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comment | "parent_author":"",<br>"parent_permlink":"life",<br>"author":"steemitcommander",<br>"permlink":"what-made-me-let-go-something",<br>"title":"What made me let go something",<br>"body":"I met him in the year 2011 during a college fest,<br> he was a fresher but a extremely popular one and I was a average senior with not so good looking face but a charming personality.\n\nHe was a lead singer in his band and I was a lead actor in the drama. Our practice sessions were on the same place so we used to bump into each other more often. My best friend (let's call her Neha) was a singer and he used to guide her during her rehearsals. So that\u2019s how we met.\n\nInitially I found him arrogant but later with more often talks I got to know he was a nice guy with some temper issues. I started to fall for him and before I could realize my best friend was already in talks with him and one fine day,<br> she told me that she loves him (she was in a relationship with other guy at that time). I was shocked but since friendship was always a priority for me I supported her in her desicion and they both started dating and handled the situation maturely without telling anyone about my feelings.\n\nEventually I became best friend of that guy and the only girl he talks to after his gf. Fast forward 3 months,<br> me and my best friend passed out that year but I decided to go for PG. I was searching colleges near my hometown in the cities like Lucknow,<br> Delhi etc but he told me persue my PG from same college so that he is not far from his best friend. I Agreed. I again joined the same college and we could be never apart after that. I was there in all his breaks,<br> jamming sessions,<br> bunks,<br> we were kind of inseparable. Eventually during all this I felt this love again but couldn't say because he was still in a relationship with my best friend and we were still in touch. One fine day,<br> my best friend spoke very badly over phone for tailing his boyfriend everywhere. I felt bad but never told this to him because I thought he might fight over it with his gf.Days passed and one day I received a call from a girl claiming that she's his girlfriend and he's ditching my best friend,<br> I got furious about that and called him and bashed violently without listening a word from him. May be I was angry not for my best friend but for myself but that fine day our friendship was fallen apart. I regretted but was more determined to move forward,<br> at that point,<br> may be I needed a shoulder to cry upon,<br> that made me to go back to a person who loved me for last few years. I accepted his proposal and I started dating this guy let's name him Shubham.\n\nI was dating Shubham and he made all the efforts to make me happy all the time but the part of my mind was always with him. Shubham made me forget everything and I pretended the same but could not take my eyes off from him and Shubham knew this. We had fights about him even though I was not talking to him.Fast forward 2 years,<br> I received a call from Neha and him,<br> they apologized and I accepted it whole heartedly as if I was waiting for them to get back in my life. I felt complete with Shubham,<br> Neha and him. Shubham and I fought more often now because of him,<br> but the fight was never strong enough to part our ways because I have started feeling the same way now,<br> I was actually in love with Shubham.\n\nAfter my PG,<br> I got campus placed in Pune,<br> far away from home but it was a lifetime opportunity and I don't wanted to miss this brand so I went Pune for job and left my acquittances here.\n\nMeanwhile,<br> my best friend left him for another guy and he has got no other shoulder to cry upon than me. We talked,<br> I consoled,<br> he cried,<br> I ignored Shubham. Me and Shubham were in long distance relationship and time is the key for keep it going but somehow,<br> it was fading because of my incompetency to give my 100% to the relationship.\n\nIn 2014,<br> I heard that he was in a relationship with another girl,<br> who was a bitch of the town. My ears burn in envy but I calmed my nerves and asked him about this,<br> and he said they are just friends. Since I was not in the same city I could not manage to identify the truth but this time,<br> I opted to believe him rather than believing some random person rumoring about there affair. My relationship with Shubham was fading day by day,<br> it does not have that charm which we used to have but we could not let off each other,<br> we were still by each other's side in all ups and downs.\n\nAfter 1 year,<br> 2015 Shubham decided to move to Delhi for his job but I wanted him to come Pune. Hence,<br> I decided to switch my job to Delhi for him,<br> to give a chance to this relationship. I moved to Delhi but could not find a decent job as per my qualification and experience,<br> so I decided to join a BPO,<br> which was easy money. I was in a live in relationship now with Shubham,<br> everything seemed fine now but he,<br> back in town was in great worries and we still texted and talk over phone for hours which fumes Shubham Sometimes 2015 end,<br> my family got to know about my secret relationship with Shubham and I was called back home and house arrested. Live in relationships are taboo in our country. So my phone was snatched,<br> I was not allowed to talk to anyone or go anywhere without an accompany. Shubham never called me again,<br> I tried calling him from different numbers but he never received any call from even he disconnected the call after hearing my voice. I was shattered.Meanwhile my friend tried to connect me but since my mobile was switched off,<br> he tried my mother's number and we talked. I told him the complete series of incidents which have happened in last few months,<br> he landed up at my home and since he's the favorite guy friend of my mother,<br> my mother let him talk to me. He told me that he was in a sexual relationship with that bitchy girl,<br> nothing more to it but there relation ended up with serious family problems so now he does not talk to her anymore. He also told me that Shubham is hitting with a girl of his office and often calls him to his apartment. I didn't believed him because I have full faith in Shubham that he will never do that and everything he's doing right now is for my sake of protection. I thought he is saying this because they both can never stand off each other.