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      "title": "Valerian & The City of 1000 Planets - Review",
      "body": "<html>\n<p><img src=\"https://photos-images.active.com/file/3/1/original/c9/1e/c91e7fee-368c-48c1-a676-c314158821c7.jpg\" width=\"1382\" height=\"691\"/></p>\n<p><br></p>\n<p>From the moment I saw the trailer I was salivating for the movie to be released. &nbsp;I have always been a fan of Luc Besson's career. &nbsp;This is the man who made La Femme Nikita, The Professional, The Fifth Element, Taken and The Transporter. &nbsp;Movies that have not only captured our imaginations but become integrated into our culture. &nbsp;We wouldn't have the child assassin without The Professional or the professional get-away driver without The Transporter. &nbsp;</p>\n<p>However, Luc Besson is not a sure bet when it comes to making a good film. &nbsp;This is also the man responsible for Lucy, a craptastic film stuffed with enough psuedo-science to make a conspiracy theorist happy and every shitty sequel to the Transporter and Taken. &nbsp;His newest creation VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS is something to be avoided. &nbsp;</p>\n<p>I am not going to bore you with the plot because, frankly, it didn't really make a lot of sense. &nbsp;Something a planet that mistakenly got blown up in the middle of a war and now they need a hedgehog like creature in order to make power-pearls in order to power a holographic image inside of their escape space ship. &nbsp;</p>\n<p><img src=\"http://www.killboretime.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/WTF-meme.jpg\"/></p>\n<p>Yeah not a lot of sense made with that plot. &nbsp;Should have spent more time figuring out the plot and constructing the story and less time making shit look cool. &nbsp;Or, maybe all the writers of the film were just way too high the entire time they were writing it. &nbsp;</p>\n<p>So, then there is the characters. &nbsp;Our extremely annoying, leading male whom the movie is named after, Valerian.</p>\n<p><img src=\"https://resizing.flixster.com/5PcWzvPAcU3o6VdQRLgdYb9PpuI=/300x300/v1.bjsxMTYwMzkxO2o7MTc0Mjg7MTIwMDs0MjQwOzIzODU\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\"/></p>\n<p>He literally sounded like Keanu Reeves as Ted from Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Adventure.</p>\n<p><img src=\"https://hsto.org/getpro/habr/comment_images/ce9/985/284/ce99852848d3920985592cb27d8b3f85.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\"/></p>\n<p>Yeah, that guy.</p>\n<p>I know that Luc Besson wanted Valerian to be charming and dashing and heroic. &nbsp;I know this because all the characters said it all the fucking time. &nbsp;In fact, it seems that for this movie Besson decided that whole 'show, don't tell' motto for writers needed to be flipped around. &nbsp;In this movie, the motto was 'tell, don't show.' &nbsp;</p>\n<p>Barely, even into the film Valerian flippantly proposes to Laureline. &nbsp;It was so flippant I thought it was a joke, but nope he was serious enough to keep bugging her about it the whole film. &nbsp;Never mind that he is such an oversexed male that he has a hard time keeping it in his pants when Rihanna does the most G rated of strip teases ever. &nbsp;Never mind that Valerian doesn't bother to prepare for anything and pretty much has to keep getting rescued by Laureline. &nbsp;Oh, and he is such a rebellious rule breaker that he has to be talked out of following the rules at the end by Laureline. &nbsp;Honestly, just talking about this character is annoying. &nbsp;He is flat, contradictory and idiotic. &nbsp;Most of the movie I was hoping he would die.&nbsp;</p>\n<p><img src=\"http://content.internetvideoarchive.com/content/photos/9751/339764_015.jpg\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\"/></p>\n<p>Laureline is halfway decent character but only because she doesn't have to say any of the really shitty dialogue the writers filled this film up with. &nbsp;Half the dialogue she is given is her screaming for Valerian. &nbsp;She is supposed to be a bad ass super smart heroine. &nbsp;I guess that is why she is dressed up in a wedding dress for a alien species to eat her brains? 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