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| comment | | "parent_author":"",<br>"parent_permlink":"love",<br>"author":"devilinlimbo",<br>"permlink":"internet-crushes-and-nihilism",<br>"title":"Part I | Internet Crushes & Nihilism",<br>"body":"<html>\n<p><img src=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/everipedia-storage\/NewlinkFiles\/3355\/d46b2249-c\/Angel%20By%20The%20Balcony.jpg\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1246\"\/><\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p>I have an online crush on a girl. Just one. In these times of public information and people choosing to have privacy,<br> I will only write about why I think she\u2019s cool and not reveal who she is. The cool thing about her is that she is indeed too cool for school to date me. I would have to be the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/lou-reed\/\">Lou Reed<\/a> of a formidable post punk band. Thing is,<br> I am bursting with more sexual energy than Lou Reed ever lived for - so fuck that. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nThe first time I saw her was on my instagram search feed. Her posts would somehow continue to appear at the very top among hundreds in the instagram universe. I never searched for anything in particular,<br> but her posts caught my attention. As I entered her profile,<br> and I saw her I just kept thinking \u201cwow,<br> this woman is so fucking gorgeous\u201d. My first impulse was to message her and tell her exactly that - and she actually responded. My heart was beaming,<br> and I chose to follow her. On her instagram she doesn\u2019t post herself in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/sam.hunter.sd\/\">workout clothes<\/a>; she doesn\u2019t do<a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/amyhazel92\/\"> pole dancing<\/a>; does not travel the world with five other women sponsored by some <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/allycourtnall\/\">clothing line<\/a>; she is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/stefania_model\/\">not<\/a> a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/angiemilano\/\">model<\/a>; she is not a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/caradelevingne\/\">famous person<\/a>; she is not spreading some kind of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/gabrielamarguerite\/\">gospel<\/a>; she doesn\u2019t have a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/stephanie_sarley\/\">particular theme<\/a>; and to my taste,<br> clearly,<br> she is by far one of the coolest girls I\u2019ve ever seen on the site. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nHer posts have passion behind them. She posts things like her favorite records; poetry; ideas about the world through her lens; her meditation practice; and encouraging memes for those who struggle and have gone through heartache\u2026 The other thing I enjoy most is her voice in her videos,<br> and her sexy lips. I even asked my friend who is one of the most baller plastic surgeons in Los Angeles if she had something done to her lips - he said yes,<br> but I am not entirely sure I believe him. All I know is that I am very attracted to her - I love her eyebrows,<br> her lips,<br> and her smile.<\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p> <img src=\"http:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_lz5ua33Bor1r4ghkoo1_500.gif\" width=\"480\" height=\"312\"\/><\/p>\n<p>She seems like a healthy human being. Her personality is all there,<br> her IG is like a scrapbook of her intimate views about the world,<br> and what\u2019s beautiful is how she uses IG as a way to transmit personal ideas about her everyday life into something fascinating that her closest friends,<br> and creeps like me,<br> would appreciate. After a few messages,<br> I discovered that she is really close friends with another woman who is a friend of mine. Our mutual friend is a beautiful woman who is a baller in the vintage clothing business in Los Angeles - she is a person I have immense respect for. We would spend lovely time together: she would roll up her cute joints,<br> one after another,<br> and smoke me out. She would play songs for me. We would listen to each other and there were moments I opened my heart to her about the concerns I have for myself in this world. She would give me amazing advice about love,<br> money,<br> career,<br> and such. She encourages me in ways that other people don\u2019t have the heart for. And I loved kissing her,<br> and telling her how beautiful she is. She was my valentine this year. She\u2019s like this witchy girl that conjured me years ago when we worked together on a project. We almost dated and had sexual tension,<br> but we chose it was better to stay friends - and grow rather than experience the resentment that comes with a tainted relationship. My crush is her friend. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nThere is a line I crossed by essentially hitting on her friend without consulting my friend first,<br> and it made me nervous because I felt like such a creep as I had never met her friend in person. At the same time,<br> it confirmed what these women were thinking about me: that I was delusional. Delusional in that it would\u2019ve been easier to ask my friend if I can meet my crush and instead I chose to remove myself from the possibility of a real connection,<br> and construct the virtual. Delusional is what I am when I jagh,<br> when I want to fuck a girl I really like and I realize it will never happen so I try to fuck her in my mind,<br> in the same way people jagh to their virtual fantasies each day. The daydreams and thoughts that escape throughout the day like semen. Desires have a tendency to furnish what reality is not,<br> it can be dangerous constructing thought patterns based on pure fantasies. Not to get <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Jacques_Lacan\/\">Lacanian<\/a>,<br> but I know of my own fantasies and how to jagh