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      "permlink": "steemitboard-notify-absurdistani-20190622t175529000z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "Congratulations @absurdistani! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@absurdistani/birthday1.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@absurdistani) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=absurdistani)_</sub>\n\n\n**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**\n<table><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/the-steem-community-has-lost-an-epic-member-farewell-woflhart\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQWnM36SWCPGn98nY83M1ArgweMz5fnovQEp2E4FiDdug/Wolfhart_header.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemitboard/@steemitboard/the-steem-community-has-lost-an-epic-member-farewell-woflhart\">The Steem community has lost an epic member! Farewell @woflhart!</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemtoolbar/@steemitboard/steemtoolbar-update-display-bug-fixed\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/http://i.cubeupload.com/7CiQEO.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steemtoolbar/@steemitboard/steemtoolbar-update-display-bug-fixed\">SteemitBoard - Witness Update</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steem/@steemitboard/do-not-miss-the-coming-rocky-mountain-steem-meetup-and-get-a-new-community-badge\"><img src=\"https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUphCGZFWgt6bJ1XTtunV7esnwy6bxnGqcLcHAV3NEqnQ/meetup-rocky-mountain.png\"></a></td><td><a href=\"https://steemit.com/steem/@steemitboard/do-not-miss-the-coming-rocky-mountain-steem-meetup-and-get-a-new-community-badge\">Do not miss the coming Rocky Mountain Steem Meetup and get a new community badge!</a></td></tr></table>\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "I am just a guy. I am a guy who is in a room. Being. I focus my thoughts on my breathing. My mind strays. What did I tell to that coworker? Why did I say that? Fuck. I refocus to my breathing. I breathe in and out. I am not counting. I am not allowing myself to stray from the focus on breath. The refocus isn't so much a thought. It is an action. In the moment, it has no purpose at all. I simply do it. There is no more or less to the action of focusing the mind on breath. It is simply what I am doing. I am being. I am in the moment. My thoughts go back to a childhood memory. There is the sound of crashing, a roar of wind louder than anything I had heard before. My sister is yelling. My older brother rolls over pretending to be asleep. My sister sounds panicked. I hear her opening windows and yelling for us to get up. Refocus. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. All other thoughts fade away. I am back in the moment. There is no me. There is breath. I am in the moment. A thought about a recurring dream. A bright light is coming in the window. The sound of a helicopter. I am\nweightless and unable to move. I float down the hall. I panic. I am unable to move. Unable to speak. Unable to scream. I am at the top of the stairs. There is a feeling of vertigo and a lurch of movement like the crest of roller coaster or a small hill at speed in a car, but it lasts much longer. I am floating down the stairs and out the door. Refocus. No more thought. Just breath. I am not me. I am a guy in a room, being, breathing. I am in the moment. In. Out. In. Out. What should I eat when I finish this exercise? Stop. Refocus. In. Out.\n\nI awake. I rise. I pull on some clothes. I walk out the door, and down to the exercise room. I turn on the elliptical. I put my headphones on. I turn on some music. I run. I come home. Shower. Water is nice. I pull an orange out of the fridge. I brew some coffee. While the coffee is brewing I eat the orange, and I drink some water. I think about the texture and taste of the orange. It's sweet, juicy. It's quite an enjoyable sensation. The coffee is done brewing so I pour my cup. Add a little sugar, just a little cream. I sip. Delicious balance of sweet and bitter.\n\nI sit down on the floor in the middle of the living room of my apartment. I bring my attention to my breath. I breathe in. I breathe out. I am not me. I am a guy, in a room, being. Again more thoughts try to arise. Again, I kill them. I kill me. I am not me. I am a guy being. I breathe. There are no thoughts. Continue for months.\n\nSomething happens when you do something like this long enough. You begin to analyze your thoughts, and you realize that the thoughts are not yours. You do not summon them. They arise. Whether they are memories of events in youth, a\nmemory of a dream, a memory of work, a thought about trivial future events, the thoughts are not actually yours. You did not choose to think them. They happened to you. Where do they come from? Some hidden place in the mind? Perhaps the subconscious? There is some animal part of the body that attempts to make you focus on things that the body feels are important. A silent servant who is directing your actions. Interesting. How much of me is me? How much is\nthe silent servant? I am an amalgam. In silence, and without thought, this beast is tamed. I begin to be able to direct thought after a period of simply being. I begin to be able to prolong the state of control and mastery of self. I begin to become me after gaining the ability to not be me. I am not the person I was before the exercise. I am someone different. I am something different. I have become sentient. No longer am I merely conscious and out of control.\n\nI have the ability to direct my action. I have the ability to live what I believe and to do so deliberately. I analyze my thoughts. I analyze my beliefs. I find inconsistency. I eliminate that inconsistency after a determination of truth, intention, effect.\n\nI breathe in. I breathe out. I am no one. I am nothing. I am all things. I am in the moment. I am the moment. All things are individual, but all things are connected by cause and by consequence. I breathe in. I breathe out. I have no thoughts. I breathe in. I breathe out. I am a guy in a room, being.\n\n<i>this was initially posted at absurd.wtf, but I changed that blog to be just tech stuff</i>",
