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| comment | | "parent_author":"",<br>"parent_permlink":"art",<br>"author":"whatspal",<br>"permlink":"ialmostmissedmydaughtersfirstsummer-xsxl24s2io",<br>"title":"I Almost Missed My Daughter\u2019s First Summer",<br>"body":"<figure id=\"925a\" class=\"graf graf--figure graf-after--h3\"><div class=\"aspectRatioPlaceholder is-locked\"><img class=\"graf-image\" src=\"http:\/\/selfscroll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/i-almost-missed-my-daughters-first-summer.jpg\" \/><br><\/div><figcaption class=\"imageCaption\">Photo by <a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/@tombutler?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral\" class=\"markup--anchor markup--figure-anchor\" rel=\"photo-creator nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Tom Butler<\/a> on\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral\" class=\"markup--anchor markup--figure-anchor\" rel=\"photo-source nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Unsplash<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><p id=\"562e\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--figure\">I almost missed my daughter\u2019s first summer. I mean,<br> I was with her\u200a\u2014\u200aas in,<br> at home together\u200a\u2014\u200abut somehow in my cloak of attentiveness,<br> preoccupied with feedings and changings,<br> tummy time and well-child charts,<br> I failed to notice summer.<\/p><p id=\"9cbb\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">I orbited around her as a planet does the sun,<br> perfunctorily providing all the necessary elements to ensure her timely development. I planned our days in increments of fluid-ounce intake and sleep solstices. I plotted our weeks in growth-curves and projected progress-revolutions.<\/p><p id=\"b206\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">My self-esteem hinged upon how my daughter\u2019s advancement compared with the illustrated babies depicted in <a href=\"http:\/\/www.whattoexpect.com\/what-to-expect-when-you-re-expecting-bookstore\/\" class=\"markup--anchor markup--p-anchor\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">The Books<\/a>,<br> several of which I consulted daily. I read about sensory-stimulation,<br> sensitive learning periods,<br> invisible sunburns (when UVA rays damage the skin at a cellular level that remains undetectable until decades later where it <a href=\"http:\/\/www.skincancer.org\/prevention\/uva-and-uvb\" class=\"markup--anchor markup--p-anchor\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">appears as deadly melanoma<\/a>),<br> and mosquito-borne viruses.<\/p><p id=\"50cb\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">I made shape-mazes and texture-tunnels to trigger the appropriate cognitive areas in her developing brain. I shunned toxic sunscreen (equally bad as melanoma) and lethal bug spray. I shaded the windows in her bedroom to block out the bright sunlight,<br> which The Books said interfered with circadian cycles. I kept our house buttoned up against particulate pollutants,<br> setting the thermostat at the recommended 75 degrees,<br> regardless of the outside temperature (or air-conditioning bill).<\/p><p id=\"3025\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">By early July,<br> I was burned-out,<br> anxious,<br> and exhausted from straining against the rhythm of the natural world. My daughter gained,<br> grew,<br> and moved as predicted,<br> but barely napped and seemed restless. I longed for a reprieve but worried any lapse in assiduousness would result in her not reaching her full potential. My mind played a nervous thought loop: <em class=\"markup--em markup--p-em\">Babies are impressionable and malleable and dependent and my daughter needs me. I must be on guard to protect her,<br> nurture her,<br> show her. I must be everything,<br> know everything,<br> control everything\u2026<\/em><\/p><p id=\"9047\" class=\"graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote graf-after--p\">\u201cRelax,<br>\u201d said my mother when I asked her advice. \u201cEnjoy your summer.\u201d<\/p><p id=\"a5ed\" class=\"graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote graf-after--p\">\u201cSummer? Really?!\u201d I balked. \u201cI have a baby!\u201d<\/p><p id=\"c4e8\" class=\"graf graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote graf-after--p\">\u201cThe two are not mutually exclusive,<br>\u201d she said. \u201cEnjoy summer <em class=\"markup--em markup--p-em\">with<\/em> her.\u201d<\/p><p id=\"057c\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">Tired of the nagging fear of inadequacy that The Books gave me and desperate to silence the voice saying,<br> <em class=\"markup--em markup--p-em\">you should be doing more,<br> you giant failure<\/em>,<br> I took my mom\u2019s advice and,<br> with my daughter in tow,<br> stepped barefoot into summer.<\/p><p id=\"9abc\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">* * *<\/p><p id=\"dba4\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">The air outside surrounds us,<br> sweet and heavy,<br> and my daughter breathes a thick sigh. We venture down to the pond by our house,<br> escorted by a cadence of crickets and frogs hidden in the feathery reeds. We crouch amidst these noisemakers,<br> my daughter\u2019s eyes wide,<br> her head cocked,<br> listening. We brush our hands over the tops of the dry grass. Gone to seed,<br> it feels at once sharp and soft.<\/p><p id=\"ac6d\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">The pond entices my daughter with its filmy stillness,<br> a dark reflection of her and me,<br> until she splashes through the wet surface and chortles in surprise. I hold her baby hands,<br> wadded in concentration,<br> as she dips a curved foot into the pond\u2019s mucky bottom. She reaches for the dripping mud,<br> wanting to feel its slow fluidity with her mouth\u200a\u2014\u200amore sensory stimulation than she\u2019s ever encountered inside our stuffy,<br> climate-controlled house.<\/p><p id=\"3173\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">By the time we head in,<br> we\u2019re both flushed and sweaty. My daughter is nearly asleep in my arms and I am calm and utterly refreshed. I lay her down on the end of the couch instead of the sleep-sanctioned bed,<br> confident she\u2019ll nap,<br> and I set out to do what I had decided at the pond.<\/p><p id=\"76e4\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p\">Room to room I go,<br> collecting The Books from my various reading stashes. Then,<br> my arms laden with pages of doubt,<br> chapters of worry,<br> and volumes of second-guessing,<br> I take the stack of books out to the garage and dump them in the garbage.<\/p><p id=\"bfb4\" class=\"graf graf--p graf-after--p graf--trailing\">Back inside,<br> the house is oppressive and quiet,<br> so I open all the windows and air out my soul.<\/p><br \/><center><hr\/><em>Posted from my blog with <a href='https:\/\/wordpress.org\/plugins\/steempress\/'>SteemPress<\/a> : https:\/\/selfscroll.com\/i-almost-missed-my-daughters-first-summer\/<\/em><hr\/><\/center>",<br>"json_metadata":" \"community\":\"steempress\",<br>\"app\":\"steempress\/1.3\",<br>\"image\":[\"\" ,<br>\"tags\":[\"art\",<br>\"babies-babiesbabies\",<br>\"mother-nature\",<br>\"nature\",<br>\"summer\" ,<br>\"original_link\":\"https:\/\/selfscroll.com\/i-almost-missed-my-daughters-first-summer\/\" " | | comment_options | "author":"whatspal",
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