to them properly. I am aware all this,<br> and always realizing on a cosmic level how we\u2019re all connected,<br> even if it\u2019s through the internet and shit. I am present. I am here. I know that crossing the line and writing to her is a risk of my reputation for the person of fine integrity that I am and possess,<br> and am becoming. I fucking obstructed the life of another human being that I\u2019ve never met in person by sending her a message saying how hot they are,<br> like a true <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/SCUM_Manifesto\/\">scum<\/a>. I wrote to her that she was beautiful,<br> and she accepted the compliment. The only thing,<br> and here I am a my most sincere,<br> is that not once have I jaghed to her IG,<br> or even in a sexual fantasy in my mind. If this were the nineties I think we would\u2019ve met somehow,<br> and after meeting her and taking her out and getting cucked by not being invited upstairs at the end of the night - picture me jaghing to her pretty face.<\/p>\n<p> <br>\nI don\u2019t actually fantasize about my crush. I believe in her,<br> and that she\u2019s a bright human being. I don\u2019t think about fucking her. I don\u2019t vulgarize her in my mind. I think good thoughts about her. I identify with her,<br> and her mind. I am a true sapiosexual in this sense. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Division_Day\/#lg=1&slide=0\">I want her blood inside my head<\/a>. She appears to bring joy and love to her close friends,<br> and for that I have mad respect for her. She has actually inspired me not think about how I am a cuck,<br> but to actually work hard at whatever it is that I do. She inspires me to keep pimping. If I am to meet this girl someday,<br> it\u2019s just going to be really chill. No desires. No bullshit. Just simply connect on a human level. Learn from her. I have nothing but the best of thoughts. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nI won\u2019t be making excuses,<br> but the thing is,<br> after learning how the crush I have for this girl makes me feel a bit corny and romantic,<br> I am no longer into hitting on girls on social media. I like this woman and there's really no other that gets my attention. Besides,<br> social media tends to get boring when it comes to making connections. Not into it. And,<br> beautiful women are everywhere so I have learned to soothe my sexual desires in a loving way. These thingsare a mental thing for me though,<br> and the mental effort is not worth the time. I am just one less cuck from a pool of other men who write hundreds of messages a day women receive in their inbox. I feel this way because I learn so much about women each day. I learn about women\u2019s talents each day,<br> and write their bios,<br> and I love them more for their accomplishments. Women make a difference each day in this expansive <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Bell_hooks\/\">white-supremacist-patriarchal-capitalist dimension<\/a>. That is,<br> each day there\u2019s a woman I learn about and I become enticed,<br> I learn about what they truly want out life,<br> and the steps they have taken to get there. I\u2019ve written about <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/alexandra-roxo\/\">filmmakers<\/a>,<br><a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/amberconey\/\"> actresses<\/a>,<br> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/karin-klein\/\">entrepreneurs<\/a>,<br> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/allycourtnallxo\/\">athletes<\/a>,<br> etc. I develop a crush for each woman I learn about and write about each day. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nWhether I want to or not,<br> there\u2019s no turning back - it\u2019s a good idea I keep up with the feminist trends since writing about women requires knowing more about the social fibers they confront within a system. It\u2019s inevitable for me to encounter POVs that stir discussions since everyone jumps the gun and becomes critical of every drop of ideology that surrounds the rhetoric of women\u2019s rights,<br> feminism,<br> and so on. As a man,<br> I don\u2019t feel like adding my piss in whatever is stirring among women\u2019s ideas about feminism. Like adding my piss will just be weird. I rather learn this subject than teach it. Mansplaining is not for me. I lend my ear. I can be your ally if you ask me to. Being a feminist is a hobby for some men,<br> so I simply see these things differently than most people. I am not even trying to be a fucking player or a pick-up artist by tending to what women do,<br> I actually don't give a shit. Maybe I am an internet womanizer,<br> but I still haven\u2019t gotten pussy for my efforts. Truth is,<br> I really don\u2019t have the fucking time to waste my time on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Get_in_Where_You_Fit_In\/\">hoes<\/a>. I am being real,<br> call me sexist if you like,<br> and if you can convince me that I am,<br> I\u2019ll dress up like Trump for a whole month until after Halloween. <\/p>\n<p>(Now money\u2026)\u2026 <\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p><img src=\"http:\/\/67.media.tumblr.com\/36af7a397543a904b72106418a6bd315\/tumblr_nsogexFqD21srm6rfo1_500.gif\" width=\"465\" height=\"276\"\/><\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p><br><\/p>\n<p><br>\nCrossing the line and expressing to women how gorgeous they are is a risk,<br> and all guys do it,<br> and have done it. Men who are successful do it too. I am not so sure how often women do it,<br> but I think if it\u2019s a hot guy they definitely would. I have not even started writing about power,<br> and I don\u2019t want to philosophize it either,<br> but most of the time the reason people cross the line is because of power. The internet itself contains immense power on: information,<br> human desires,<br> and now money. Pornography has a hold on a lot of men in this generation. The way these women in porn are fucking demonstrate how we\u2019re lusting after something virtual in human sexuality. Just as there are a lot of sex workers fucking for money on the internet,<br> there are also other areas in the internet where women are sexually portrayed for their talents. I am only a noob cuck in all of this. The point is to learn about how women who are influencing the world see the larger picture,<br> and not really focus on what \u201cfeminism\u201d is,<br> but how it is being discussed. