained after I had had enough mandazi but they all refused. I couldn't even afford a honda, tired and angry. \n\nBy the time I got to my room, it was already morning. I could see people going to hustle and some like myself headed back home after a long night, partying. Found my roommate and his girl leaving and I thanked God and said a short prayer. They asked me to fikisha them stage and I refused since I was even limping. Told them that 'nimeumia kwa taxi tulikuwa tumefinyana sana' and off they left. \n\nAlone in the house, I said the Lords prayer 5 times, 10 Hail Mary's and recited a few beatitudes and promised myself that no situation was permanent. All this would come to pass, and in His right time God would deliver 'Miss' in my arms either to take to the alter or to offer her as a burnt sacrifice for my revenge. I tried to sleep but I couldn't, the room was too hot, I even showered twice in one hour. \nAt around 9am her phone went through, I was confused on how to react. I felt guilty for not finding her. Maybe she thought I had ran away with her 100 bob. She picked and asked \"unataka?\" then she clicked and hung up. I remembered the unopened kibao and soda I took to her place and shed a tear and headed back to the bathroom for another shower.:(:(:(:(:(",
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      "body": "Again to my ex\nHow you doing since the last text\nI did write it to you with a lot of zest\nI just did it to at least see how you are fairing since that time we met in singles club fest\nTo sideline me you did your best\nSo I won't thumb ma chest\nDid tou find that special guy?\nForgive me but I just wonder whether they are just after sex\nTill now I still claim I love you I will write it even in a test\nBut hey in yeah life I still wish you the best\nBut your memories always do put me to tests\nMa life now so lonely seems I live in a solo tent\nMy emotions at times run high and weirder ma heart gets bent\nWith many gal I have tried to do with ma heart like bets\nBut they always treat me like beasts\nCan we put our egos again and try it one more last\nI have searched far and vast\nBut always end up in ma worst\nBut if again no more last chance\nCan we go to coast and have that last dance ?\nPlease,......?",
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      "permlink": "it-s-okay-not-to-be-okay-you-are-not-alone",
      "title": "It's Okay not to be Okay. You are not alone !",
      "body": "People assume you aren’t sick \nunless they see the sickness on your skin \nlike scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.\nMy heart is a prison of Have you tried?s \nHave you tried exercising? Have you tried eating better? \nHave you tried not being sad, not being sick? \nHave you tried being more like me? \nHave you tried shutting up?\nYes, I have tried. Yes, I am still trying, \nand yes, I am still sick.\nSometimes monsters are invisible, and \nsometimes demons attack you from the inside. \nJust because you cannot see the claws and the teeth \ndoes not mean they aren’t ripping through me. \nPain does not need to be seen to be felt.\nTelling me there is no problem \nwon’t solve the problem.\nThis is not how miracles are born.\nThis is not how sickness works.\"",
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