\n\nFinally few months later,<br> I got my phone and I messaged Shubham and we talked. He cried and apologized for all his behavior and whatever happened and we started it fresh over phone but nothing seemed to be the way it was previously. He was not giving me enough time but I thought it might be the work pressure. I rebelled in my family that I have to go back for work since it was 8 months at home so finally my family agreed and sent me back for job. I got back to Delhi and straight landed to shubham's apartment unannounced to give him a surprise but my surprise turned into shock when I saw him with a girl on his bed. I cried,<br> he apologized and I forgave him,<br> that was the cycle always and forever.I searched a job and found a place to stay with my childhood friend. I was still in touch with Shubham over phone but with trust issues,<br> we argued on all small things now but I never had a courage to leave him. All this time I was constantly in touch with my guy friend and shared every usual routine with each other.\n\nI found a guy in my office attractive and I was gelling up well with him. We often used to call him for our house parties and one fortunate night,<br> after every single ass in the house was drunk,<br> I talked to that office guy about how attractive I found him. It was not love,<br> it was not any liking either but it was just that I found him good in the way of his behavior,<br> looks,<br> dressing and all. We had a kiss that night,<br> a drunk kiss. (I exaggerated next day to my friends to show them how cool it was but no,<br> it was a simple kiss). Next day,<br> Shubham visited my place and by checking my watsapp he got to know that something fishy has happened last night. He slapped me and called the office guy friend and abused him and left. My office guy friend was considerate enough to call back and check if I'm doing fine. I was fine but my relationship has ruined. I ruined it myself. I know I should not have kissed but it was a fraction of moment and it happened. I tried calling him and apologized but the apology never worked. He was talking to me as it was a burden on him to talk,<br> the relationship was meaningless and hence,<br> I decided to part my ways with him and he agreed to the core. Initially I thought he will disagress to break up and come back but he never did. The relationship ended on a sore note.\n\nNow,<br> my bestfriend was in town and since he was searching for a shelter,<br> I proposed him to stay with me after discussing my flatmates,<br> since they both were already with there boyfriends. So now there were 6 people in 3bhk,<br> me and my best friend shared same room,<br> same bed,<br> same wardrobe and everything. He was single and I got a shoulder to cry upon,<br> but this guy is not a usual one,<br> he was the one whom I have loved from last so many years. I couldn't control myself to fall in love with him. I tried to resist myself a lot but could not stop.\n\nHow long can you stay just friends when you share same bed? Initially it started with a kiss and I regretted to the core for doing that but sometime later it was the part of every alternate night. But for others outside,<br> we pretended to be best of friends with no strings attached. Strictly friends. As the time passed together,<br> I could see the other side of him,<br> the evil one. he used to lose his temper easily,<br> angry on all small things,<br> screaming,<br> abusing and what not. I was no less than him now,<br> I got short tempered too and had many arguments and sometimes it lead to physical violence too,<br> from both side. I could not say I was the victim,<br> I was furious but not equal to him..just less them him. But he would always has his way of mending the ways and our late night secret relationship on bed was working well. People may not believe but I lost my virginity to him only during one of our late night sessions. (I know it is indigestible to know since I was in live in relationship with Shubham but that's the fact.)\n\nI never treated our friendship as friendship it was always more to me but for him,<br> it was a strict no no to relationship. I told him that I love him but he said he does not feel the same,<br> it broke me apart but I never stopped loving him or living with him. He was a home to me,<br> how much I fight,<br> how much I cry but at the end I would come back to him. Our arguments had increased and turned more into physical abuse but I still loved him,<br> knowing the fact that he doesn't. One night I saw his chat with his ex-gf about all his kissy texts and all,<br> I got so angry but could not say anything to him since we were in no commitments,<br> I cried whole night and next day went to work without telling him even. He confronted me for my behavior and I told him about his chat with his ex gf. He again bashed me saying that I'm not accountable to you for whomsoever I talk to. That day I decided,<br> to let go off my career,<br> my relationship with him and surrounding and everything related. I wanted to run away from his memories,<br> this city and everything related to him. And I did.\n\nFast forward 6 months,<br> present day I still talk to him,<br> I still love him and he knows it very well but he has the same answer,<br> he doesn't love me the way I do. I tried not talking to him but all in vain. I couldn't resist myself for not loving him,<br> may be he is too good or may be I'm too good to love him. We are in different cities now,<br> we do not meet regularly but the love does not fade away. May be I don't need his body or acceptance to love him,<br> I could love him enormously all my life. This is the thing I can't let off apart of it,<br> I let off everyone in my life.",<br>"json_metadata":" \"community\":\"busy\",<br>\"app\":\"busy\/2.3.0\",<br>\"format\":\"markdown\",<br>\"tags\":[\"life\",<br>\"genesisproject\",<br>\"busy\",<br>\"steemstem\",<br>\"stach\" " | vote | "voter":"steemitcommander", "author":"steemitcommander", "permlink":"what-made-me-let-go-something", "weight":10000 |
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