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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-alexandraparry-20190810t095518000z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "Congratulations @alexandraparry! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@alexandraparry/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@alexandraparry) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=alexandraparry)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Congratulations @alexandraparry! You have received a personal award!\n\n[![](https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@alexandraparry/birthday1.png)](http://steemitboard.com/@alexandraparry)  Happy Birthday - 1 Year on Steemit Happy Birthday - 1 Year on Steemit\nClick on the badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.\n\nFor more information about this award, click [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/steemitboard-update-8-happy-birthday)\n> By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how [here](https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/http-i-cubeupload-com-7ciqeo-png)!",
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      "body": "Beautiful Alex.\n\nJust a quick tip on Steemit. On the home page you will see a list of tags on the right of the page. When I make a post, I check those tags first before posting as one or more of them (and they are popular) may be relevant to my post. Then I add 5 tags, your post only seems to have 1. \nAlso, try adding an image. You cannot directly upload an image,  so you will have to use on that is hosted on the internet already. Just right click on the image and copy link location and post.\n\nBlessed!",
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      "body": "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I don’t really know when it exactly happened, but somewhere in between our intense eye contact and wiping my tears away as my walls came down that I spent years crafting, I crashed into you fully and never looked back.\n\nMy heart was unguarded, and I gave you all of me. We didn’t just hang out. We played. Our souls were alive – we were like two little kids again seeing the world for the first time – being with you multiplied all the good in life and changed me forever.\n\nBut our minds were another story.\n\nWe were complicated people, you and I. We weren’t simple. Our minds were analytical and imaginative and we thought about everything. A lot. We ended up making every situation in our life about 100x more difficult than it had to be.\n\nWe argued a lot. I fought with you at inopportune times, but my anger was fueled by my passion and emotions for you. I cared. I loved you. I loved all of you. I loved that I was the only one you showed certain parts of yourself to, you gave me all of you.\n\nI wiped your tears as you spoke about your family, there’s nothing in this world I loved more than holding your hand and whispering words of reassurance in your ear, because I knew you weren’t broken, you were just bent. And I loved all your edges, all your roughness. Your imperfections were perfect to me.\n\nI challenged you because I loved you.\n\nI confronted you a lot. I’m not the type of girl who nods and laughs and is always comfortable, I wasn’t easy — as in, I didn’t just “go with the flow.” But that’s because I craved more from you – I had opinions and big dreams for the future, I wanted the best for you. I never put up with not getting everything I deserved.\n\nI never let you get away with slacking on your talents or putting in effort towards our relationship because I knew what we had. And you were never left uninspired or unsatisfied.\n\n \nYou broke my heart.\n\nNot too long into our magic, things started to turn. The fireworks combusted, leaving us burned and confused. We wanted it so badly that we thought there was a logical solution to working out our differences. But there wasn’t.\n\nThe truth is, you just weren’t ready. Your past, your demons, whatever the reason was, you started to push me away. You loved me in a way I have never been loved but you still weren’t ready. And that was the hardest thing to accept.\n\nI knew I had to let go. Because you never ever have to convince or inspire someone to do the work to be ready.\n\nThere are many things I never thanked you for.\n\nI thought I couldn’t live without you, but my heart is finally starting to beat again. You broke my heart open and new light got in, you made me so desperate and out of control that I had to transform my life, and I did.\n\nI thought I would grow old with you, but sometimes, life has other plans. That doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you. When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely be there.\n\nI had so much anger and pain, it was gnawing away at me, slowly destroying me. But then I realized that our love wasn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, it was the kind of love that gave me new life, that taught me much more than a happily ever after ever could. And I don’t regret a second of it.",
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      "body": "You died.\n\nIt’s taken me four months to say those words and even now it’s just breathtaking to admit it.\n\nI walked to your stable before you left, left to be made better, I saw you in your agony, sweat and tears, your head hanging into your knees begging us to make it better. So we did, or so we thought.\n\nInto the box you staggered all believing, loving and hoping that you’d be back in no time, as always, into your bravado and home. But it wasn’t to be and the box came home empty.\n\nIt’s months later; your ashes are planted and life grows around you but every day, EVERY day Huffy, I walk up to the stables and I see your face, hear your voice and see your face. It seems impossible that moments are just that, moments.\n\nIn retrospect you told me days before this - my camera tells me so - every day you reminded me to see you, be with you, love you. As if we could ever do anything other than love you. Thank you for making me aware.\n\nI don’t understand life and I surely don’t understand why we fought so hard to meet you only to have you taken away so soon but I do know this, you will remain perfect (well done you) and immortalised in memories far beyond your imagination.\n\nI don’t know what I gave you to, if anything, but what you did was awake my soul and you, my brightest boy, will live forever in it.",
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      "body": "“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl -\n\nWhen I look back on 2015, the more I read, listen, learn, watch and experience, the more I’m immeasurably grateful for the trip and fall that I took this year, the fall down, the staying down, that made me take stock. Take stock of me - who I’d created - and who I really was. As Brene Brown says in Daring Greatly ‘What we know matters but who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen’. In the absence of any other coping skills I started to allow myself to be seen, mostly by myself.\n\nThe falling down necessitated asking for help which is about as appealing as gargling with cut glass but I realised I was in trouble. A friend of mine once said, the only time we change is when where we are is more scary than the change to where we want to go, and where I was, was no place to stay. So I turned to a friend who immediately assured me that I wasn’t the only person who was feeling what I was feeling - whilst I appreciated that my demise into what felt like dementia wasn’t a lone dive I also assured that company was not what I was looking for - I needed answers, I needed to get back up, I needed an acton plan.\n\nI wish I could say that, no sooner had that cry for help been heard, I was back up and running again but I can’t say that. I kept reading all these poems about people leaving but not one about how I convinced myself to stay the course. I know what you want to hear, that I slayed the dragon, swallowed my demons and laughed in the face of my nightmares to live happily ever after - but the truth is much more ordinary.\n\nThe truth is somedays I breathed through the pain and others I wrestled, in anger and despair.\n\nA friend who experienced much loss and sadness in her life shared with me how - during her worst moments - she knew who the real people were in her life, it was those who keep showing up - time and again - even when it’s inconvenient, even when they have enormous hurdles in their own lives, even when they are time bankrupt and battling their own demons. It’s those people who are your tribe and here's the kicker, it’s never the people you think it’s going to be.\n\nThe people who walked into my life, unexpectedly and those who have continued to show up, quietly and resolutely, continuously opening the door for me to see myself differently; to see myself through your eyes - through kind, generous, wise, loving eyes. It’s to you I’m writing this; those with the wicked sense of humour, those who make me blush and smile all at the same, those who keep silly hours and stupid jokes, those friends - old and new - who just loved me, even if they didn’t know how broken I was feeling, those people who can laugh and cry with me, who I call (or voice note) random mumblings and who listen - always - even if it’s just for nine seconds. 2015 knocked me down but it sure as hell didn’t keep me down. \"It seems backwards but sometimes you have to destroy the most important thing in your life to be who it is you’re supposed to be: gold, warm, alive.\" Anaïs Escobar Mathers.",
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