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      "body": "Sometimes, the things we do and the things in which we believe are shocking. Often enough, we normalize even the strangest of things, even the most ghastly of things, the most repulsive of things. We don't do it because we're monsters. We do it because we live in a society, a pack, a tribe, and what the tribe does, we do. More often than not, the power of socialization is stronger than the courage of our convictions. We will fold, we will moderate our views, and we will tend toward the center. The fear of ostracism and/or conflict is enough to push us, ever so momentarily, within the conversation. The longer we hold a belief, the more sure of it we become, the more comfortable with it we become, the more likely we then are to be willing to say: fuck you and fuck your society too.\n\nWithin the USA, children are indoctrinated into a statist religion that we so euphamistically call \"patriotism\". They are taught to stand when the national anthem plays, they are told to put their hands over their hearts and swear their allegiance to the state. The flag is shown everywhere possible in the USA to remind us that we are \"Americans\". At the beginning of every major sporting event we repeat this ritual of standing for anthem and holding our hands over our hearts in reverence to our god, the state.\n\nLike every religion that's been around long enough, there are those who serve god, and those individuals are \"above\" the rest of us. The military, the police, the public school teachers, the congress people, the POTUS, the SCOTUS, etc... all of these people are special and above us. The police and the military make \"sacrifices\" and \"risk their lives\" for us and for our \"freedoms\". Of course, the police and the military are paid. The police can and does confiscate our property in \"asset forfeiture\" and they enjoy their status among us. Police officers, service men and women, and school teachers can breach the public trust, commit atrocities and abuses so grievous that any company having committed them would have been shut down, and they will get paid leave. Why? Because the servants of god cannot be castigated or suffer any obloquy. Were they to, the entirety of the state apparatus may be cast in negative light. That might shake people's faith in their god.\n\nWe likewise normalize abuse in our personal lives, and some celebrate it. Being beaten by parents? Well, that \"made me the person I am\" and some even claim to be thankful. They call it discipline. It's just abuse. Any child cannot be held more accountable for his/her actions than an adult, and were you to beat an adult we call that assault, and we prosecute people for it.\n\nTo be on the outside of one's society and to reject normalization of immorality... it leaves a person alone. So very, very alone. It's a shit way to live. Yet, having adopted views that I know to be true, I cannot make myself conform to the level required to be \"normal\". I reject the theology of the state. I reject any normalization of actions that violate the freedom and self-ownership of another person. I can no more separate these convictions from myself than I could my own heart.\n\nOddly, even among \"my own kind of people,\" I am often the lonely voice saying something to which others would object. To an ancap, I am some kind of liberal idiot, because I believe that we should accept people on their own terms; they do, after all, own themselves and therefore have the right to define themselves as they so choose. It would seem, however, that this view isn't shared by all. To an ancom, I am some oppressive monster because I cannot agree with violating the property rights of other people. To any mainstream political movement, well... 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Nope (while I disagree with hate speech legislation because I disagree with legalism, #KillAllWhiteMen isn't hate speech but \"kill all anything else\" is\" showing another dichotomy {yes, I understand the beliefs of intersectionality and privilege/power matrices, doesn't change the hypocrisy}). The insane things people can hold in their minds as true simultaneously is astonishing. Yet, this enforcement is due to the social pressure to conform. It's because we are pushed into the Overton Window lest we suffer the fate of becoming ejecta.\n\nThe idea of government, nationhood, race, gender, etc... these only exist in the mind, and yet is precisely these things that cause the most trouble... the things that aren't real at all. Humans are individuals. Humans are not part of any grouping other than human. Abstract ideas and groupings that humans are create are meant to be descriptive and allow communication not to be prescriptive and cause stratification.",
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      "body": "I think we would have a very large disagreement on what free will is. I call what people commonly refer to as \"free will\" volition. Most acts that I do on the day to day and even most thoughts I have are not of my choosing. Most people are on auto-pilot much of the time. It takes a severe amount of discipline to remain truly aware and volitive for the majority of one's time. This is, indeed, what a lot of meditation is all about. Gaining and remaining in control, to remain mindful and aware of one's self, one's thoughts, one's emotions, and in turn one's actions. For those who suffer something like an impulsive disorder or borderline disorder, meditation is actually the main treatment prescribed for this reason.\n\nI suppose what I am saying is that most of the time most people do not have \"free will\" if you mean that \"free will\" is some magical thing that makes people completely non-deterministic. The thing is, that doesn't matter. The illusion of free-will is so good it is largely irrelevant that it doesn't exist. As for whether or not we can overcome our own minds, I believe that we can. As to whether or not external stimuli and mind-control are good ideas: absolutely not. Even if they might help those who suffer, those same tools will be used by tyrants all over the world. Imagine what the CIA or KGB would do with that sort of technology.",
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      "body": "Very beautiful. One day, I would love to visit Turkey myself... until then photos like these will continue to inspire my daydreams.",
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      "body": "Morning\n\n![morning.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmapzu34v6nufxYVNa5aAgYWWZT1woF2ta5WYTJdhDJYWA/morning.jpg)\n\nLaughter is beauty\n\n![laughter_is_beauty.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUykyqVmiYF9F9ou7HRRx27amsGU5jfGaaLh1Bkr67fsY/laughter_is_beauty.jpg)\n\nPreparing to see\n\n![prep_to_see.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmVzqc29J7697QAykgFADVsqX6QHdMF8UuyBvhwdY61hQj/prep_to_see.jpg)\n\nModern man\n\n![modern_man.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmQ1a5GCKzcexbpN4rwhiDi4GNhNEKBE6vXGeR794CtHBY/modern_man.png)\n\nRanting\n\n![ranting.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTVUDXqCAuLRBCL8U33PtgmtKCxm7NbhGhSV91caHX4Tj/ranting.jpg)",
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