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nThe reality is that in this epoch,<br> everyone fantasizes on a higher level than any other time in human history,<br> and this era capitalizes in fantasy. The fantasies men have for women is at times unhealthy and not conducive to the discussion. I know what a bitch and hoe is,<br> and a woman <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Too_Short\/#lg=1&slide=1\">too<\/a>,<br> and if I have to fantasize about bitches and hoes,<br> than I am a failure in life. I don\u2019t have dreams of dating my internet crush. Nor do I have the desire of fucking her hella bomb. You know,<br> like bomb fucking? I call it bomb fucking when it\u2019s like the best<a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Karma_Sutra\/\"> spiritual fucking<\/a>,<br> and the best kind of sex for the individual. I don\u2019t even want to date my crush. In fact,<br> I may not even be her type at all since she's into scrawny white guys that fetishize the spirit of Lou Reed. The thing is,<br> I leave it up to destiny if we were meant to meet each other in person. I learned my lesson long ago of the Buddha saying that goes something like: <a href=\"http:\/\/sourcesofinsight.com\/buddha-quotes\/\">I deserve my own love and affections,<br> bitches!<\/a> If it\u2019s meant to happen,<br> than it will. And I think she feels the same way. <\/p>\n<p><br>\nThis girl will be the last one I message about how pretty she is. I feel too much of a stalker doing this shit,<br> and truly pathetic. The thing about DMing women is that they presume that it is a bit creepy especially if you\u2019ve never met them in person. Unless it\u2019s about business than it\u2019s different as it is relevant to something valuable,<br> and again,<br> to power. But love and lust are arbitrary,<br> and often times messaging a woman about her looks is ethically challenging. Hot women receive dozens of messages a day,<br> so when I see women on their phone all the time I don\u2019t blame them,<br> they have to check these messages,<br> and find a true baller,<br> the one that shines bright like a diamond among the dozens. DMing is done for me. I am also not into online dating. I am not even into dating. I feel like women who are into dating watch the show Girls,<br> and I wouldn\u2019t be associated with such people - I am not talking about women,<br> just people in general that watch the show Girls. Fuck that show. <\/p>\n<p>In the end,<br> I am on a mission to have the sexiest abs in all of Los Angeles. I have <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Qi_Gong\/\">Qi Gong<\/a> to master. I am also trying to conquer the<a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/\"> internet. <\/a>I am <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Nihilism\/\">nihilistic<\/a> these days,<br> but the proper term would be closer to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Leveling_(philosophy)\/\">leveling. <\/a>As American and Western Culture hedonism and sexuality spreads like wildfire to the rest of all cultures,<br> I am chilling: studying my motives,<br> my veins,<br> my brain,<br> my breath. No wife,<br> no girlfriend,<br> no hoes,<br> no bitches... but damn am I so down to help women's expression on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/\">Everipedia. <\/a><\/p>\n<\/html>",<br>"json_metadata":" \"tags\":[\"love\",<br>\"nihilism\",<br>\"internet\",<br>\"everipedia\",<br>\"women\" ,<br>\"links\":[\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/lou-reed\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/sam.hunter.sd\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/amyhazel92\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/allycourtnall\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/stefania_model\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/angiemilano\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/caradelevingne\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/gabrielamarguerite\/\",<br>\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/stephanie_sarley\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Jacques_Lacan\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/SCUM_Manifesto\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Division_Day\/#lg=1&slide=0\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Bell_hooks\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/alexandra-roxo\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/amberconey\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/karin-klein\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/allycourtnallxo\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Get_in_Where_You_Fit_In\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Too_Short\/#lg=1&slide=1\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Karma_Sutra\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/sourcesofinsight.com\/buddha-quotes\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Qi_Gong\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Nihilism\/\",<br>\"http:\/\/www.everipedia.com\/Leveling_(philosophy)\/\" ,<br>\"image\":[\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/everipedia-storage\/NewlinkFiles\/3355\/d46b2249-c\/Angel%20By%20The%20Balcony.jpg\",<br>\"http:\/\/66.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_lz5ua33Bor1r4ghkoo1_500.gif\",<br>\"http:\/\/67.media.tumblr.com\/36af7a397543a904b72106418a6bd315\/tumblr_nsogexFqD21srm6rfo1_500.gif\" " |
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